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View Poll Results: How many children do you have or plan to have?
0 51 36.69%
1 16 11.51%
2 52 37.41%
3 11 7.91%
4 3 2.16%
5-6 5 3.60%
7+ 1 0.72%
Voters: 139. You may not vote on this poll

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Re: How many children
Old 10-24-2006, 07:56 AM   #61
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Re: How many children

Disclaimer: I have a son, and helped corral corrupt raise two others...

One thing is certain: when I'm bored, I never think that having more kids, or being at work, would be better than boredom...
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Re: How many children
Old 10-24-2006, 07:59 AM   #62
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Re: How many children

Quote:
Originally Posted by HFWR
Disclaimer: I have a son, and helped corral corrupt raise two others...

One thing is certain: when I'm bored, I never think that having more kids, or being at work, would be better than boredom...
That I would have to agree with, especially the word, better
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Re: How many children
Old 10-24-2006, 10:07 AM   #63
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Re: How many children

Quote:
Originally Posted by My Dream
I do know what you're talking about JG, raising kids have brought my wife and I closer together, we both agree on how we raise our kids, and niether one of us over rules the other. It's a team effort. Some people talk about being bored with there lives, for most kids elimate bordem.
I better keep my mouth shut before the strong coments start rolling in.
I think that so far this conversation has been amazingly uncontentious (Sorry, that's probably not a word, but I'm too lazy to look it up). Those of us who are happily childfree have no problem hearing that parents are happy to be parents, and that they don't regret the decision (or lack of). The only time this discussion gets unpleasant (and I've had it dozens of times) is when a parent tries to tell me that I don't know what's good for me, and that I will regret it later, or that I should have kids even if I don't want them, or that I'm selfish.
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Re: How many children
Old 10-24-2006, 10:38 AM   #64
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Re: How many children

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sheryl
I think that so far this conversation has been amazingly uncontentious (Sorry, that's probably not a word, but I'm too lazy to look it up). Those of us who are happily childfree have no problem hearing that parents are happy to be parents, and that they don't regret the decision (or lack of). The only time this discussion gets unpleasant (and I've had it dozens of times) is when a parent tries to tell me that I don't know what's good for me, and that I will regret it later, or that I should have kids even if I don't want them, or that I'm selfish.
I believe in the phrase, "to each there own" and when I mentioned the word "selfish" I was only referring to myself, and I hope noone took it as I was was referring to them, since that was not my intent.
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Re: How many children
Old 10-24-2006, 10:45 AM   #65
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Re: How many children

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Originally Posted by Gumby
After I returned from the first deployment following my marriage, the young wife commanded me to strip on the porch. I thought things were realy looking up at that point, but it was just because my clothes reeked with that peculiar submarine smell. I was immediately ordered to the shower -- alone.
Shucks, I always had to do that in the garage (the stripping part, not the showering part). Sure hope it wasn't winter in your neighborhood...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sheryl
uncontentious (Sorry, that's probably not a word, but I'm too lazy to look it up).
Someone beat you to it-- http://www.m-w.com/dictionary/uncontentious
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Re: How many children
Old 10-24-2006, 11:30 AM   #66
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Re: How many children

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sheryl
Those of us who are happily childfree have no problem hearing that parents are happy to be parents
And you should have no problem with that. If you go to a wine tasting party and have a good time, I'm glad for you. If I'm busy happily spending an afternoon with a grandchild, you're probably glad for me. I mean, wouldn't it be pretty low to begrudge folks enjoyment?
Quote:
The only time this discussion gets unpleasant (and I've had it dozens of times) is when a parent tries to tell me that I don't know what's good for me, and that I will regret it later, or that I should have kids even if I don't want them, or that I'm selfish.
My own opinion is that parents frequently get too involved in the decisions of their children at an age where the children need to make decisions for themselves. The specific case of encouraging them to have kids is just the tip of the iceberg. Encouraging them to delay having kids or have fewer kids comes to mind. That happens too. Or where to go to school. Or what friends to have. Or how to dress......... and on and on. There is a fine line between appropriate involvement, under involvement and excess involvement. Advising children regarding the number of children to have is just one thing out of an infinite number of possibilities.



