Join Early Retirement Today
Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 12-14-2015, 04:18 AM   #21
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Cocoa Beach
Posts: 406
Quote:
Originally Posted by jjquantz View Post
Any other introverts have successful party hosting strategies that they would like to share?

Not trying to be sarcastic here but this really doesn't make any sense to me. If a person was really an introvert type, why would they even want to host a party? Wouldn't it be hard enough to get them to go to a party, let alone hosting one of their own?
__________________

__________________
Lucantes is offline   Reply With Quote
Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that Early-Retirement.org is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Old 12-14-2015, 07:05 AM   #22
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 99
I absolutely despise going to parties and have learned over the years that a larger number of people than you'd expect ALSO despise going to them.

Parties are frequently painful for people. You're forced to make idle chit chat, when - let's face it - making idle chit chat is not high on anyone else's "must do" list, either.

I have a "holiday" (what we used to call CHRISTMAS back in the days or yore) work party to go to this week and am absolutely dreading it. I'm still "the new guy" and really don't have any good friendships established yet. Sure, I know most of the people, but have already had a run in with the local office bully and that is going to make things even more uncomfortable..

If there was ANY way I could avoid going to this party, I absolutely would. Unfortunately, it would also be politically not a great move to do so, and I do need to try to increase my exposure to these people as we all work out of our houses and never generally see each other except during customer or internal meetings, which are not as frequent as one would think.

Ugh. Going to parties is literally like getting a root canal - WITHOUT novacaine.

Will let you all know if we survive the experience!

PS: Another good reason to RE - NO MORE WORK PARTIES!!!
__________________

__________________
RetireSoon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-14-2015, 07:05 AM   #23
Full time employment: Posting here.
Philliefan33's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 729
Next Sunday, I will be attending a holiday party hosted by his former boss. This is the third or fourth year we are attending. DH (who is even more introverted than me) wants to go to see the other retirees that will attend. I know them and their spouses, and will enjoy chatting with them.

The problem is, the host also invites his neighbors and fellow parents from his son's hoity-toity private high school. I'm sure some of them are nice people, but I usually get the vibe that "oh, you're one of Bob's subordinates/charity cases". It takes a lot of emotional energy for me to interact with strangers and there is often no payback at this party (meaning I don't meet anyone particularly interesting)

DH and I used to occasionally host the office party. I told him that next year, we will host a party and invite just the retirees/actives that we want to see.
__________________
Philliefan33 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-14-2015, 08:04 AM   #24
Full time employment: Posting here.
jjquantz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 846
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucantes View Post

Not trying to be sarcastic here but this really doesn't make any sense to me. If a person was really an introvert type, why would they even want to host a party? Wouldn't it be hard enough to get them to go to a party, let alone hosting one of their own?
This has been fun. Thanks to all of you for your responses. Let me reiterate several points.

1) For those of you who have asked - Yes, I really am an introvert and I have the MBTI scores to prove it .
2) It is clear that there are many people on this list who are more introverted than I - some by a large margin, apparently. I need to relay this to DW when she complains about my "misanthropic" tendencies.
3) Some of you seem to have missed the point - I also HATE GOING TO PARTIES, but by hosting one I can maintain enough control to make it, yes, enjoyable.
4) Related to the last, Saturday night I spent probably 75% of the evening in conversation with one person or a couple in rooms where there were no other people present. Control the environment!
5) I am reminded of a thread on public speaking and introversion. Several introverts reported that they could address crowds without being nervous, it was all about being in control of the situation. Similarly, in my last 2 j*bs, I sometimes had occasion to address large crowds. I felt NO apprehension in doing this, I knew what I was going to say and how I was going to say it. The networking that had to be done afterward, on the other hand, was brutal. I never had anything to say, I always felt like I was walking a tightrope and any verbal misstep would lead to disaster.
6) In short, it's all about control. By being in control, I can, once a year, throw a party that makes a lot of people happy. If it takes me a few days to decompress afterward, so what, I'm retired now and I don't have to talk to anyone if I don't want to.
__________________
jjquantz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-14-2015, 09:52 AM   #25
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
jIMOh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Milford, OH
Posts: 2,085
+1 on controlling guestlist
__________________
Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. One person's stupidity is another person's job security.
jIMOh is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-14-2015, 09:56 AM   #26
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
jIMOh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Milford, OH
Posts: 2,085
Quote:
Originally Posted by jjquantz View Post
This has been fun. Thanks to all of you for your responses. Let me reiterate several points.

