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Old 05-21-2008, 01:53 PM   #41
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Ah, I'm pretty sure that REWahoo's joke was referring to Nords and "she" is a "he" as far as I know. If I'm wrong, Nords, please correct me.
These off-topic comments have become way too much of a metaphor for your new dating experiences fun for me to drag out the gender facts now! I'll leave that to UncleMick and Khan.

I think most guys would agree that financially-responsible chicks are way hot, but those same guys might pehaps be a bit gunshy of the retirement comment. I'm not sure that you'd want to broadcast to a dating website that you're financially ready to retire, either. His-and-hers finances may be yet another topic best reserved for the third date...

Slate had an interesting article about dating websites. The author was just happily married to a guy she'd run into at a party. (Friends of friends, no setup.) Between them they'd belonged to a number of different dating websites, none of them overlapped, and neither of them would have given a second glance at the other's profile. The Internet would not have brought them together, but their first five-minute face-to-face conversation made all the difference.

On the other hand, here's hoping that all your upcoming experiences have less drama than our 15-year-old is seeing at her high school. It's given me many valuable opportunities to expand on the theme of "Q: What are guys thinking?!? A: They're not."
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Old 05-21-2008, 01:58 PM   #42
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An alternative is asking open ended questions about the areas that are important to you. So instead of "At what age prior to 65 do you plan to retire?" you might ask him his general philosophy on spending for today vs. saving for tomorrow, and if you get a suitable answer follow up with what he thinks of active versus passive investing or asset allocations or whatever.

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Old 05-21-2008, 01:59 PM   #43
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Congratulations on wanting to dip your toes into the dating pool.....I have tried match, yahoo, and plentyoffish.....strange experiences with all of them. It might also be the age pool that I am looking in 35-40, but these little boys still haven't got their act together.
All of my dates could not understand why I don't drink, not even one! they could not get over my liberal views, and one of them wanted to tie me up later (s&m freak).

But I wish you much luck!
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Old 05-21-2008, 02:01 PM   #44
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That's what I was wondering, if using the word "financial" might set off some alarms. But I think I have it covered if I add the phrase "financially responsible, as I am." Don't you think that indicates that I take responsibiity for my own financial life?
You don't want to tell someone you are prepared for retirement.... that tells more about you than you should give... and might attract someone who wants YOUR money... I have read many with 'financial stable' or something to that effect (not a loser who can not keep a job... not someone living with MOM, not someone who hasn't made a payment on time in 20 years)...

As for your phone... that is if YOU are the one who calls... the guy will want your number as well... so a throw away is good...

BTW... you can buy a phone for $10 to $20 at Virgin and get that much air time (man, I should get a percentage on this)... I had my sister get one when she put her boat up for sale... worth not having your phone number on an ad everyone can see...even the Nigerians with millions if you would only let them use your account...
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Old 05-21-2008, 02:02 PM   #45
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I'm still flabbergasted by a comment a former colleague of mine when she informed me that several men had approached her informing her that they wanted to divorce their wives and run off with her and would that interest her. Granted, she's an extraordinary lady in many ways, but still...

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Old 05-21-2008, 02:02 PM   #46
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Citrine, I don't know how mature they might be, but the Asheville boys in your/my age range will probably be more liberal, delighted that you are straight, and I'd wager that some don't drink (but may smoke). I don't know about any fetishists, but you might get lucky!
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Old 05-21-2008, 02:14 PM   #47
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I personally know three people who hooked up and hitched up on Eharmony.com. Before dating anyone I'd look up the public court dockets online and put their name in. That way you have a chance of determining if they're loser material. Good luck and have fun!
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Old 05-21-2008, 02:47 PM   #48
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That's what I was wondering, if using the word "financial" might set off some alarms. But I think I have it covered if I add the phrase "financially responsible, as I am." Don't you think that indicates that I take responsibiity for my own financial life?
I think if I saw financially responsible, I would think "gold digger" as often as I would think "saver".

I think hinting at issue indirectly (spend wisely) is better. Because this would trigger questions to me, which would trigger learning, and that is the whole point- learn about each other.
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Old 05-21-2008, 03:04 PM   #49
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Ok, out goes the "financially responsible" phrase. That issue can come up later. Thanks, guys.
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Old 05-21-2008, 03:07 PM   #50
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I don't know how much information to supply at the beginning of communication. What do men want to know about women that they might like to date?
This may have been covered elsewhere in this long thread, but I would at least consider reframing the issue from "What do men want to know?" to "What do I want a particular sort of man to think and more importantly feel when he reads my ad?"

You will at least temporarily be a product. Think of managing that product's image.