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Re: How many children
Old 10-24-2006, 11:47 AM   #67
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Re: How many children

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sheryl
I think that so far this conversation has been amazingly uncontentious (Sorry, that's probably not a word, but I'm too lazy to look it up). Those of us who are happily childfree have no problem hearing that parents are happy to be parents, and that they don't regret the decision (or lack of). The only time this discussion gets unpleasant (and I've had it dozens of times) is when a parent tries to tell me that I don't know what's good for me, and that I will regret it later, or that I should have kids even if I don't want them, or that I'm selfish.
Heh, well, I actually think that a fair number of people I have met that say they don't want kids are missing out, but they are all adults (mostly) in posession of their facltoes, so who am I to judge?
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Re: How many children
Old 10-24-2006, 12:11 PM   #68
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Re: How many children

Quote:
Originally Posted by brewer12345
Heh, well, I actually think that a fair number of people I have met that say they don't want kids are missing out, but they are all adults (mostly) in posession of their facltoes, so who am I to judge?
I'm in the childfree camp (and agree with all the things Sheryl is saying for us folks), but I do realize that I am choosing to give up some immense joy in my life. It seems that having kids is the highlight and the lowlight of people's lives at the same time. No other person on earth can hurt you and give you joy as immensly as a child.

Maybe I'm protecting myself from the hurt, I don't know - it seems more of a decision where I know myself and what I want to do with my life. Selfish? Lazy? Maybe.
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Re: How many children
Old 10-24-2006, 02:42 PM   #69
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Re: How many children

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Originally Posted by youbet
My own opinion is that parents frequently get too involved in the decisions of their children at an age where the children need to make decisions for themselves. The specific case of encouraging them to have kids is just the tip of the iceberg. Encouraging them to delay having kids or have fewer kids comes to mind. That happens too. Or where to go to school. Or what friends to have. Or how to dress......... and on and on. There is a fine line between appropriate involvement, under involvement and excess involvement. Advising children regarding the number of children to have is just one thing out of an infinite number of possibilities.
I agree with your point, Youbet, but just to clarify - when I referred to parents telling me what to do, I meant other people who are parents (have kids) not my own parents.
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Re: How many children
Old 10-24-2006, 04:33 PM   #70
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Re: How many children

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sheryl
I agree with your point, Youbet, but just to clarify - when I referred to parents telling me what to do, I meant other people who are parents (have kids) not my own parents.
Oooops! Reviewing your post, I can see that now.

Well, the heck with those "other parents." We're all somewhat obligated to listen to our own parents once in a while. But just any ole parents......? Blaaaaah....... deactivate your selective hearing switch and don't worry about it.
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Re: How many children
Old 10-24-2006, 09:09 PM   #71
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Re: How many children

I work in an office full of blissfully childfree people with full, creative, busy lives. Power to them. I have two kids. Works for me.

Childful?
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Re: How many children
Old 10-24-2006, 11:00 PM   #72
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Re: How many children

or Childed?
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Re: How many children
Old 10-25-2006, 01:57 AM   #73
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Re: How many children

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sheryl
I think that so far this conversation has been amazingly uncontentious (Sorry, that's probably not a word, but I'm too lazy to look it up). Those of us who are happily childfree have no problem hearing that parents are happy to be parents, and that they don't regret the decision (or lack of). The only time this discussion gets unpleasant (and I've had it dozens of times) is when a parent tries to tell me that I don't know what's good for me, and that I will regret it later, or that I should have kids even if I don't want them, or that I'm selfish.
I hear you. I am truely happy for parents who think their children are the greatest thing in their lives. We need more parents like that in the world. But there are couples in the world who can't have kids. They may or may not want to have children, but they are forced to seek other options. Many of them find very productive, rewarding and worthwhile things to do with their time. There are people who never find an appropriate mate. They may dream of a life with children, but are never given that opportunity. Yet many still find productive, rewarding and worthwhile things to do with their time. There are people who choose not to marry in order to serve their religion. They may look at that choice as a sacrifice worth making. They often find very productive, rewarding and worthwhile things to do with their time. And, of course, there are people who simply find things other than having children to be more productive, rewarding and worthwhile than being a parent.