1) For those of you who have asked - Yes, I really am an introvert and I have the MBTI scores to prove it .
2) It is clear that there are many people on this list who are more introverted than I - some by a large margin, apparently. I need to relay this to DW when she complains about my "misanthropic" tendencies.
3) Some of you seem to have missed the point - I also HATE GOING TO PARTIES, but by hosting one I can maintain enough control to make it, yes, enjoyable.
4) Related to the last, Saturday night I spent probably 75% of the evening in conversation with one person or a couple in rooms where there were no other people present. Control the environment!
5) I am reminded of a thread on public speaking and introversion. Several introverts reported that they could address crowds without being nervous, it was all about being in control of the situation. Similarly, in my last 2 j*bs, I sometimes had occasion to address large crowds. I felt NO apprehension in doing this, I knew what I was going to say and how I was going to say it. The networking that had to be done afterward, on the other hand, was brutal. I never had anything to say, I always felt like I was walking a tightrope and any verbal misstep would lead to disaster.
6) In short, it's all about control. By being in control, I can, once a year, throw a party that makes a lot of people happy. If it takes me a few days to decompress afterward, so what, I'm retired now and I don't have to talk to anyone if I don't want to.
I am a very outgoing introvert (most of my friends think I am an extrovert). I know where my energy comes from though...

I love public speaking and being an expert.
I do very well when presenting to groups of people I don't know- spoke to groups of 500+ at user groups and 10-30 plus on a regular basis for w*rk.

I don't do well speaking to groups of people I do know... for example presenting to colleagues makes me very very nervous/anxious.

I am an intovert which likes being in control, and if I am in control, I tend to find blissful peace with just about anything I do.
I definitely get where you are coming from...
__________________
Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. One person's stupidity is another person's job security.
jIMOh is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-14-2015, 01:10 PM   #27
Moderator
Ronstar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: A little ways southwest of Chicago
Posts: 9,337
I very seldom like going to parties, let alone host one. But DW is less of an introvert than I, and she insists on hosting family gatherings. I've learned to tolerate those. I do enjoy outdoor parties more than indoor, so if I were to host a party, it would be outside.
__________________
Ronstar is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-14-2015, 01:21 PM   #28
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
RunningBum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 5,164
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucantes View Post

Not trying to be sarcastic here but this really doesn't make any sense to me. If a person was really an introvert type, why would they even want to host a party? Wouldn't it be hard enough to get them to go to a party, let alone hosting one of their own?
Introverted doesn't necessarily mean no parties. I like parties just fine, just not super loud or crowded parties. Hosting a party seems like a good way to control the atmosphere and your own interactions. You have all kinds of excuses to bail out of a conversation you don't want to be in.
__________________
RunningBum is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-14-2015, 01:27 PM   #29
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
youbet's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Chicago
Posts: 9,965
Quote:
Originally Posted by RunningBum View Post
Introverted doesn't necessarily mean no parties. I like parties just fine, just not super loud or crowded parties. .
These "introvert" discussion always leave me a bit confused. For example, I don't consider myself an introvert. Yet, I don't enjoy loud or crowded parties either.

Perhaps the issue is that most folks are somewhere between introvert and extrovert and folks in the middle range might choose to identify themselves differently, despite being nearly the same?
__________________
"I wasn't born blue blood. I was born blue-collar." John Wort Hannam
youbet is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-14-2015, 01:31 PM   #30
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
youbet's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Chicago
Posts: 9,965
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucantes View Post

Not trying to be sarcastic here but this really doesn't make any sense to me. If a person was really an introvert type, why would they even want to host a party? Wouldn't it be hard enough to get them to go to a party, let alone hosting one of their own?
+1. See my post above.
__________________
"I wasn't born blue blood. I was born blue-collar." John Wort Hannam
youbet is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-14-2015, 01:35 PM   #31
Recycles dryer sheets
hakuna matata's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Small town outside of Seattle
Posts: 444
As an extrovert this thread has been enlightening. I used to be introverted but something about 25 years ago clicked and I went from one extreme to the other.