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Old 05-21-2008, 03:32 PM   #51
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To me, the "financially responsible" phrase would be reassuring. It says I have control over my finances, am not a spendthrift, LBMM, etc. I'd like it even better if I saw "financially comfortable and responsible."
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Old 05-21-2008, 04:11 PM   #52
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such fuss over finance. one of the things i like about gay online ads is that we get sexual compatibility issues resolved pronto. if it is not going to work in bed then chances are, at best, we can be friends but not lovers. best to face that upfront. of course you could partner if both parties are not very sexually active, or if monogamy is not an issue. but if there are trust issues, or sexual feelings are unrequited, you might as well kiss that relationship goodbye before you offer it a handshake hello.

it's not like we are in our 20s and experimenting to find ourselves. we pretty much know what we like and don't like by now.

while i tend to be rather practical about my love nature, i do realize that most would consider it unladylike to state in your ad your sexual preferences (it's not just a str8 or gay thing, there's actually lots of variety within each catagory), but lets face it, that sure would save a buck or two on coffee.

yet most str8 ads i've read tend to avoid such intimate detail. i wonder if that accounts for the high divorce rate. for me, more important than bank is bed. why bother to physically make contact with someone & invest all that time & emotion & effort to create an eventually physically intimate relationship if there will then be only incompatiblity in the most intimate of physical spaces.

not that i've ever had to settle at all, as i've lucked out and had relationships with the most amazing guys (in & out of bed), but if i did have to settle on someone i'm bringing into bed, in the bed would not be where i'd compromise.

a handshake or a peck on the cheek is for a good & loyal friend but a kiss is reserved for passion.
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Old 05-21-2008, 04:11 PM   #53
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To me, the "financially responsible" phrase would be reassuring. It says I have control over my finances, am not a spendthrift, LBMM, etc. I'd like it even better if I saw "financially comfortable and responsible."
Sure. This would also be good news for any con men or even burglers who just might troll the ads.

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Old 05-21-2008, 04:11 PM   #54
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This is a great topic for me as I was thinking about trying the internet dating thing and posting a profile to get others advise on writing it.

I wonder how being 53, retired and all the traveling I do would be viewed by women?

It is very encouraging that people have found their significant other with internet dating.
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Old 05-21-2008, 04:17 PM   #55
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All of my dates could not understand why I don't drink, not even one! they could not get over my liberal views, and one of them wanted to tie me up later (s&m freak).
Hey, I am agnostic on drinking and liberalism- but tying you up sounds nice. And I've never even done it before! We could use black silk stockings, or maybe even a nice sari?

Ha
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Old 05-21-2008, 04:25 PM   #56
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I've met a number of this board's posters and the reality never matches the image you've built from reading their posts.

(However I'm also really glad that I've met each & every one of you guys!)
I have met two women from this board, not for romance but for fun and conversation. Both are outtasight, and even better than what I expected.

High class mamas around here.

ha
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Old 05-21-2008, 05:16 PM   #57
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such fuss over finance. one of the things i like about gay online ads is that we get sexual compatibility issues resolved pronto.
yet most str8 ads i've read tend to avoid such intimate detail. i wonder if that accounts for the high divorce rate. for me, more important than bank is bed. why bother to physically make contact with someone & invest all that time & emotion & effort to create an eventually physically intimate relationship if there will then be only incompatiblity in the most intimate of physical spaces.
.
Lazy, I think we're looking at this from completely different perspectives, i.e. male vs female. Making person to person contact, with face to face conversation, is really the only way that I could tell for certain if I'd want to have anything sexual to do with a man. It's not a matter of knowing what sort of sexual mechanics a person prefers. Women are emotional creatures. Men, as I understand them, rely on their visual perceptions and the picture is the big ticket. Too bad because pictures lie and a person, in the flesh, is often much more attractive than a picture can portray.

Also, about the high divorce rate -- I have my opinions but I'd have to start another thread.
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Old 05-21-2008, 05:27 PM   #58
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I'm not one of those women with a "shopping list" but there are a few deal breakers. Since I'm on this forum it's no surprise that one of them is financial responsibility. I wonder if I should mention that in my profile? How about if I write, "I value financial responsibility and hope that my partner will be prepared for retirement, as I am."
I like how you phrase this, and would keep it in (not remove it as you suggest in a later post). The "as I am" indicates that this is the way you are, and hence it is perfectly reasonable to expect the same from a potential partner. I think the statement clearly implies independence, and not "gold-digging". This comes across positive to me.
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Old 05-21-2008, 05:40 PM   #59
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I wonder how being 53, retired and all the traveling I do would be viewed by women?
Very desirable.
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Old 05-21-2008, 05:43 PM   #60
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Hey, I am agnostic on drinking and liberalism- but tying you up sounds nice. And I've never even done it before! We could use black silk stockings, or maybe even a nice sari?

Ha
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