Is it possible to have it all?

[WhoDaresWins]

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Originally Posted by kumquat Exactly. Why does having it all include having a J*B. Most of us here think the j*b is HIGHLY over-rated. Having it all includes not having to work.

Quite true...if one has sufficient vision and discipline. Speaking for myself only, my w*rk saved me at a time when I was quite low by drawing me out of myself into the larger world, a form of therapy if you like. I think I could give it up now but have chosen to continue for a while longer for the pension, health insurance and comraderie ( disclaimer: unlike some here I do not have a stressful and demanding job but rather one with short hours, good pay, close proximity to home, no travel and caring co-workers).

[MBAustin]

Great thread. What I get from it is that "having it all" means different things to different folks. And it may not mean the same thing today that it did yesterday because life throws things at us that weren't part of the plan.

For me, LBYM is the biggest predictor of being satisfied / happy with your situation. Much less stress in all kinds of ways - not comparing yourself so much with the neighbors, not stressing about car and credit card payments if the layoff roulette lands on your number, just knowing you have options. And passing that on to the kids is priceless. Our DD who graduates from college next month told us recently that she has been helping her friends with lots of basic "how to live out there in the big bad world" questions that she learned growing up.

Anyone want to queue up "Teach your children well"? :-)

[GregLee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by DangerMouse However, it is amazing how people have been hounding me since with questions about when I am going to get a job.

They probably mean well. Freud famously said "Love and work," when asked what was important for a healthy life. Or maybe Erik Erikson said that. Anyhow, many professional people (especially) accept that work is important to our individual health, so I'd guess your friends are genuinely concerned about you.

[FinanceDude]

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Originally Posted by Sarah in SC Thank god we didn't have kids. We have a peaceful life and low stress jobs, plus our health and wonderful friends. That is all the "ALL" I need.

Yeah, kids are stressful, but............what was REALLY stressful was coming from a very small family, and if I would not have had at least ONE boy, or family name would die out with me, that's pressure.........

If we didn't have kids, we would be retired already..........but I would not trade them for anything........

[Meadbh]

Quote:

Originally Posted by FinanceDude Yeah, kids are stressful, but............what was REALLY stressful was coming from a very small family, and if I would not have had at least ONE boy, or family name would die out with me, that's pressure......... If we didn't have kids, we would be retired already..........but I would not trade them for anything........

Pardon me your majesty, I didn't know you were royalty! Seriously, who is generating the pressure to reproduce? Why is preserving the family name so important?

[obgyn65]

I agree 100%. "All" is relative. Having a good health plays an important part IMO.

Quote:

Originally Posted by frayne Definition of "all" varies for each of us.

[devans0]

I started with my "bucket list" at my twenties and it did include having it all. I did get it all, but not all at the same time or time frame. I bought my house in my young twenties, finished paying it off in my thirties. It was a starter that needed TLC but never having a permanent place growing up, that home was IT. I took part time classes until I had my degree and honor society. Having parents that never graduated high school, that was a happy accomplishment for all. I had a family, including a wonderful wife and daughter. I just became a grand-dad. Daughter, wife and I all graduated the same year! We also built our magic number in investments.
I did get a black belt ( a few actually) and still work out, but I never did get my pilots license or jump out of a perfectly good airplane with a chute. The black belt discipline was where I learned to appreciate the simple LBYM life. I also learned to play a couple of musical instruments.
Some were huge goals, some were just fun. I've enjoyed my bucket list and have really got it all. And had a lot of fun doing it, too.

[ls99]

I'm sure it is not possible to have it all. Equally positive that many had blown all they had.

[jerome len]

Yup, you can have it all......but it's temporary. Why? Health! Healthy children! And, you can have two careers, DW has a PHD and LOVES to be a mom and homemaker. I like to work, have fun and make money.

I've said I'm the luckiest guy in the world......health, family and business. But, for many reasons beyond my control, it could change tomorrow.

Strive for all YOU and your family want.......be happy with what you earn and life gives you. It's not always fair.

[scrabbler1]

Having it all means to be rid of most if not all annoyances in my everyday life while being able to come and go as I please without having to work.

