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Old 05-21-2008, 05:45 PM   #61
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Very desirable.
Ditto.
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Old 05-21-2008, 05:48 PM   #62
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I didn't read thru the thread due to time constraints right now, but I have done this once. LOTS of players out there. LOTS, so be on your toes for the creepy married guys pretending to be single, the guys looking for someone to support them and the guys pining over their dead wives who really just want a shoulder (and something else) to cry on. Those guys do alot of personals.
HOWEVER:
There were some wonderful, sincere guys I met the one time I did it, tho. And an amazing number of well educated, financially secure guys looking at the personals, also.
I had one guy who is a nationally known therapist who has written numerous books, one guy that is a writer and had a book on the NY Times Best Seller List for a year, an old Washington Senators baseball guy, etc. etc. And I just did this for like 6 weeks or less!
It just takes oodles of time to kiss all the frogs is all, and you will cull thru alot of toads before you find Mr. Adequate. Do NOT get discouraged as he IS out there. Be patient with your choosing someone and take your 'ole sweet time about it.
If I were looking for a sincere relationship instead of just looking for a fun relationship like before, I would take it very slow and really, really listen to my gut. It never steers you wrong.
Good luck! I'd love to know how lucky or unlucky you get ultimately. Some of us need hope!

P.S. You might talk with Want2retire as she met her beau, Frank, thru the personals. So, it does work at times...and sticks. All the best!
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Old 05-21-2008, 06:01 PM   #63
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Missoula gender persona, bib overalls, old pickup, old smelly golden retiever and every intention of staying single - I lasted a tad over a year. Never made it as far as the internet.

heh heh heh - The New Orleans lady at one of my 1970's/1980's watering holes sold the bar to her granddaughter and retired. Somehow I showed up on the target radar. .

I.E. Sometimes you are got before you know yer got.
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Old 05-21-2008, 06:01 PM   #64
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Lazy, I think we're looking at this from completely different perspectives, i.e. male vs female. Making person to person contact, with face to face conversation, is really the only way that I could tell for certain if I'd want to have anything sexual to do with a man. It's not a matter of knowing what sort of sexual mechanics a person prefers. Women are emotional creatures. Men, as I understand them, rely on their visual perceptions and the picture is the big ticket. Too bad because pictures lie and a person, in the flesh, is often much more attractive than a picture can portray.
in other words, if someone described themselves in an online ad as having one eye on their forehead while the other eye has dropped down to their chin. their left ear is cauliflowered and their right ear has a hand growing out of it, their nostrils constantly dripping, you would require meeting in person to know if there was any sexual attraction.

apparently you missed my frog thread. even the miracle of birth is not so pretty. regardless of how much you emotionally love that baby popping out of there, it's membrane, it's blood, it's gross.

sexual attraction is not just physical, not just emotional. not just intellectual. it is passion; it is animal. my best friend had both men & women swooning over him and he was quite actually a hollywood heart-throb for many years of his prime. but that didn't do anything sexually for me and so we became not partners but best friends.

sight attracts but does not seal the deal. nor do emotions equate sexual satisfaction.

i do agree however that often people are more attractive in person than they are in photos. not everyone is quite so photogenic. i would remind, however, that just like photos can lie, so can a person, in person and often just as easily as they do online, especially when they themselves have been fooled by their own self-deception.
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Old 05-21-2008, 06:09 PM   #65
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Missoula gender persona, bib overalls, old pickup, old smelly golden retiever and every intention of staying single - I lasted a tad over a year. Never made it as far as the internet.

heh heh heh - The New Orleans lady at one of my 1970's/1980's watering holes sold the bar to her granddaughter and retired. Somehow I showed up on the target radar. .

