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Old 12-04-2007, 09:24 AM   #21
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I think it is a natural reaction to have pangs of jealousy or envy from time to time. However, realize the feeling of accomplishment when YOU FIRE and KNOW that you DID IT ALL BY YOURSELF...........

Then you can sit back and say stuff like your grandpa did, like: "I started with nothing, and I did ok".............
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Old 12-04-2007, 09:27 AM   #22
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Originally Posted by Sandy View Post
My kids always use the refrain - "but that's not fair!". I remind them that life is not fair and they had better get used to it. It is a lesson that will repeat again and again over one's lifetime.
There ya go Sandy. My outlook too.

Searching for mitigating/offsetting factors to each of life's low blows serves no purpose. Sometimes you can play poker all night and never be dealt good cards. Learning to play the hand dealt to you, maximizing your appreciation of what you do have and not envying others are all traits I wish I had picked up earlier.
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Old 12-04-2007, 09:28 AM   #23
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I think it is a natural reaction to have pangs of jealousy or envy from time to time. However, realize the feeling of accomplishment when YOU FIRE and KNOW that you DID IT ALL BY YOURSELF...........

Then you can sit back and say stuff like your grandpa did, like: "I started with nothing, and I did ok".............
Yeah, but I walked 10 miles uphill to school barefoot in the middle of winter... I like what Ha said and always keep my finances to myself...I have a close family member that complains about things being so much easier for others and it sours my mood quickly considering all of the opportunity we all have...
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Old 12-04-2007, 09:44 AM   #24
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An old saying.

I felt bad because I had no shoes till I saw the guy with no feet.
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Old 12-04-2007, 09:50 AM   #25
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The upside for Eyerish is that he and his friend will probably retire about the same time, and he'll have that friend to hang out with. Otherwise his friend might be working til he's 80, or always saying "I can't go do that with you...unless you pay my way...".
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Old 12-04-2007, 10:33 AM   #26
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If you are a true friend, you won't let either fortune or misfortune come between you.
That says it all.

Isn't this the basic test of a true friend; a true friend's fortune or misfortune is your fortune or misfortune. If one of my true friends inherited a lot of money, it would be my good fortune as well since it's likely that my true friend would like to share some of it with me, and I, as a true friend, would turn the offer down. Misfortune is the same -- his pain would be my pain and I expect true friends to share that with me as well.

I don't have many true friends but the few I have are people who can call me anytime of the night for any problem and I'll be there as soon as I can. And likewise, I can call them -- I have tested them on occasion and they have tested me. Like Texas Proud's friends, if I hit the big lottery, they would never have to work another day in their lifetime and their kid's or grandkid's education would be completely funded.

A true friend is family. You don't become envious or jealous of a family member's good fortune -- you bask in his reflected, good fortune.

There are true friends, friends, acquaintenances, colleagues, etc. Not sure about "very good friends" but if jealousy or envy surface over someone's good fortune, it's time to take inventory of one's self, in my humble opinion. This type of sentiment can be toxic to yourself and those around you.
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Old 12-04-2007, 10:42 AM   #27
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i understand your feelings eyerishgold...i never valued money too much, even when choosing a career - but as i "grew up" and looked i realized how many people didn't in fact have to figure everything out on their own or earn everything they had, the effort got a little draggier....

In particular, since i lived in northern cali, and it was near impossible to find any housing that wasn't over $1 mill for a family of 4, we tucked our tails and moved down to southern cali where you can find a house for about $700k (haha)...

it may not be envy as much as an annoying realization
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Old 12-04-2007, 10:53 AM   #28
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We're all going to feel jealousy or self pity or smug superiority at various times.
Do these feelings improve you? No.
Is there something you can do to improve the situation? If so, do it; if not, why are you fretting?

I suggest you wallow in the jealousy for a day or two, then just let it go.

You won't miss it.
Heck, it doesn't take me a day... the longest I can remember is maybe an hour... mostly just minutes if at all...
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Old 12-04-2007, 10:55 AM   #29
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Keep in mind that in order to get an inheritance, someone has to die,and usually that someone is close to you, and you would rather have them than the money........

My sister's death will enable my kids to go to whatever school they want, instead of whatever STATE school they want unless they get a scholarship (my plan)............that being said, I want HER back, screw the money..........
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Old 12-04-2007, 11:00 AM   #30
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I have four friends that are very rich. Three made it themselves and one inherited. They are not much different because they learned to live like us before they got their money.

I have two other friends who have been bankrupt and have nothing. They work for the next rent check. Ironically they were both very well off before bankruptcy with large expensive homes, cars and boats.

The main difference between the two sets of friends is what we do together. With the latter, it is often picnics or a simple beer and snack while playing bocce or biking. With the former, we might take a cruise together or go south together. But there are things that they do that we will not, simply because it would force us to blow our budget.

And we all seem to get along fine without any envy.
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Old 12-04-2007, 01:42 PM   #31
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A good friend of mine recently inherited a good chunk of money from a grandmother who passed recently. He was the only grandchild and is obviously the only child to his parents who are also well off financially so he'll eventually inherit their money as well.

I find myself being a bit jealous of him and even a bit bitter sometimes as he'll basically inherit his retirement and I'm planning and saving and living well below my means while my friend and his wife are travelling and spending and not worried about saving at all.

Has anyone ever encountered a similar situation? He's a very good friend of mine and I'm trying not to let my jealousy get in the way of our friendship.
The key is not getting what you want, but wanting what you got.

It is really tough to measure the financial health of the people around you (friends and family). Here is what I know (not much, but what I know)-

I have one aunt which I have had 2-3 investing conversations with (at least- maybe more). She is 60 and still works (for school district) and enjoys what she does. I am 34 and cannot wait to retire.

I have another uncle which has discussed investing with me once or twice. He owns his own business (plumbing) and I think he is by far the richest person I know (net worth wise). No way I will ever know for sure, I can just guess.

I have a real good friend who has a job, owns his own business, and also flips houses. His wife is also a nurse part time. Their property is 20-30 acres, and they have been offered low 8 figures for it, I think he said (maybe it was only 7 figures?). He and I talk about managing money all the time. He watches his costs, he takes lot of vacations, and does not have an issue heading out whenever my wife and I invite their family wherever.

Here are things to consider- do people carry a mortgage? Do they take more than one vacation every year? Where? How? Do they have to alter spending when doing social activities with you after these vacations? Do you see bad spending patterns or investment patterns?

I watch spending all the time. We eat out more than I'd like... and we aren't at level where we can save and take vacations (so we save- for now). But I can clearly see people around me taking vacations, then coming home and suggesting they cannot go out to eat with us (a sign the vacation was too much $$, IMO). If I bring up investing, they change the subject. I see people whose idea of saving is purchasing a vacaion home, yet they complain of costs of various things all the time... who am I to judge, but I think they don't have the same priorities as me.

So I use that to know I will be able to retire younger than most people I know. There are a few exceptions. My best friend could sell his house and retire today I think... but that is not his goal in life (yet). That property has also been in his family for years...
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Old 12-05-2007, 08:01 AM   #32
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But I can clearly see people around me taking vacations, then coming home and suggesting they cannot go out to eat with us (a sign the vacation was too much $$, IMO). If I bring up investing, they change the subject. I see people whose idea of saving is purchasing a vacaion home, yet they complain of costs of various things all the time... who am I to judge, but I think they don't have the same priorities as me.
I think you answered your own question. The people decide that the vacation is more important than dining out for them. But they are making tradeoffs which means they have a sense of LBYM.

We just bought a vacation home even though we still rent our home. It was strictly a matter of cost/benefit analysis.
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