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Old 07-23-2016, 10:33 AM   #21
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Be careful that you don't let your son's behavior at one time (slacking on his job) become your definition of his character. He screwed up, you caught him, and reprimanded him. Let him have the chance to show that he can learn from his mistakes. Don't pigeon hole your son into a "lazy kid who will never amount to anything".

To some extent, my DH has pigeon holed our youngest daughter. She is wired differently than DH, me, or the oldest. (It was eye-opening when she did Myers-Briggs at school and came up the exact opposite of my ISTJ). Compared to the rest of us in the family, she flies by the seat of her pants, doesn't plan, and procrastinates. I learned years ago to let her do things her own way and suffer the consequences. She's turned into a responsible adult that tends to be spontaneous, friendly, and fun-loving. I appreciate that in her. DH, on the other hand, still thinks of her as a disorganized teen who is just hours away from screwing up somehow. Unfortunately his attitude comes through loud and clear to DD and she resents it, and I fear it's affected their relationship.

Agreed, I've dropped it thankfully he doesn't read ER.


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Old 07-23-2016, 11:00 AM   #22
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Originally Posted by Philliefan33 View Post
Be careful that you don't let your son's behavior at one time (slacking on his job) become your definition of his character. He screwed up, you caught him, and reprimanded him. Let him have the chance to show that he can learn from his mistakes. Don't pigeon hole your son into a "lazy kid who will never amount to anything".

To some extent, my DH has pigeon holed our youngest daughter. She is wired differently than DH, me, or the oldest. (It was eye-opening when she did Myers-Briggs at school and came up the exact opposite of my ISTJ). Compared to the rest of us in the family, she flies by the seat of her pants, doesn't plan, and procrastinates. I learned years ago to let her do things her own way and suffer the consequences. She's turned into a responsible adult that tends to be spontaneous, friendly, and fun-loving. I appreciate that in her. DH, on the other hand, still thinks of her as a disorganized teen who is just hours away from screwing up somehow. Unfortunately his attitude comes through loud and clear to DD and she resents it, and I fear it's affected their relationship.

+1. This is apparent in my parents and their relationship with my siblings and cousins. One screw up as a youth still colors their perception decades later.

Ray, you might also consider that your standards are too high. My siblings and I were all beloved by our bosses when we were teenagers, but my parents thought we were lazy workers. I can't tell you how many times they questioned why our bosses deigned to employ us. It's telling that they find it nearly impossible to keep employees at their business for more than a year.
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Old 07-23-2016, 11:51 AM   #23
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I've had a lot of young, lazy people working for me over the years, including a few sleepers. I just stayed on top of them when they needed to get things done, and left them alone when things were slow. They appreciated that, and dos turn on the steam when it was needed.

One thing I'll say is that a whole lot of you folks must have worked corporate type jobs, for big companies. The smaller workplaces (under 10, mostly) I've always worked are a whole different animal. Ray, your son might not be cut out for the corporate mold, I know I sure as hell am not. Dressing up? Hell no.
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Old 07-23-2016, 12:32 PM   #24
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Other than my first job (Dana Corp, Toledo Ohio) I've been at "Micro-Corps"

Yup, less than 10 people in the office and half were on the road. I've always done the least amount of work needed to get by and never strove to "get ahead"

But I'm now a financially independent retired millionaire and having big fun as always. My motto; "Do the least of what other people want you to do so you can do the most of what you want to do"

I can't recommend this for everyone, but it worked for me -
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Old 07-23-2016, 12:50 PM   #25
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I can't really relate to goofing off on company time. I just could not sleep well at night. One of the most rewarding jobs was working as a janitor in high school and college. A guy in the neighborhood hired us to work for him and we went into office buildings after hours. I can still picture the look of the freshly waxed floors gleaming in the dim light as I locked the doors on my way out. And there was that time I drove all the way back from home because I couldn't remember if I had locked the door on my way out....the client was a bank! And the door was locked when I returned.

There is/was a grocery store in Indianapolis (and don't know where else) that I always thought did an excellent job of training teenage employees. They catered to a premium price point and insisted on taking groceries out to the parking lot and loading them in your car. I always thought I would want my kids to work there when they were old enough but we moved away while they were still young.

When you related the story about your son's first few days on the job, it made me think he was being recognized for having potential and maybe they were testing him. Maybe he sensed this also and chose to "dial it back" instead of accepting a higher level of responsibility. Just a thought. I don't see where you have posted any feedback from your son to know what he was thinking. I also wondered if you had tried to call him to let him know you were dropping by.....I know it seems like DW typically comes home the instant I decide to take a break from chores.
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Old 07-23-2016, 03:01 PM   #26
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IMHO work ethic is something you either have or you don't.
Agree, some people will just never have it.

I have worked full time since 15, with part-time periods during school. Worked my way through college. I am firm believer in you get what you work for. Probably why some think I am a hardass and unsympathetic to many social issues. Tired of having my wallet tapped by gov't to give to those with their hand out.

I often think of how things would have turned out if being born 40-50 years earlier. Sure seems to fit my views closer than current times.
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Old 07-23-2016, 03:13 PM   #27
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I'm totally with you rayinpenn; if it was my kid, we would be in hospital in surgery with the doc trying to get my foot out of his a$$.

Recently, I needed some manual labor done at one of my rental units, tearing done a wall, cleaning out behind, rebuilding, and backfilling with #2 limestone. Not a very big project, but something that was going to take some physical effort. I got a quote from a masonry/wall outfit and they gave me a $6,000 figure. They were out of their mind!

