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I talked to my DD - Honeymoon Status
Old 09-09-2008, 11:01 AM   #21
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I talked to my DD - Honeymoon Status

I offered her to take the week with a girlfriend if they paid me one half of my cost ($2,800). She says that she is out a couple of thousand dollars on wedding related expenses already. I reminded her that I had kicked in about $2,500 to those expenses also, and that I didn't expect to be reimbursed for those funds.

She has trouble understanding why I can't just let her go down on the trip with a friend, without asking for money. I explained it about three times, saying that I would, in essence, fund a bargain trip for her. She says that shes has no money, even to pay me over the next six months. So, I guess that my DW and I will take an extra week down in Mexico.

I guess that this kind of situation is just "life", and my DD will need to learn from it.
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Old 09-09-2008, 11:20 AM   #22
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A wise but difficult decision, Doug. She will be better for it. Good for you.
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Old 09-09-2008, 11:27 AM   #23
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FWIW, I think you did the right thing. Once she heals, she will be a stronger and wiser person. Even though she may not realize it now, you are giving her the chance to find out what being an adult is all about.
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Old 09-09-2008, 11:29 AM   #24
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That must have been such a tough talk. Boy, I have a lot of respect for you parents out there. I think you did the right thing.
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Old 09-09-2008, 11:30 AM   #25
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Thsi is puzzling to me. What is she supposed to learn from this? That she shouldn't break off engagements at the last minute? I doubt this will become a chronic problem.That her Dad would like her married, so he is willing to giver her a trip as a married woman, but unwilling to give her the trip single? That she should hit her Visa Card so that she can pay what has now become a funds matching proposition?

Dad clearly could afford it- he has already paid. He just has second thoughts about what he is getting for his money.

Guess everyone sees these things differently. I know I would likely have some not so warm fuzzies if this were me in daughter's shoes.

Ha
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Old 09-09-2008, 11:42 AM   #26
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Perhaps daughter will expect him to kick in some money on the next engagement.

Dad offered her a bargain trip, she said she has no money. She needs to get her finances in order.
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Old 09-09-2008, 11:44 AM   #27
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Originally Posted by haha View Post
Thsi is puzzling to me. What is she supposed to learn from this? That she shouldn't break off engagements at the last minute? I doubt this will become a chronic problem.That her Dad would like her married, so he is willing to giver her a trip as a married woman, but unwilling to give her the trip single? That she should hit her Visa Card so that she can pay what has now become a funds matching proposition?

Dad clearly could afford it- he has already paid. He just has second thoughts about what he is getting for his money.

Guess everyone sees these things differently. I know I would likely have some not so warm fuzzies if this were me in daughter's shoes.

Ha
It's a wedding gift, just like a toaster or a gift certificate to Bed Bath & Beyond. Once the marriage is canceled, none of the wedding gifts are given.

Did she keep the engagement ring? Usually when the woman breaks off the engagement, she should return the ring (I'm not a lawyer, but I think the fiance has a claim to the ring, as its a gift contingent on the marriage).
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Old 09-09-2008, 12:04 PM   #28
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Judge Judy ALWAYS makes the un-bride return the engagement ring, no matter who broke it off.

We don't know the back story of the broken engagement (and don't need to), but does Mrs. Doug agree with Mr. Doug about not taking the daughter on the vacation formerly known as her honeymoom?
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Old 09-09-2008, 12:13 PM   #29
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Thsi is puzzling to me. What is she supposed to learn from this? That she shouldn't break off engagements at the last minute? I doubt this will become a chronic problem.That her Dad would like her married, so he is willing to giver her a trip as a married woman, but unwilling to give her the trip single? That she should hit her Visa Card so that she can pay what has now become a funds matching proposition?

Dad clearly could afford it- he has already paid. He just has second thoughts about what he is getting for his money.

Guess everyone sees these things differently. I know I would likely have some not so warm fuzzies if this were me in daughter's shoes.

Ha
Well, I see your point, but if it were me I would just be thrilled that my parents gave me anything at all for the wedding expenses or honeymoon. We funded ours entirely except for my mother (who I swear is an angel) scraped up $300 to give us b/c she wanted to make an attempt to do something (she lived on SSI, so this is a BIG deal). Anyways, I digress. I guess it's just hard for me to be in this girl's shoes, since I would have been grateful for any help, and if the wedding fell through, I would have felt horribly about any money my parents had lost as a result.

