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Old 06-02-2015, 06:47 AM   #61
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Some of the advice was for him to run, guess he took it.
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Old 06-02-2015, 08:14 AM   #62
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Some of the advice was for him to run, guess he took it.
No, that advice was for his girlfriend.
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Old 06-02-2015, 09:45 AM   #63
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See, guys do misinterpret things
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Old 06-02-2015, 09:49 AM   #64
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Not me. DW was so poor I bought her several outfits the year before we were married so she would have nice clothes to wear. We spent my stash (5k) on our wedding and honeymoon. When we got back, I spent our last $100 on my beautiful bride for a pair of tiny diamond earrings. BTW, she treasured those earrings for the rest of her life.
This is so sweet. You made my day, Hermit! Thanks.
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Old 06-02-2015, 10:57 AM   #65
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The troll did us a service...how else could we all feel so superior
As so rarely happens.
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Consensus is that OP is a very bad person because he wants his finances private
Old 06-02-2015, 02:17 PM   #66
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Consensus is that OP is a very bad person because he wants his finances private

For most of human history it was up to the woman and her relatives and the community to form their own opinions about this. Jane Austin made a very good living looking at various implications and complications of this mating dance. Can you imagine Mr. Darcy turning over his financial statement to the young ladies angling for him?

Well, I think the OP is a bit slow if he doesn't realize that in America, once a marriage gets to the Kramer vs. Kramer stage, nothing will save the poor guy's wealth. I think we all approve of keeping a low profile to discourage lawsuits. But what lawsuits present the greatest chance of uninsurable loss to a man? Unless he is an unusual millionaire who goes around killing people in bar fights, divorce, alimony and child support are his big uninsurable risks. You say you are a neurosurgeon and you have huge malpractice risks? I feel your pain, but then you will charge more and buy huge malpractice coverages. Try to buy coverage for spousal support or child support grants.

You all know where this is going, so I'll just say QED!

Ha
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Old 06-02-2015, 02:32 PM   #67
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Early in my work life, we had an old-school guy who's wife, from the time they started dating (early 40's??) until he died, had NO idea what he did (Engineer), where he worked or how much he made. She did not even know the name of the company or in what town it was.

When he finally passed, she was very interested in all these work people coming to his wake and was asking all kinds of questions.

She said he never spoke one single word about what was going on at work and never gave any indication as to what he did for work; and he had made it clear to never ask!

Very strange.

This, of course is different from another guy who was fired but kept leaving the house every morning in suit and tie for six months so that his wife wouldn't know. I supposed he hung out at the park all day. His wife finally had to call him at work one day and was given the news that he'd been let go six months earlier. Not a good day for him, I'd guess.
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Old 07-06-2015, 05:57 AM   #68
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Hi, everyone. Thanks for the advice. The relationship ended up not working and I am single now. There were many reasons for the breakup, not just money or dishonesty.

I just find that disclosing wealth attracts the wrong sort of people into your life.
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Old 07-06-2015, 06:42 AM   #69
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The relationship ended up not working...
I'm shocked to hear this. You two sounded so perfect for each other.
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Old 07-06-2015, 12:07 PM   #70
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Prediction: The OP (new member, first post) will never be heard from again. Trolling for fun and attention.
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Hasn't logged on since his one post. You be the judge.
Well, you blew that one. He's got 2 posts now.
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Old 07-06-2015, 01:26 PM   #71
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Hi, everyone. Thanks for the advice. The relationship ended up not working and I am single now. There were many reasons for the breakup, not just money or dishonesty.

I just find that disclosing wealth attracts the wrong sort of people into your life.
Wow, that's impressive. You were set to marry someone just a month ago and now you're split due to "many reasons". How long did you know this person? Did she want to marry you??
Why are you disclosing money information to strangers? That's just....
It's one thing to talk money with someone you are going to marry but you don't tell people you've just met that you have a million or whatever.
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Old 07-06-2015, 04:38 PM   #72
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Is any really surprised, didn't think so. Move on, nothing to see here.
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Old 07-06-2015, 09:41 PM   #73
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Thanks for the closure to come back and tell a bit more of the story.
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Old 07-06-2015, 09:45 PM   #74
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Well, you blew that one. He's got 2 posts now.
Mea culpa.
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Old 07-08-2015, 08:52 AM   #75
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Even though the OP bailed on the marriage, I still think posts like this are useful to help lurkers thinking about the same thing now or in the future (I certainly get ideas and help from posts where I am not participating). I have been married 23 years and we have our many issues but I would never consider hiding assets from her. Even if you did, a well trained divorce lawyer will sniff it out (not too hard, there will be a trail such as tax returns) and the judge will really bury you on the settlement, deep. You would be lucky to get half at that point, likely a lot less.
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Old 07-08-2015, 10:22 AM   #76
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Of all the things that are discussed on this board, the marriage question has the most clear answer. Are you male? Yes. Do you certainly want children and does she also, and is she fertile? No -> stay single.

