Join Early Retirement Today
Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 05-21-2008, 10:50 AM   #21
Moderator Emeritus
Nords's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Oahu
Posts: 26,620
Quote:
Originally Posted by TromboneAl View Post
Oldbabe, congrats on taking this step. Maybe someone from this forum...
Nords is actually is 350-pound teenage Muslim from Korea.
Let me revise my previous post to read: "Except for TromboneAl. With Al, what you see is what you get."
__________________

__________________
*
*

The book written on E-R.org, "The Military Guide to Financial Independence and Retirement", on sale now! For more info see "About Me" in my profile.
I don't spend much time here anymore, so please send me a PM. Thanks.
Nords is offline   Reply With Quote
Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that Early-Retirement.org is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Old 05-21-2008, 11:12 AM   #22
Moderator
Sarah in SC's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Charleston, SC
Posts: 13,457
I have two friends that had a lifetime history of dating losers find their husbands on Match.com. Yup, they got losers who wouldn't keep a job. I can't really blame Match.com for that, though. In my hometown, I think there are a lot of players on there. Trust your gut, and if it gets serious, for god's sake please get a trusted girlfriend to give you her honest opinion on the guy--and then listen to her! Been there, done that!
__________________

__________________
“One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it's worth watching.”
Gerard Arthur Way

Sarah in SC is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-21-2008, 11:15 AM   #23
Administrator
W2R's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New Orleans
Posts: 38,952
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oldbabe View Post
After four years of singlehood I am dipping my feet into the dating pool. I have dipped my toes in before but the water was much too cold for my comfort level at the time. Anyway, I have signed up on Match.com and have made contact with a really great man whom I would like to get to know.
Good for you to take that first step back into dating! It's hard, I know. I met Frank on an internet dating site, but hardly regard myself as an expert in internet dating.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Oldbabe View Post
If you have experience with Internet dating would you please help me out here.
I don't know how much information to supply at the beginning of communication. What do men want to know about women that they might like to date?
Different men are different and want to know different things, so I have no idea. I think most of them don't know any more about internet dating than we do.

I think the usual practice is to not reveal information that will identify you until you get to know him and decide he's not a nut case. He can wait for your address and phone number, until you've decided that you want him to be calling you and coming to your door.

When Frank e-mailed me and wanted to meet, I suggested a Denny's because the parking lot was well lighted and it was in a busy location so it seemed safe. I wasn't sure about Frank after meeting him once, so we met there several times. Then I decided he was pretty nice and the rest is history.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Oldbabe View Post
Do you think it's ok these days if I ask HIM out for coffee? (Yes, I am a total newbie at this. I was married for 24 years!)

Any advice appreciated.
Probably it is, though I have never done that. Like you, I am not totally used to 21st century dating practices! Frank wasn't either, though so it has worked out.

The most important advice is safety. I think most guys understand if you want to play it safe and would kind of wonder if you didn't. So, I'd suggest meeting in a safe place and taking things slowly.

Another bit of advice is to date several people. If you don't meet "Mr. Right" at first, you will eventually. All in all, I think Frank and I have a lot more in common in our backgrounds and in our life experiences than I would have thought possible from internet dating. Good luck, and above all, have fun!
__________________
Already we are boldly launched upon the deep; but soon we shall be lost in its unshored, harbourless immensities.

- - H. Melville, 1851
W2R is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 05-21-2008, 11:21 AM   #24
Administrator
W2R's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New Orleans
Posts: 38,952
Quote:
Originally Posted by maddythebeagle View Post
Was it Want2retire that posted recently that there was a lot of married guys on these things Good luck and post back what you find
Yes, I thought there were more than I might have expected. It's pretty easy to weed them out, though, if a person is aware that some of these guys are married.
__________________
Already we are boldly launched upon the deep; but soon we shall be lost in its unshored, harbourless immensities.

