It's funny joke Thursday! 2005 - 2020

[Oz investor]

some how i can laugh at this still

the house where i am supposed to be 'couch-surfing is under repair from water damage to the roof , in 2016 partly caused by faulty repairs made in 2014

so far after 3 years since the pivotal rain event rooms complete ( fit to move the furniture back into ) equals ZERO , the house has been rewired 3 times completely , the tile flooring replaced TWiCE ( the entire house has ceramic floors ) the bathroom is being torn up for the 4th time in an attempt to make it waterproof , most of the internal walls have been replaced ( at least once ), all the ceilings has been replaced ( some of that 3 times ) the kitchen bench-top is on version 4 ( one arrived broken , one arrived the wrong size , and one broken during the ceiling repair ....

the loo won't be installed until AFTER the painters and other workers are finished ( the plumber is trying to avoid a disaster there .. and who could blame him )

things to do finish the shower ( hopefully before 2030 ) paint 100% of the walls ( AGAIN ) and most of the ceiling check for new broken floor tiles , install the kitchen , shower and toilet plumbing ... put the lock on the back door and toilet door , clean and vacuum the house and move in the furniture ( which gas been sitting in shipping containers for about 3 years


sigh , bound to be something we have missed , the good thing is it is only a single storey house with no stairs ( it could have been worse ... but it DOES have a tile roof , [ wink ] )

 

[calmloki]

 

[RetireBy90]

A SIGN IN A SHOE REPAIR STORE IN VANCOUVER READs: We will heel you


We will save your sole


We will even dye for you.

 

[RetireBy90]

A SIGN ON A BLINDS AND CURTAIN TRUCK:
“Blind man driving.”

 

[RetireBy90]

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”






In a Podiatrist's office:


"Time wounds all heels.”

 

[RetireBy90]

On a Septic Tank Truck:


Yesterday's Meals on Wheels



At an Optometrist's Office:


"If you don't see what you're looking for,
You've come to the right place.”

 

[RetireBy90]

On a Plumber's truck:


"We repair what your husband fixed.”






On another Plumber's truck:


"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”

 

[RetireBy90]

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:


"Invite us to your next blowout.”






On an Electrician's truck:


"Let us remove your shorts.”

 

[RetireBy90]

In a Non-smoking Area:

"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and
will take appropriate action.”

At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.”

 

[RetireBy90]

Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:

"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”

At the Electric Company:

"We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time.
However, if you don't, YOU will be de-lighted.”

In a Restaurant window:

"Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.”

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:

"Drive carefully. We'll wait.”

 

[RetireBy90]

At a Propane Filling Station:
"Thank Heaven for little grills.”

In a Chicago Radiator Shop:

"Best place in town to take a leak.”

Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:

“Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises”


And my fav


On a Maternity Room door:


"Push. Push. Push.”

 

[TromboneAl]

Nice ones!

 

[ERD50]

some how i can laugh at this still ...

Oh man, that is some quirky humor (or should I say "humour"?). Never saw that before. Watched it about 3x so far.

Between the old audio quality and the accents, it was hard for me to catch all the words. Much funnier when I could follow it all:

https://genius.com/Bernard-cribbins-right-said-fred-lyrics

(A story about workers trying to move a piano)

"Right," said Fred, "Both of us together
One each end and steady as we go."
Tried to shift it, couldn't even lift it
We was getting nowhere
And so we had a cuppa tea and........

(hilarity ensues, with many cups of tea)....

And Charlie had a think, and he said, "Look, Fred
I got a sort of feelin'
If we remove the ceiling
With a rope or two we could drop the blighter through."

"All right," said Fred, climbing up a ladder
With his crowbar gave a mighty blow
Was he in trouble, half a ton of rubble landed on the top of his dome
So Charlie and me had another cuppa tea
And then we went home.​

And yes, the band is named after this song:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Right_Said_Fred

-ERD50

 

[Car-Guy]

On a Septic Tank Truck:


Yesterday's Meals on Wheels

On a Plumber's truck:

"We repair what your husband fixed.”

 

[GalaxyBoy]

There's a septic tank truck (we called them "honey wagons" at the power plant construction site) around my neck of the woods with the label, "milk" in bold letters across the back.

 

[BigNick]

There's a septic tank truck (we called them "honey wagons" at the power plant construction site) around my neck of the woods with the label, "milk" in bold letters across the back.

Other septic tank truck slogans I've seen:
"We're #1 in the #2 business"
"Everything you do is driven by us" (in the early 1990s, of course)
"No stools left in this vehicle overnight"

 

[TromboneAl]

I've seen a lot of "dog wears booties for the first time" videos, but this one takes the cake (funniest with the sound on):

https://www.instagram.com/p/BvJpFyFnc8j/

 

[RetireBy90]

I've seen a lot of "dog wears booties for the first time" videos, but this one takes the cake (funniest with the sound on):

https://www.instagram.com/p/BvJpFyFnc8j/

Good one, first one I've seen.

 

[samclem]

I've seen a lot of "dog wears booties for the first time" videos, but this one takes the cake (funniest with the sound on):

https://www.instagram.com/p/BvJpFyFnc8j/

You know that dog is remembering every one of those folks who laughed at him. "List of people I won't wake up if the house is on fire..."

 

[Rianne]

Let's Laugh

You moderators are smarty pants.



Here's a few to get us started...


"If you think you're too small to make a difference, sleep with a mosquito."
Dalai Lama


"A stock broker told me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him 'at my age I don't even buy green bananas."
Claude Pepper


"As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it."
Dick Cavett


And one more


"My grandmother started walking when she was sixty. She's ninety- seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is."
Ellen DeGeneres

 

[COcheesehead]

If you're a happy cattleman, does that make you a Jolly Rancher?

 

[jjquantz]

Apparently, Google voice recognition still has trouble with Texas accents. This was the transcription of a voice message for my wife:

"Hummus dips, this is Tucker with the market or energy. We’re on gas company out of Dallas. I was calling about severe ozone and Martin County taxes. If you would give me a call back when you get a chance. My phone number is: XXX-XXX-XXXX. Thanks."

I told DW she has a new nickname, "Hummus dips."

 

[TromboneAl]

 

[Ankerst]

The weekend is coming......

 

[braumeister]

The sound of water vs the sound of beer.