My wife and I are both pretty extroverted, host 2-3 parties a year, usually 30-40 people max. But at these parties everyone pretty much knows everyone, but we occasionally add another fun couple we have met. We host a Summer Solstice party to kick off the summer, a Halloween party and usually a themed party sometime during the year--the last one was a Crooner party. Guests had to dress up nicely and we had martinis and played crooner music like Sinatra, Tony Bennett, etc

But then again we are the type of people that when we go out to the bar we sit AT the bar and we end up meeting people. Some interesting/fun and some just ...er...interesting. This year at our annual Halloween party we invited (2) new couples and they hit it off immediately with our established friends. But I knew that going in as I know what kind of people we are interested in meeting. One couple we met at a bar and hit it off with them and had been to dinner a few times with them, so I knew they would fit. The other couple we met at a local small grocery that sells pizza and beer and has an outdoor terrace. We were there with another couple and this couple started talking to us and we hit it off. Two days before our Halloween party they called us wanting to get together and so we invited them to the party! They hit it off immediately with everyone there. A gamble on their part but I liked that about them and it was what I initially liked about them, they took the initiative to start talking to us at the terrace.

There are several of our friends who are introverts who come to this party and they do well but then again they know everyone there. Funny thing is that almost universally they are musicians. I always am shocked by that because on 'stage' they are very extroverted, but it is clearly an act for them, because off stage they are very introverted. The music allows them to interact.

I don't know for me 'talking' to someone is easy enough. Usually you can just ask someone about themselves and you can't get most people to shut up!

But I agree hosting the party is easier than going to one. At our party we know everyone, but when we go to a party you never know if you will know more than the host. But I always look at it as an opportunity to maybe meet a new friend.
__________________
"There is only one success: to be able to spend your life in your own way. ~Christopher Morley
hakuna matata is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-14-2015, 01:43 PM   #32
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Moemg's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Sarasota,fl.
Posts: 10,031
I am introverted but I enjoy going to parties . Of course this means I need reciprocate so I throw a party at least once a year . One year I did not feel like doing it at home so I had a party at a local restaurant . We all had a good time and all I had to do was pay the bill.As for having a massive 50-100 people party ,no thanks I would rather have root canal.
__________________
Moemg is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-14-2015, 01:44 PM   #33
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
RetireAge50's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,119
If I have to go the more people the better, keeps me out of the spotlight. Or if we have a get together it is only with close family and friends.
__________________
RetireAge50 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-14-2015, 01:47 PM   #34
Full time employment: Posting here.
jjquantz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 846
Quote:
Originally Posted by youbet View Post
These "introvert" discussion always leave me a bit confused. For example, I don't consider myself an introvert. Yet, I don't enjoy loud or crowded parties either.

Perhaps the issue is that most folks are somewhere between introvert and extrovert and folks in the middle range might choose to identify themselves differently, despite being nearly the same?
Best definition/explanation that I have heard is that extroverts are "energized" being around people and introverts are drained of energy in the same situation.

There is no doubt that I find being around people a lot of work - it's why I gave up teaching as a career. By the end of my teaching career I would come home at the end of the day and just retreat into the music room for 2-3 hours. This was no longer fair to DW and it was time to find something else to do. Any extended interaction with others is something that I find tiring - less so with good friends and much more so with strangers.

So my party hosting is something that requires an effort on my part because it takes us out of our comfort zone. We are pretty wiped out by the end of the evening. But we've done it for so long that we know how to handle it. A couple of days of quiet and we can start planning for next year. An extrovert might say, "A couple of days of rest and we can start planning for next weekend."
__________________
jjquantz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-14-2015, 02:01 PM   #35
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Manhattan Beach
Posts: 194
Quote:
Originally Posted by Moemg View Post
I am introverted but I enjoy going to parties . Of course this means I need reciprocate so I throw a party at least once a year . One year I did not feel like doing it at home so I had a party at a local restaurant . We all had a good time and all I had to do was pay the bill.As for having a massive 50-100 people party ,no thanks I would rather have root canal.
DW is a 100% extrovert and would have 6-10 people over for dinner/drinks/games/socializing several days a week if left to her own devices. I would rather have small groups of closer friends maybe monthly max. We just had our annual holiday party for about 70 people ... so I've had to adjust and moderate and so has she over the years ...

The above compromise has worked well for us when I'm feeling too overwhelmed with social events at the house; that way, we don't have all the in-house disruption of prep, decoration, cooking (even when you hire caterers there is a ton to do to get ready to deal with them taking over your kitchen), and clean-up ... go to a restaurant, have a nice time, sign a credit card slip and leave is my kind of evening!
__________________
TallTim is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-14-2015, 02:02 PM   #36
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
youbet's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Chicago
Posts: 9,965
Quote:
Originally Posted by jjquantz View Post
Best definition/explanation that I have heard is that extroverts are "energized" being around people and introverts are drained of energy in the same situation.