- - H. Melville, 1851
W2R is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 05-21-2008, 11:21 AM   #25
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 2,426
My divorced sister met a man from a local singles message board. They dated about 6 months and got married in Aug 1998. She was really struggling on her own and he is very stable and secure, so this worked out very well for her. He's crazy about her because he had been very stagnant in his life and needed a lively partner.

Good match and they will have their 10th anniversary this summer!
__________________
Sue J is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 05-21-2008, 11:23 AM   #26
Administrator
W2R's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New Orleans
Posts: 38,952
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nords View Post
Let me revise my previous post to read: "Except for TromboneAl. With Al, what you see is what you get."
Bloody feet? Oh good.
__________________
Already we are boldly launched upon the deep; but soon we shall be lost in its unshored, harbourless immensities.

- - H. Melville, 1851
W2R is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 05-21-2008, 11:28 AM   #27
Full time employment: Posting here.
Kronk's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Philly 'burbs
Posts: 547
I'm fairly surprised by the sheer number of people finding their significant other over the internet. I suppose the percentage of couples meeting this way will continue to increase over time.

I met DW in college, so never had to go through that.
__________________
Kronk is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-21-2008, 11:46 AM   #28
Administrator
W2R's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New Orleans
Posts: 38,952
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kronk View Post
I'm fairly surprised by the sheer number of people finding their significant other over the internet. I suppose the percentage of couples meeting this way will continue to increase over time.

I met DW in college, so never had to go through that.
Before I met Frank, I have to admit the internet sure seemed more apropos than church groups or singles bars for a teetotaling agnostic like me!
__________________
Already we are boldly launched upon the deep; but soon we shall be lost in its unshored, harbourless immensities.

- - H. Melville, 1851
W2R is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 05-21-2008, 11:54 AM   #29
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 13,296
Quote:
Originally Posted by cantlogin View Post
On a slight tangent for LBYM types, there is an entirely free dating site at:

http://www.plentyoffish.com/

Does anyone have experience with it?

LOL.. that is where I met the witch (I mean a real one... not how she acted)... lucky for me we only were writing to each other for a month or two...

But otherwise, I think it is a good site... but like many... the ratio of men to women is high... and women get a lot of trolls (searching for the one night stand and such) from what I see in their profiles..
__________________
Texas Proud is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 05-21-2008, 12:01 PM   #30
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 398
I have a good deal of experience with internet dating, including match.com (although I haven't participated in several years). I found match.com to be a good site. My suggestions are ...

In your profile, avoid having a shopping list of what you're looking for in a man (unless you really do have a shopping list). Don't describe "your ideal man." Such a man doesn't exist. I found that most women on match.com were excessively picky. One woman wanted a man whose name started with a T. This is a turnoff. Even if I satisfied their criteria, I wouldn't respond to such women. I'm not interested in demanding women whose needs can never be met. Yes, discuss your 2-4 deal breakers, but beyond that, focus on yourself.

Also, give some specifics. A man has the opportunity to read 100's of profiles. What specifics might interest him in you (do you like animals, do you like hiking, etc). A picture(s) is worth a thousand words. Have at least one picture of you smiling. My tendency was to focus on pictures that showed women doing things that they enjoyed, such as outdoor activities, or pictures of them with their pets.

Personally, I was interested in as much information as possible about a woman from her profile and initial emails. I wanted to know what she did for a living, her interests, etc. More importantly, I wanted to get a feeling about who she was as a person. Was she a big hearted woman who cared about others, or was she a control freak with a shopping list.

I usually waited for women to initiate contact with me. I'd get about 1 response a month, which was the right "pace." If you see a man you like, don't hesitate to initiate contact. He will be flattered.

If you initiate contact, don't simply say, "I read your profile and think we have a lot in common." Give specifics about what you like about him and/or why you think there could be a match.

If he initiates contact with you, ask yourself if he mentioned anything about your profile. Is he interested in you, or is he using the shotgun approach by emailing 50 women based only on their pictures.

If he initiates contact with you and you're not interested, respond back with a polite email saying that you don't believe the two of you are a match. He will be grateful that you took the time to respond (as opposed to ignoring him).