I.E. Sometimes you are got before you know yer got.
So, are congratulations in order?
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Old 05-21-2008, 06:21 PM   #66
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So, are congratulations in order?
Nah - we are just shacked up like my previous SO - which probably won't be 29 yrs this time - still betting on 84.6 not 93.

heh heh heh -
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Old 05-21-2008, 06:30 PM   #67
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Just to throw in another angle. I was single 'till past 50, then was "got", to steal unclemick's line.
For the first 30 yrs or so, the very things that women found attractive about me, were the same things they ultimately came to resent (putting it mildly), and attempted to change.
. i.e. lots of travel to interesting, fascinatingly rugged and dangerous places, work that was well off the beaten path, highly independent, and so forth.
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Old 05-21-2008, 07:23 PM   #68
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in other words, if someone described themselves in an online ad as having one eye on their forehead while the other eye has dropped down to their chin. their left ear is cauliflowered and their right ear has a hand growing out of it, their nostrils constantly dripping, you would require meeting in person to know if there was any sexual attraction.

apparently you missed my frog thread. even the miracle of birth is not so pretty. regardless of how much you emotionally love that baby popping out of there, it's membrane, it's blood, it's gross.

sexual attraction is not just physical, not just emotional. not just intellectual. it is passion; it is animal. my best friend had both men & women swooning over him and he was quite actually a hollywood heart-throb for many years of his prime. but that didn't do anything sexually for me and so we became not partners but best friends.

sight attracts but does not seal the deal. nor do emotions equate sexual satisfaction.

i do agree however that often people are more attractive in person than they are in photos. not everyone is quite so photogenic. i would remind, however, that just like photos can lie, so can a person, in person and often just as easily as they do online, especially when they themselves have been fooled by their own self-deception.
How could I argue with any of this? Kudos, Lazy, ya got it all figured out!
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Old 05-21-2008, 07:36 PM   #69
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Nah - we are just shacked up like my previous SO - which probably won't be 29 yrs this time - still betting on 84.6 not 93.

heh heh heh -
Well, shacking up is worthy of congratulations!
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Old 05-21-2008, 07:40 PM   #70
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heh heh heh - The New Orleans lady at one of my 1970's/1980's watering holes sold the bar to her granddaughter and retired. Somehow I showed up on the target radar.
Let me guess - she's a widow - originally from Norway...
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Old 05-21-2008, 07:59 PM   #71
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One of the major disadvantages of me retiring early and moving to Hawaii, is my opportunities for meeting woman my age, (I meet lots of sweet 70+ old woman) is really limited. I've been pretty happy with online dating services, although I have been procrastinating about getting serious about using them again. I've met 3 serious girlfriends online, even if they have not turned into THE ONE

I think Shawn's advice was excellent. I think match.com is the best primarily because its the biggest. I personally hated the heavily promoted eharmony, but I know enough people that really liked it, that it maybe worth a shot of you get fed up with match.com. Eharmony is significantly different than the other sites because they do the searching for you as advertised. The free ones (with possible exception of yahoo) are worth what you pay for them.

I like your phrasing for financial responsibility, and lets face it LBYM for most people means "Beyond" your means not below. It is deal breaker for me also.

My experience is that generally the woman that I've enjoyed email/flirting with online I like best when I meet them face to face. However, there have been plenty of counter example, girls I've spent two months emailing and then found zero chemistry after meeting, or the opposite; exchanged an email or two meet a couple of days later and we hit it off. Good writers, like yourself, who are comfortable discussing things with strangers over the Internet, have advantage compared to most people on the Internet. Your writing can create an aura of mystery/excitement which can help spark interest when you meet face to face. So don't be in a huge hurry to meet face to face. On the other hand waiting too long is a waste of time and can great false expectations.

This is a personal fetish of mine but I HATE MEETING FOR COFFEE. Partly cause I am not much of a coffee guy, I don't care for hanging at Starbucks. But primarily, I think it sends out the message, "I am kinda of interested in you but not enough to committed to wasting a whole hour or more getting to know you." Ask him to lunch, dinner, a walk, the zoo, or if you have a shared activity, e.g. art museums, tennis, spots teams, attending lecture at the university do one of those things.

