Join Early Retirement Today
Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Aptronyms
Old 10-18-2007, 02:57 PM   #1161
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
mickeyd's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Texas~29N/98W
Posts: 5,695
Aptronyms

These are real APTRONYMS...
names that match the occupations.

Dr. Harry Beaver is a Virginia gynecologist.

Ray Ferrie is a retired ferryboat captain.

Linda Toot was the principal flute and William Basson was the bassoonist in the Milwaukee Symphony Orchestra.

The current Florida Bar directory lists eight lawyers whose surname is "Law." They outnumber the Justices, of whom only four are listed. One Just. One Juster. Two Judges, neither of whom is a judge. One Council, but no Counsel.

Miss Cashdollar was the treasurer of a grade school.

Mr. Sues is a lawyer.

A soldier was spotted at a San Francisco military base with the nametag "Mankiller."

The 2001-2 Membership and Referral Directory of the American Urology Association includes 9 Dr. Peters, 11 Dr. Wang, 4 Dr. Wiener, 4 Dr. Cox, 1 Dr. Dick, 3 Dr. Philpott, 1 Dr. Urich, 1 Dr. John Thomas and 1 Dr. Insoft

Richard Seed is a pioneer of reproductive technology.

Cardinal Jaime Sin is former head of the Catholic Church in the Philippines.

Prof. Martin Braine is an American cognitive psychologist.

Prof. John Wisdom is an American philosopher.

Dr. Mishe Feinmesser (which means knife), is an Israeli surgeon.

Dr. Fingers is a well-know gynecologist in Australia.

Lake Speed is a NASCAR driver.

Dr. Dick Bone is an osteopath.

Patricia Feral is an animal rights activist in Stamford, CT.

A guy name Hooker runs a bait shop.

George Hammer used to own a hardware store in Louisville, KY. His son, Pete Hammer, now owns it.

The expert on deformed frogs (a problem in Minnesota) is Professor Hoppe of Southwest University of Minnesota.

In Maine, there is a veterinarian named Dr. Beever and a physician named Dr. DeKay.

Bruce Payne and David Swett are authors.

There is a law firm in California called Payne & Fears who represent employers in employment litigation.

At the British Guards Depot, the chief medical officer was a Captain Blood, his assistant was Lieutenant Butcher; the Dental Officer was a Major Savage.

Dr. I. Doctor, Eye Doctor, is an ophthalmologist.

There's a used car dealership was owned by Karl Krook.

At the Oscar Mayer plant in Madison, WI, the FED meat inspector is named Mr. Carrion.

Dr. Metzger is an orthopedic surgeon. The name translated from German means "butcher."

Jared Wooley raises sheep and Dr. Bone is an orthopedist in Buffalo, NY. Back in the '70s there were two urologists in Rochester, NY named Dr. Cocky and Dr. Wee.

Dr. David Toothaker is a dentist in Arkansas.

There is also a Dr. Coffin, Dr. Fearing, Dr. Sorrow, Dr. Pray and Dr. Death (pronounced Deeth) who should probably change his name or his profession.

And not to be outdone by Yanks, Bracebridge, Ontario, Canada, boasts of an optometrist named Gord Looker, an electrician named Bruce Sparks, a heating contractor named Mr. Freeze, a sawmill operator named Jordan Plank, and Jim Crook manages the local penitentiary while his assistant is Susan Penwarden.

Dr. Tom Fillar is a dentist.

Sir Russell Brain is a famous English neurologist.

Dr. Hertz was a dentist in Ft. Lauderdale.

Rev. D. Goodenough is a Methodist minister.

Roland Cruz is an auto mechanic.

Dr. Slaughter is an oral surgeon.

There is a very well known doctor and urologist in Austin, Texas who performed many vascetomys. His name is Dr. Dick Chop and his assoiciate is Dr Hardman.
__________________

__________________
Part-Owner of Texas

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. Groucho Marx

In dire need of: faster horses, younger woman, older whiskey, more money.
mickeyd is offline   Reply With Quote
Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that Early-Retirement.org is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Old 10-19-2007, 07:25 AM   #1162
Recycles dryer sheets
BigBob's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Sebring
Posts: 190
Quote:
Originally Posted by mickeyd View Post
These are real APTRONYMS...
DW had a Ob/Gyn named Dr Papp and I am sure he took a lot of grief.
__________________

__________________
BigBob is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-19-2007, 09:49 AM   #1163
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
travelover's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 8,659
When I worked at MegaMotors, we had a safety (crash testing) supervisor named Hazzard.
__________________
Yes, I have achieved work / life balance.
travelover is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 10-19-2007, 05:11 PM   #1164
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
mickeyd's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Texas~29N/98W
Posts: 5,695
Subject: DEMOCRATIC CONVERNTION 2008
Date: Tue, 25 Sep 2007 16:23:02 -0400




:Schedule of Events
7:00 pm ~ Opening flag burning

7:15 pm ~ Pledge of Allegiance to the U. N.