In email, ask questions. On the phone, ask questions. Personally, I'm not good on the phone and often need a written list of things or questions to talk about. I'm impressed with women who do the same (that is, women who don't expect me to be responsible for 100% of the conversation).

This is important. Meet sooner rather than later. If possible, avoid an "email relationship." It's easy to get an incorrect mental picture of someone through lots of email and phone exchanges, only to have your expectations challenged when you finally meet. There is nothing like a face-to-face encounter.

By all means, ask him out. Most men will be flattered. Most men will be attracted to your initiative.

The "coffee date" works well, as do other simple encounters. However, there is no need to be ultra-cautious. Rely on your instincts and best judgment.

Personally, I'm attracted to women who take "equal responsibility" when it comes to dating. That is, women who do not expect me to do all the work (drive to their house or near where they live, pay for the date, etc). I realize that first dates can be awkward due to social customs (e.g., should a woman offer to pay, etc), but men don't want to be treated like chumps, either. Men respond positively to *fairness*. I find that the most feminine women are those who demonstrate that they can take care of themselves.

Although they come in all sizes, men tend to enjoy physical activities. Keep this in mind when suggesting a 2nd or 3rd date. Also, many men enjoying talking about finances and money, but don't give the impression that you're interested in his money.
__________________
Shawn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-21-2008, 12:05 PM   #31
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 13,296
Just to let it all hang out... I even tried one of those 5 minute or 10 minute mass dates you see on TV....

I met a couple of prospect there... but only one put me down... a couple of phone calls and then a date... well, not for each other.... continue looking....

I only did this one time... so I do not know if it is successful or not..

Again... for me it was trying to find the right one... and I wanted to have as many possibilites as I could get.... so online dating gave me many.. I can not stand the bar scene (and am not a stud, so it didn't work out anyhow )....
__________________
Texas Proud is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 05-21-2008, 12:07 PM   #32
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 2,049
Besides meeting in a busy place, make sure it's short. Tell him you have an hour for coffee or lunch. This will allow an easy out if he turns out to be a mouth breather.
__________________
eridanus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-21-2008, 12:13 PM   #33
Moderator Emeritus
CuppaJoe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: At The Cafe
Posts: 6,866
Sad and wonderful that so many people meet this way: SO's niece worked on one the those matchmaker sites when it was a startup; she seems to have retired very very early and very well, met her DH through his brother-in-law; they now have a very nice house near their "boat," and have two young children.

I would add, if you go the coffee shop route, choose a place you don't usually frequent, in a different neighborhood.

Good luck, Old Babe.
__________________
CuppaJoe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-21-2008, 12:22 PM   #34
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
HFWR's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Lawn chair in Texas
Posts: 12,964
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nords View Post
Let me revise my previous post to read: "Except for TromboneAl. With Al, what you see is what you get."
A trombone?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kronk View Post
I'm fairly surprised by the sheer number of people finding their significant other over the internet. I suppose the percentage of couples meeting this way will continue to increase over time.

I met DW in college, so never had to go through that.
I met a few insignificant others on match; guess I didn't hear from the ones who felt that way about me...
__________________
Have Funds, Will Retire

...not doing anything of true substance...
HFWR is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-21-2008, 12:27 PM   #35
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 4,898
Wow, I'm really impressed by all the response! Thanks to all for the encouragement. I guess you all realize how unnerving this dating thing can be for an "oldbabe."

I will certainly keep in mind all your admonitions. Shawn, thank you so much for all the information. Very helpful.

TromboneAl, thanks for the congrats.

Texas Proud, how funny that your date turned out to be a "wiccan"!

Want2Retire, thanks for offering your personal experiences too.

I'm a little concerned about revealing information about myself and the suggestion to get a throwaway phone is an interesting one. Wouldn't using the "private" feature on my phone work to keep my number private?

