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Old 11-06-2014, 11:51 AM   #3541
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So now we are going to kill one of the oldest threads on the forum because of politically correct sensibilities?

Naw, it will live on. We just need to have attendees get a username and password to log in to it.
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Old 11-06-2014, 11:52 AM   #3542
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Originally Posted by Meadbh View Post
OK, let's turn this one around:

A blond Adonis is working as a house painter. He arrives at a clients house and she asks him to paint her porch pink. Half an hour later, he knocks on the door to tell her he's done.

"Already??", she asks, shocked.

"Yup, and there was some leftover paint so I did a second coat."

"Show me", she says.

"He says "By the way, it's not a porch, it's a Lexus."

"Yeah, my Mafiosi husband will really appreciate that!"
Your joke could have been funny, except that your timing was off.

However, the fact the a Mafiosi was coming home to a pink porch is kind of amusing.
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Old 11-06-2014, 01:04 PM   #3543
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I forward a few jokes from this thread but usually any joke with the word "panties" in it gets skipped right over, not even read. Really, who says "panties" in real life?
Wait, I love the word "panties"! Especially when saying "Don't get your panties in a bunch!"
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Old 11-06-2014, 01:36 PM   #3544
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True, Sarah, but I bet you only use it for that. Also a staple for the way overworked "put your big-girl panties on."
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Old 11-06-2014, 01:39 PM   #3545
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To be politically correct, how about, "Don't get your unmentionables in a bunch!"?
(Actually, I kind of like that--it leads to all sorts of possibilities).
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Old 11-06-2014, 02:25 PM   #3546
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When I worked in Europe, I always enjoyed hearing someone say "They've got their knickers in a twist."
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Old 11-06-2014, 02:26 PM   #3547
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Feever wants us all to use step-ins instead! LOL!
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Old 11-06-2014, 02:34 PM   #3548
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Moreover I want us all to use the same step-ins. Okay you Brits can can use a pair of knickers if you must.
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Old 11-06-2014, 06:59 PM   #3549
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. Okay you Brits can can use a pair of knickers if you must.
And why are they 'pairs'? No-one, (at least to the best of my knowledge), says "A pair of shirts/jackets", (when referring to one item of apparel).
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Old 11-06-2014, 08:08 PM   #3550
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I'm not blonde, ...
... but you play one on TV?



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Old 11-06-2014, 08:19 PM   #3551
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Why doesn't somebody start a thread of jokes that won't offend anybody? That should solve the problem. The people that are OK with stupid sophomoric and demeaning jokes can read this thread, and the people that object to the jokes on this thread can look at a blank screen.
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Old 11-07-2014, 10:07 AM   #3552
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Why did the punk rocker cross the road?
Because he had a chicken stapled to his face.

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Old 11-07-2014, 11:01 AM   #3553
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OK, here's one that should be completely inoffensive to everyone. It's also true:

[I should mention that it shows what a computer nerd I am that I find this absolutely hilarious.]

Back in the late 90s, I read an article about how the Orthodox churches in Russia were being severely vandalized during the breakup of the USSR. The piece talked about how the stained glass windows were smashed, sacred ikons stolen, etc.

The next day, I was eating lunch with a few friends, and I talked about this sad turn of events.

My friend Howard immediately replied "No windows? No icons? That means they'll have to say Mass at the prompt."

One of the best spontaneous jokes I've ever heard.
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Old 11-07-2014, 11:19 AM   #3554
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Why doesn't somebody start a thread of jokes that won't offend anybody? That should solve the problem. The people that are OK with stupid sophomoric and demeaning jokes can read this thread, and the people that object to the jokes on this thread can look at a blank screen.
Trust me. Somebody will be offended by some joke. You might as well start a thread of completely blank messages.
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Old 11-07-2014, 11:21 AM   #3555
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..."No windows? No icons? That means they'll have to say Mass at the prompt."

One of the best spontaneous jokes I've ever heard.
Reminds me of the story I heard in Albuquerque. The convention and visitors bureau ran a contest of the funniest questions members had been asked by tourists. The winner was a question someone called to ask about the events scheduled for the big annual Balloon Festival: "Do you have to be Catholic to attend the mass ascension?"
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Old 11-07-2014, 11:58 AM   #3556
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FIL gave tours from Gouldings Trading Post in Monument Valley way back when. They had a WW2 era bus, The Watermelon, rigged with big fat high flotation airplane tires so they could get out offroad into the desert and show the tourists Dine' pictographs and hogans and abandoned ruins. He would expound on the history of the people, their communities, ruins, pottery and archeological findings. He claimed one earnest tourist asked just how many undiscovered ruins there were....
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Old 11-07-2014, 03:37 PM   #3557
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He claimed one earnest tourist asked just how many undiscovered ruins there were....
Since I have had several jobs dealing with the general public I absolutely believe him. Sometimes, one genuinely does wonder "Who dresses these people in the morning?" They're clearly not smart enough to do it themselves.
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Old 11-07-2014, 03:48 PM   #3558
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Wife and I were at a fabric store..... and I get the gist of what she meant, but I did do a double take when the lady asked the clerk, "do you have red in any other color?"
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Old 11-07-2014, 03:57 PM   #3559
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Guy gets in a horrible accident. He wakes up with his surgeon looking down at him. Dr. say's, "I'm sorry to say you've been severely injured. I'm afraid to say that I have some bad news for you....but also some good."

Guy, says, "Give it to me straight Doc...what's the bad news?"

Dr. says, "It's your legs. I'm afraid we had to amputate both of them". The fellow looks forlorn, sighs and says, "What's the good news"

The Doc cheerfully responds, "The guy the next bed over there wants to buy your shoes!"
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Old 11-07-2014, 06:24 PM   #3560
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I'm afraid the quality dropped as soon as we started worrying about offending people. I had a great joke from a Leno headline. It included the word panty.

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