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Old 04-26-2009, 07:40 PM   #1841
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The Airplane

A programmer and an engineer were sitting next to each other on an airplane. The programmer leans over to the engineer and asks if he wants to play a fun game. The engineer just wants to sleep so he politely declines, turns away, and tries to sleep. The programmer persists and explains that it's a real easy game. He explains, "I'll ask a question and if you don't know the answer you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question and if I don't know the answer I'll pay you $5." Again, the engineer politely declines and tries to sleep.

The programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, "OK, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $50!" Now, that got the engineer's attention, so he agrees to the game. The programmer asks the first question, "what is the distance from the earth to the moon?" The engineer doesn't say a word and just hands the programmer $5.

Now, it's the engineer's turn. He asks the programmer, "what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down on four?" The programmer looks at him with a puzzled look, takes out his laptop computer, looks through all his references and after about an hour wakes the engineer and hands him $50. The engineer politely takes the $50, turns away, and tries to return to sleep.

The programmer, a little miffed, asks, "Well? What's the answer to the question?" Without a word, the engineer reaches into his wallet, hands $5 to the programmer and returns to sleep.
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Old 04-26-2009, 11:12 PM   #1842
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Quote:
Originally Posted by frayne View Post
The Airplane

The programmer, a little miffed, asks, "Well? What's the answer to the question?" Without a word, the engineer reaches into his wallet, hands $5 to the programmer and returns to sleep.
Done like a true engineer. Why waste time and energy on non-winnable pissing contests?
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Old 04-27-2009, 04:01 PM   #1843
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strange. not the strangest, but strange even for me:
Toilets from Around World

[Note: This link may NOT be "workplace safe" in some locales...]
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Old 04-30-2009, 03:55 PM   #1844
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They once said that a black man would be president when pigs fly. Its only his first 100 days and *** BAM *** SWINE FLU !!!!
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Old 04-30-2009, 06:55 PM   #1845
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classified ads

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old. Hateful little bastard. Bites!

FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.

FREE PUPPIES.
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Father, Super Dog . .. Able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG.
Looks like a rat. Been out a while.
Better be a big reward.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer $100.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .

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FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent
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$200 or best offer. No longer needed, Got married last month. Wife
knows f*****g everything!
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Old 05-01-2009, 07:52 PM   #1846
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Old 05-02-2009, 01:09 PM   #1847
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They once said that a black man would be president when pigs fly. Its only his first 100 days and *** BAM *** SWINE FLU !!!!
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Old 05-04-2009, 10:20 PM   #1848
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Finding it hard to get up on time these days? New alarm clock comes with an amazing guarantee:

ThinkGeek :: SnūzNLūz - Wifi Donation Alarm Clock

You snooze, you lose.
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Old 05-06-2009, 11:08 AM   #1849
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This happens sooooo often in tech support:

Best Computer Tech Support Call Ever!
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Old 05-06-2009, 11:27 AM   #1850
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This happens sooooo often in tech support:

Best Computer Tech Support Call Ever!



Now don't be giving me any ideas...I can talk techie with the best of 'em.
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Old 05-10-2009, 10:32 PM   #1851
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Old 05-13-2009, 01:40 AM   #1852
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A new avatar for Purron? I hope she doesn't abandon the matched bunny..
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Old 05-13-2009, 03:03 PM   #1853
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Wisdom from a Retiree <not me> :

I've often been asked, 'What do you old folks do now that you're retired?' Well..I'm fortunate to have a chemical engineering background, and one of the things I enjoy most is turning beer, wine, Scotch, and margaritas into urine.

And I'm pretty damn good at it, too!!
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The following joke was approved by Freebird
Old 05-18-2009, 07:46 AM   #1854
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The following joke was approved by Freebird

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, "I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week."

The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, "I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week." The cop was happy and left the shop.
The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, "I can not accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week."

The Congressman was very happy and left the shop.
The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.
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The contest that wasn't....
Old 05-18-2009, 01:58 PM   #1855
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The contest that wasn't....

sports.theglobeandmail.com: Bodybuilders flee Belgian championship

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Old 05-18-2009, 02:12 PM   #1856
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Like rats running off a burning barge...
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Seven types of sex
Old 05-18-2009, 02:27 PM   #1857
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Seven types of sex

Results of a recent study shows that there are 7 kinds of sex:

The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex.
This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so needy you will have sex any where, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex
This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in thehallway you both say "screw you."

The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex,
Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night.(Very Popular)

The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex.
This is when you can no longer stand your spouse. You go to court and get screwed in front of everyone.

The 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex.
You get a little each month - but not enough to enjoy yourself.
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ultra patriotism
Old 05-18-2009, 02:46 PM   #1858
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ultra patriotism

God Bless America!
Attached Images
File Type: jpg God Bless America.jpg (18.9 KB, 17 views)
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Old 05-21-2009, 05:26 PM   #1859
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Garden Advice for those of you with a snail investation.

Researchers believe that most snails die in the late afternoon, which is why the garden savey pick up the dead snails in the sunset.
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Living Will
Old 05-21-2009, 07:20 PM   #1860
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Living Will

Last night, my husband and I were sitting in the living room and I said to him, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.

He got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my wine.

He's such an @ss.....
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