Nothing makes you hostage to someone else's actions like American marriage does.

BTW, do you know that debtors prison still exists in America? Just fall behind in child support payments and you will discover all about it. Child support that may be impossible for you to pay, because you have lost your job. And just try to get a job with your prison record. Will family court realize your difficulty and stop your child support mandate? Very doubtful. Remember the death by cop of Walter Scott in South Carolina? Why did he run? He didn't want to be imprisoned for missing child support payments that he could not possibly pay. Why did the policeman shoot him? Because this I how things can go.

Women are wonderful, but if they insist on marriage to you, why? Do you insist that they marry you, in order to continue a relationship with them?

News flash: this is way more important than when to take SS.

Ha
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Old 07-08-2015, 10:52 AM   #77
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Of all the things that are discussed on this board, the marriage question has the most clear answer. Are you male? Yes. Do you certainly want children and does she also, and is she fertile? No -> stay single.

Nothing makes you hostage to someone else's actions like American marriage does.

BTW, do you know that debtors prison still exists in America? Just fall behind in child support payments and you will discover all about it. Child support that may be impossible for you to pay, because you have lost your job. And just try to get a job with your prison record. Will family court realize your difficulty and stop your child support mandate? Very doubtful. Remember the death by cop of Walter Scott in South Carolina? Why did he run? He didn't want to be imprisoned for missing child support payments that he could not possibly pay. Why did the policeman shoot him? Because this I how things can go.

Women are wonderful, but if they insist on marriage to you, why? Do you insist that they marry you, in order to continue a relationship with them?

News flash: this is way more important than when to take SS.

Ha

Well put, Ha.

As anyone who has been divorced can tell you, modern marriage, when all is said and done, is at it's core a financial arrangement with significant tax and property implications. Some of the implications might be positive for you, some negative. Tread very carefully.


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Old 07-08-2015, 12:22 PM   #78
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Guess I screwed the pooch and got married even though I didn't know if she was fertile and weren't sure if we wanted kids... even though we were on the same page about that, aligned financially, educationally, politically, interests, physical attraction...

Awfully jaded view, but that's how people get I suppose.
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Old 07-08-2015, 01:24 PM   #79
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Guess I screwed the pooch and got married even though I didn't know if she was fertile and weren't sure if we wanted kids... even though we were on the same page about that, aligned financially, educationally, politically, interests, physical attraction...

Awfully jaded view, but that's how people get I suppose.
Thanks for the ad hominem slam. The surest sign that one has no case, is to pull this straight off. I would call my position rational, but you are welcome to call it whatever you wish.

All the things you mentions are pluses regarding a relationship. They do not constitutes an argument for marriage..


People who have experienced any negative event have a more informed view than those who think it cannot apply to them, whether it be divorce or auto crash or serious illness or anything else.


Ha
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Old 07-08-2015, 09:44 PM   #80
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Hi, everyone. Thanks for the advice. The relationship ended up not working and I am single now. There were many reasons for the breakup, not just money or dishonesty.

I just find that disclosing wealth attracts the wrong sort of people into your life.
Don't know why everyone is giving you such a hard time. Nothing wrong with being concerned with being taken to the cleaners if marriage does not work out. I agree that there are certainly enough women out there who would gladly take whatever they could get their hands on, if marriage were to end in divorce. So if you consider marriage in the future, I would not be so timid about having a pre-nup. In fact I would not get married without one.

No one (especially someone in love) ever thinks their marriage will end in divorce. But over half do. So if you have considerable assets going in and she does not, insist on a prenup. If she objects, then you have the wrong girl. This is coming from a female by the way.
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