When parents say that their life would be meaningless without their children (implying that anyone without children is leading a meaningless life), or that anyone who chooses a path other than to have children is missing out; it seems tactless, mindless, unimaginative, and/or narrow minded. For those who have chosen or been forced into another path, it often sounds more defensive than sincere. This is especially true when you see and hear people who appear to be terrible parents but who insist that parenthood is the only goal worth pursuing in life.

There are other life choices that can be productive, rewarding and worthwhile.
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Re: How many children
Old 10-25-2006, 10:12 AM   #74
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Re: How many children

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Originally Posted by sgeeeee
When parents say that their life would be meaningless without their children (implying that anyone without children is leading a meaningless life), or that anyone who chooses a path other than to have children is missing out; it seems tactless, mindless, unimaginative, and/or narrow minded.
It's interesting to note the effect of replacing the word "children" with the word "work"...
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Re: How many children
Old 10-25-2006, 12:53 PM   #75
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Re: How many children

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Originally Posted by Nords
It's interesting to note the effect of replacing the word "children" with the word "work"...
Good point.
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Re: How many children
Old 10-25-2006, 10:33 PM   #76
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Re: How many children

I was too late for the poll, but I have 2 children.

1 son 28 years old-not married and no children

1 daughter 17 years old-engaged and no children

I am extremely glad that I had my children and I am extremely glad that people who don't have children don't have them. I would love to have grandchildren someday, but only if my children really wanted to have children. I feel that you really have to want children and it is still not easy at times!
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Re: How many children
Old 10-26-2006, 09:41 AM   #77
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Re: How many children

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dreamer
I would love to have grandchildren someday, but only if my children really wanted to have children.
In our case Dreamer, by the time we were empty nesters and had prioritized kid-expenses over European vacations, sports cars and luxury homes for so long, we felt we were ready for permanent kid-freedom. Having childfree friends and relatives who rubbed their RE status, hefty portfolios and material possessions in our faces probably added to this!

But, to our surprise, when the grandkids started coming along, darn if we haven't started the same old routine again. You know, contributing to their ESA's, babysitting, acting as chauffers, and on and on.

Sometimes it seems like kind of a mixed blessing. We enjoy them limitlessly but also refer to them as our "little anchors." If you wind up with some in your life, it'll be "interesting" that's for sure. If not, then you'll enjoy that lifestyle just as well. You seem to have a great, open-minded attitude towards it all.



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Re: How many children
Old 10-26-2006, 03:17 PM   #78
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Re: How many children

Quote:
Originally Posted by youbet
But, to our surprise, when the grandkids started coming along, darn if we haven't started the same old routine again. You know, contributing to their ESA's, babysitting, acting as chauffers, and on and on.
Sometimes it seems like kind of a mixed blessing. We enjoy them limitlessly but also refer to them as our "little anchors." If you wind up with some in your life, it'll be "interesting" that's for sure. If not, then you'll enjoy that lifestyle just as well. You seem to have a great, open-minded attitude towards it all.
The #1 reason people leave Hawaii is due to inability to find a living wage (despite the current 2.5% unemployment rate).

The #2 reason people leave Hawaii is grandparents wanting to spend more time with their grandkids being raised by their kids who are now earning a living wage on the Mainland.
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Re: How many children
Old 10-26-2006, 07:02 PM   #79
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Re: How many children

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nords
The #1 reason people leave Hawaii is due to inability to find a living wage (despite the current 2.5% unemployment rate).

The #2 reason people leave Hawaii is grandparents wanting to spend more time with their grandkids being raised by their kids who are now earning a living wage on the Mainland.
People really move thousands of miles to be near their children/grandchildren?

Honestly asking, as that was not the circumstance of anyone in my family.
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Re: How many children
Old 10-26-2006, 07:13 PM   #80
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Re: How many children

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Originally Posted by Khan
People really move thousands of miles to be near their children/grandchildren?
Frequently. They may have additional reasons, such as improved weather or lower cost of living, but family ties are remarkably strong. I know we have posters on the forum who have or are contemplating such a move, 73ss454 for one.


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