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Old 12-14-2015, 03:52 PM   #41
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I am both shy and introverted (different things), but I actually enjoy parties in most cases. I try to break into a few small groups that make it manageable and have met a few close friends that way. They drag me out of my comfort zone and I'm rarely sorry I went (or hosted). I'll never be the life of the party, and some are pure torture, but I've often been surprised. Also, if you can find a raving extrovert to hang with you can just let them run and not even have to work at it...
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Old 12-14-2015, 03:57 PM   #42
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Originally Posted by harley View Post

This sounds like a group of cranky old folks, not introverts. I show up as an introvert on every personality test ever devised, but I don't mind parties, even when I don't know people. Free food and drink, music, interesting (sometimes) conversations to listen in on, and you get to see the inside of other people's house. What's not to like?
It's not the least bit unusual for people to be able to take psych tests, especially personality type tests, and get whatever results they want. I've taken most of the commonly circulating personality tests and easily had them come out however I wished.

Perhaps you consider "introvert" the desirable tag to have. Therefore, despite whatever your personality type really is, you come out introvert. Perhaps in reality, you're somewhere along the continue-em between introvert and extrovert like most folks.......
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Old 12-14-2015, 04:03 PM   #43
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I am introverted but I enjoy going to parties . Of course this means I need reciprocate so I throw a party at least once a year . One year I did not feel like doing it at home so I had a party at a local restaurant . We all had a good time and all I had to do was pay the bill.As for having a massive 50-100 people party ,no thanks I would rather have root canal.
+1

I'm not an extreme introvert or extrovert. As mentioned earlier, I'm comfortable with time alone, just with DW or a friend, etc. Yet, from time to time I crave interaction with "new" and "fresh" personalities. I'm somewhere between introverted and extroverted. But, like you, no big parties at my house for me. The thought of all the planning and work sends shivers down my spine. DW feels the same way. We haven't had a big crowd to the house since our son graduated from high school in '92.

We do regularly have some relatives and friends over and enjoy that. But they're low maintenance, clean up after themselves and have low expectations of the amount of preparation we're going to do.

It's not the introvert vs extrovert thing for us. It's the work and hassle factor!
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Old 12-14-2015, 05:34 PM   #44
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There are several of our friends who are introverts who come to this party and they do well but then again they know everyone there. Funny thing is that almost universally they are musicians. I always am shocked by that because on 'stage' they are very extroverted, but it is clearly an act for them, because off stage they are very introverted. The music allows them to interact.
I'm a bit of an introvert and not comfortable making small talk with strangers, but I really enjoy playing live music and am completely relaxed playing in front of hundreds of people.
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Old 12-14-2015, 05:41 PM   #45
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I'm a bit of an introvert and not comfortable making small talk with strangers, but I really enjoy playing live music and am completely relaxed playing in front of hundreds of people.
I swear of all the introverts I know, 90% of them are musicians. We have gotten to know a lot of local musicians here (we often have live music at our parties and are big supporters of the local music scene here at clubs,etc). There is one guy who is the same gregarious person on stage and off stage, but most of them seem to have this banter they do on stage but off stage they are pretty quiet. My wife and I both have observed that and found it interesting--the contrast. See I am extroverted and there is NO WAY I would play in front of a crowd like that---not even if I was better than I am!
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Old 12-14-2015, 08:15 PM   #46
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I swear of all the introverts I know, 90% of them are musicians. We have gotten to know a lot of local musicians here (we often have live music at our parties and are big supporters of the local music scene here at clubs,etc). There is one guy who is the same gregarious person on stage and off stage, but most of them seem to have this banter they do on stage but off stage they are pretty quiet. My wife and I both have observed that and found it interesting--the contrast. See I am extroverted and there is NO WAY I would play in front of a crowd like that---not even if I was better than I am!
Professionals hone the skills of their profession over many years, so that they become second nature. If that includes performing on stage, public speaking, etc, they can be experts at those things without changing their personalities. For example, one of my friends has been a professional orchestra musician for over 40 years. She performs flawlessly and with passion on stage, including featured solo pieces. Off stage she is a quiet introvert with no pretensions whatsoever.

