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Old 08-19-2015, 12:19 PM   #3721
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Quote:
Originally Posted by frayne View Post
Daniel Snyder, owner of the NFL Redskins, has announced that the team is dropping the
word "Washington" from the team name and it will henceforth be simply known as
"The Redskins"

It was reported that he finds the word 'Washington' imparts a negative image of poor leadership,
mismanagement, corruption, cheating, and lying, and is not a fitting role model for young fans of football.
Things have gotten so "politically correct" in the past 10 years, I have lost half my vocabulary from my youth. I barely have enough words left to form a complete sentence.
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Old 08-19-2015, 12:31 PM   #3722
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Things have gotten so "politically correct" in the past 10 years, I have lost half my vocabulary from my youth. I barely have enough words left to form a complete sentence.
That made me laugh like a..........no, I can't say that (anymore).
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Old 08-19-2015, 12:46 PM   #3723
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That made me laugh like a..........no, I can't say that (anymore).
Nemo, I have been told a couple times in recent years from "redfaced chuckling" friends that "that word isnt used anymore". Oh well, live and learn.
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Old 08-19-2015, 01:25 PM   #3724
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Oh well, live and learn.
I've, thus far, managed the 'live' part, but the 'learn' is a whole 'nother matter.
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Old 08-23-2015, 09:03 PM   #3725
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I can speak entire paragraphs using only "colorful metaphors".

Probably not PC...
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Old 08-24-2015, 04:31 AM   #3726
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I can speak entire paragraphs using only "colorful metaphors".

Probably not PC...
Hitchhiking eastwards in Turkey, 1963, we traveled for a while with a couple young German guys......one of them had recently worked as a waiter in London in order to improve his English.

He said **** was the best, most versatile, word he'd learned......said you can say "The **** this or the **** that" and everyone knows exactly what you mean.
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Old 08-24-2015, 07:14 AM   #3727
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In the 80s DH played in a bar band 6 nights/week. The head bartender was Thai, and started teaching the band members Thai on slow night. The only words he taught were words that in print look like this: %?@&..@. 😃


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Dog's Life
Old 08-26-2015, 12:58 PM   #3728
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Dog's Life

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - snout height.


Dear Dogs:
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

Our house was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the next room is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, growl, etc. or try to turn the knob. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear dogs, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Dogs:


1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why it's called 'fur'niture.)

3. I like my dogs a lot better than I like a lot of people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, they are my adopted children. They just happen to be short, hairy, walk on all fours and whine & growl instead of speaking like you do.

Remember, Dogs are better than kids because they:

1. Eat less

2. Don't ask for money all the time

3. Are easier to train ()

4. Usually come when called

5. Never ask to drive your car

6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends

7. Don't smoke or drink

8. Don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions

9. Don't wear your clothes

10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and

11. If they get pregnant, you can just sell their children if you want to.
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Old 08-26-2015, 01:01 PM   #3729
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I want to use some of these in a book:

https://writingenglish.wordpress.com...lish-teachers/

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Old 08-26-2015, 01:12 PM   #3730
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I want to use some of these in a book:

https://writingenglish.wordpress.com...lish-teachers/

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"20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work." Now this is a writer with a future.
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Old 08-26-2015, 01:41 PM   #3731
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"20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work." Now this is a writer with a future.
That was by far the best one......although I also liked #14, having, as were we all as kids, being subjected to surprise tests of that nature.
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Old 08-26-2015, 02:36 PM   #3732
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"20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work." Now this is a writer with a future.
I have one of those BIL's!!
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Old 08-29-2015, 07:46 PM   #3733
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Telling him softly....


With a very seductive voice a wife asked her husband, "Have you ever seen twenty dollars all crumpled up?"

"No, said her husband.”

She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top three buttons of her blouse and slowly reached down in her cleavage, created by a soft, silky, push-up bra and pulled out a crumpled twenty dollar bill.

He took the crumpled twenty dollar bill from her and smiled approvingly.

She then asked, "Have you ever seen fifty dollars all crumpled up?"

"No, I haven't," he said with an anxious tone in his voice.

She gave him another sexy little smile, unzipped her skirt, letting It drop to the floor and seductively reached into her panties and pulled out a crumpled fifty dollar bill.

He took the crumpled fifty dollar bill and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation.

"Now," she said, "Have you ever seen 50,000 dollars all crumpled up?"

"No way!" he said, becoming even more aroused and excited to which she replied:

"Go look in the garage."
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Old 08-31-2015, 07:35 AM   #3734
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Old 08-31-2015, 02:57 PM   #3735
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This site can keep you laughing for hours. Funny translations to English, mostly from Japanese or Chinese.
Engrish.comEngrish.com | Documenting the Engrish phenomenon from East Asia and around the world!
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It's all about THAT box
Old 08-31-2015, 07:19 PM   #3736
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It's all about THAT box

You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night. You pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.

2. An old friend who once saved your life.

3. The perfect man (or) woman you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car.

Think before you continue reading.

This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.

You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first; or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back.

However, you may never be able to find your perfect dream lover again.

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. I love this, I may actually use it sometime for an interview situation.

WHAT DID HE SAY?

He simply answered: ""I would give the car keys to my old friend, and let him take the lady to the hospital.
I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the woman of my dreams.""

Never forget to ""Think Outside of the Box."

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Old 08-31-2015, 07:25 PM   #3737
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Quote:

"Now," she said, "Have you ever seen 50,000 dollars all
crumpled up?"

"No way!" he said, becoming even more aroused and excited
to which she replied:

"Go look in the
garage."

She wrecked 3 Corollas? What the what?
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Old 08-31-2015, 07:42 PM   #3738
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...WHAT DID HE SAY?

He simply answered: ""I would give the car keys to my old friend, and let him take the lady to the hospital.
I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the woman of my dreams."
This is the answer that immediately came to my mind also. But then I began to imagine what my wife would do to me if she drove by and saw me sitting at the bus stop with the woman of my dreams. So I decided that I'd give the old lady the first aid kit from my trunk and then go have a beer with my old buddy.
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Old 09-04-2015, 04:04 PM   #3739
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Paper is not dead:

https://www.youtube.com/embed/V_gOZDWQj3Q?rel=0
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Old 09-05-2015, 10:35 AM   #3740
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I'm offended by this.
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