It's funny joke Thursday! 2005 - 2020
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mickeyd
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Life on the Farm
1
A young boy comes down for breakfast.
Since they live on a farm, his Mother asks if he has done his chores.
"Not yet," said the little boy.
His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores.
Well, he's a little ticked off so when he feeds the chickens, he kicks a chicken.
When he feeds the cows, he kicks a cow.
When he feeds the pigs, he kicks a pig.
He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.
How come I don't get any eggs and bacon, and why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks.
Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, So you don't get any eggs for a week.
I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either.
I saw you kick the cow so for a week you aren't getting any milk."
Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen.
The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says,
"You gonna tell him or should I?
2
A farmer asked a friend to recommend an attorney to defend him against a charge of bestiality.
"I know a great trial lawyer," the fellow said, "but he's expensive and doesn't know how to pick a jury. I know another lawyer," he continued, "who's not a great trial lawyer, but he's cheap and really knows how to pick a jury."
The farmer settled on the cheap attorney, but immediately had second thoughts when the key witness, a neighbor, began his testimony.
"I saw Jed mount his goat from behind," he said, "and when he was finished, I saw the goat turn around and lick Jed's pecker."
The accused farmer was devastated and had all but given up hope of acquittal when a juror in overalls whispered to the fellow next to him, "You know, a good goat will do that."
1
A young boy comes down for breakfast.
Since they live on a farm, his Mother asks if he has done his chores.
"Not yet," said the little boy.
His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores.
Well, he's a little ticked off so when he feeds the chickens, he kicks a chicken.
When he feeds the cows, he kicks a cow.
When he feeds the pigs, he kicks a pig.
He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.
How come I don't get any eggs and bacon, and why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks.
Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, So you don't get any eggs for a week.
I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either.
I saw you kick the cow so for a week you aren't getting any milk."
Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen.
The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says,
"You gonna tell him or should I?
2
A farmer asked a friend to recommend an attorney to defend him against a charge of bestiality.
"I know a great trial lawyer," the fellow said, "but he's expensive and doesn't know how to pick a jury. I know another lawyer," he continued, "who's not a great trial lawyer, but he's cheap and really knows how to pick a jury."
The farmer settled on the cheap attorney, but immediately had second thoughts when the key witness, a neighbor, began his testimony.
"I saw Jed mount his goat from behind," he said, "and when he was finished, I saw the goat turn around and lick Jed's pecker."
The accused farmer was devastated and had all but given up hope of acquittal when a juror in overalls whispered to the fellow next to him, "You know, a good goat will do that."
David1961
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
- Joined
- Jul 26, 2007
- Messages
- 1,085
On the occasion of their 50th wedding anniversary, Billy-Bob decided to forego a big party, and treat Linda-Sue to a memorable evening at home. Quietly filling the bathtub with champagne, he called her into the bathroom and they spent a sensual evening soaking in the tub by candlelight.
When they were finished, Billy-Bob decided he couldn't let all that expensive champagne go to waste. So, he carefully poured it back into the empty bottles. However, when he was finished, he found he had nearly a half-bottle too much.
He screamed at his wife, "Linda-Sue..!! You DIDN'T..?!?"
When they were finished, Billy-Bob decided he couldn't let all that expensive champagne go to waste. So, he carefully poured it back into the empty bottles. However, when he was finished, he found he had nearly a half-bottle too much.
He screamed at his wife, "Linda-Sue..!! You DIDN'T..?!?"
Today was the occasion that the Pope made his first tweet.
Pope Benedict sends first personal tweet - CNN.com
When asked if the Pope would be getting an iPad, the Vatican said that the Pope would not be tempted by an Apple
Pope Benedict sends first personal tweet - CNN.com
When asked if the Pope would be getting an iPad, the Vatican said that the Pope would not be tempted by an Apple
Elderdude
Recycles dryer sheets
Dear Santa,
How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.
Merry Christmas,
Timmy Jones
* *
Dear Timmy,
Thank you for you letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried all the time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn’t want you to get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I’ll bring you something you can go outside and play with.Merry Christmas,
Santa Claus
***
Mr. Claus,
Seeing that I have fulfilled the “naughty vs. Nice” contract, set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn’t want to turn this joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don’t you think that a jibe at my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit trite?