I myself am a strong introvert, but did whatever it took to succeed in my career. That included becoming an effective public speaker and leader. In ER I have reverted somewhat to my true self. I now realize the continual effort I had to put into "acting the part" for decades.
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Old 12-14-2015, 08:52 PM   #47
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Professionals hone the skills of their profession over many years, so that they become second nature. If that includes performing on stage, public speaking, etc, they can be experts at those things without changing their personalities. For example, one of my friends has been a professional orchestra musician for over 40 years. She performs flawlessly and with passion on stage, including featured solo pieces. Off stage she is a quiet introvert with no pretensions whatsoever.
In my case, I'm far from an accomplished musician...I'm just a guy who plays bass and guitar in a couple bar bands, and although they are fairly "good" bar bands, none of us are pros. But, even with my limited talent, I'm still far more comfortable plugging away at a song on stage or strumming to a few campfire songs than I am trying to carry a conversation.

It has happened where I've made eye contact with a lady while playing and we've exchanged smiles, and I can sense some interest. Then the set ends and it's like a switch is turned off, and I revert right back to introvert mode, and more often than not I never make the effort to talk to her.
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Old 12-14-2015, 08:56 PM   #48
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In my case, I'm far from an accomplished musician...I'm just a guy who plays bass and guitar in a couple bar bands, and although they are fairly "good" bar bands, none of us are pros. But, even with my limited talent, I'm still far more comfortable plugging away at a song on stage or strumming to a few campfire songs than I am trying to carry a conversation.

It has happened where I've made eye contact with a lady while playing and we've exchanged smiles, and I can sense some interest. Then the set ends and it's like a switch is turned off, and I revert right back to introvert mode, and more often than not I never make the effort to talk to her.
I do miss the Winnipeg music scene! I think you are being modest.
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Old 12-14-2015, 09:51 PM   #49
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The word "introvert" and "party" do not go together in my book. Period. If you are willing to host a party, you are not an introvert IMO...


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Old 12-14-2015, 10:14 PM   #50
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I guess most of my confusion over this issue comes from the fact that some people seem to put a large amount of value on the personality testing (such as MBTI), and the associated labeling, where I just don't (doesn't mean I am right and you are wrong, just means we have a difference of opinion and that is cool too! ).
I am more in the camp of Popeye "I yam what I yam and tha's all what I yam" and I am okay with the yam that I yam!
Some days I like a party , some days I don't .
Some days I like large parties, some days I don't.
Some days I like being alone, some days I don't.
The only thing I have figured out about the pattern, or lack there of, is that I am human and my behavior varies from time to time. except for bacon, I always love bacon!
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Old 12-14-2015, 10:28 PM   #51
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Maybe this is a bit off topic but this discussion has really reinforced my belief that this introvert/extrovert thing is just to simplistic to have any meaning for us complicated real-life people. Even saying we lie somewhere on the continuum between one and the other assumes that one is the opposite of the other. I think we are both, depending on who we are with, are they interesting people, blowhards, do we care about what they are talking about, have a personal connection with them. So much of this and more determine whether we are at that moment in that situation an introvert or extrovert, or both. Don't even get me started on the Briggs-Meyers or Carl Jung 16 "personality types." I have never felt the classifications made any sense, and it is even more clear in this thread that they don't.
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Old 12-14-2015, 10:34 PM   #52
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I think we are both, depending on who we are with, are they interesting people, blowhards, do we care about what they are talking about, have a personal connection with them. So much of this and more determine whether we are at that moment in that situation an introvert or extrovert, or both.
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Old 12-15-2015, 07:12 AM   #53
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I agree that assigning labels to people and putting them in boxes is simplistic and often not helpful. It's much more like lines on a floor without walls and many of us have one foot on the line to the other side, or even pieces of us scattered all over the place.