For me, this means being ERed, being rid of my awful commute to work, being childfree, and being in good health. Having a significant other is good, too.

It would be nice if I were living in a bigger place with no neighbors living above me. Central A/C for the summer months would be nice, too. A better parking spot in my apartment building's garage would be helpful.

I may not have it "all" but I surely have nearly "all" of it, especially the parts that count.

[kumquat]

I may not have it all but I have all I want.

[Gone4Good]

Quote:

Originally Posted by DangerMouse Having it all includes a household with two high-flying careers, a bunch of children who are well adjusted and getting all the attention they need from mum and dad and a house that is immaculately maintained without outside assistance.

My idea of "having it all" differs considerably from what you describe.

[MichaelB]

Have what you need. What what you have.

[kcowan]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Meadbh Pardon me your majesty, I didn't know you were royalty! Seriously, who is generating the pressure to reproduce? Why is preserving the family name so important?

It is definitely self-imposed. My case: 5 siblings of the Cowan clan. 3 boys and 2 girls. 2 boys had girls, and my Dad had 2 boys. My brother never married. So it was up to me. I had two boys and each of them has one boy so far (and 2 girls) so the beat goes on...

In the grand scheme of things, it is not important. But I like it.

(Being dead last in a large clan was my lot. Grandparents paid little attention to me. But then I proved to be the thread that kept the name going. I showed them! Of course they were dead before I could prove it. So it is up to the afterlife.)

[freebird5825]

It took a lot of thought before I could respond to this thread. I guess I can describe what I had before (Life A), and what I have now (Life B).

Life A: Married, college degrees x 2, career with fed government x 2, no kids at all, modest home, no debt, full freedom to travel for business and leisure.

Life B: Single but in committed live-in relationship, college degrees x 2, retired (him) and FIREd (me) with solid pensions x 2, no kids at home, no debt, no need to travel for business, some leisure travel affordable.

All in all not a bad life, looking at either A or B.

If I use my parents' lives as a baseline for comparison, I certainly have hit several curveballs over the centerfield fence.

[bbbamI]

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Originally Posted by HFWR If I had it all, where would I put it?

I wouldn't want to water, feed and clean up after it.

[W2R]

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Originally Posted by bbbamI I wouldn't want to water, feed and clean up after it.

I think I did when I was married, with all those pets... though I was too tired to know!

[Nords]

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Originally Posted by DangerMouse Just interested, as this board consists of those with a few years of life under their belt, based on your own experiences, do you believe that it is possible to have it all?

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Originally Posted by Gumby My mother told me when I was young -- In life, you can have anything you want. You just can't have everything you want.

I used to have it all, and I started giving it back until I was left with "enough".

Last Wednesday I had to go to two one-hour meetings "all the way down" in Waikiki-- one at noon and the other at 5:30 PM. I wasn't going to waste my time driving home between them so I brought along my longboard and surfed Threes (off the Outrigger). It was lovely.

At the second meeting a guy noticed the board on my car and inquired whether I was going surfing after this meeting. I reported that I'd been doing it during the afternoon. When he made further inquiries and realized that I was ER'd and could do this any Wednesday I wanted, a little circuit breaker in his head popped open and he couldn't continue the conversation. He felt that I was clearly "missing out" and not "having it all".

A second guy strolled up at the end of the first conversation and said "Dude, nice board. Where'd you go?" He had no problem understanding the priorities.

[rescueme]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Meadbh Why is preserving the family name so important?

I could never understand that thinking - which was a "core belief" of my parents during their lifetime.

While DW/me will never have grandkids (our only “child”/son is disabled), they even went to the theory that it didn't count unless you had the "blood" - even to the exception that my brother's two adopted children are "not really family" ...

Maybe it's good in some cases that a surname dies off...

[kcowan]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nords ...a little circuit breaker in his head popped open and he couldn't continue the conversation. He felt that I was clearly "missing out" and not "having it all"...

Yes that is true! You were mssing out on all the club memberships, dinners out on the company, life without your family, and probably heart medication or at least high blood pressure pills....