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Old 07-19-2018, 02:39 PM   #41
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This is the norm now with young adults. They either want to travel and not work...or just not work and do whatever. That way they can brag to all of their friends at starbucks about how awesome they are for not working.

I understand that the younger generation value life experience over things...which is a good thing. Materialism is toxic. What else is toxic is working, saving a bunch of money...then not working again and blowing all your money. Not a good cycle to be in.

Nothing you can do as a parent...let them figure it out on their own.
You need to meet more young people.
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Old 07-19-2018, 02:44 PM   #42
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Thanks you all for some great advice. I think we will "let the chips fall where they may", and give them emotional support. Maybe it will never come to the point where they request financial help. We love them and really do wish them the best.
Perfect. It really isn’t up to us. We have no idea what our two kids’ and their spouses’ incomes are or what debt they might have.
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Old 07-19-2018, 02:54 PM   #43
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The story kind of reminds me of a friend I met on Maui. He was 18 or 19. Got his realtor's license. Started selling condos. Every time he sold something, he'd stop working for several months until he ran out of money, then start working again. He made huge gains on the value of his own condo, took out a HELOC to buy a jet ski. Eventually, he moved back to the mainland. Owns a nice house, and two charter boats, is married, and has 2 cute kids. His path was his path. I would have preferred a more linear path for myself, but his got him to where he wanted to be!
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Old 07-19-2018, 03:07 PM   #44
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I believe that there is a lot to be said for thinking out of the box and looking at what we oldies may consider to be unusual ways to find employment, self employment, or business ventures.

The world is changing in many ways. We only see the changes through our eyes and our experiences. Another lens may see thing slightly differently and may see opportunity where we see none.
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Old 07-19-2018, 03:46 PM   #45
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If they sell their house, is there enough equity buildup to pay off all their debts, so at least they have a better restart scenario?
No, they won't make much on the house (maybe clear 10K) and they both have car loans, and the son-in-law has 20K in student loans.
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Old 07-19-2018, 03:57 PM   #46
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Be cheered by the knowledge that even if this venture does turn out to be a financial disaster for them they're young enough to recover from it. So in the great scheme of things this will probably be a minor excursion.
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Old 07-19-2018, 04:18 PM   #47
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All of my kids know with certainty that I’m not their bank. Though they are all well aware of our wealth, they have no expectations of an inheritance. I think that’s important.

If you do want to incentivize them for good financial behavior, you might want to announce to them and give them an annual gift equal to a certain percentage of their personal income. Just a thought.
I have thought about doing this but more as a percentage of their IRA/401K contributions. Bottom line approach.
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Old 07-19-2018, 08:04 PM   #48
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I'm concerned they will "start over" with no jobs and immediately go farther in debt. My wife and I are bothered because we think they are a being a little reckless because they know our financial situation and think we can bail them out when the money gets tight.
We are 2 years from ER and are trying to accumulate as much as we can at this point, and helping support our children because of their bad decisions in not in the plan
Advice?
My wife and I did something similar in our late twenties. We had a dream of buying a campground. So we sold the house, my old muscle car and just about everything else then waited for the perfect place to jump into. She quit W**K and searched full time. Bought, got way over our heads in debt and our abilities, asked dad for money to pay taxes, trip to the food bank every week.

But we had a clear dream, were blessed by the Lord, had a lot of helping hands the first couple of years and LIVED THE DREAM.

SO are they:
A) Passionately pursuing a dream together or
B) Wandering in the wilderness?
If A) they will learn a lot fast and hopefully can enjoy each other in times of trial. Be there for them and encourage them to be brave.
If B) seek counselling, it is going to be a rough road. Be careful not to burn any bridges.

PS: Sold campground 13 years later and she started retirement at 42.
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Old 07-19-2018, 08:36 PM   #49
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Bitcoin, I tell you, bitcoin! You don't understand. Put everything in bitcoin! You old folk put your money and effort into the stock market, then go to church on Sunday and pray for it to go up! What a putz! Buy a car? Why? There's Uber. It'll take me anywhere, cheap. Bitcoin, I tell you!
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Old 07-19-2018, 09:46 PM   #50
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I agree with posters who indicate that the kids should do what they want to do while mom and dad remain supportive - emotionally but not financially.