7:20 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

7:25 pm ~ Nonreligious prayer
ledbyJesse Jackson and Al Sharpton

7:45 pm ~ Ceremonial tree hugging

7:55 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

8:00 pm ~ How I Invented the Internet - Al Gore

8:15 pm ~ Gay Wedding Planning - Barney Frank presiding

8:35 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

8:40 pm ~ Our Troops are War Criminals - John Kerry

9.00 pm ~ Memorial service for Saddam and his sons - Cindy Sheehan and
Susan Sarandon

10:00 pm ~ "Answering Machine Etiquette" - Alec Baldwin

11:00 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

11:05 pm ~ Collection for the Osama Bin Laden kidney transplant fund - Barbra Streisand

11:15 pm ~ Free the Freedom Fighters from Guantanamo Bay -­ Sean Penn

11:30 pm ~ Oval Office Affairs - William Jefferson Clinton

11:45 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

11:50 pm ~ How George Bush Brought Down the World Trade Towers - Howard Dean

12:15 am ~ "Truth in Broadcasting Award" - Presented to Dan Rather by Michael Moore

12:25 am ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

12:30 am ~ Satellite address by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

12:45 am ~ Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton by Nancy Pelosi

1:00 am ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

1:05 am ~ Coronation of Hillary Rodham Clinton

1:30 am ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

1:35 am ~ Bill Clinton asks Ted Kennedy to drive Hillary home
__________________
Part-Owner of Texas

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. Groucho Marx

In dire need of: faster horses, younger woman, older whiskey, more money.
mickeyd is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-21-2007, 04:17 PM   #1165
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Dawg52's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Central MS/Orange Beach, AL
Posts: 6,963
DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT

Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had togo to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check."
"Oh, by the way don't worry about my dogSpike. He won't bother you. But,whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!" "I REPEAT; DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"

When he got there he saw the biggest, meanest looking dog he had ever seen. But, as she said, he just layed on the carpet and watched him work. He didn't bother him at all.






The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessantyelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut the hell up you ugly looking bird!"

To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"
See - Men just don't listen!

__________________
Retired 3/31/2007@52
Full time wuss.......
Dawg52 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-22-2007, 12:00 PM   #1166
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 9,776
Quote:
Originally Posted by mickeyd View Post
These are real APTRONYMS...
names that match the occupations.
There was a very famous psychiatrist called Dr. Dement. I once worked with a hematologist called Dr. Blood. And I knew a pulmonologist called Dr. Bredin.

Is there any evidence that having a name like that predisposes a person to seek a particular occupation?
__________________
Meadbh is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-22-2007, 07:06 PM   #1167
Full time employment: Posting here.
VaCollector's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 532
Quote:
Originally Posted by Meadbh View Post
Is there any evidence that having a name like that predisposes a person to seek a particular occupation?
Goodness, I hope not.....

Cordially,

Seymore Butts (gynecologist )
__________________
VaCollector is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-22-2007, 07:10 PM   #1168
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
TromboneAl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 11,063
Quote:
There was a very famous psychiatrist called Dr. Dement.
He taught my freshman psych class at Cornell, and I never noticed the connection until this moment. Funny.
__________________
Al
TromboneAl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-23-2007, 09:48 AM   #1169
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
cute fuzzy bunny's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Losing my whump
Posts: 22,697
Quote:
Originally Posted by Meadbh View Post
Is there any evidence that having a name like that predisposes a person to seek a particular occupation?
At Walmart the other day I noticed their in house optometrist was Dr. Jennifer Slutsky. So it seems that some may escape the predisposition. Further examination of the situation is, however, warranted.
__________________
Be fearful when others are greedy, and greedy when others are fearful. Just another form of "buy low, sell high" for those who have trouble with things. This rule is not universal. Do not buy a 1973 Pinto because everyone else is afraid of it.
cute fuzzy bunny is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-23-2007, 12:00 PM   #1170
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
jIMOh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Milford, OH
Posts: 2,085
A young couple got married and went away on their honeymoon. When they returned, the bride immediately called her mother.

