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Old 04-22-2014, 01:50 AM   #21
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How times have changed... everyone was dressed very casually (we always dressed to the nines growing up).
I remember, as a kid, wearing a camel hair sport coat to church. This would have been the late 1960's. In the summer it would stick to the sticky varnish of the pews. I used enjoy listening to the sound as it peeled off the varnish and left a patch of fibers on the pew.

The last time I went to church was 1975.
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Old 04-22-2014, 11:45 AM   #22
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Of more substance to me is the retrograde, medieval bullcrap that the local parish serves up every week. I grew up being educated and attending Masses conducted by Jesuits, Franciscans and Dominicans. Listening to this retrograde crap by people who fervently wish to turn the clock back 800 years is a massive turn-off and is killing my youngest's interest in religion despite her obvious gift of faith. I have about had it and am not sure what to do.
Um...find another church?

I'm not Catholic, but I suspect by you using the word "parish" you're talking about a Catholic place of worship, and if that's the case, I also suspect that every one of them in the area probably preaches the same message.

So if the message of the church/denomination doesn't match your own beliefs, I don't see where it does any good to remain a part of that church. You even said it's turning off one of your daughters. It would do no good if she got so turned off she quit going and lost interest.

Maybe it's time you checked out some other houses of worship. I didn't grow up in a very religious family, but after my Mom died, I started attending services at an Episcopal cathedral, and what they preach jives (mostly) with what I believe. Although I can appreciate the profound sense of history of the Catholic church, I just disagree with too many of their views, so it wouldn't do any good for me to try and shoehorn myself into that mold. Square peg in a round hole, and all that.

While I don't think it's possible to find a place of worship whose message agrees 100% with your beliefs, it should be possible to find a place you feel you and your children can fit in. Attending services somewhere whose message doesn't fit your beliefs does nobody any good.
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Old 04-22-2014, 12:02 PM   #23
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Um...find another church?

I'm not Catholic, but I suspect by you using the word "parish" you're talking about a Catholic place of worship, and if that's the case, I also suspect that every one of them in the area probably preaches the same message.

So if the message of the church/denomination doesn't match your own beliefs, I don't see where it does any good to remain a part of that church. You even said it's turning off one of your daughters. It would do no good if she got so turned off she quit going and lost interest.

Maybe it's time you checked out some other houses of worship. I didn't grow up in a very religious family, but after my Mom died, I started attending services at an Episcopal cathedral, and what they preach jives (mostly) with what I believe. Although I can appreciate the profound sense of history of the Catholic church, I just disagree with too many of their views, so it wouldn't do any good for me to try and shoehorn myself into that mold. Square peg in a round hole, and all that.

While I don't think it's possible to find a place of worship whose message agrees 100% with your beliefs, it should be possible to find a place you feel you and your children can fit in. Attending services somewhere whose message doesn't fit your beliefs does nobody any good.
Great Advice! DW and I have shopped around for churches ever since we have been married. As usual, we bring a somewhat bizarre set of wants to the shopping process.

1) Theological - I am a devout non-believer (despite (because of) being raised in churches where people spoke in tongues, rolled in the aisles, etc. DW probably aligns more closely with Unitarians (despite being raised Catholic). Hell-fire and Damnation sermons do nothing for us. DW and I really enjoy sermons that reflect on the intellectual and theological history of the church.
2) Social Justice - We are interested in churches that support the same social issues that we support (and we are definitely on the liberal side of the Social Justice Spectrum).
3) Music - This is the key one for us. We love the one thousand year history of Western church music. So the number one criterion for us is to find a church choir that chooses its pieces from this huge repertoire. Unfortunately for us, this tradition is on the way to being replaced by more "relevant" music.

Taking all of this into consideration, we currently have an uneasy truce with the United Methodists, or at least some of the congregations.

This process is probably more difficult for those who have strong personal connections to a specific denomination or a strong commitment to particular theological viewpoints.
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Old 04-22-2014, 01:28 PM   #24
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I also chose Unitarian. I consider myself Buddhist and they seem to be quite accepting and welcoming. I appreciate meeting people in the community I never would otherwise.
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Old 04-22-2014, 01:33 PM   #25
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Um...find another church?

