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Old 04-09-2012, 08:01 PM   #21
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I think it is rare that people who say things like that are called on them.
I only can remember one occasion where I actually confronted a girl who trash-talked me, and it was very effective at stopping the behavior. She didn't expect what she said to get back to me, and her shock at my confronting her was all we needed to nip the situation in the bud.
If it should happen again, I think the direct stare and the "you are clearly mistaken" said in the proper tone would be my best suggestion.
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Old 04-10-2012, 05:39 AM   #22
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Best answer in many cases is a surprised look and "Do you actually believe that?"

Surprising how often it wrong-foots the original commenter. No further response is needed.
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Old 04-10-2012, 09:25 AM   #23
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My mainstay was to lock onto their eyes with mine and just hold it for 15 seconds. But I got off a good response just once.

I had a co-equal team leader named Jeff who loved to make the ultimate putdown. He would choose the exact moment and evidently he practised his delivery. One day he came by a meeting room where I was getting status update from about 4 of my folks. He said "Tom, I heard the boss really ripped into you..." and I cut him off with "Jeff, sorry to cut you short but is their some point you wanted to make about that, if so we can chat about that in the bosses office later, I need to finish the meeting."

His face could have seared a ribeye.
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Old 04-10-2012, 09:29 AM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Amethyst View Post
Recently, someone made a mean crack to me in others' hearing. I won't go into what the crack was, except that it was an inaccurate inference about my apparent financial status, and the supposed reason for it. (And no, it wasn't "you slept your way to the job.")

I was shocked and about all I could think of to say was, "You're wrong about that." This seemed inadequate, so I said nothing. [Added edit: To really respond, I would have had to go into personal things that were nobody's business]. Did I "lose"? Would the other people assume the commenter was "on to something there"?
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You did the best you could being caught off-guard...... I have been in a couple circumstances, and I say the same thing:

"I am sorry you feel that way. We all have bad days, some of us handle them better than others", and then walk away.........
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Old 04-10-2012, 09:46 AM   #25
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Getting sucked into an argument with an idiot is not the way to go IMO. On the other hand, if the other person has character and credibility, no harm in pointing out their false assumption, as that type of person is likely to accept they could be wrong or misinformed.
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Old 04-10-2012, 09:50 AM   #26
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"If you don't respond to a rude comment, does the commenter "win"?"

I've had this happen on this, and other "social" forums. Basically, I'm not out to "win" any argument, or discussion.

If a poster "offends" me twice, I simply put them on my ignore list (and yes, there are a few - not many, on this forum).

Some folks like to argue for the sake of arguing; other's just to "get your goat".

I don't have time for those games. Thank goodness for the ignore option...
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Old 04-10-2012, 10:13 AM   #27
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Like my old granpappy used to say "When you wrestle with a pig, you get dirty and the pig has fun."
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Old 04-10-2012, 10:18 AM   #28
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I'm usually slow in witty retorts, so shocked silence works naturally for me. But if the person does it repeatedly, then shocked silence cannot work. I used to have a boss who is really obnoxiously rude to all her staff (including me) in public and for some time, my reaction was shocked silence or some weak response. When I realised that this does not shut her up and only encourages her to be brash and rude, I mostly ignore her. I realised that by ignoring her, she feels alienated and tries to seek me out to be on friendlier terms. I did not understand what happened but eventually she became more respectful. In any case, I'm glad I moved to another firm. I felt like I was dealing with a messed up person.
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Old 04-10-2012, 12:33 PM   #29
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Yes Moscyn, a person has to be messed up inside to bully others. Those kinds of people enjoy pulling the wings off flies...
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Old 04-10-2012, 01:05 PM   #30
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My usual response is a cocked eyebrow/oh really expression, followed by silence with a withering glare as I look down on them (I am 6 ft 6in). I am told it is highly effective. I've also been known to say something along the lines of "When I want your opinion I'll give it to you."
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Old 04-10-2012, 01:22 PM   #31
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A truly humorous response is the most effective solution. I envy those who can pull it off. Confronting the offender, publicly or privately is useful. Sometimes people are not cognizant of what their words are doing or what the response will mean to them. Engage brain, open mouth.
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Old 04-10-2012, 01:54 PM   #32
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zero
My mainstay was to lock onto their eyes with mine and just hold it for 15 seconds. But I got off a good response just once.

I had a co-equal team leader named Jeff who loved to make the ultimate putdown. He would choose the exact moment and evidently he practised his delivery. One day he came by a meeting room where I was getting status update from about 4 of my folks. He said "Tom, I heard the boss really ripped into you..." and I cut him off with "Jeff, sorry to cut you short but is their some point you wanted to make about that, if so we can chat about that in the bosses office later, I need to finish the meeting."

His face could have seared a ribeye.
I had a former co-worker who was always shooting his mouth off and making snide remarks to myself and others. One day he stepped over the line when he came into my office and started his trash. I was extremely busy crunchy numbers and filing reports with a state regulatory agency, and I asked him to leave. He continued on, and I told him to leave. He still persisted, I stopped what I was doing, I got up, clasped my hands behind me (to keep his face from beating up my fist), and proceeded to read him the riot act not letting him get a word in edgewise.

He was infuriated, and said he was going to complain to the boss about how I launched on him! He turned around and started stomping down the hallway. When he reached the end, instead of turning right to go to the boss's office, he turner left toward the break room. I followed along, and explained in no uncertain terms that the boss's office was the other direction! So he turned around and went in the boss's office and slammed the door behind him.

He explained (from his twisted viewpoint) what had transpired, and demanded that the boss take action against me. Unbeknownst to him, the boss had heard every word of what had actually happened, and said he'd 'handle the matter'. Then he reprimanded the guy for slamming his door....he hates door slammers!

The boss 'handled the matter' by coming back to my office, closing the door, slapping me on the back, and saying "Damn! You were great!!". We sat and chewed the fat for about 5 minutes....about everything EXCEPT what happened. All the while the idiot that started it all figured I was getting a good butt chewing. As the boss got up to leave, he opened the door and said, as straight-faced as he could, "Now remember what I said! Got it?" The idiot never figured out that the boss actually never did a thing about "the matter". However, he also never started any more trash with me!
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Old 04-12-2012, 05:30 AM   #33
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It depends. If the joke is about me, I forget (with time). If someone makes a mean crack / rude comment about any patient or about patient care in a professional environment, I become ruthless.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Amethyst View Post
Recently, someone made a mean crack to me in others' hearing. (...)Did I "lose"? Would the other people assume the commenter was "on to something there"?

Amethyst
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