Join Early Retirement Today
Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 09-25-2009, 12:51 PM   #2041
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
vicente solano's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 1,116
Got a real dirty one but Im afraid to post it.....
__________________

__________________
I get by with a little help from my friends....ta ta ta ta ta...
vicente solano is offline   Reply With Quote
Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that Early-Retirement.org is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Old 09-25-2009, 12:54 PM   #2042
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
REWahoo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Texas Hill Country
Posts: 39,403
Quote:
Originally Posted by vicente solano View Post
Got a real dirty one but Im afraid to post it.....
Sometimes fear can be a good thing.
__________________

__________________
Numbers is hard.

Retired in 2005 at age 58, no pension

REWahoo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-25-2009, 12:57 PM   #2043
Moderator Emeritus
CuppaJoe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: At The Cafe
Posts: 6,869
Quote:
Originally Posted by vicente solano View Post
Got a real dirty one but Im afraid to post it.....
I'd be curious to know how many PMs you receive asking for it privately.
__________________
CuppaJoe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-25-2009, 01:11 PM   #2044
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
vicente solano's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 1,116
Quote:
Originally Posted by CuppaJoe View Post
I'd be curious to know how many PMs you receive asking for it privately.
Cuppa: None for the moment.
But, just in case, Im working on the delicate process of translation into your language..... And being a dirty joke I fumbling with the added burden of finding your equivalent four letter words
__________________
I get by with a little help from my friends....ta ta ta ta ta...
vicente solano is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-25-2009, 01:13 PM   #2045
Moderator Emeritus
CuppaJoe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: At The Cafe
Posts: 6,869
Quote:
Originally Posted by vicente solano View Post
Cuppa: None for the moment.
....
"The night is young."
__________________
CuppaJoe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-25-2009, 01:18 PM   #2046
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
vicente solano's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 1,116
Quote:
Originally Posted by CuppaJoe View Post
"The night is young."
Cuppa: Any interested party will have to wait. Bear in mind that I have a 7/9 hour time difference. When this forum is really busy Im sleeping....
__________________
I get by with a little help from my friends....ta ta ta ta ta...
vicente solano is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-25-2009, 01:26 PM   #2047
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
vicente solano's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 1,116
Quote:
Originally Posted by REWahoo View Post
Sometimes fear can be a good thing.
REW you want me thrown out of this Forum....
__________________
I get by with a little help from my friends....ta ta ta ta ta...
vicente solano is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-25-2009, 01:39 PM   #2048
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
IndependentlyPoor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Austin
Posts: 1,142
Good luck Vicente. Translating jokes can be a minefield, although I did have excellent luck translating Aggie jokes into Belgian jokes when I lived in Geneva. Just take your favorite Aggie joke, substitute les Belges for Aggie and tell it in French. Never failed.

My more bi-lingual co-workers used to tell hysterical inside jokes that required idiomatic understanding of both languages. You take a phrase that contains a false cognate, translate the cognate literally into the English and then translate that word literally back into French. Or some variation thereon. It works both ways, but you gotta know your audience or you will get nothing but blank stares.

My all time favorite along this line is this Art Buchwald piece. It is apparently famous, and is/was reprinted annually in the International Herald Tribune at Thanksgiving. I happened across it, completely unaware, and laughed until my sides hurt and tears flowed.
Art Buchwald - Le Grande Thanksgiving - washingtonpost.com
Enjoy, and good luck with the jokes. Who knows, even botching the translations might be funnier than the jokes themselves.

When I lived in Geneva, a group of us ex-pats went to see Ghost Busters when it came out. The somewhat dour Genevoise sitting around us were already looking askance as we laughed at jokes that made little sense to them, but they were completely befuddled when a whole row of Americans laughed with helpless hysteria when the subtitles translated
"this b1tch is toast"
as
"cette femme est pain grille"

Later on, the silly back and forth about
"it is a piece of pie" "easy as cake"
was all translated as "jeu d'un enfant" rendering the whole exchange completely incomprehensible. I'm sure our hysteria convinced a whole theater full of Swiss that Americans truly are culturally hopeless.
__________________
IndependentlyPoor is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-25-2009, 02:39 PM   #2049
Moderator Emeritus
CuppaJoe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: At The Cafe
Posts: 6,869
Here's one for Spanish/english speakers: "S O C K S."
__________________
CuppaJoe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-25-2009, 03:14 PM   #2050
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
IndependentlyPoor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Austin
Posts: 1,142
Not to highjack this thread, but I am still taking pain meds, (maybe I should refrain from posting until I kick 'em) and am in a chatty-cathy mood.

This reminds me of another episode during my Geneva days. A bunch of us took an excursion to Moscow and Leningrad (as it was called then, now restored to its original name of St. Petersburg). This was just after the Reagan - Gorbachev meeting in Reykjavik, so the iron curtain was still very much in place. We were all seated together in a couple of rows in the Bolshoi, watching some Russian opera that none of us had ever heard of before. The program was entirely in Cyrillic, the singing in Russian, and we hadn't a clue as to what was going on other than the stage action. The music was sublime, so it was wonderful just sittling there apreciating the the music without worry much about understanding the plot. Suddenly I was jarred out of my dreamy state by an odd "did I just understand that?" thought. I focused on the dialogue again, and sure enough, it was in incomprehensible Russian. Oh well. Later, the same thing happed and I glanced up and down our row to see our whole group looking back and forth with puzzled expressions on our faces. A moment later it became clear. It was a royal court scene and they were interspering snippets in French. Apparently French was spoken the Russian court, so it was historically accurate. If they had included phrases in English it would have been immediately obvious what was going on, but being in French, it caused one of the oddest experiences of cognative dissonance that I have ever experienced.