I enlisted the help of a friend's college son to assist me in my endeavors. Start at 8 am sharp, work in the shade til noon, my tools, $20.00/hr cash paid every other day. I provided water, ice, safety glasses, and gloves.

He never once showed up on time in 2 weeks. He broke my hammer handle, my pick handle, broke the handle off my wheelbarrow, spilled 2 loads of new limestone on the driveway with the new barrow and would not work after the 2nd week. He turned down an offer to meet someone that needed his college skills on the weekend in the evening.

I did get the wall torn down and rebuilt for under $1000.00 though, I worked the last week by myself.
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Old 07-23-2016, 10:22 PM   #28
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How are you wired?

I've w*rked at a variety of j*bs, from blue collar to white, log skidder to MBE, third shift, compressed shift, corporate, small business, factory floor, cubicle...

Some people are just top performers, some are slackers, and most try to do a good job. But sleeping on the job is probably not as uncommon as you'd think...
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Old 07-23-2016, 11:03 PM   #29
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I've always been pretty lazy and never developed much of a work ethic. Fortunately I avoided getting fired just long enough to save up a million or two and be okay when the ax finally fell. Competent, but lazy.

Other than my father also being lazy, I don't think my laziness has much to do with how I was raised. Maybe it is hereditary? Maybe I am wired that way?
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Old 07-24-2016, 05:50 AM   #30
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Philliefan33 View Post
Be careful that you don't let your son's behavior at one time (slacking on his job) become your definition of his character. He screwed up, you caught him, and reprimanded him. Let him have the chance to show that he can learn from his mistakes. Don't pigeon hole your son into a "lazy kid who will never amount to anything".

To some extent, my DH has pigeon holed our youngest daughter. She is wired differently than DH, me, or the oldest. (It was eye-opening when she did Myers-Briggs at school and came up the exact opposite of my ISTJ). Compared to the rest of us in the family, she flies by the seat of her pants, doesn't plan, and procrastinates. I learned years ago to let her do things her own way and suffer the consequences. She's turned into a responsible adult that tends to be spontaneous, friendly, and fun-loving. I appreciate that in her. DH, on the other hand, still thinks of her as a disorganized teen who is just hours away from screwing up somehow. Unfortunately his attitude comes through loud and clear to DD and she resents it, and I fear it's affected their relationship.
It's somewhat of a quagmire, and I think different people react differently. My Dad was a bubble head (Submariner) and was out to sea half of my life (6 months at at time for those unfamiliar) until last year or two of high school. It was always bitter sweet when he would be coming home, because I knew I was going to "pay" for how I took advantage of his absence. But I always wanted him to come home anyway, and I think he made me who I am now despite some tough love. I think the key is to add the love, and let them know when you're proud of them more than when you're not.
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Old 07-24-2016, 06:14 AM   #31
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IMHO work ethic is something you either have or you don't.
I'm not so sure about that.

In my youth, I was a slacker... I did the minimum necessary to stay out of trouble... including grades, etc. I had lackluster grades my first semester of college because I was having so much fun being my first time away from home but as Mom wrote out the check for the second semester she proclaimed that it would be the last one unless my grades improved... they did.

My epiphany was a summer job between my freshman and sophomore year of college where I was working in a hot, humid tire shop changing tires and doing oil changes alongside guys who were just a couple years older than me. I was making minimum wage and they were making only a little more than minimum wage. I realized that unless I took advantage of the college opportunity in front of me that I was likely to end up in their shoes... nice salt of the earth people but working their butts off for relatively low wages. I was consistently on Dean's List the rest of my college career but my low grades that freshman year resulted in my missing graduating with honors by 0.0025!

My second epiphany was about a year into my first job after college. I was working hard but now had money and was also having fun partying at night and burning the candle at both ends. I walked into my first annual review and the managing partner started with "PB, we think you are a smart young lad" and I'm thinking... ah, this is going to be good... ka-ching! But then he added, "but we think you are not applying yourself worth a lick" and burst my bubble. He went on to tell me, in so many words, that in 6 months they would either promote me or I would be gone. They promoted me 4 months later.

All was well after that... the only thing I don't know is whether these experiences developed work ethic that I didn't have to begin with or whether I had it to begin with and these experiences brought it out.
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Old 07-24-2016, 06:37 AM   #32
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I'm not so sure about that.
I agree. I was just having a conversation about this with my DD. I graduated with my BS by the skin of my teeth. Would have been the first real failure for me, and would have been devastating in my opinion for me. my MBA subsequently was a 4.0. Same with being fired from a job. Never happened, and I think the feeling that it would be such a "failure" and the associated stigma of it, that kept/keeps me driving on.

That being said, no body ever gave a sh!t about either GPA (the 2.02, or the 4.0). Also, my fear of failure that I am sure was given to me by my upbringing (and I am STILL glad that I have), probably kept me in my first marriage WAY too long. I saw that as failure too, of the biggest type.

Today, I see things a little differently. My DD is working for a company that I am very familiar with. She is creating so much personal stress for herself that I am worried for her, and found myself coaching her that "she is not the owner, take it down a few notches". Never thought that would be my advice.
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Old 07-24-2016, 07:39 AM   #33
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Agreed, I've dropped it thankfully he doesn't read ER.
Someday the incident will be part of friendly banter at family get togethers.
Funny how this has brought up past memories of my son and some of his teen year follies. I'd like to knock him on the head, but by the time the 10000 mile trip was over, I'd just give him a hug.
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