"Well, how was the honeymoon?" asked the mother.

"Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..." Suddenly, she burst out crying. "But mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language. He's been saying things I've never heard before! All these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home... please mama!"

"Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words has he been using?"

"Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed! They're just too awful! You've got to come get me and take me home... please mama!"

"Darling, baby, you must tell me what's making you so upset... Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words."

Still sobbing, the bride replied, "Oh, mama... words like dust, wash, iron, cook..."
__________________
Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. One person's stupidity is another person's job security.
jIMOh is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-23-2007, 12:01 PM   #1171
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
jIMOh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Milford, OH
Posts: 2,085
It was a sunny Saturday morning on the course and I was at the beginning of my pre-shot routine, visualizing my upcoming shot, when a voice came over the loudspeaker.

"Would the gentleman on the women's tee back up to the men's tee please!"

I was still deep in my routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption.

Again the announcement,

"Would the gentleman on the women's tee kindly back up to the men's tee!"

I simply ignored the guy and kept concentrating, when once more, the man yelled:

"WOULD THE MAN ON THE WOMEN'S TEE PLEASE BACK UP TO THE MEN'S TEE!!"

I finally stopped, turned, looked through the clubhouse window directly at the person with the microphone and shouted back, "WOULD THE IDIOT IN THE CLUBHOUSE KINDLY SHUT UP AND LET ME PLAY MY SECOND SHOT!"
__________________
Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. One person's stupidity is another person's job security.
jIMOh is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-23-2007, 12:02 PM   #1172
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
jIMOh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Milford, OH
Posts: 2,085
Jesus saw a crowd chasing down a woman to stone her and approached them. "What's going on here, anyway?" he asked.

"This woman was found committing adultery and the law says we should stone her!" one of the crowd responded.

"Wait," yelled Jesus, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."

Suddenly, a stone was thrown from out of the sky, and knocked the woman on the side of her head.

"Aw, c'mon, Dad...," Jesus cried, "I'm trying to make a point here!"
__________________
Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. One person's stupidity is another person's job security.
jIMOh is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-23-2007, 12:04 PM   #1173
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
jIMOh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Milford, OH
Posts: 2,085
The scene is a dark jungle. Two tigers are stalking through the undergrowth in single file when the one to the rear reaches out with his tongue and licks the bottom of the tiger in front. The startled tiger turns around and says, "Hey! Cut it out, all right!"

The rear tiger says, "Sorry," and they continue. After about another five minutes, the rear tiger again reaches out with his tongue and licks the bottom of the tiger in front. The front tiger turns around and cuffs the rear tiger and says, "I said stop it!"

The rear tiger says, "Sorry," and they continue. After about another five minutes, the rear tiger once more licks the bottom of the tiger in front. The front tiger turns around and asks the rear tiger, "What is it with you, anyway?"

The rear tiger replies, "Well, I just ate a lawyer and I'm trying to get the taste out of my mouth!"
__________________
Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. One person's stupidity is another person's job security.
jIMOh is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-23-2007, 12:05 PM   #1174
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
jIMOh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Milford, OH
Posts: 2,085
William and Mildred were married for 25 years. They decided to celebrate with a trip to Las Vegas. When they entered the hotel/casino and registered, a sweet young woman dressed in a very short skirt became very friendly. William brushed her off rather rudely. Mildred objected, "William, she was nice, that young woman, and you were so rude."

"Mildred, she's a prostitute."

"I don't believe you. That sweet, young thing?

"Let's go up to our room and I'll prove it." In their room, William called down to the desk and asked for Candie to come to room 1217.

"Now," he said, "you hide in the bathroom with the door open just enough to hear us, okay?" She did. Soon, there was a knock on the door. William opened it and Candie walked in, swirling her hips provocatively.

"So, I see you're interested after all," she said.

William asked, "How much do you charge?"

"$125 basic rate, $100 tips for special services."

William was taken aback. "$125! I was thinking more in the range of $25."

Candie laughed derisively. "You must really be a hick if you think you can buy sex for that price."

"Well," said William, "I guess we can't do business. Goodbye." After she left, Mildred came out of the bathroom. "I just can't believe it."

William said, "Let's forget it. We'll go have a drink, then eat dinner."