Finally, the whole etiquette about who pays is ridiculously complicated. However, if a girl ask me out I expect her to at least offer to pay. (The only one I let pay was a doctor in mangement.)

Of course, if I was really good at this dating business, I'd have three 25 year olds like Hugh Hefner
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Old 05-21-2008, 08:10 PM   #72
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How could I argue with any of this? Kudos, Lazy, ya got it all figured out!
"sarcasm: the last refuge of modest and chaste-souled people when the privacy of their soul is coarsely and intrusively invaded"~~fyodor dostoyevsky

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"kneepads?"
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Old 05-21-2008, 09:39 PM   #73
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I'm not one of those women with a "shopping list" but there are a few deal breakers. Since I'm on this forum it's no surprise that one of them is financial responsibility. I wonder if I should mention that in my profile? How about if I write, "I value financial responsibility and hope that my partner will be prepared for retirement, as I am."
Personally, I don't think this would make you look like a gold digger, but it does concern me that some guys may come after YOU for your money.

I do think it is important to say something about your values, though, regarding money management. Maybe something like you like to enjoy life, but you don't feel it's necessary to keep up with the "Jones". And that you'd appreciate a man who is as fiscally responsible as you are.

But hey, I haven't been in the dating game for 17 years now, so take my advice with a grain of salt.
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Old 05-21-2008, 11:15 PM   #74
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If you want to know about the internet dating sites, ask over on infidelity.com. For the most part the forums are populated with people that were cheated on and are starting over. The age range is form the 20's to infinity. Both gay and straight participate and never have I seen anyone treat anyone else badly.

One thing they will tell you is that particular sites garner different clientel depending on the area. One might be good on the east coast and a flop out west, but generally the locale a site is popular in is much smaller than that. And the different sites operating in a particular locale attract a different sort of person on each one.

I put up one profile on the free site mentioned earlier. It is the popular one in my neighborhood. I was quite specific about me and what I desired to find. I only put the profile up because I was pissed about sitting home. The idea of actually meeting anyone was simply scary. I was 54 at the time.

I never initiated contact with anyone, but I had quite a few contact me. Most I ruled out simply because they wanted to go out for a drink, and I had stated I was not overly interested in drinking or nightlife. Others similarily ignored what I had put in my profile. However, one lady contacted me, and we ended up writing back and forth for months about a common interest.

When we met, there was little chemistry. We both thought the other was intimidating. We continued to communicate about our common interest and met again. We have been dating not quite 18 months. We are very different, but value what we have in common. Integrity, independence, responsibilty, intelligence and kindness can be quite attractive.

When I think of my future, I make no plans that do not allow for her in it. For example, I am putting this house on the market soon. Last weekend I spotted the place I have dreamed about for 40 years. I could buy it and be okay financially, but to do so would put her in a bind. It is too far from her work, and should we partner, she could not handle it should something happen to me. So, I am passing. Where this will end, I have no idea, but it was very good for me to meet this woman. Annnnd, I did it on the freebie site.

Goodluck to you.
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Old 05-22-2008, 07:50 AM   #75
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Well, shacking up is worthy of congratulations!
Yes, congrats, unclemick, on being got and on getting!

And to oldbabe and others seeking someone, may you find someone good enough--I mean, no one will be perfect--someone who will be a good fit for you. Hmmm, not very poetic but good fit is where it's at!
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Old 05-22-2008, 08:42 AM   #76
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"sarcasm: the last refuge of modest and chaste-souled people when the privacy of their soul is coarsely and intrusively invaded"~~fyodor dostoyevsky

"we all seek happiness, but turn our backs on it. we all wish to avoid misery, but race to collect its causes."~~shantideva's bodhisattvacharyavatara

"kneepads?"
"kinky!"~~dr. ruth
Touche
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Old 05-22-2008, 10:11 AM   #77
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I have only looked around at the dating sites and made a profile without a picture.

