It's funny joke Thursday! 2005 - 2020

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An 90-year old man walked into a pharmacy to have his prescription filled.

As the pharmacist handed him the bottle of Viagra, our old man asked, "Son, could you do me a favor and cut each pill into 4 pieces?"

The astonished pharmacist replied, "Sir, I would be glad to oblige, but if you take a reduced dosage like that, it is not going to work!".

Our elderly gentleman said, "Son, I know what I am doing".

"It is not for what you think".

"At my age, all I want is to be long enough so I do not pee on my shoes".
 
Not for the Christmas Table

A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for Christmas dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve the pressure a bit and lets out a dainty fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poof. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing under the woman's chair, and said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy!"

The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her face.
A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let out a much louder and longer “Rrrrrip!”

The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Skippy!" Once again the woman smiled and thought, "Yes!" A few minutes later the woman had to release again and let another one rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let a out fart that rivaled a 747 taking off.

Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled "Skippy, get away from her before she sh:!s on you!"
 
The New American Romance Novel



He held me firmly but gently just above my elbow and guided me into a room. I had never been there but I knew this was his room. I knew what he was going to do to me, and I knew I was going to let him. The door closed quietly and we were alone.



He approached silently from behind and spoke in a low, reassuring voice close to my ear. "Just relax."



Without warning, he reached down and I felt his strong, calloused hands start at my ankles, gently probing, and caressing upward along my tender calves slowly and steadily. My breath caught in my throat.

I knew I should be afraid, but somehow I didn't care. His touch was so experienced, so sure.



When his hands moved under my skirt to my thighs I gave a slight shudder and partly closed my eyes. My pulse was pounding. His knowing fingers continued upward across my abdomen, my ribcage. And then, as he cupped my firm, full breasts in his hands, I inhaled sharply. Probing, searching, knowing what he wanted, his teasing hands quickly moved to my shoulders and slid down my tingling spine.

By entire body was throbbing when he discovered my pink, lace thong.Although I knew nothing about this man, I felt oddly trusting and expectant. "This is a man," I thought. A man used to taking charge.

A man not used to taking "No" for an answer. A man who would tell me what he wanted. A man who would look into my soul and say...

..

..

..

..

..

..

..

"Okay all done. Here's your purse, ma'am. Have a nice flight.":flowers:
 
A PETA favourite

Baby seal walks into a bar...

Bartender asks, "What'll ya have?"

Baby seal says, "Anything but a Canadian Club"
 
mickeyd said:
Two men were walking home from work one day, and the first man said,
"I sure can't wait to get home and rip my wife's panties off!"
The 2nd man said, "Really? What's the rush?"
The first man replied, "Because the elastic in the legs is killing me!"
Click to expand...

kumquat said:
Baby seal walks into a bar...

Bartender asks, "What'll ya have?"

Baby seal says, "Anything but a Canadian Club"
Click to expand...

REWahoo said:
Before any of you fine folks from the Great White North get your panties in an uproar, please note mickeyd's post above...
Click to expand...

Fixed!
 
The 12 days of Christmas, Irish style
OR How to Make Enemies of your Best Friends:


 
I've just heard from a friend in the north of England.

He says it has been snowing heavily for three days now.

His wife has done nothing but stare through the window.

If it doesn't stop soon he'll probably have to let her in.
 
Banks are offering a free pencil sharpener in gratitude for the huge profits they got out of us last year. It's designed to remind us of the friendly and even intimate relationship the banks have built up with the public.

Just call into any branch. There's a small collection fee of $54.70 (to cover admin and international market fluctuations) plus a hand delivery charge of $47.35. What great value!!!!
 

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harley said:
Pretty good proof that financial types don't have much of a sense of humor. ;)

I did like this one, though.

The economy’s so bad, Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen​
Click to expand...

Brilliant!!!
 
Meadbh said:
Try clicking on it.
Click to expand...
It displays fine, but I'm not getting the financial punchline... nor the goofy representation of the guy's arms... and is that supposed to be a caricature of someone's face? And doesn't the word "unthaw" mean "to freeze something"?

But maybe it's not related to the financial humor post before it.

However it's nice to see an original joke on this thread. After 2500 posts we seem to be recycling the same ol' punchlines.
 
Last edited:
T-Al's setup might be like mine (Firefox, etc). With Firefox, mickeyd's post is blank, no box nor an "X", but they are there in Windows Explorer.
 
Nords said:
It displays fine, but I'm not getting the financial punchline... nor the goofy representation of the guy's arms... and is that supposed to be a caricature of someone's face? And doesn't the word "unthaw" mean "to freeze something"?

But maybe it's not related to the financial humor post before it.

However it's nice to see an original joke on this thread. After 2500 posts we seem to be recycling the same ol' punchlines.
Click to expand...

I wonder if it is a metaphor for the 2008 crash and subsequent market recovery? You start with boiling water, then freeze it. If you unfreeze it, you don't end up with boiling water, just water. Is it meant to illustrate the principle that a given percentage increase in the market does not completely compensate for the same prior decrease? Or am I just overanalyzing this?
 
Sitting in a New York bar, a Scotsman says,

"As good as this bar is, I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow , there's a wee place called McTavish's.

The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink."

"Well, Angus," said the Englishman,

"At my local in London , the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."

"Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said the Irishman,

"Back home in my favorite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see that you gets laid, all on the house!"

The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims. The Irishman swore every word was true.

"Did this actually happen to you?" "Not meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman,

"but it did happen to me sister quite a few times."


HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
 
samclem said:
T-Al's setup might be like mine (Firefox, etc). With Firefox, mickeyd's post is blank, no box nor an "X", but they are there in Windows Explorer.
Click to expand...

Yes, exactly right. Only now on my ipod do I see anything.
 
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