I'm not one of those women with a "shopping list" but there are a few deal breakers. Since I'm on this forum it's no surprise that one of them is financial responsibility. I wonder if I should mention that in my profile? How about if I write, "I value financial responsibility and hope that my partner will be prepared for retirement, as I am."
__________________
Zoocat is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-21-2008, 01:06 PM   #36
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
calmloki's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Independence
Posts: 5,460
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oldbabe View Post
... there are a few deal breakers. Since I'm on this forum it's no surprise that one of them is financial responsibility. I wonder if I should mention that in my profile? How about if I write, "I value financial responsibility and hope that my partner will be prepared for retirement, as I am."
Think that would make you stand out from the crowd. A bit different than the "22, hot bod, three lovely kids 2-5, looking for stable older wallet, er,...". Guys don't like being used, probably almost as much as women.
__________________
calmloki is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 05-21-2008, 01:23 PM   #37
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
jIMOh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Milford, OH
Posts: 2,085
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oldbabe View Post
Wow, I'm really impressed by all the response! Thanks to all for the encouragement. I guess you all realize how unnerving this dating thing can be for an "oldbabe."

I will certainly keep in mind all your admonitions. Shawn, thank you so much for all the information. Very helpful.

TromboneAl, thanks for the congrats.

Texas Proud, how funny that your date turned out to be a "wiccan"!

Want2Retire, thanks for offering your personal experiences too.

I'm a little concerned about revealing information about myself and the suggestion to get a throwaway phone is an interesting one. Wouldn't using the "private" feature on my phone work to keep my number private?

I'm not one of those women with a "shopping list" but there are a few deal breakers. Since I'm on this forum it's no surprise that one of them is financial responsibility. I wonder if I should mention that in my profile? How about if I write, "I value financial responsibility and hope that my partner will be prepared for retirement, as I am."
How about I value personal responsibility- the type which makes a person polite, spend money wisely, and treat others with respect.

I would watch out using the work financial- that might appear to make you a gold digger or similar.
__________________
Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. One person's stupidity is another person's job security.
jIMOh is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-21-2008, 01:27 PM   #38
Moderator
Walt34's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Eastern WV Panhandle
Posts: 16,583
Quote:
Originally Posted by REWahoo View Post
You're wrong Al. She's 250, tops...
Quote:
Originally Posted by TromboneAl View Post
Oldbabe, congrats on taking this step. Maybe someone from this forum...



Nords is actually is 350-pound teenage Muslim from Korea.
Man, you guys are harsh.

This tells me she's not an ounce over 110, and I've never seen her.
__________________
I heard the call to do nothing. So I answered it.
Walt34 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 05-21-2008, 01:36 PM   #39
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 4,898
Quote:
Originally Posted by Walt34 View Post
Man, you guys are harsh.

This tells me she's not an ounce over 110, and I've never seen her.
Ah, I'm pretty sure that REWahoo's joke was referring to Nords and "she" is a "he" as far as I know. If I'm wrong, Nords, please correct me.
__________________
Zoocat is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-21-2008, 01:38 PM   #40
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 4,898
Quote:
Originally Posted by jIMOh View Post
How about I value personal responsibility- the type which makes a person polite, spend money wisely, and treat others with respect.

I would watch out using the work financial- that might appear to make you a gold digger or similar.
That's what I was wondering, if using the word "financial" might set off some alarms. But I think I have it covered if I add the phrase "financially responsible, as I am." Don't you think that indicates that I take responsibiity for my own financial life?
__________________

__________________
Zoocat is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Internet help needed Dawg52 Other topics 32 01-26-2009 04:38 PM
Int'l Phone cards over the internet? Advise Needed dex Travel Information 12 08-06-2008 04:08 AM
Advice wanted rw86347 Life after FIRE 6 06-02-2006 07:46 AM
Delurk and advice opinions wanted elb Young Dreamers 16 11-01-2004 07:21 PM
Attention Landlords - advice wanted trumpeting_angel FIRE and Money 21 08-31-2004 06:57 AM

 

 
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 04:38 PM.
 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.