But, I think it's helpful to know that people are different. Growing up I sometimes wondered what the hell was wrong with me that I was so uncomfortable in many crowds or meeting new people. Now I realize there are plenty of people like me and it's ok, and we have our own strengths.

I thought this was a pretty interesting thread in that it shows a way to cope and even thrive in a situation that would normally make someone like me uncomfortable. I'm at least to some degree introverted and like my alone time, but that doesn't mean I want all my time alone. It's very interesting to recognize that hosting a party can actually be easier than going to one, because of the control you have--except for being able to leave when you want.

As for those of you who say we can't be introverted because we consider or actually throw an occasional party--you might consider you really have no idea what you are talking about.
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Old 12-15-2015, 09:21 AM   #54
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I think the problem lies not with mischaracterizing introvert v. extrovert, but mischaracterizing what "is" an introvert...
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Old 12-15-2015, 11:14 AM   #55
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The word "introvert" and "party" do not go together in my book. Period. If you are willing to host a party, you are not an introvert IMO...
So as an introvert, you are unable to do anything outside your comfort zone? I always thought of it a personality characteristic, not a debilitating disease.
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Old 12-15-2015, 11:26 AM   #56
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My DH is the same way - he likes our 4th of July party because we only invite people we like. He hates going to parties where he doesn't know at least 50% of the people. He just doesn't want to chit-chat with strangers.
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Old 12-15-2015, 11:57 AM   #57
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So as an introvert, you are unable to do anything outside your comfort zone? I always thought of it a personality characteristic, not a debilitating disease.

I had to give a speech in front of over 200 people one time, so if I HAD to (this was job related), I would do a lot of things, but I would rather avoid stressful situations if I had a choice. Hosting a party sounds like something I could avoid so I totally would. It would be quite exhausting and I see no fun in doing it whatsoever. I would enjoy company of a small group of maybe four or five good friends, but as for acquaintances, I'd rather not be caught with them for a long period of time. I may just be antisocial instead of an introvert but I am not really sure of the difference. (I am not shy BTW.) Like I said I won't mind hanging with a small group of people I like. The strange thing is, I can be quite an entertainer and I could even be a great host if I put my mind to it, but it is utterly exhausting for me to do that. Some people thrive on doing stuff like that and totally soak it up. Not me. So I avoid it. I was known to skip company holiday parties every year (all managers evidently showed up on such occasions) and many others throughout my career.


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Old 12-15-2015, 12:05 PM   #58
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I myself am a strong introvert, but did whatever it took to succeed in my career. That included becoming an effective public speaker and leader. In ER I have reverted somewhat to my true self. I now realize the continual effort I had to put into "acting the part" for decades.

I can totally relate to "acting the part". It's nice that I no longer have to put myself in stressful situations for my career.


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Old 12-16-2015, 02:10 PM   #59
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Any other introverts have successful party hosting strategies that they would like to share?
I completely understand introverts hosting a large party. Our neighbor does the same at the holidays. She includes 100 people, live music, a bartender, and catered food. She spends most of the evening just moving around, helping, greeting, and cleaning. I think the larger party keeps her so distracted that it is easier to disengage.

She is an admitted introvert, but one that forces herself to engage. I think some introverts feel that this will mitigate becoming isolated in their later years. Same reason people exercise to some degree.

A leadership instructor once told us that the best way to tell introverts from extroverts is the way they unwind after a stressful day. The introvert is likely to read, spend one-on-one time with a close friend/spouse, and the extrovert wants to do something exciting like dinner/party with a large group. Sure enough, at the end of the day, the extroverts were like, "hey where are we going for drink/dinner". The introverts just sort of stared at them in disbelief.
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Old 12-16-2015, 02:19 PM   #60
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I've mentioned this book before. It was an interesting read, at least for me.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quiet:...t_Stop_Talking
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