Join Early Retirement Today
Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Seasonal humor
Old 04-21-2019, 11:54 AM   #4701
Moderator Emeritus
braumeister's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Flyover country
Posts: 12,965
Seasonal humor

image.png
__________________

__________________
I thought growing old would take longer.
braumeister is offline   Reply With Quote
Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that Early-Retirement.org is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Old 04-21-2019, 04:16 PM   #4702
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
ls99's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 5,067
__________________

__________________
There must be moderation in everything, including moderation.
ls99 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-21-2019, 04:20 PM   #4703
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
ls99's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 5,067
Quote:
Originally Posted by RetireBy90 View Post
On a Septic Tank Truck:


Yesterday's Meals on Wheels



At an Optometrist's Office:


"If you don't see what you're looking for,
You've come to the right place.”
A local guy with a pink septic truck: Poopologist
__________________
There must be moderation in everything, including moderation.
ls99 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-30-2019, 02:58 PM   #4704
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Winnipeg
Posts: 2,173
Make sure sound is on:

Music Lover is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-30-2019, 06:07 PM   #4705
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
TromboneAl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 12,076
Quote:
Originally Posted by Music Lover View Post
It's funny, but it's fake. That sound isn't coming from the trombone. The movements of the slide don't match the change in pitch. I don't doubt that the people are hearing the guy play, but the video has dubbed sound.

The trombone isn't assembled correctly, and that guy doesn't know how to play it.
__________________
Al
TromboneAl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-01-2019, 08:13 AM   #4706
Recycles dryer sheets
Christine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 308
Quote:
Originally Posted by TromboneAl View Post
It's funny, but it's fake. That sound isn't coming from the trombone. The movements of the slide don't match the change in pitch. I don't doubt that the people are hearing the guy play, but the video has dubbed sound.

The trombone isn't assembled correctly, and that guy doesn't know how to play it.

If I invited you along in my electric car could you do it?



I've never tried that instrument so genuinely curious...
Christine is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-06-2019, 07:02 AM   #4707
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Colorado
Posts: 68
Love C&HFB_IMG_1557147554472.jpeg
Callitaday2022 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-11-2019, 08:01 AM   #4708
Moderator Emeritus
braumeister's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Flyover country
Posts: 12,965
A woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic.
He asks "What for?"
She says "I want to kill my husband."
He says "Sorry, I can't do that."

She then reaches into her handbag and pulls out a photo of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife and hands it to him.
He says "You didn't tell me you had a prescription ..."
__________________
I thought growing old would take longer.
braumeister is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-12-2019, 10:55 AM   #4709
Dryer sheet aficionado
 
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 48
If you aren't screaming "BARTENDER!" at your husband all day, are you really enjoying Mother's Day?
Squirrel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-12-2019, 04:01 PM   #4710
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
REWahoo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Texas Hill Country
Posts: 45,133
A pfunny news article:

Game of groans: Wordplay reigns at O. Henry pun championship

Quote:
“Doctor, I’m in love with you,” he started. “Actually, I’m abscessed. Now, I don’t want to throw off your arrhythmia but if you’ll do me the fever of tumor minutes of your time. Strep yourself in while I call up the relevant inflammation.”
__________________
Numbers is hard

Charter resident of the lumpen slums of cyberspace

Retired in 2005 at age 58, no pension
REWahoo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-12-2019, 04:11 PM   #4711
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
frayne's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: 19th Hole
Posts: 2,915
My doctor once asked me if my family suffered from mental illness. I told him, actually we rather enjoy it !
__________________
A totally unblemished life is only for saints.
frayne is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-21-2019, 06:04 AM   #4712
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Nemo2's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Belleville, ONT
Posts: 5,833
__________________
"Exit, pursued by a bear."