I had a friend (now deceased) who's mom and dad died within months of each other. The inheritance his parents left him, while not extravagant left him in better financial shape than he had ever been in his almost 50 years. His kid graduated HS and decided he wanted to be a welder. So "dad" paid for welding school for 2 years. Upon "graduation" kid decides he doesn't really want to be a welder. He wants to go to undergraduate school. Dad pays. In the mean time, kid gets GF pregnant and dad sets them up in a house (rented?). Kid completes 4-year degree and decides he can't get a job so why not go to graduate school. Dad pays for graduate school. Kid graduates and then decides he'd really rather learn physical therapy. Dad pays for PT school. Kid doesn't really want to do PT but now dad is out of money. IIRC kid did do PT, but dad died penniless. Naturally, YMMV.
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Old 07-19-2018, 09:54 PM   #51
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Bitcoin, I tell you, bitcoin! You don't understand. Put everything in bitcoin! You old folk put your money and effort into the stock market, then go to church on Sunday and pray for it to go up! What a putz! Buy a car? Why? There's Uber. It'll take me anywhere, cheap. Bitcoin, I tell you!
which brings up the age old debate (since 2017!)

Etherium vs Bitcoin?
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Old 07-19-2018, 11:23 PM   #52
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Old 07-20-2018, 04:27 AM   #53
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You cannot tell adult children what they can and cannot do.
+ many. We had to get used to the idea that our kids were not going to finish college. They have steady jobs but make so little. It seems like a waste to us but that is all they want.
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Old 07-20-2018, 05:52 AM   #54
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Not the norm but our niece's new 28 year old husband just a announced that despite his shiny new MBA he "isn't interested in working 9 to 5" and wants to just work weekends as a DJ at parties.
So what's the problem?... it seems to have worked out pretty good for this guy... though he probably works more than 9 to 5 and DJ's on weekends.

https://www.marketplace.org/2018/07/...chs-new-ceo-dj

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Full-time company president, part-time DJ.

Goldman Sachs has just announced that David Solomon, 56, will be its next CEO, taking over the reins from the current chairman, Lloyd Blankfein. We found out that when he's not helping steer the direction of one of the world's largest investment banks, he serves as an electronic dance DJ under the name "DJ D-Sol," with gigs in New York, Miami and the Bahamas. ...
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Old 07-20-2018, 05:55 AM   #55
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No, they won't make much on the house (maybe clear 10K) and they both have car loans, and the son-in-law has 20K in student loans.
Lucky for you that their car and student loans are not with your "family bank".
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Old 07-20-2018, 06:18 AM   #56
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As a parent these decisions our children make can make us very nervous. I also reiterate that give positive support give them your love and pray for the best.

It is very normal to try to live our kids lives and that is where we can fail. Good advise maybe but going over the line could be a disaster.
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Old 07-20-2018, 06:35 AM   #57
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No, they won't make much on the house (maybe clear 10K) and they both have car loans, and the son-in-law has 20K in student loans.
This is not "a lot of debt." In fact, if there ever was a time to make a move, it sounds like they're in the perfect place to do it.
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Old 07-20-2018, 06:44 AM   #58
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No, they won't make much on the house (maybe clear 10K) and they both have car loans, and the son-in-law has 20K in student loans.
They are, then, quite healthy financially compared to their peers. Had you said they had $20k in credit cards on top of that, then sure, a lot of debt. But car loans - that's everyone, and student loans... almost everyone under 35.

Is there anything in their behavior and conversations that makes you think they would target YOU for a bail out? Like have they said, even joking "hey if it doesn't work out you have that basement right?" - if not, no worries here.

In fact if I may, they are moving...away. That is a sign of independence, not a sign of desire for your help. It's not like they are selling and moving to be closer.
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Old 07-20-2018, 06:45 AM   #59
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This is not "a lot of debt." In fact, if there ever was a time to make a move, it sounds like they're in the perfect place to do it.
I dunno about that. Unless they are in professions where they can find employment quickly, where will the money to make car loan payments and student debt payments come from? It is easy to see a scenario where they default on the loans, their credit gets trashed and they are scarred for a long time.

If it comes down to a choice of defaulting on the loans and getting their credit trashed or crawling to Mom & Dad for a "temporary" loan to "tide them over", what will they decide? It becomes a real slippery slope for the OP.
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Old 07-20-2018, 10:01 AM   #60
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I don’t say anything when I think my kids are making dumb decisions but will also not help financially. I did when they were younger but not anymore. We are semi retired and they have to live with what they choose. I would let them know that you cannot help financially.
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