I know that I am risking the "ignore poster" button.
__________________
IndependentlyPoor is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-25-2009, 03:46 PM   #2051
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
bbbamI's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Dallas 'burb
Posts: 8,975
Quote:
Originally Posted by IndependentlyPoor View Post
I know that I am risking the "ignore poster" button.
The heck with 'em if they can't take a joke...(funny joke thread)... I'll never put you on ignore.

btw, got any more pain meds?
__________________
There's no need to complicate, our time is short..
bbbamI is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-26-2009, 01:13 AM   #2052
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Ed_The_Gypsy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: the City of Subdued Excitement
Posts: 5,247
A Dane once told me a dirty joke that he said was untranslatable. It was word-for-word the same joke I heard in grade school. It really is one world.
__________________
my bumpersticker:
"I am not in a hurry.
I am retired.
And I don't care how big your truck is."
Ed_The_Gypsy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-26-2009, 02:45 PM   #2053
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
RonBoyd's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Denver, Colorado
Posts: 5,143
Job Became Completely Humiliating So Gradually Area Man Barely Noticed

or

Blue Angels Hold First-Ever Open Tryouts
87 Dead, 243 Injured in Day 1 of Weeklong Event
__________________
"It's tough to make predictions, especially when it involves the future." ~Attributed to many
"In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is." ~(perhaps by) Yogi Berra
"Those who have knowledge, don't predict. Those who predict, don't have knowledge."~ Lau tzu
RonBoyd is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-26-2009, 05:45 PM   #2054
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: North of Montana
Posts: 2,752
A guy comes home and tells his blond wife that he bought a condominium.

"Great", she says, "now I can throw away my diagram".
__________________
There are two kinds of people in the world: those who can extrapolate conclusions from insufficient data and ..
kumquat is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-27-2009, 01:13 PM   #2055
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
calmloki's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Independence
Posts: 5,110
Re: healthy snacks

Bad words alert, for those who have tender sensibilities. You probably eat watercress and tofu too.

Frito-Lay Angrily Introduces Line Of Healthy Snacks | The Onion - America's Finest News Source
__________________
calmloki is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-27-2009, 07:11 PM   #2056
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
calmloki's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Independence
Posts: 5,110
A couple for the cat people:

music starts too loud, but is this Cat Stevens?
Cat in the Kettle (song parody about Chinese food)

and uhoh - cat parasite/people paper:
Cat Parasite Affects Everything We Feel and Do - ABC News
__________________
calmloki is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-28-2009, 02:51 PM   #2057
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
mickeyd's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Texas~29N/98W
Posts: 5,695
An elderly couple met for a first-time romp in the broom closet at the nursing home. They undressed and were about to have sex when the woman decided she should warn the man of her heart condition."I should tell you before we start - I have acute angina" she said. The man replied,"that's good because your tits look like hell"
__________________
Part-Owner of Texas

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. Groucho Marx

In dire need of: faster horses, younger woman, older whiskey, more money.
mickeyd is offline   Reply With Quote
Which Hole?
Old 09-28-2009, 04:45 PM   #2058
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
RonBoyd's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Denver, Colorado
Posts: 5,143
Which Hole?

__________________
"It's tough to make predictions, especially when it involves the future." ~Attributed to many
"In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is." ~(perhaps by) Yogi Berra
"Those who have knowledge, don't predict. Those who predict, don't have knowledge."~ Lau tzu
RonBoyd is offline   Reply With Quote
Why in magazines men arent allowed to give advice to women....
Old 09-29-2009, 07:44 AM   #2059
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
vicente solano's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 1,116
Why in magazines men arent allowed to give advice to women....

ASKING FOR ADVICE:

Dear John: I want your advice on my problem.

The other day I went early to work leaving my husband watching TV. Before I had ridden a Km, the car suddenly started to make strange noises and stopped abruptly. It occurred to me that my husband might know how to solve the problem. So I decided to walk back the short distance home.

When I got there I found my husband in bed with my neighbors daughter.

I am 32, my husband 35 and the girl 20. Weve been married 10 years.
When I demanded an explanation he said that his infidelity had been going on for 6 months. I warned him that he had to stop this. He promised me that he would, and as an excuse he added that he had been fired and since then has been very depressed.

Since I gave him the ultimatum hes been very quiet, moody and absent-minded.

Despite what happened Im very much in love with him and I fear hes going to leave me. I am desperate. What can I do?

Yours sincerely, Jane

ANSWER:

Dear Jane:
There can be several reason why a car can stop all of a sudden after ridden the short distance you mention. When this happen: you must begin by checking if you have enough gas. After that check the oil filter. Then see if theres any problem with the electronic injection.
If all the above is OK it could be that the gas pump isnt working well and not letting the gas flow
.
I hope to have been of some help.

Yours sincerely, John.
__________________
I get by with a little help from my friends....ta ta ta ta ta...
vicente solano is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-29-2009, 11:34 PM   #2060
Dryer sheet wannabe
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by calmloki View Post
A couple for the cat people:

music starts too loud, but is this Cat Stevens?
Cat in the Kettle (song parody about Chinese food)

and uhoh - cat parasite/people paper:
Cat Parasite Affects Everything We Feel and Do - ABC News
Harry Chapin- "Cat's in the Cradle" from "Verities and Balderdash", 1974.
__________________

__________________
Bultacoman is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
A new low - this has got to be a joke Cool Dood FIRE and Money 9 07-11-2006 05:05 PM
Funny Joke Friday. Cut-Throat Other topics 1 07-07-2006 04:48 PM
Funny Car Ad TromboneAl Other topics 2 07-01-2005 09:21 PM

 

 
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 01:50 PM.
 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2016, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.