Respectfully,
Tim Jones
***
Mr. Jones,
While I have acknowledged you have met the “nice” criteria, need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action, well that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorney’s have been on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.
Very Truly Yours,
S Claus
***
Now look here Fat Man,
I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends into this. Now you just be disrespecting me. I’m about to tweet my boys and we’re gonna be waiting for your fat ass and I’m taking my game console, my game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN!
T-Bone
***
Listen Pizza Face,
Seriously
You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on
one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny G-banger wannabe? “He sees you when you’re sleeping; He knows when you’re awake”. Sound familiar, genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal. I got your sh*t wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people that if I described them right now, you’d throw up your Totino’s pizza roll all over the carpet of your mom’s basement. You’re not getting what you asked for, but I’m still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in you’re ass and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.
S Clizzy
* *
Dear Santa,
Bring me whatever you see fit. I’ll appreciate anything.
Timmy
* *
Timmy,
That’s what I thought, you little bastard.
Santa
How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.
Merry Christmas,
Timmy Jones
* *
Dear Timmy,
Thank you for you letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried all the time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn’t want you to get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I’ll bring you something you can go outside and play with.Merry Christmas,
Santa Claus
***
Mr. Claus,
Seeing that I have fulfilled the “naughty vs. Nice” contract, set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn’t want to turn this joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don’t you think that a jibe at my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit trite?
Respectfully,
Tim Jones
***
Mr. Jones,
While I have acknowledged you have met the “nice” criteria, need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action, well that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorney’s have been on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.
Very Truly Yours,
S Claus
***
Now look here Fat Man,
I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends into this. Now you just be disrespecting me. I’m about to tweet my boys and we’re gonna be waiting for your fat ass and I’m taking my game console, my game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN!
T-Bone
***
Listen Pizza Face,
Seriously
You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world onone night and never gets caught sweats a skinny G-banger wannabe? “He sees you when you’re sleeping; He knows when you’re awake”. Sound familiar, genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal. I got your sh*t wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people that if I described them right now, you’d throw up your Totino’s pizza roll all over the carpet of your mom’s basement. You’re not getting what you asked for, but I’m still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in you’re ass and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.
S Clizzy
* *
Dear Santa,
Bring me whatever you see fit. I’ll appreciate anything.
Timmy
* *
Timmy,
That’s what I thought, you little bastard.
Santa
hakuna matata
Recycles dryer sheets
Another Christmas joke:
An old man in Florida calls his son in New York and tells him he and his mother are getting a divorce after 45 years. "I can't stand looking at her face anymore," he tells him.
"Call your sister and tell her, I don't want to listen to her trying to talk me out of it."
In a panic the son calls his sister in Chicago, who promptly calls her father after hearing the news, telling him, "Don't sign any papers, don't talk a lawyer, wait for my brother and I to get down there and we can talk it over."
Hanging up the phone with his daughter, the old man turns to his wife and says, "They're coming down for Christmas and they're paying for the flights."
An old man in Florida calls his son in New York and tells him he and his mother are getting a divorce after 45 years. "I can't stand looking at her face anymore," he tells him.
"Call your sister and tell her, I don't want to listen to her trying to talk me out of it."
In a panic the son calls his sister in Chicago, who promptly calls her father after hearing the news, telling him, "Don't sign any papers, don't talk a lawyer, wait for my brother and I to get down there and we can talk it over."
Hanging up the phone with his daughter, the old man turns to his wife and says, "They're coming down for Christmas and they're paying for the flights."
Nemo2
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
- Joined
- May 14, 2011
- Messages
- 8,368
Stolen from elsewhere:
With the Holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with my friends about drinking and driving. As you may know some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time on the way home after a "social session" out with friends.
Well two days ago I was out for an evening with friends and had several cocktails followed by some rather nice red wine. Feeling jolly I still had the sense to know that I may be slightly over the limit. That's when I did something that I've never done before - I took a cab home. Sure enough on the way home there was a police road block but since it was a cab they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident. This was a real surprise as I had never driven a cab before, I don't know where I got it and now that it's in my garage I don't know what to do with it.
