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View Poll Results: If you are in a committed relationship do you live together or apart from each other?
I live together with my partner 30 83.33%
I live apart from my partner 6 16.67%
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How many on here that are in a comitted relationship live together?
Old 05-26-2008, 12:15 AM   #1
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How many on here that are in a comitted relationship live together?

Just wondering that.

I was just talking with my Mom about how many people that we know that are a couple pretty much but live apart. My Mom says it wasn't like that when she was young it was unheard of.

We had a few on our street as well as in our family.

Jim
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Old 05-26-2008, 02:30 AM   #2
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We have never lived apart.

I know some people wind up living apart because of their job situation. One can't leave a job because of the pension benefits, the other still needs to work and cannot find suitable work locally or their company forces a relocation.

I have heard of people (and knew a few) that live that way for several years at the end of work career till the economics work out... but not too many that do that early in their work life.
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Old 05-26-2008, 02:41 AM   #3
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Just wondering that.

I was just talking with my Mom about how many people that we know that are a couple pretty much but live apart. My Mom says it wasn't like that when she was young it was unheard of.

We had a few on our street as well as in our family.

Jim
Curious, how old is your mom? Living apart was unheard of in her day?
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Old 05-26-2008, 07:46 AM   #4
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Never crossed our minds to live apart. Where's the commitment in that?

The longest we've been apart is two weeks, and that was for work-related trips.
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Old 05-26-2008, 09:11 AM   #5
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It's an odd question and oddly worded.....as if living apart is more typical than living together. Not to say it's a bad thing but I believe it is an additional strain on a relationship. I just learned one of my oldest freinds (7th grade) is currently living apart from spouse and it seems that they are set on seperate paths career wise for the next many years. Their children are college age, though.
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Old 05-26-2008, 09:55 AM   #6
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I do not personally know of anyone committed who lives apart. And I never have. I wonder why one would be committed to someone you can't or won't live with. Maybe a commuting marriage for a short time due to work demands might make sense but otherwise it is counterintuitive IMHO.
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Old 05-26-2008, 11:03 AM   #7
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An anecdote:
My aunt and her husband lived apart most of the time for several years after he retired from the USNavy. They owned houses in ME and CA. They are back together most of the time, but they still live apart for a month or two a year.

My sister and her husband went through a similar phase after he retired (also from USNavy).

Apparently it's difficult to live together full time after a career of long deployments.
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Old 05-26-2008, 11:19 AM   #8
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Surely Want2Retire will post on this thread soon.

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Old 05-26-2008, 11:42 AM   #9
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We hadn't been apart more than a day or two for 25 years. And together about 20 hours a day most of that time. Last couple years she has been flying down to care for her Mom a week or two out of every month. Not good for our relationship - we do much better together, but we're committed to making her Mom's final years as good as we can.
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Old 05-26-2008, 12:03 PM   #10
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Surely Want2Retire will post on this thread soon.

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Old 05-26-2008, 12:08 PM   #11
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One set of grandparents had separate bedrooms and I swear I never once heard them speak to each other. They probably should have lived apart but probably couldn't afford to.

DH's grandparents were somewhat similar. Grandpa finally moved out to the family hunting shack (no water, no power, but wood stove, and outhouse).
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Old 05-27-2008, 01:59 AM   #12
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I didn't mean to tick any one off with the question...I thought it was just a interesting thing to post about.

My Mom is in her 60's and thinks things have changed a lot since she was young. Like we had a family member that just got married at age 70 we have same sex and inter racial couples in our plan and girls and guys are getting married later in life. My mom was considered an old maid at 24 when she got married.

I was most interested in people who were at least going steady and living apart. I worked for a lady that does this. My guess is that she got burned before and doesn't want to mix finances but it's just a guess. Another guy that lives near us we recently found out was in a steady relationship but lived apart. I could go on and on but you get the picture!

The small poll on here shows 1-5 or more do this so that is a good percentage I would say.

One other thing. At one time we had like 5 of 8 houses where I live where people that were living together were not married. I didn't think anything of it until my neighbor that was 80 at the time had a problem with it and was saying basically the same thing that it was unheard of when she was young but now is very common.

I told her well at least you know what it's like to live with the person before you get married!

And maybe living apart has an advantage also.....you get a break from each other!

Jim
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Old 05-27-2008, 08:36 AM   #13
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One set of grandparents had separate bedrooms and I swear I never once heard them speak to each other. They probably should have lived apart but probably couldn't afford to.

DH's grandparents were somewhat similar. Grandpa finally moved out to the family hunting shack (no water, no power, but wood stove, and outhouse).
I suspect the divorce statistics understate the difficulty of intimate relationships.

Seems one of the things Summer is getting at is discretion; we live in a more open culture now; but I think that is debatable.

People who know SO and I from the neighborhood or meeting at the coffee shop know we are "an item" but may not know that we keep separate apartments. Sometimes I think that all I know of life I learned from musicals. There is a wonderful sentiment in a tune from "Ain't Misbehavin'": "t'ain't nobody's business but my own."
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Old 05-27-2008, 11:21 AM   #14
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The Fox and the Lion (1) - Wikisource

my 10-year partnership was at times lived together & separate. he had a home in new jersey while i had one in florida. over the years we spent months at a time either there or here with other months separated by location. sometimes we didn't even live in our own homes but moved in together (with his huge dog) into the homes of other family and friends. we just sort of made ourselves at home wherever we were, or sometimes even where we weren't. we had so much fun. we had only one fight in 10 years and the rest of the time was pure joy.

a few years after i buried him, i made best friends with a guy who lived 3000 miles away in the hollywood hills of california. though just a platonic relationship, we planned eventually to sail the world together into our old age, once i finished helping mom with the end of her life. we visited each other as we could and chatted every single day on the phone, in chat rooms and with email. seriously i don't think more than a day ever went by in 10 years that we were not in contact with each other.

burying him too, having buried the two of them, i know that distance has little to do with closeness.
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Old 05-27-2008, 12:43 PM   #15
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I have been in a relationship for eight years and we've lived together for six . We got engaged but I backed out I really have no interest in marriage at this point in my life . I find it easier to live with someone then just date . After I was widowed the one thing I really missed was a built in social life . I like going out to dinner but I also like hanging at home so it works perfectly for me . I also like having someone to do projects with .
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