The other day I went early to work leaving my husband watching TV. Before I had ridden a Km, the car suddenly started to make strange noises and stopped abruptly. It occurred to me that my husband might know how to solve the problem. So I decided to walk back the short distance home.
When I got there I found my husband in bed with my neighbor´s daughter.
I am 32, my husband 35 and the girl 20. We´ve been married 10 years.
When I demanded an explanation he said that his infidelity had been going on for 6 months. I warned him that he had to stop this. He promised me that he would, and as an excuse he added that he had been fired and since then has been very depressed.
Since I gave him the ultimatum he´s been very quiet, moody and absent-minded.
Despite what happened I´m very much in love with him and I fear he´s going to leave me. I am desperate. What can I do?
Yours sincerely, Jane
ANSWER:
Dear Jane:
There can be several reason why a car can stop all of a sudden after ridden the short distance you mention. When this happen: you must begin by checking if you have enough gas. After that check the oil filter. Then see if there´s any problem with the electronic injection.
If all the above is OK it could be that the gas pump isn´t working well and not letting the gas flow
.
I hope to have been of some help.
Yours sincerely, John.
__________________
I get by with a little help from my friends....ta ta ta ta ta...
Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that Early-Retirement.org is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!
You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!
The boss had to fire somebody, and he narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack. It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.
Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin. The boss approached her and said:
"Debra, I've never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off.."
"Could you jack off?" she says, "I feel like sh*t."
A man wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Bear Removers."
He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.
"What are you going to do," the homeowner asks?
"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."
He hands the shotgun to the homeowner.
"What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.
"If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog."
__________________ Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. Groucho Marx In dire need of: faster horses, younger woman, older whiskey, more money.
__________________ "It's tough to make predictions, especially when it involves the future." ~Attributed to many
"In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is." ~(perhaps by) Yogi Berra
"Those who have knowledge, don't predict. Those who predict, don't have knowledge."~ Lau tzu
Ole and Sven were fishing in the Minnesota opener when Sven pulled out a cigar.
Finding he had no matches, he asked Ole for a light.
'Ya, shure, I tink I haff a lighter,' he replied, and then, reaching into his tackle box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long. 'Yiminy Cricket!' exclaimed Sven, taking the huge Bic lighter in his hands. 'Vere dit yew git dat monster??'
'Vell,' replied Ole, I got it from my Genie.'
'You haff a Genie?' Sven asked.
'Ya, shure It's right here in my tackle box,' says Ole.
'Could I see him?'
Ole opens his tackle box and sure enough, out pops the Genie.
Addressing the genie, Sven says, 'Hey dere! I'm a good friend of your master. Vill you grant me vun vish?'
'Yes, I will,' says the Genie.
So Sven asks the Genie for a million bucks.
The Genie disappears back into the tackle box leaving Sven sitting there waiting for his million bucks.
Shortly, the sky darkens and is filled with the sound of a million ducks... Flying directly overhead.
Over the roar of the million ducks,
Sven yells at Ole, 'Yumpin' Yimminy,
I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!'
Ole answers, 'Ya, I forgot to tell yew dat da Genie is hart of hearing. Do yew really tink I asked for a 10-inch Bic?"
Last edited by REWahoo; 10-03-2009 at 08:19 PM.
Reason: Font size
A prosperous old dairy farmer from someplace cold finally sold out to the local agribusiness giant and retired to Florida. Being a farmer, he liked owning lots of land, so he had to buy a big place with a large pond down near the swamp. He fixed up the pond a bit, dumped a few truckloads of sand to make a little beach, and kept a small swimming area cleared of weeds and scum. Nearby he had some picnic tables, horseshoe pits, and a stone barbeque. Shading it all was a mixed grove of fruit trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond to check his fruit trees, so he grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of pretty young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
As soon as they noticed him standing there watching, they all shrieked and went deeper into the pond. One of the women shouted to him, “We’re not coming out until you leave, you dirty old man!”
The old man thought for a moment, and then said “I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or to make you get out of the pond naked.” Holding the bucket up, he said “I’m just here to feed the alligators.”
__________________ A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. DW and I - FIREd at 50 (7/06), living off assets
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: 43N Latitude, NY
Posts: 5,294
The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher
I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.
When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.
She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'
'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there... He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.'
She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.
'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)
'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)
'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)
'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there.'
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.
__________________
"Happiness depends upon ourselves." - Aristotle
Last edited by REWahoo; 10-06-2009 at 11:55 AM.
Reason: Font
A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.
"Well, I can think of one thing," the cowboy offered. "On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face. Kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now, back off or I'll kick the crap out of all of you!'"
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 6,438
Bubba: Hey Carl, how come every time I make love to a woman, my eyes start a burnin', and my nose starts a runnin', and I cain't quit coughin'?
Carl: I dunno, must be the pepper spray...
__________________ Have Funds, Will Retire "...but do feel free to assert your duly noted opinion on this subject again without benefit of reference or provision of additional information..."
__________________ "It's tough to make predictions, especially when it involves the future." ~Attributed to many
"In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is." ~(perhaps by) Yogi Berra
"Those who have knowledge, don't predict. Those who predict, don't have knowledge."~ Lau tzu
A bloke goes into a Job Center in Dallas and sees a card advertising for a Gynaecologist's Assistant.
"Can you give me some more details about this?" he asks the girl behind the desk.
The Job Center Assistant sorts through her files and replies, "Oh, yes, here it is. OK, the job entails you getting patients ready for the gynaecologist. You have to help the ladies out of their clothes and underwear, lie them down and gently wash their nether regions. Then apply shaving foam and shave off all their pubic hair, then rub in soothing oils so they're ready for the gynaecologist's examination. There's a starting annual salary of 85,000, but you're going to have to go to Houston."
"Oh, why? Is that where the job is?" he asks.
"No," replies the assistant, "that's the end of the line of applicants."
Quote:
Linear Mode