With the Holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with my friends about drinking and driving. As you may know some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time on the way home after a "social session" out with friends.
Well two days ago I was out for an evening with friends and had several cocktails followed by some rather nice red wine. Feeling jolly I still had the sense to know that I may be slightly over the limit. That's when I did something that I've never done before - I took a cab home. Sure enough on the way home there was a police road block but since it was a cab they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident. This was a real surprise as I had never driven a cab before, I don't know where I got it and now that it's in my garage I don't know what to do with it.
Nemo2
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
- Joined
- May 14, 2011
- Messages
- 8,368
Investment Opportunity!!!! Don't get left out of this one!!!!
Thought you might want to consider getting on board early....
A British Engineer just started his own business in Afghanistan.
He's making land mines that look like prayer mats.
It's doing well.
He says prophets are going through the roof.
Thought you might want to consider getting on board early....
A British Engineer just started his own business in Afghanistan.
He's making land mines that look like prayer mats.
It's doing well.
He says prophets are going through the roof.
hakuna matata
Recycles dryer sheets
from another joke thread on another site:
A guy is standing on his balcony in a high rise when an object the size of a hailstone falls out of the sky. On reflex, he reaches out and grabs it. It turns out to be a glass eye. He leans over the railing and sees a woman waving at him from a few floors up. He takes the elevator and arrives at the door to her apartment. She opens the door and is drop-dead gorgeous.
"Oh, thank you SO much!" she gushes. "Come on in, have a glass of wine with me!" They go into her apartment. She pops the prosthesis back into its socket and opens a bottle of red. She hands him his glass and says "Make yourself comfortable on the couch. I'll be right back!"
She disappears into the bedroom and comes out a few minutes later in a flimsy negligee. Then she curls up on the couch and starts nuzzling the guy's neck.
He stares at her in disbelief. "Tell me," he says, "do you come on like this to every guy you meet?"
"No," she purrs. "Just to those who catch my eye!"
A guy is standing on his balcony in a high rise when an object the size of a hailstone falls out of the sky. On reflex, he reaches out and grabs it. It turns out to be a glass eye. He leans over the railing and sees a woman waving at him from a few floors up. He takes the elevator and arrives at the door to her apartment. She opens the door and is drop-dead gorgeous.
"Oh, thank you SO much!" she gushes. "Come on in, have a glass of wine with me!" They go into her apartment. She pops the prosthesis back into its socket and opens a bottle of red. She hands him his glass and says "Make yourself comfortable on the couch. I'll be right back!"
She disappears into the bedroom and comes out a few minutes later in a flimsy negligee. Then she curls up on the couch and starts nuzzling the guy's neck.
He stares at her in disbelief. "Tell me," he says, "do you come on like this to every guy you meet?"
"No," she purrs. "Just to those who catch my eye!"
- Joined
- Jul 18, 2010
- Messages
- 7,946
Oh dear! Had trouble reading them as I was laughing so hard I cried! Thanks for sharing.
ls99
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
- Joined
- May 2, 2008
- Messages
- 6,506
Well, it is not Thursday, but seems the End of The World did not happen in SW PA. 18 hours to go
Nemo2
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
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- May 14, 2011
- Messages
- 8,368
I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table.
I said, "Nice legs."
The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so."
I said "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now. "
I said, "Nice legs."
The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so."
I said "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now. "
mickeyd
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
New Year's Resolutions for Pets
1. Have a torrid one-night stand with a street mutt.
2. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.
3. Circulate petition that Leg Humping be a juried competition in major dog shows.
4. Call PETA and tell them what that surgical mask-wearing freak does to us when no one is around.
5. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.
6. Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on 'roids, or they'll flush my butt.
7. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.
8. Get out of the castle more, maybe swim counter-clockwise this year.
9. January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock.
10. I will NOT chase the damned stick unless I see it LEAVE HIS HAND.
1. Have a torrid one-night stand with a street mutt.
2. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.
3. Circulate petition that Leg Humping be a juried competition in major dog shows.
4. Call PETA and tell them what that surgical mask-wearing freak does to us when no one is around.
5. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.
6. Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on 'roids, or they'll flush my butt.
7. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.
8. Get out of the castle more, maybe swim counter-clockwise this year.
9. January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock.
10. I will NOT chase the damned stick unless I see it LEAVE HIS HAND.
Purron
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
- Joined
- Nov 23, 2007
- Messages
- 5,596
New state slogans for 2013
New State Slogans for 2013
New State Slogans for 2013
eytonxav
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Definition of SOS
A C-130 was lumbering along when a cocky F-16 flashed by.
The jet jockey decided to show off .
The fighter jock told the C-130 pilot, 'watch this!'
and promptly went into a barrel roll followed by a steep climb..
He then finished with a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier.
The F-16 pilot asked the C-130 pilot what he thought of that.
The C-130 pilot said, 'That was impressive, but watch this!'
The C-130 droned along for about 5 minutes
and then t he C-130 pilot came back on and said:
'What did you think of that?'
Puzzled, the F-16 pilot asked, 'What the heck did you do?'
The C-130 pilot chuckled.
'I stood up, stretched my legs, walked to the back,
took a leak, then got a cup of coffee and a cinnamon roll.'
When you are young & foolish -
speed & flash may seem a good thing!
When you get older & smarter -
comfort & dull is not such a bad thing!
Us older folks understand this one, it's called S.O.S.
A C-130 was lumbering along when a cocky F-16 flashed by.
The jet jockey decided to show off .
The fighter jock told the C-130 pilot, 'watch this!'
and promptly went into a barrel roll followed by a steep climb..
He then finished with a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier.
The F-16 pilot asked the C-130 pilot what he thought of that.
The C-130 pilot said, 'That was impressive, but watch this!'
The C-130 droned along for about 5 minutes
and then t he C-130 pilot came back on and said:
'What did you think of that?'
Puzzled, the F-16 pilot asked, 'What the heck did you do?'
The C-130 pilot chuckled.
'I stood up, stretched my legs, walked to the back,
took a leak, then got a cup of coffee and a cinnamon roll.'
When you are young & foolish -
speed & flash may seem a good thing!
When you get older & smarter -
comfort & dull is not such a bad thing!
Us older folks understand this one, it's called S.O.S.
Slower, Older and Smarter.
With apologies to our neighbors in Minnesota
Just in case ya didn't know...
Minnesota became the 32nd state on May 11, 1858 and was originally settled by a lost tribe of Norwegians seeking refuge from the searing heat of Wisconsin 's winters.
Minnesota gets it's name from the Sioux Indian word "mah-nee-soo-tah," meaning, "No, really... They eat fish soaked in lye."
The state song of Minnesota is "Someday the Vikings will... Aw, never mind."
The Mall of America in Bloomington , Minnesota covers 9.5 million square feet and has enough space to hold 185,000 idiot teenagers yapping away on cell phones.
Madison, Minnesota is known as "the lutefisk capital of the world." Avoid this city at all costs.
"The Mary Tyler Moore Show" was set in Minneapolis , Minnesota , and was Mary's first real acting job since leaving the "Dick van Dyke Show. The show about a single woman's struggle to find happiness in the big city was originally titled "Life Without Dick," but that was changed for some reason.
Downtown Minneapolis has an enclosed skyway system covering 52 blocks, allowing people to live, work, eat, and sleep without ever going outside. The only downside to this is that a Norwegian occasionally turns up missing.
Cartoonist Charles M. Shultz was born in Minneapolis , Minnesota and grew up in St. Paul. He was the only artist to accurately depict the perfectly circular heads of Minnesota natives.
The Hormel Company of Austin , Minnesota produces 6 million cans of Spam a year, even though no one actually eats it. Spam is a prized food in Japan & Hawaii--Spam sushi!!
Minnesota license plates are blue & white and contain the phrase "Blizzards on the 4th of July - you get used to it."
Frank C. Mars, founder of the Mars Candy Co. was born in Newport, Minnesota . His 3 Musketeers candy bar originally contained three bars in one wrapper, each filled with a different flavor of nougat -chocolate, Spam and lutefisk.