So, perspectives you see are colored by your own life's experiences.
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Resolved - I'm getting a cancellation refund
Old 09-09-2008, 12:26 PM   #30
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Resolved - I'm getting a cancellation refund

Of the $2,650 I paid, I'll get back $1,665. The air tickets are non-refundable, but my DD and her ex-fiancee can try to reschedule on American Airlines another trip (seperately) within 12 months (with fees to rebook). I felt uncomfortable using my DD's reservation, so this seemed the best approach.

Sorry to cause some disagreement on the board, but your various viewpoints were very helpful.
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Old 09-09-2008, 01:46 PM   #31
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I think that is a great resolution - i agree it would have felt weird enjoying a vacation when you know your daughter is suffering...good call!
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Old 09-09-2008, 02:47 PM   #32
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Originally Posted by haha View Post
Thsi is puzzling to me. What is she supposed to learn from this? That she shouldn't break off engagements at the last minute? I doubt this will become a chronic problem.That her Dad would like her married, so he is willing to giver her a trip as a married woman, but unwilling to give her the trip single? That she should hit her Visa Card so that she can pay what has now become a funds matching proposition?

Dad clearly could afford it- he has already paid. He just has second thoughts about what he is getting for his money.

Guess everyone sees these things differently. I know I would likely have some not so warm fuzzies if this were me in daughter's shoes.

Ha
Well, it teaches her responsibility. Doug is NOT an Indian giver. He wanted to do something nice and give his DD and new SIL a nice honeymoon. Now that DD is not get married, why should she get a free ride with a female buddy to "forget all about Joe Schmoe". Like I said in an earlier posts, a good bottle of her favorite liquor and some close friends can do that much cheaper. Besides, it appears she takes money for granted, as she is broke, and seems to rely on dear old dad.

What DID Mrs. Doug say??
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Old 09-09-2008, 02:54 PM   #33
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Like I say, we all see these things differently. I am at the life stage where in relation to my adult children I consider myself a "terms taker", not a terms maker. I want them to be happy, and I want them to think well of me. The time to be teaching them lessons is over, except if it is the lesson that their old Dad is not incapable of learning, and that he puts feelings and solidarity above most anything else.

Look to the left at my avatar- does this man have soul?

Ha
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Old 09-09-2008, 03:29 PM   #34
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What if you flew back early and let her spend the second week in mexico with her Mom . She could probably use some extra mothering right now .
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Old 09-09-2008, 03:41 PM   #35
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As interesting as the back-and-forth on the honeymoon trip is, I think what we are really interested in is the details of the broken engagement. Please, won't you support local rubbernecking?
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Old 09-10-2008, 05:06 AM   #36
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I offered her to take the week with a girlfriend if they paid me one half of my cost ($2,800).
I don't get why the GF couldn't/shouldn't have paid her half of the costs.. While you may have still offered the trip to DD, I don't see why you'd be obliged to pay for her friend.

I like Moemg's suggestion. Sounds like you have already made your decision, though.
I agree with haha that neither outcome really "teaches" anything.. kind of a no-win situation and I'm sorry you all have to go through this turbulent episode. I hope you can enjoy your vacation nonetheless.. I might have just cancelled the whole thing or perhaps rescheduled to some future date. For me there might just be too much of a pall over the whole deal and I wouldn't want to be in your position of having to evaluate money vs. family solidarity. Best wishes, though.. and I hope she is able to put the breakup behind her quickly.
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A little more info...
Old 09-10-2008, 08:17 AM   #37
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A little more info...

1. I didn't really get a detailed explanation of the breakup. Maybe I'll get a better view of DD's side of the incidents/breakup with time.

2. "Mom" couldn't just stay with DD in Mecico because DD's "mom" and I divorced over 20 years ago. DD's mom wasn't kicking in much to the wedding, nor were financee's parents, so the burden fell to me and the couple. I commited $14,000 or so to the wedding and honeymoon. Note, I have already spent $80,000 or so over the past seven years getting DD through college, she's an RN, and going in post-college life. I have a DS still at Michigan State, and he will ultimitaly cost me about the same amount. Je suis povre; Yo soy pobre; I am poor!

3. My DW and I will take our much deserved vacation in Mexico in just over two weeks, olé!
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Old 09-14-2008, 10:24 AM   #38
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You realize, that they are going to get back together and want a new wedding/honeymoon, right?
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