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04-02-2016, 10:55 AM
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#21
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,972
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Best way to help him is to commit him to a free government rehab program, if there's such a thing.
__________________
No to consumerism, Living a simple life, enjoying the experience - not the material stuff
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04-02-2016, 11:02 AM
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#22
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Recycles dryer sheets
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 88
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I could use some advice
 Quote:
Originally Posted by cyber888
Best way to help him is to commit him to a free government rehab program, if there's such a thing.
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+1. Unfortunately at the stage he is at a major change is needed or he will likely die. A 28 day inpatient program is likely the only hope. Some willingness to change will be required. It can be as little as being sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Sent from my iPhone using Early Retirement Forum
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04-02-2016, 12:18 PM
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#23
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Recycles dryer sheets
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Broomfield
Posts: 90
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"he will be going to AA meetings this Sat and Sun."
Make sure he understands that AA is not a weekend program. For someone like him, he needs something more like 180 meetings in 90 days.
As others have said, you're a great friend, but you're wasting your time if he's not admitting he has a problem. I've seen many come through AA who were there for others, not themselves.
Good luck, this is dire but there's always Hope. Lots of similarities to this guy in my own life; I absolutely couldn't imagine a life without drinking, and I'm coming up on 19 years clean. My life is full.
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04-02-2016, 12:39 PM
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#24
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gone traveling
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: DFW
Posts: 7,586
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Seems like your friend is in denial and does not recognize he has a problem. He needs to accept that fact before anything can be done to help himself. Then he needs to take some positive steps, however small, to begin changing this self destructive behavior. He is the only one that can fix this, but that doesn't mean he should not reach out for help, but it will fall on deaf ears until he can show he is willing to change.
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04-02-2016, 03:41 PM
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#25
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Moderator
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Flyover country
Posts: 25,357
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Terribly sad situation. This makes me think of all the Hollywood celebrities who have been in and out of rehab so many times. Even with all their money, contacts, and earning potential, some of them just can't get their act together.
It's so much harder for ordinary people like your friend. It sounds like you're doing as much as you possibly can, so just try to come to terms with it. Good luck!
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04-03-2016, 05:34 AM
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#26
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 3,410
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Thank you all for the support, suggestions, guidance, and experiences you shared in the posts and messages. They have been helpful for me to maintain a positive perspective and how I can best deal with the problems that we both are facing.
I have been working on a list of websites for places in his city that he can contact for financial help (low income housing, medical, food stamps, etc.) and also a list of suggestions for fun low or no cost things he can do for a more enjoyable/fulfilling lifestyle. I will offer this to him in a few days when I drive down to see him. The rest is up to him whether he considers any of it or not. I am not about to tell him or anyone else how to run their life. I just want to have a nice visit with my friend. We have never had an argument or cross word for over a half a century and I don't plan of it happening now.
Although this is a mainly a forum for financial discussions I knew this was the place where I would receive compassionate and thoughtful help. Thank you all again.
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04-03-2016, 07:24 AM
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#27
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Sarasota, FL & Vermont
Posts: 36,373
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+1 with others. You are a good friend. Have a heart to heart d tell him that it tears you apart to see him destroying his life and relationships and convince him to get into AA. Where I used to live there was a homeless shelter for such men where they could spend the night but with strict rules and they also had resources to help them get back on their feet. He may need something like that.
__________________
If something cannot endure laughter.... it cannot endure.
Patience is the art of concealing your impatience.
Slow and steady wins the race.
Retired Jan 2012 at age 56
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04-03-2016, 07:35 AM
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#28
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 11,078
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In your quest for agency's did you find the Oxford House? I believe that they help some folks who have issues like your friend is facing.
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04-03-2016, 08:03 AM
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#29
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 3,410
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MRG
In your quest for agency's did you find the Oxford House? I believe that they help some folks who have issues like your friend is facing.
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Thanks for the suggestion. I just checked and they don't have anything that would be reasonably close to where he is located. However, I will certainly keep it in mind for future reference.
Cheers!
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04-03-2016, 12:35 PM
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#30
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,011
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Oxford houses are good and there are others but most require a person to be sober for 30 days before moving in.
__________________
You do not have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body.
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