I'm not Catholic, but I suspect by you using the word "parish" you're talking about a Catholic place of worship, and if that's the case, I also suspect that every one of them in the area probably preaches the same message.

So if the message of the church/denomination doesn't match your own beliefs, I don't see where it does any good to remain a part of that church. You even said it's turning off one of your daughters. It would do no good if she got so turned off she quit going and lost interest.

Maybe it's time you checked out some other houses of worship. I didn't grow up in a very religious family, but after my Mom died, I started attending services at an Episcopal cathedral, and what they preach jives (mostly) with what I believe. Although I can appreciate the profound sense of history of the Catholic church, I just disagree with too many of their views, so it wouldn't do any good for me to try and shoehorn myself into that mold. Square peg in a round hole, and all that.

While I don't think it's possible to find a place of worship whose message agrees 100% with your beliefs, it should be possible to find a place you feel you and your children can fit in. Attending services somewhere whose message doesn't fit your beliefs does nobody any good.
Finding another parish is on the list of things we will do in the fall.
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Old 04-22-2014, 01:55 PM   #26
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I'm a regular attendee at my Catholic Church. People seem to dress decently albeit comfortably/casually, but then again we wear coats for 6 months out of the year so about all I've seen for months are huge puffy down coats. Survival mode.

I, too, am impressed (jealous!) at the great hats on both men and women attending a local black Baptist church!
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Old 04-22-2014, 02:10 PM   #27
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Are you sure you're not thinking of the United Church of Christ, traditionally known as Congregationalists? (that's my church) The UCC is very progressive. As I understand it, the Churches of Christ (i.e. - no "United") are generally quite conservative.
Me bad. That's what I get for using Wikipedia for my information and not understanding what I am reading. I'm hesitant to ask my relatives very much about their religious beliefs as they know I have not attended church since junior high.

I'm planning to relocate upon retirement and one idea that I have for meeting people is to attend a Unitarian chuch. One of my co-workers, who has a similar outlook on life as myself, attends and enjoys the services. And I find the Bible to be interesting from a historical perspective.
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Old 04-22-2014, 02:43 PM   #28
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I was not there, but I doubt Jesus required certain attire for those who attended his sermons.
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Old 04-22-2014, 03:21 PM   #29
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As a kid I went through all the ranks of the Altar Boys. Did the bit of guarding the plastic baby Jesus in the chreche at three AM for my shift of thwo hours holding the candelabra which was bigger than I, sucker was heavy too. Dress was formal, mass in Latin.

Learned that priests like vino more than water. When pouring the water they pushed up the pitcher with the chalise, while for the wine they dropped it down so the mix was closer to 80% vino with some water At the end of the mass, they went around to the back of altar and finished off the pitcher of vino.

Last fifty years I dutyfully attend weddings and funerals only. Wearing three piece suit, as is fitting and proper. Many show up dressed slovenly, have disdain for them.
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Old 04-22-2014, 04:02 PM   #30
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I was not there, but I doubt Jesus required certain attire for those who attended his sermons.
Jesus didn't require respect but he certainly deserved it. Dressing up for church or any other important public function is a sign of respect. He didn't require dressing up but he could give you the what for if you weren't.

See the parable of the wedding banquet.

“But when the king came in to see the guests, he noticed a man there who was not wearing wedding clothes. 12 He asked, ‘How did you get in here without wedding clothes, friend?’ The man was speechless.
13 “Then the king told the attendants, ‘Tie him hand and foot, and throw him outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’
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Old 04-22-2014, 05:03 PM   #31
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I don't attend church anymore, but it was getting more and more casual toward the end of my attendance, which didn't bother me. When I started w*rking as an engineer, we had to wear suits with white shirts everyday. It didn't make us better engineers and actually hampered doing the job well. I can't recall that it improved relationships between peers or management. It did some give some people an excuse to strut around in very expensive suits. So, for me, dress doesn't matter much unless someone is showing so much skin that it is a distraction.
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