There is no doubt that I find being around people a lot of work - it's why I gave up teaching as a career. By the end of my teaching career I would come home at the end of the day and just retreat into the music room for 2-3 hours. This was no longer fair to DW and it was time to find something else to do. Any extended interaction with others is something that I find tiring - less so with good friends and much more so with strangers.
Thanks for that.

That would make me somewhere just to the introvert side of middle in the introvert to extrovert continue-em. I enjoy substantial amounts of time to myself or with just DW or a close friend. But, I can get too much of that and, for example, might sometimes head to the pub for a stout with the boys, even strangers, just for some fresh inputs and experiences.

When I was working, this need for "newness" or "freshness" was met at MegaCorp where being thrust into interactions with people unfamiliar to me was fairly frequent.

So, I guess we're all somewhere along that continue-em. We just tend to think of the extremes when the terms introvert and extrovert are tossed about.
__________________
"I wasn't born blue blood. I was born blue-collar." John Wort Hannam
youbet is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-14-2015, 02:24 PM   #37
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
harley's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Following the nice weather
Posts: 6,421
Introvert?


This sounds like a group of cranky old folks, not introverts. I show up as an introvert on every personality test ever devised, but I don't mind parties, even when I don't know people. Free food and drink, music, interesting (sometimes) conversations to listen in on, and you get to see the inside of other people's house. What's not to like?
__________________
"Good judgment comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement." - Will Rogers, or maybe Sam Clemens
DW and I - FIREd at 50 (7/06), living off assets
harley is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-14-2015, 02:35 PM   #38
Full time employment: Posting here.
jjquantz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 846
Quote:
Originally Posted by TallTim View Post
DW is a 100% extrovert and would have 6-10 people over for dinner/drinks/games/socializing several days a week if left to her own devices. I would rather have small groups of closer friends maybe monthly max. We just had our annual holiday party for about 70 people ... so I've had to adjust and moderate and so has she over the years ...

The above compromise has worked well for us when I'm feeling too overwhelmed with social events at the house; that way, we don't have all the in-house disruption of prep, decoration, cooking (even when you hire caterers there is a ton to do to get ready to deal with them taking over your kitchen), and clean-up ... go to a restaurant, have a nice time, sign a credit card slip and leave is my kind of evening!
The prep is what gets DW going about the whole thing! She loves to plan the menu, cook the food, decorate the house, etc. I also love the fact that we can (over)feed 60-70 people on about $150 and everyone thinks that it is incredible food. Cooking from scratch is SO much cheaper than eating out or catering. We don't even notice a bump in the grocery bill from supplying the party (except for the 10 bottles of wine that we have on hand and we always end up receiving more wine/more expensive wine than we purchase). I would absolutely freak out if I had to pay to have this event catered! Plus, that would take away half of my escape points that let me survive the evening.
__________________
jjquantz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-14-2015, 02:36 PM   #39
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
HFWR's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Lawn chair in Texas
Posts: 12,964
I enjoy small get-togethers with close friends. A party with 70 people would be my version of hell. Not to mention that 70 people in my house would resemble a crowded subway car...
__________________
Have Funds, Will Retire

...not doing anything of true substance...
HFWR is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-14-2015, 02:54 PM   #40
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Dash man's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Limerick
Posts: 1,668
I had to go to a party for my wife's company last Friday. It was a miserable experience for me. With all the loud talkers and a band playing in the background I don't think I understood ten words the whole evening. I followed DW for introductions then found a corner to sit. I left three times to find a quiet spot to keep a migraine from setting in, then went back to my corner so DW could find me. Thank God this is my last one since she will be done before next years's party...of course, that's what I thought last year.


Sent from my iPhone using Early Retirement Forum
__________________

__________________
Dash man is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
You Know You're an Introvert When ... easysurfer Other topics 24 02-02-2015 11:08 AM
Retiring Introvert - Ideas on Making Friends Miramar Hi, I am... 28 01-30-2014 10:27 AM
Poll:Are you an Introvert or an Extrovert Keim FIRE and Money 127 08-25-2013 10:32 AM
As an introvert, this scares me. Ally Other topics 23 03-08-2012 11:32 AM
Web Hosting Company - Recommendations lowflyer Other topics 4 01-15-2007 05:59 PM

 

 
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 01:07 AM.
 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.