How Many Times Should You Try?

[Midpack]

I've been trying to help someone learn basic PC/app skills, but it's become very frustrating. He constantly asks for help, and I give it, but he is asking the same questions over and over and over. I'll spare the details, you get the idea...

So I Googled for how many times before I should just politely give up. Guess I need to be a LOT more patient, maybe...

How Many Times Should You Try Before Succeeding - Infographic

 

[FIREmenow]

My dad used to say, "people won't change unless it is too painful NOT to change."

It's too easy. Every time he asks the question, you give an great answer - where's the incentive to learn?

 

[Fermion]

I am in the thousands of times on that chart about trying to conceive. Probably doesn't help that I have a vasectomy but I keep giving it the ole college try!

 

[FIREmenow]

I am in the thousands of times on that chart about trying to conceive. Probably doesn't help that I have a vasectomy but I keep giving it the ole college try!

 

[Philliefan33]

My dad used to say, "people won't change unless it is too painful NOT to change."



It's too easy. Every time he asks the question, you give an great answer - where's the incentive to learn?

This. DH used to ask the same PC questions over and over. I would get frustrated...it's not as if I was born knowing how to do it, I learned by trial and error. Finally I started "being too busy to help right now" when he asked something I had repeatedly answered. I would encourage him to try to figure it out in the meantime.

He's gotten much better. In fact, he even uses a cloud drive now. He doesn't understand how it works, but he uses one.

 

[braumeister]

I had the same situation once, and when I got tired of it I started answering this way:

Whoa, that's not completely straightforward, is it? I'd be afraid of giving you the wrong advice, so I think you should

• make an appointment at the Apple Genius Bar
• call the Geek Squad
• other similar avenues as needed

After a relatively short time, he started learning how to DIY.

 

[Options]

Nope. After years of learning the hard way, I refuse to put myself in those situations anymore.

Perhaps it's my "karma" in life, but people have solicited advice from me on just about everything since I was a teenager (and I've come to realize it will probably always be that way). It's fulfilling when they "get it", but for decades I would literally keep telling some people the same thing over and over, only to see them doing whatever they wanted anyway (with poor results).

I have now put a complete stop to any frustrating advice/help solicitations with anyone that won't/doesn't get it. Diet and exercise are two such areas which I refuse to discuss/help anyone with. In some areas, people just like to talk and then are going to keep doing what they're doing regardless.

It's true what they say: retirement changes everything, even your mindset. At least it did for me. After years of paying dues, I just don't "do" BS of any kind anymore. I call it the "instant walk away" technique.

 

[eytonxav]

If your a glutton for punishment, they say it takes 21 days to make a habit, so maybe 21 attempts.

 

[DrRoy]

Offer to help once more, then stick to it.

 

[MRG]

It's tough to know when someone wants to learn and isn't picking it up yet. Or they just want someone to do it for them. I enjoyed helping others with some of my skills in IT, there were unfortunately some who really wanted me to do their job. I recall one guy I swear he had to look at a map every time he left his cube! I swear the man got lost on the floor he worked on for years, imagine what his code looked like.

 

[easysurfer]

I'm in a similar situation. I don't mind helping people if they really appreciate the effort. Plus, I don't mind refreshing some of my computer tinkering skills. But, yes, there are those who ask the same question again and probably shouldn't be using a computer .

In my case, tomorrow I may be trying to remotely upgrade by brother's laptop from Win 7 to Win 10. Will be interesting. But my goal is to try and set up his laptop for unintended connection via teamviewer so he can mostly just watch .

 

[FIREmenow]

I'm in a similar situation. I don't mind helping people if they really appreciate the effort. Plus, I don't mind refreshing some of my computer tinkering skills. But, yes, there are those who ask the same question again and probably shouldn't be using a computer .

In my case, tomorrow I may be trying to remotely upgrade by brother's laptop from Win 7 to Win 10. Will be interesting. But my goal is to try and set up his laptop for unintended connection via teamviewer so he can mostly just watch .

I use Teamviewer a lot with my Mom. Works great.

 

[Midpack]

The guy I am talking about us an accomplished retired surgeon. He is the most technically illiterate person I know, he can't even manage email, and I am trying to teach him more complex PC/apps, at his request of course. I've even printed out step by step instructions with pictures tailored for him - which he can't seem to find. Next time he asks, I may tell him that it's obvious I'm not a good teacher, maybe he should try someone else...

 

[Redbugdave]

Knowledge never comes for free. Some people just do not have the drive to learn on their own when they know they have a crutch nearby. I help people out when they need it, but I do not want to be taken advantage of either. My time is valuable to me, too.

 

[irishgal]

Is it like this?