Tonka trucks continue to be manufactured in Minnetonka, Minnesota, despite the thousands of GI Joe dolls killed by them annually in rollover accidents. No airbags, no seat belts. These things are deathtraps, I tell ya!
Author Laura Ingalls Wilder was raised at Walnut Grove, Minnesota, and was famous for writing the "Little House" series of books, as well as inventing the "Spam diet" which consists of looking at a plate of Spam until you lose your appetite. Much like the "lutefisk diet"
The snowmobile was invented in Roseau , Minnesota so as to allow families a means of attending 4th of July picnics
Minnesotans are almost indistinguishable from Wisconsinites. The only way to tell them apart is to ask if they voted for Mondale in '84.
Cold is a relative thing ya know....
At 65 degrees, Arizonans turn on the heat. People in Minnesota plant gardens.
At 60, Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in Minnesota sunbathe.
At 50, Italian & English cars won't start. People in Minnesota drive with the windows down..
At 40, Georgians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats. People in Minnesota throw on a flannel shirt.
At 35, New York landlords finally turn up the heat. People in Minnesota have the last cookout before it gets cold.
At 20, People in Miami all die. Minnesotans close their windows.
At 0, Californians fly away to Mexico . People in Minnesota get out their winter coats.
At 10 below zero, Hollywood disintegrates. The Girl Scouts in Minnesota are selling cookies door to door.
At 20 below, Washington DC runs out of hot air. (Ya think? Nah.). People in Minnesota let their dogs sleep indoors.
At 30 below, Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Minnesotans get upset because they can't start the snowmobile.
At 40 below, ALL atomic motion stops. People in Minnesota start saying..."Cold enough for ya, eh?"
At 50 below, heck freezes over. Minnesota public schools will open 2 hours late.
Just in case ya didn't know...
Minnesota became the 32nd state on May 11, 1858 and was originally settled by a lost tribe of Norwegians seeking refuge from the searing heat of Wisconsin 's winters.
Minnesota gets it's name from the Sioux Indian word "mah-nee-soo-tah," meaning, "No, really... They eat fish soaked in lye."
The state song of Minnesota is "Someday the Vikings will... Aw, never mind."
The Mall of America in Bloomington , Minnesota covers 9.5 million square feet and has enough space to hold 185,000 idiot teenagers yapping away on cell phones.
Madison, Minnesota is known as "the lutefisk capital of the world." Avoid this city at all costs.
"The Mary Tyler Moore Show" was set in Minneapolis , Minnesota , and was Mary's first real acting job since leaving the "Dick van Dyke Show. The show about a single woman's struggle to find happiness in the big city was originally titled "Life Without Dick," but that was changed for some reason.
Downtown Minneapolis has an enclosed skyway system covering 52 blocks, allowing people to live, work, eat, and sleep without ever going outside. The only downside to this is that a Norwegian occasionally turns up missing.
Cartoonist Charles M. Shultz was born in Minneapolis , Minnesota and grew up in St. Paul. He was the only artist to accurately depict the perfectly circular heads of Minnesota natives.
The Hormel Company of Austin , Minnesota produces 6 million cans of Spam a year, even though no one actually eats it. Spam is a prized food in Japan & Hawaii--Spam sushi!!
Minnesota license plates are blue & white and contain the phrase "Blizzards on the 4th of July - you get used to it."
Frank C. Mars, founder of the Mars Candy Co. was born in Newport, Minnesota . His 3 Musketeers candy bar originally contained three bars in one wrapper, each filled with a different flavor of nougat -chocolate, Spam and lutefisk.
Tonka trucks continue to be manufactured in Minnetonka, Minnesota, despite the thousands of GI Joe dolls killed by them annually in rollover accidents. No airbags, no seat belts. These things are deathtraps, I tell ya!
Author Laura Ingalls Wilder was raised at Walnut Grove, Minnesota, and was famous for writing the "Little House" series of books, as well as inventing the "Spam diet" which consists of looking at a plate of Spam until you lose your appetite. Much like the "lutefisk diet"
The snowmobile was invented in Roseau , Minnesota so as to allow families a means of attending 4th of July picnics
Minnesotans are almost indistinguishable from Wisconsinites. The only way to tell them apart is to ask if they voted for Mondale in '84.
