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Old 01-08-2010, 01:20 PM   #21
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Thanks for all the encouragement. It really does help.

She and I are taking a quick 4-day to Vegas to celebrate our anniversary (got married there last year) so we will have some time to re-connect and talk I'm sure.

Again THANKS for the encouraging words...and to some of you for admitting you are in/were in the same boat. Makes me a feel a little better!
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Old 01-08-2010, 01:25 PM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thefed View Post
Thanks for all the encouragement. It really does help.

She and I are taking a quick 4-day to Vegas to celebrate our anniversary (got married there last year) so we will have some time to re-connect and talk I'm sure.

Again THANKS for the encouraging words...and to some of you for admitting you are in/were in the same boat. Makes me a feel a little better!
Have a great trip, and Good Luck.
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Old 01-08-2010, 01:47 PM   #23
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Maybe someone can lend some advice on this front:

For the last year my wife has bugged me to have a third and final child and I have sternly told her no I am done. I would've preferred just one, although I of course love them both unconditionally.

Well, in the email was a paragraph about how she doesnt feel our family is complete, she isnt complete, cant be happy etc etc knowing she cant have one more kid...its her purpose in life etc etc

well, we just were talking and it came out again, this time with a river of tears i have never seen from her...she WANTS and feels she NEEDS another child badly.

I told her i would not absoultely close my mind to it, but we would need to re-evaluate our circumstances in a year or so and go from there. She said that made her so happy just to know there's a chance...but she also know when i say 'maybe' it usually is a nice way of saying no


I am content with two. I might lose my mind with 3....i'm almost there as it is (18 mos, 4 yrs old). BUT, deep down inside when i envision being 60 and having the kids over for xmas dinner...i think there is another kid or even two. I dont know why, but i've always seen that. i was an only child, so i dont even know what thats like


How does a couple decide whether or not to have more kids when they are totally torn in opposite directions...of course the naysayer always wins because 'not having another' is the default option in life, til you try and succeed at having one


anyone?
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Old 01-08-2010, 02:13 PM   #24
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To me, if either parent does not want to have another child, then it is a "NO GO". Period, end of discussion. I don't see you yearning for another child. If I were you, I would be kind but extremely firm about this one.
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Old 01-08-2010, 05:05 PM   #25
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I've learned that happiniess comes from within, we have two kids and have been married for close to 25 years. We didn't plan on having two kids, only one but it happened. I love my wife unconditionally and didn't need kids to make our family complete as I was complete the day I met her. I have never regreted having two kids but feel they were are are still a hand full. When we had the second it was with open arms even though I knew we both didn't plan it.
I say have more kids if you both want another addition to the family but not to make yourself or her complete, happy, need, more of a family....I think you get the picture.
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Old 01-09-2010, 12:22 PM   #26
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That is a really tough one and you have some deep soul searching to do.

For me, I didn't mind if we had any kids or not, but I loved my wife so much that whatever she wanted was fine by me.

She always said that she had a terrific "biological need" to have children, and we had 2 plus she had a miscarriage between 1 and 2 and then that was it the "need" had gone.

I think you should continue to discuss this and not make any decisions just yet as this is pretty big.
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Old 01-09-2010, 12:32 PM   #27
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Well, today for our anniversary she wanted to lay in bed and watch a movie...so we grabbed a DVD that's not been opened in the few years we've owned it :"CLICK" with Adam Sandler. Now, this is not a Class A movie, but it certainly had the right 'moral' for me at the right time. So much so that I was actually sobbing (well, trying to hold it back) at the end. The plot is that of a business man who spends too much time at work, ignores the family, and misses out on a lot.

It was just what I needed at this point in my life. I've come to this same realizations several times before, but this movie so poignantly drove it home.

If you havent seen it, it's worth a few bucks to rent....a comedy/drama i guess you could call it.


Just thought I'd share...I'm still recovering... no joke.[/QUOTE]

Thanks so much for the movie recommendation - I watched the whole thing on youtube after you posted this. I too have been guilty of putting work first before family and had the feeling that Sandler had in the movie that they were just "bugging him" and interfering with his work. It was a good lesson, even though I'm semi-retiring in a week or so.
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