The Winter's Tale, William Shakespeare
Nemo2 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 05-21-2019, 07:55 AM   #4713
Administrator
MichaelB's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Chicagoland
Posts: 29,084
Quote:
Originally Posted by REWahoo View Post
You must have been a finalist
MichaelB is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-24-2019, 09:14 AM   #4714
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
REWahoo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Texas Hill Country
Posts: 45,133
Decided to join in on the tatoo craze and get myself one:
Attached Images
File Type: jpg 60623248_2352760868301559_4575399214133018624_n.jpg (25.9 KB, 66 views)
__________________
Numbers is hard

Charter resident of the lumpen slums of cyberspace

Retired in 2005 at age 58, no pension
REWahoo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-24-2019, 11:03 AM   #4715
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
TromboneAl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 12,076
https://www.instagram.com/p/BxvQKioF...d=glpmxm5n3cu0
__________________
Al
TromboneAl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-26-2019, 12:48 PM   #4716
Moderator
Walt34's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Eastern WV Panhandle
Posts: 19,487
The world's leading expert on European wasps walks into a record shop.
He asks the assistant “Do you have ‘European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2? I believe it was released this week.”

“Certainly,” replies the assistant. “Would you like to listen before you buy it?”

"That would be wonderful," says the expert, and puts on a pair of headphones.

He listens for a few moments and says to the assistant, “I'm terribly sorry, but I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and this is not accurate at all. I don't recognize any of those sounds. Are you sure this is the correct recording?”

The assistant checks the turntable, and replies that it is indeed European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2. The assistant apologizes and lifts the needle onto the next track.

Again the expert listens for a few moments and then says to the assistant, "No, this just can't be right! I've been an expert in this field for 43 years and I still don't recognize any of these sounds."

The assistant apologizes again and lifts the needle to the next track.

The expert throws off the headphones as soon as it starts playing and is fuming with rage.
"This is outrageous false advertising! I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and no European wasp has ever made a sound like the ones on this record!"
The manager of the shop overhears the commotion and walks over.


"What seems to be the problem, sir?"


"This is an outrage! I am the world's leading expert on European wasps. Nobody knows more about them than I do. There is no way in hell that the sounds on that record were made by European wasps!"

The manager glances down and notices the problem instantly.

"I'm terribly sorry, sir. It appears we've been playing you the bee side."
__________________
I heard the call to do nothing. So I answered it.
Walt34 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-27-2019, 12:25 PM   #4717
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
TromboneAl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 12,076
https://www.instagram.com/p/BxVvrcdA...d=m76j45zeonp3
__________________
Al
TromboneAl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-28-2019, 11:36 AM   #4718
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
TromboneAl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 12,076
A sophisticated joke:

"What happens when you eat too much alphabet soup?"
"What?"
"You have a vowel movement."
__________________
Al
TromboneAl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-28-2019, 02:34 PM   #4719
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Keim's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Moscow
Posts: 1,243
Quote:
Originally Posted by TromboneAl View Post
A sophisticated joke:

"What happens when you eat too much alphabet soup?"
"What?"
"You have a vowel movement."
I'm tired of your vowel sense of humor, T-Al.
__________________
You can't enlighten the unconscious.
But you can hit'em upside the head a few times to make sure they are really out...
Keim is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-28-2019, 03:23 PM   #4720
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Grapetown
Posts: 1,677
Quote:
Originally Posted by TromboneAl View Post
A sophisticated joke:

"What happens when you eat too much alphabet soup?"
"What?"
"You have a vowel movement."
Yeah, I concur with Keim, take a spell, Al!
__________________

Winemaker is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 3 (1 members and 2 guests)
Lewis Clark
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
A new low - this has got to be a joke Cool Dood FIRE and Money 9 07-11-2006 04:05 PM
Funny Joke Friday. Cut-Throat Other topics 1 07-07-2006 03:48 PM
Funny Car Ad TromboneAl Other topics 2 07-01-2005 08:21 PM

» Quick Links

 
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 07:07 PM.
 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.