Cold is a relative thing ya know....
At 65 degrees, Arizonans turn on the heat. People in Minnesota plant gardens.
At 60, Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in Minnesota sunbathe.
At 50, Italian & English cars won't start. People in Minnesota drive with the windows down..
At 40, Georgians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats. People in Minnesota throw on a flannel shirt.
At 35, New York landlords finally turn up the heat. People in Minnesota have the last cookout before it gets cold.
At 20, People in Miami all die. Minnesotans close their windows.
At 0, Californians fly away to Mexico . People in Minnesota get out their winter coats.
At 10 below zero, Hollywood disintegrates. The Girl Scouts in Minnesota are selling cookies door to door.
At 20 below, Washington DC runs out of hot air. (Ya think? Nah.). People in Minnesota let their dogs sleep indoors.
At 30 below, Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Minnesotans get upset because they can't start the snowmobile.
At 40 below, ALL atomic motion stops. People in Minnesota start saying..."Cold enough for ya, eh?"
At 50 below, heck freezes over. Minnesota public schools will open 2 hours late.
frayne
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
One of the funniest things I read today:
"Kate Upton and Mark Sanchez only dated for about 20 minutes, and that was almost a year ago, but that didn?t stop her from mocking him on twitter last night during the BCS Championship game because women are black hearted monsters.
Sanchez of course is the, um, ?quarterback? (for lack of a better word) for the NY Jets, who went 6-10 this season, so as Alabama rolled Notre Dame 42-10, Upton posted the tweet above ['It's okay Notre Dame this happened to the Jets every week.']. Sanchez tried to reply several times, but sent the first few tweets to the wrong model and then dropped his phone."
"Kate Upton and Mark Sanchez only dated for about 20 minutes, and that was almost a year ago, but that didn?t stop her from mocking him on twitter last night during the BCS Championship game because women are black hearted monsters.
Sanchez of course is the, um, ?quarterback? (for lack of a better word) for the NY Jets, who went 6-10 this season, so as Alabama rolled Notre Dame 42-10, Upton posted the tweet above ['It's okay Notre Dame this happened to the Jets every week.']. Sanchez tried to reply several times, but sent the first few tweets to the wrong model and then dropped his phone."
travelover
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
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- Mar 31, 2007
- Messages
- 14,328
David1961
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
- Joined
- Jul 26, 2007
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If Apple made automobiles, would they have Windows?
mickeyd
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
WORLD'S EASIEST IQ TEST (QUIZ)!
(Passing requires only 3 correct answers out of 10!)
Time yourself
QUESTIONS START HERE:
1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last ?
2) Which country makes Panama hats ?
3) From which animal do we get cat gut ?
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution ?
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of ?
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal ?
7) What was King George VI's first name ?
8) What color is a purple finch ?
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from ?
10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane ?
Remember, you need only 3 correct answers to pass.
Happy Smile!
ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ
1) 116 years, from 1337 to 1453.
2) Ecuador.
3) From sheep and horses.
4) November. The Russian calendar was 13 days behind ours.
5) Squirrel fir.
6) The Latin name was Insularia Canaria - Island of the Dogs.
7) Albert. When he came to the throne in 1936 he respected the wish of Queen Victoria that no future king should ever be
called Albert.
8) Distinctively crimson.
9) New Zealand.
10) Orange
(Passing requires only 3 correct answers out of 10!)
Time yourself
QUESTIONS START HERE:
1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last ?
2) Which country makes Panama hats ?
3) From which animal do we get cat gut ?
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution ?
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of ?
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal ?
7) What was King George VI's first name ?
8) What color is a purple finch ?
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from ?
10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane ?
Remember, you need only 3 correct answers to pass.
Happy Smile!
ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ
1) 116 years, from 1337 to 1453.
2) Ecuador.
3) From sheep and horses.
4) November. The Russian calendar was 13 days behind ours.
5) Squirrel fir.
6) The Latin name was Insularia Canaria - Island of the Dogs.
7) Albert. When he came to the throne in 1936 he respected the wish of Queen Victoria that no future king should ever be
called Albert.
8) Distinctively crimson.
9) New Zealand.
10) Orange
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