Its funny joke Thursday!

[Alan]

American Football FINALLY makes sense!

A bloke takes his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They have
great seats right behind their team's bench. (Personally I'd prefer seats
in the North Stand behind the goal, but there you go.) After the game, he
asks her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replies, "especially the tight pants and all
the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each
other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, the bloke asks, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the
game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the
quarterback!' I'm like: 'Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!'"

[MJ]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alan "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like: 'Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!'"

Wow, what a dumb blond, how did she know that it was a $.25 coin? It could have been a $.50 or even $1 coin.

[moghopper]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MJ Wow, what a dumb blond, how did she know that it was a $.25 coin? It could have been a $.50 or even $1 coin.

umm.... because they wanted to get the quarter ($.25) back?

It would have been different if they were yelling at the "half" or "full" back, I'm sure.

[Alan]

Rumsfeld tells Bush "okay, we're going to go to the middle east and kill 25,000 muslims and one blonde with really big boobs." Then Bush says "Wait, wait. Why are we killing a blonde with big boobs?"

Then Rumsfeld says "See, nobody is going to care about the 25,000 muslims"

[JPatrick]

I get plenty of sex, but lately it's all "hall sex."
She passes me and says F*** You.

[maddythebeagle]

SUBJECT: ROE VS. WADE

Q: What is Governor Blanco and Mayor Nagin's position on Roe vs. Wade?

A: They really doesn't care how people get out of New Orleans.

[Alan]

A cajun story from the bayous.

Boudreaux and his wife are eating in a restaurant when a young lady starts to choke at the table next to them. Boudreaux jumps to his feet and rushes over. He pushes the lady forward over the table then bends down and sticks his head up her dress. Within moments the young woman coughs violently and an olive stone pops out of her throat onto the table. As Boudreaux sits back down his wife says, "Boudreaux, you really are getting good at that heine lick maneuver".

[Alan]

I thought you would want to know about this e-mail virus. Even the most
advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take care of this one. It
appears to affect systems created prior to 1965.

Symptoms:

1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice.
2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail.

3. Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person.

4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you.

5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment.

6. Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished.

7. Causes you to hit "DELETE" instead of "SEND."

8. Causes you to hit "SEND" when you should "DELETE."

IT IS CALLED THE "C-NILE VIRUS."

[Caroline]

Sorry... just couldn't wait until Thursday...


Three Texas surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.

One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Texas. A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England."

One of the others said. "That's nothing. A young man lost both arms and legs in an accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in field events in the Olympics."

The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a cowboy who was high on alcohol rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the horse's ass and a cowboy hat. Now he's president of the United States."

[HFWR]

An insult to horses' asses.............*

[cute fuzzy bunny]

.....and hats.

[Outtahere]

A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?
Grandma replied, Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend.
Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door, and there stood Grandma's minister.
The minister said, Hello, son, is your Grandma home?
The little boy replied, Yeah, she's in the bedroom banging her boyfriend.
The minister fainted!

[Outtahere]

More ...You ARE a Redneck if......
1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest rooms so clean.
6. Someone in your family died right after saying, "Hey, guys, watch this."
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
9. Your junior prom offered day care.
10. You think the last words of the "Star-Spangled Banner" are "Gentlemen, start your engines."
11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

[JPatrick]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Outtahere More ...You ARE a Redneck if...... 1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. 2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it. 3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws. 4. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night. 5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest rooms so clean. 6. Someone in your family died right after saying, "Hey, guys, watch this." 7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader. 8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan. 9. Your junior prom offered day care. 10. You think the last words of the "Star-Spangled Banner" are "Gentlemen, start your engines." 11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels. 12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse. 13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge. 14. One of your kids was born on a pool table. 15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos. 16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it. 17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

Those are great!* Just when you thought you knew all there was to know about rednecks - - - -

[Martha]

Every now and then you have to clean your computer screen. But, what
about the inside of screen, how are you suppose to clean that ??

Fortunately, there is now a website that does this remotely at no cost
to you.

First, clean the outside of your screen and then click the link below to
clean the inside.

http://www.bassfiles.net/cleanscreen.swf

(the link works fine for me in explorer but not netscape)

[JPatrick]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Martha Every now and then you have to clean your computer screen. But, what about the inside of screen, how are you suppose to clean that ?? Fortunately, there is now a website that does this remotely at no cost to you. First, clean the outside of your screen and then click the link below to clean the inside. http://www.bassfiles.net/cleanscreen.swf (the link works fine for me in explorer but not netscape) That's pretty cool Martha- - -Please let me know if you find one featuring Heather Locklear

That's pretty cool Martha- - -Please let me know if you find one featuring Heather Locklear

[Nords]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Outtahere 9. Your junior prom offered day care.

Yeah, but one of my shipmates took leave to escort his wife to the junior prom... and they'd celebrated at least one wedding anniversary by then.

Come to think of it, that was in Charleston SC.

[Martha]

Quote:

Originally Posted by JPatrick That's pretty cool Martha- - -Please let me know if you find one featuring Heather Locklear

Make that Johnny Depp.

[JPatrick]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Martha Make that Johnny Depp.

Johnny Depp??* Sure, I'd love to have that smart mouth, America hating little twit on the other side of my screen.
Here Johnny, meet Mr Cursor.* Opps, did I stick you in the eye?* How does that pointer feel in your nostril?* Get ready for a power surge Johnny.* Are we having fun yet Johnny?

[Nords]

Quote:

Originally Posted by JPatrick Johnny Depp??* Sure, I'd love to have that smart mouth, America hating little twit on the other side of my screen.

Uhm, I don't think Martha's attracted to him for his witty political discourse and European flair...