At the bar, as they sipped their cocktails, Candie came up behind William, pointed slyly at Mildred, and said, "See what you get for $25?"
__________________
Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. One person's stupidity is another person's job security.
jIMOh is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-23-2007, 12:06 PM   #1175
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
jIMOh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Milford, OH
Posts: 2,085
How Golf Is Like Urinating In A Restroom


1. Keep your back straight, knees bent, and feet shoulder-width apart.
2. Form a loose grip.
3. Keep your head down.
4. Avoid a quick backswing.
5. Stay out of the water.
6. Try not to hit anybody.
7. If you are taking too long, you should let others go ahead of you.
8. You shouldn't stand directly in front of others.
9. Be quiet while others are about to go.
10. Keep strokes to a minimum.
__________________
Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. One person's stupidity is another person's job security.
jIMOh is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-23-2007, 12:07 PM   #1176
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
jIMOh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Milford, OH
Posts: 2,085
A guy blows a stop sign in Philly and gets caught by a policeman. The cop says, "License and registration please."

Guy says, "What for?"

Cop says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

Guy says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

Cop says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop, license and registration, please."

Guy says, "What's the difference?"

Cop says, "The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop. License and registration, please!"

Guy says, "If you can show me the difference between 'slow down' and 'stop', I'll give you my license and registration."

Cop says, "Okay, exit your vehicle, sir." At this point, the cop takes out his night stick, starts beating up the guy and asks, "Now, do you want me to slow down or stop?"
__________________
Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. One person's stupidity is another person's job security.
jIMOh is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-23-2007, 12:09 PM   #1177
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
jIMOh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Milford, OH
Posts: 2,085
Top 10 Pickup Lines


10- Could I touch your belly button... from the inside?
9- If you were a burger at McDonald's, I'd call you McBeautiful.
8- Your parents must be retarded, because you are special.
7- My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in.
6- How do you like your eggs: poached, scrambled, or fertilized?
5- You remind me of a championship bass, I don't know whether to mount you or eat you!
4- Your tag says Made in USA, but I could have sworn you were made in heaven.
3- I hope you have a library card because I'm checking you out.
2- Excuse me, do you have a Band-Aid because I scraped my knee when I fell for you.
1- I lost my teddy bear. Will you sleep with me?
__________________
Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. One person's stupidity is another person's job security.
jIMOh is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-23-2007, 12:10 PM   #1178
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
jIMOh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Milford, OH
Posts: 2,085
A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, the slowest and weakest ones at the back are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular culling of the weakest members.

In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.

In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.
__________________
Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. One person's stupidity is another person's job security.
jIMOh is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-23-2007, 12:12 PM   #1179
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
jIMOh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Milford, OH
Posts: 2,085
3 good reasons why sports cars are better than women:

1- You can make your sports car perform for you whenever and wherever you want it to.

2- You can make your sports car's BODY look however you want it to.

3- The most important reason -- You can trade your old car in for a NEW ONE when you get tired of it.
__________________
Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. One person's stupidity is another person's job security.
jIMOh is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-23-2007, 12:14 PM   #1180
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
jIMOh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Milford, OH
Posts: 2,085
LOVE: When intercourse is called "making love."
LUST: When intercourse is called "screwing."
MARRIAGE: When intercourse is a town in Pennsylvania.

LOVE: When you share everything you own.
LUST: When you steal everything they own.
MARRIAGE: When the bank owns everything.

LOVE: When you argue over how many children to have.
LUST: When you argue over who gets the wet spot.
MARRIAGE: When you argue over whose idea it was to have kids.

LOVE: When you write poems about your partner.
LUST: When all you write is your phone number.
MARRIAGE: When all you write is checks.

LOVE: When your only concern is your partner's feelings.
LUST: When your only concern is finding a room with mirrors everywhere.
MARRIAGE: When your only concern is what's on TV.

LOVE: When all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel.
LUST: When the songs on the radio determine how you should do it.
MARRIAGE: When you listen to talk radio.

LOVE: When you're only interested in doing things with your partner.
LUST: When you're only interested in doing things to your partner.
MARRIAGE: When you're only interested in your golf score.

LOVE: You only leave the house to buy coffee and donuts.
LUST: You only leave the house to buy condoms and Vaseline.
MARRIAGE: You only leave the house when you're allowed.
__________________

__________________
Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. One person's stupidity is another person's job security.
jIMOh is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 5 (0 members and 5 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
A new low - this has got to be a joke Cool Dood FIRE and Money 9 07-11-2006 05:05 PM
Funny Joke Friday. Cut-Throat Other topics 1 07-07-2006 04:48 PM
Funny Car Ad TromboneAl Other topics 2 07-01-2005 09:21 PM

 

 
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 08:35 AM.
 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2016, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.