Sent from my iPhone using Early Retirement Forum

 

[tmm99]

I have suggested that they take notes in the past. I have also wiped everything and have them redo it in front of me right after I showed them how to do it. If they couldn't get to the end product without my help, I would wipe everything out again, and have them do it on their own at least once before I conclude that they got it. I tell my DH to use TeamViewer (free remote desktop) with his folks, but he rarely does. If you are helping someone remotely with PC's, TeamViewer is a great tool.

 

[splitwdw]

I tell them how to do it and watch while they do it. I will not do it for them. The smart ones take notes. I have one older friend that I can't teach. He won't follow what I'm telling him to do. He wants me to wait while he reads every window and stares at every screen along the way. Sorry but if you want to read everything, do it on your own, don't waste my time. He made no notes and called several times about the same thing. Now I tell him I don't know/remember.

 

[ERD50]

I have suggested that they take notes in the past. I have also wiped everything and have them redo it in front of me right after I showed them how to do it. If they couldn't get to the end product without my help, I would wipe everything out again, and have them do it on their own at least once before I conclude that they got it. ....

And make them write their own notes, and then watch them perform the task from their notes (maybe come back to it after doing some other things, to see they retained it).

This shows that they can do it w/o you there. Showing/telling someone over and over is not the same as them learning it.

My Mom did OK with email, spreadsheets (that I set up for her), web browsing, even managed to scan some things and email them. But I don't think she ever 'got' the idea of folders and files in folders and folders in folders. I never knew where I might find a file, sometimes they would be buried in the 'temp' folder that the email program used (she'd open it from email, edit and save it again). TeamViewer helped in those cases.

-ERD50

 

[jollystomper]

The guy I am talking about us an accomplished retired surgeon. He is the most technically illiterate person I know, he can't even manage email, and I am trying to teach him more complex PC/apps, at his request of course. I've even printed out step by step instructions with pictures tailored for him - which he can't seem to find. Next time he asks, I may tell him that it's obvious I'm not a good teacher, maybe he should try someone else...

Are you charging him for your help?

When you are teaching someone and they are paying for it, it is amazing how quickly they start learning.

 

[easysurfer]

Are you charging him for your help?

When you are teaching someone and they are paying for it, it is amazing how quickly they start learning.

When the time is on their dime, they may start saying you aren't teaching them enough and too slow .

 

[old woman]

Never do stuff for them or they won't even want to learn. My boyfriend lived with me for 27 years or so and didn't know how to load a dishwasher or cook. Now he has his own house and loads his own dishwasher, I explained to load them facing the water but if I am not there and he does it wrong the dishes will not wash so he figures it out. Cooking is hard for him but he gets a recipe and follows the directions and is trying hard things like marinating meat then grilling, might take him a month to get all the stuff and decide what he is doing but so pleased with himself. He was smoking some fish and told me it turned out great, didn't save the recipe so I found him one with the same ingredients that he remembered and told him try again and it you don't like it change the recipe and try again, he lives on a river so gets free salmon, smelt and steel head so he can smoke a lot of fish to practice, I don't need to make the brine for him anymore or remember what was in the last batch for him.

 

[HFWR]

I am in the thousands of times on that chart about trying to conceive. Probably doesn't help that I have a vasectomy but I keep giving it the ole college try!

Practice makes perfect.

 

[harley]

I think some of it is personality. When I was working I was a very helpful coworker, and would always lend a hand figuring something out or fixing a problem. Over time I noticed that certain people would keep coming back with the same question over and over. I don't know whether it's laziness or what, but some people learn and others don't. I just stopped being available to help the people that came back with the same issue more than once or twice, and they would figure it out themselves.

My worst example of this was dealing with my late mother. She prided herself on her note taking skills, and any time I tried to explain something like loading pictures from her digital camera to her computer, or creating folders on her computer to organize her files, she'd write down every word I said. But she was so busy writing that she wasn't hearing, so when she'd go back to her notes she couldn't figure anything out from them. It never did get better, and it was incredibly frustrating. It only ended when she passed away.

I would recommend becoming less available, and maybe that your friend should take a class or something to learn it.

 

[dixonge]

The guy I am talking about us an accomplished retired surgeon. He is the most technically illiterate person I know, he can't even manage email, and I am trying to teach him more complex PC/apps, at his request of course. I've even printed out step by step instructions with pictures tailored for him - which he can't seem to find. Next time he asks, I may tell him that it's obvious I'm not a good teacher, maybe he should try someone else...

How did this person ever finish med school without being able to retain information?

 

[HFWR]

How did this person ever finish med school without being able to retain information?

Never mind, just turn your head and cough...

My dad is an excellent example of knowing just enough to be dangerous. He picked up basic "computer" skills relatively quickly, then proceeded to forward all known chain emails to everyone on planet earth, and soon found his computer loaded with viruses...