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Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
Old 11-26-2006, 01:09 PM   #861
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Re: Its funny joke Thursday!

Quote:
3. You know several people who have hit a deer more
than once.
As opposed to hitting more than one deer? Damn, them Ontarian deer are hard to kill!
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Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
Old 11-26-2006, 01:20 PM   #862
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Re: Its funny joke Thursday!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ed_The_Gypsy
As opposed to hitting more than one deer? Damn, them Ontarian deer are hard to kill!
I think they're using firearms, not motor vehicles... the people, not the deer!
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Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
Old 11-26-2006, 03:33 PM   #863
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Re: Its funny joke Thursday!

Hey, Bruce1,

I have worked in Sarnia (and Buffalo, NY--not too different).

All of these are true!
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Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
Old 11-26-2006, 06:19 PM   #864
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Re: Its funny joke Thursday!

This is awesome:

http://fcmx.net/vec/get.swf?i=003702
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Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
Old 11-26-2006, 07:22 PM   #865
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Re: Its funny joke Thursday!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ed_The_Gypsy
Hey, Bruce1,

I have worked in Sarnia (and Buffalo, NY--not too different).

All of these are true!
Yea they are. I live near Port Dover South of Hamilton on Lake Erie. Less snow than either Buffalo or Sarnia.

BRuce
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Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
Old 11-27-2006, 10:37 AM   #866
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Re: Its funny joke Thursday!

Quote:
Originally Posted by dory36
I'd hate to see how long it'd take for a landscape or a sailboat...
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Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
Old 11-30-2006, 06:07 AM   #867
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Re: Its funny joke Thursday!



http://home.cfl.rr.com/bobcatzstuff/...s_balloons.swf
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Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
Old 11-30-2006, 10:33 AM   #868
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Re: Its funny joke Thursday!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Outtahere
It's asking for an Admin Account and Password.
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Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
Old 11-30-2006, 12:30 PM   #869
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Re: Its funny joke Thursday!

Well darn it, they must have had too many hits and changed the access level.
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Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
Old 11-30-2006, 01:35 PM   #870
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Re: Its funny joke Thursday!

A farmer was showing off his farm to a city person. He was spending a lot of time on how great his pig was, how it had saved his life numerous times. The pig had once pulled him out from under a fallen tree, etc. The city guy noticed that the pig only had three legs and asked what had happened to it. The farmer replied, "Well, you don't eat a pig like that all at once."

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Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
Old 11-30-2006, 09:32 PM   #871
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Re: Its funny joke Thursday!



http://gprime.net/video.php/inthenews
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Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
Old 12-04-2006, 10:09 AM   #872
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Re: Its funny joke Thursday!

Grandma Doesn't Know Everything

Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days.

He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her,

"Grandma, what is that called when 2 people are sleeping in the same room and one is on top of the other?

She was a little taken aback, but decided to tell him the truth: "It's called sexual intercourse, darling."

Little Tony just said, "Oh, OK" and went back outside to talk and play with the other kids.

A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily: "Grandma, it is NOT called sexual intercourse! It's called Bunk Beds! ... and Jimmy's Mom wants to talk to you!
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Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
Old 12-05-2006, 07:27 AM   #873
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Re: Its funny joke Thursday!

Tis the season


http://ww12.e-tractions.com/snowglobe/globe.htm
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Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
Old 12-05-2006, 03:41 PM   #874
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Re: Its funny joke Thursday!

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:

half-gallon of 2% milk,
carton of eggs,
quart of orange juice,
head of romaine lettuce,
3 tomatoes
2 lb. can of coffee
1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single.

She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "'Cause you're ugly."
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Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
Old 12-05-2006, 04:23 PM   #875
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Re: Its funny joke Thursday!

A drunken cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo Theater.

When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the cowboy, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat."

The cowboy groaned but didn't budge. The usher became more impatient: "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager."

Once again, the cowboy just groaned. The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success.

Finally they summoned the police.

The Texas Ranger surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?"

"Sam," the cowboy moaned.

"Where yall from, Sam?" asked the Ranger.

With terrible pain in his voice, and without moving a muscle, Sam replied,

"... the balcony..."
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Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
Old 12-06-2006, 10:37 AM   #876
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Re: Its funny joke Thursday!

Montana Rancher

Amy, a blonde city girl, marries a Montana rancher.

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says
to Amy, "The artificial-insemination man is coming over to
impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the two-by-
four just above the cow's stall in the barn. You show him where the
cow is when he gets here, okay?"

So the rancher leaves for the fields. After a while the
artificial-insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door.
Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along long row of cows
and when she sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one....
right here."

Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be
another dizzy blonde, the man asks, "Tell me ,little lady, how did
you know this is the cow to be bred?"

"That's simple; by the nail over its stall," Amy explains very
confidently.

Then the man asks, "What's the nail for?"

She turns to walk away and, with complete confidence, says,
"I guess it's to hang your pants on."
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Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
Old 12-08-2006, 05:28 PM   #877
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Re: Its funny joke Thursday!

Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In
over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."

"Okay then," Fred said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest penis the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't have been the size of a peanut. Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure.

"I'm so sorry," said the doctor. "I really am . . .I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?"

"It's swollen," Fred replied
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Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
Old 12-13-2006, 07:10 AM   #878
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Re: Its funny joke Thursday!

Four old-timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed, and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round. His buddies all chimed in and said, "Let's do it! We'll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early Christmas morning."

Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course. The first guy says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it."

The second guy says, "I spent a ton, too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures."

The third guy says, "Well, my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual."

They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring at them like they have lost their minds. "I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I slapped my wife on the butt and said, 'Well babe, Merry Christmas! It's a great morning for sex or golf,' and she said, 'Take a sweater.'"
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Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
Old 12-14-2006, 06:01 AM   #879
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Re: Its funny joke Thursday!

Christmas Story

'Twas the night before Christmas--Old Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!


I've busted my ass for damn near a year,
Instead of "Thanks Santa"--what do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight.


Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those assholes from the IRS sent me a letter,
They say I owe taxes--if that ain't damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?


And the kids these days--they all are the pits
They want the impossible--Those mean little shits
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls.Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo yo's--No request for them,
They want computers and robots...they think - I'm IBM!


Flying through the air...dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I'm quitting this job there's just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.


There's no Christmas this year now you know the reason,
I found me a blonde. I'm going SOUTH for the season
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Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
Old 12-14-2006, 07:20 AM   #880
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Re: Its funny joke Thursday!

TWO BUDDIES


Two buddies, Bob and Larry, are getting very drunk
at a bar when suddenly Larry throws up all over
himself. "Oh, no... Now my wife will kill me!"

Bob says, "Don't worry, pal. Just tuck a twenty in
your breast pocket and tell your wife that someone
threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the
dry cleaning bill."

So they stay for another couple of hours and get
even drunker.

Eventually Larry stumbles home and his wife starts
to give him a bad time. "You reek of alcohol and
you've puked all over yourself! My God...you're
disgusting!"

Speaking very carefully so as not to slur his words,
Larry says, "Nowainaminit, I can e'splain everythin.
Itsh snot wha jew think. I only had a cupla drrrinks.
But thiss other guy got ssick on me...he had one
too many and he juss koudin hold hizz liquor He said
hes was verrry sorry an' gave me twennie bucks for
the cleaning bill!"

His wife looks in the breast pocket and says, "But
this is forty bucks..."

"Oh, yeah... I almos' fergot, he shhhit in my pants, too.

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