My FIL was in ICU for six weeks after surgery unresponsive and being kept alive by machines. His wife refused to make a decision even though there was no hope and made my sons make the final decision. It was a very difficult ending for all of us.
Several years ago my Mom found out her swelling midsection was cancer amongst her lady parts. She also had paid reservations for another Central American trip.. We talked and I urged her to go on the trip, as regardless of the treatment it might be her last chance. She made it about a week or so in and we had to retrieve her from Mexico as she was in way too much pain. She got surgery which also involved removal of a section of her bowel and resection. Cancer was causing obstruction and was invading that area as well. The surgery was not a success - the resection of the bowel didn't hold and contents of the bowel developed a path to the surface of her abdomen. Lots of pain, expensive nutrients via IV, other food ending up between her skin and a big plastic bandage over her stomach.
After some weeks in hospital she went to a nursing facility. After a month or so there she threw enough food in the trash to claim to the doctors that she was eating enough nutrients by mouth to be released home. She went to a little house we fixed up with the contents of her mobile home (my gal - took lots of pictures of the interior of Mom's mobile, we moved everything, and she arranged everything in the same relationship it was in down south). Mom was there for a week, we had Christmas, and the power went out so we carried her to our house to stay. We were trying to get hospice care set up and realizing just how unprepared we were for someone that needed some serious care. She had asked me what was going to happen - things couldn't go on the way they were! Told her that if she didn't eat she wouldn't make it.
On NewYear's Eve predawn she fell partially from her bed, her vitals were not good. Sat with her till others woke and showed up, was convinced she should go to the emergency room, though it was obvious to me she was dying. At the ER I told the head doc I felt she was dying and wanted nothing done to prolong her life, indeed, if she could get a hot shot to do that. Was told that's not what they did, however, morphine (I think) was given to reduce breathing distress and I encouraged it's repeated use as time went on in an attempt to hasten her easy parting.
She lasted about four more hours with two of her kids and our partners by her side. She was out of it on drugs. Think her demise was hastened by well meaning staff trying to suction her airway - "stuff" was backing up from her stomach. I have regrets, some things could have been handled better, but given her condition and future I wish I'd argued to keep her at home or at least refused the suctioning and asked for morphine even more frequently. I was pretty numb though. Nobody gets out alive, but the manner of one's passing might be changed.
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Interestingly, his last words to us were quite astonishing: He opened his eyes after sleeping for several hours, looked deeply at each of us, then stated unequivocally "We're Jewish, you know." This from a lifelong and very staunch Methodist!
Geez, this would make me run to check the family genealogy tree.Interestingly, his last words to us were quite astonishing: He opened his eyes after sleeping for several hours, looked deeply at each of us, then stated unequivocally "We're Jewish, you know." This from a lifelong and very staunch Methodist!