On yahoo I noticed that a lot of the profiles seemed phony.

I looked at plenty of fish and that site was just scary some of the profiles I read on there. Some of the women on there I think are really sick. Out of the dating sites that is one I would steer clear of.

I filled out a profile on e harmony that took forever and they rejected me! I think if you do not fit the norm you get thrown out. I don't smoke or drink so I guess there is no matches for me!

I could never understand why you would need someone else to tell you who to date anyway!

As far as asking a guy out goes I think that is great. I'm shy and like it when someone at least expresses interest if not just asks me out.

And as far as girls wanting a guy that is 6-2 goes I think 5-5-5-9 is the perfect height for getting girls. I'm a little over 6 foot and close to 6-2 in shoes and my 5-7 buddies did awesome with girls while my 6 foot buddies struggled to get a date.

I think I would have to know someone pretty well before they tied me up. And even then it would have to be just with something that you can easily get out of so you wouldn't be actually restrained. But at least if someone tells you that you know that they will likely want to play with you and that would make you way way happier than a bigger bank account and someone who has no interest in playing with you.

I'm surprised as how many are so concerned with the money end of things. If a lady was very materialistic or just blows money I would not want her. But I'm fine with someone who doesn't make a lot of money. And I for sure do not consider her a looser.

My main concern is having someone who is really loving and likes to spend time with me and play and is not malicious or crooked in any way. I really don't care about her money or job.

I don't drink or smoke so I don't like bars as you might have guessed so online is a much better place for me.

Although I always seemed to meet women at bars with no problem.

One other thing I like about dating online is you can weed out people that you know that it will not work with. Like at a bar you might have someone interested that just dose not take care of them self and there is no physical attraction at all. This can be really awkward in person and I will do nearly anything to not hurt someones feelings.


Also you might find someone attractive but they might have 5 kids with 4 different guys and you may not want to get involved with something like that. So you can weed some of that stuff out online.


Jim
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Old 05-22-2008, 10:44 AM   #78
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Summer2007/Jim, don't be offended by eHarmony rejecting you as they reject so many there are competitor's ads ridiculing them. I know of a couple people they rejected also I swim with.
eHarmony's owner is very closely connected to some really right-wing Christian church or cult. They look thru a very narrow perimeter to choose people to join their personals. This is all I know from the media, and you can probably dig out alot on them if you are interested at all.
Take it as a compliment that they rejected you. Frankly, you are surely lucky to have avoided this particular bullet.
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Old 05-22-2008, 10:56 AM   #79
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Although I have no personal experience with internet dating -- a very dear friend met her SO in what I thought was a inspired way.

She had tried out several of the internet dating sites without success before deciding to place a personal ad in the Harvard alumni magazine. As a PhD herself, she really wanted to find a man with a similar education so she headed her ad with "Looking for a Rocket Scientist", and that's exactly who she found....a terrific guy who was widowed for a year or so and just starting to re-enter the dating pool.

Watching them together, I can't imagine a better match!
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Old 05-22-2008, 11:25 AM   #80
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Personally, I don't think this would make you look like a gold digger, but it does concern me that some guys may come after YOU for your money.
My Mom made (what I consider to be) a huge mistake by telling some guy she met at a resort that she's loaded, practically on the first date. From that point on, his motives have got to be suspect, IMO. He ended up moving in with her last year, and started pressuring her to get married without a prenupt. Thankfully, my Mom has (1) insisted on a prenupt, and (2) insisted that he completely disclose his financial condition before any marriage takes place. His ardor for getting married has completely evaporated. They're still shacked up, though, and she still takes him on expensive vacations. I guess he's found his Sugar Mommy, but not in the circumstances that he had hoped. She's currently willing him her home upon her death (worth around $700k), but at least he's not getting the whole ball of wax.

Watch out - it's a jungle out there!
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