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Old 04-08-2010, 11:12 AM   #2261
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Speaking of hearing loss….

bbbamI had serious hearing problems for a number of years. She went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have her fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed her to hear 100%. bbbamI went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'

She replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'
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Old 04-10-2010, 01:46 PM   #2262
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Five surgeons were talking:

The first surgeon, says: "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second surgeon, responds: "Yeah, but you should try electricians. Everything inside of them is color coded."

The third surgeon says: "No - I really think librarians are the best - everything inside of them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know I like construction workers - these guys always understand when you have a few parts left over."

But, the fifth shuts them all up when he observed: "You’re all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There’s no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine…..and the head and ass are interchangeable."
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Old 04-10-2010, 03:57 PM   #2263
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World's shortest bike lane
Old 04-15-2010, 02:57 PM   #2264
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World's shortest bike lane

I'm not sure if we're supposed to post true stories in this thread or not, but it's amusingly absurd.

Council condemned over 'Britain's shortest cycle lane' - Telegraph
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Old 04-15-2010, 03:03 PM   #2265
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I thought this one was interesting: Animal hypnotist is Britain's first 'rabbit whisperer' - Telegraph
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Old 04-15-2010, 05:41 PM   #2266
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I used to do something similar to chickens when I was a kid. Maybe I was the first chicken whisperer.
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Old 04-15-2010, 07:47 PM   #2267
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Und ven you vake up, you vill not want to reproduce...
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Old 04-15-2010, 07:52 PM   #2268
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I used to do something similar to chickens when I was a kid. Maybe I was the first chicken whisperer.
<plugs both ears> La la la la la TMI !!!!!
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Old 04-15-2010, 08:00 PM   #2269
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A woman gives birth to a baby boy that has no torso at all - just a head. But they love him all the same and when he old enough his Dad takes him down the pub for his first drink. He gives him a sip of beer and "poof", out pops his chest. He gives him another sip and "wallop", out pops his arms, so he gives him another sip and "bang" his legs appear.

The boy is so delighted he rushes outside shouting gleefully, but runs right in front of a passing bus, killing him instantly.

The barman shook his head sadly and said, "I knew he should have quit while he was ahead"
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Old 04-15-2010, 11:19 PM   #2270
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That's actually not a bike lane, its a notice for the cyclists to divert onto a bike path that's to the left of the image.
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Old 04-17-2010, 03:21 PM   #2271
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That's actually not a bike lane, its a notice for the cyclists to divert onto a bike path that's to the left of the image.
I just re-read the article, and I can't see where they are saying that. I'm not doubting you, since that would actually make sense. Just interesting that they'd leave such aa useful tidbit of information out.
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Old 04-17-2010, 05:10 PM   #2272
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I just re-read the article, and I can't see where they are saying that. I'm not doubting you, since that would actually make sense. Just interesting that they'd leave such aa useful tidbit of information out.
A spokesman talks about a new contraflow lane that intersects at this point It is at the end of the article

Quote:
A Cardiff Council spokesman said the lane is intended to "highlight the interface between the eastbound carriageway and the beginning of a new contraflow facility.
.
.
.


Quote:
"The marking helps to highlight the point at which cyclists can turn left off the carriageway to join the contraflow facility."
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Old 04-17-2010, 05:15 PM   #2273
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I heard about this listening to BBC radio's Friday night's comedy podcast on news events. Lot's of folks sent in the news story to the program.

Man admits having sex with horse and donkey - Crime, UK - The Independent

It is about a man who admitted having sex with a horse at Leicester Crown Court, and the judge refused bail because.....

Quote:
The defendant does not have a stable address
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A Religious Dog Joke
Old 04-18-2010, 11:35 AM   #2274
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A Religious Dog Joke

A Baptist preacher and his wife decided to get a new dog. Ever mindful of the congregation, they knew the dog must also be a Baptist. They visited kennel after kennel and explained their needs.
Finally, they found a kennel whose owner assured them he had just the dog they wanted.
The owner brought the dog to meet the pastor and his wife.. 'Fetch the Bible,' he commanded.
The dog bounded to the bookshelf, scrutinized the books, located the Bible, and brought it to the owner.
'Now find Psalm 23,' he commanded. The dog dropped the Bible to the floor, and showing marvelous dexterity with his paws, leafed through, and finding the correct passage, pointed to it with his paw.
The pastor and his wife were very impressed and purchased the dog.
That evening, a group of church members cameto visit.
The pastor and his wife began to show off the dog,having him locate several Bible verses. The visitors were very impressed.
One man asked, 'Can he do regular dog tricks, too?'
'I haven't tried yet,' the pastor replied.

He pointed his finger at the dog. 'HEEL!' the pastor commanded.
The dog immediately jumped on a chair, placed one paw on the pastor's forehead and began to howl.
The pastor looked at his wife in shock and said, 'Good Lord, he's Pentecostal!
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Old 04-19-2010, 10:30 AM   #2275
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So you're a senior citizen and the government says no health care for you, what do you do?

Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot 2 senators and 2 representatives.

Of course, this means you will be sent to prison where you will get 3 meals a day, a roof over your head, and all the health care you need! New teeth, no problem. Need glasses, great. New hip, knees, kidney, lungs, heart? All covered.

(And your kids can come and visit you as often as they do now)

And who will be paying for all of this? The same government that just told you that you are too old for health care!

Plus, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any income taxes anymore.


IS THIS A GREAT COUNTRY OR WHAT?!!
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Old 04-19-2010, 01:12 PM   #2276
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Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
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Old 04-19-2010, 01:34 PM   #2277
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Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
I love "Toad In The Hole", but not so sure about a live one

One evening out by the pool I heard our stupid cat hacking and coughing. (we had 2 cats, one bright, one decidedly stupid). She coughed up one of the many small toads (frogs?) that were hopping about, then immediately gobbled him up again and started hacking and coughing again before spitting it out. She repeated the process 3 times before giving up and allowing the saliva covered frog to hop away.
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Old 04-19-2010, 01:39 PM   #2278
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I love "Toad In The Hole", but not so sure about a live one
hmmm...
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One evening out by the pool I heard our stupid cat hacking and coughing. (we had 2 cats, one bright, one decidedly stupid). She coughed up one of the many small toads (frogs?) that were hopping about, then immediately gobbled him up again and started hacking and coughing again before spitting it out. She repeated the process 3 times before giving up and allowing the saliva covered frog to hop away.
Well, I suppose the rest of their day went better....
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Old 04-19-2010, 09:51 PM   #2279
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Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
Psychoactive toad - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Quote:
Licking toads is not biologically practical. In order for these tryptamines to be orally active the human monoamine oxidase (MAO) system needs to be inhibited.
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Old 04-20-2010, 07:22 AM   #2280
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What was the Icelandic economy's last wish?


To have its ashes scattered across Europe.
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