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Old 04-08-2011, 01:11 PM   #41
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You've gotten a lot of good responses so I'll just add a few bits from my perspective as a woman.

- You asked about giving her an "out" if she wants to say no. It's fine to just ask and let her respond in her own way. I think you'll be able to read the difference between a legitimate conflict and an excuse. Generally, if I wanted to go out with a man but was not available at the day/time, I would be honest and say that I would really like to, but can't on that day, and would like a raincheck or to do something another time.

- I give high marks to a man who behaves like a gentleman on the first date. Get the door for her, make sure she is comfortable at the table, ask a few questions about her, and by all means pick up the check. After the first date, it seems fair for a man and woman to take turns or split the bills (assuming both are in a financial position to do so), but it sends a better message if you pay on the first date, especially if you did the asking.

- At the end of the date, if you like her and had a good time, ask if you can see her again. I never saw the point in keeping someone hanging, waiting to see if there will be a second date.

- Do your best to be yourself and be confident about yourself. Self-confidence is one of the most attractive qualities in a man.
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Old 04-08-2011, 01:27 PM   #42
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Cor, you wanted women's ideas and I think this was a great idea. But one man's idea I would add- unless this woman lives in a mining camp, she is not overwhelmed with invitations from ardent men. So you have as much much right to stand into the batter's box as anyone, and a good chance of hitting safely.

So have at it, and be nice, but also let her try to entertain you a little. Especially as it is going to cost you some cash, don't leave all the payback for the future.

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Old 04-08-2011, 01:52 PM   #43
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I am horrified by the thought of dating, having been married for 26 years. I met my husband on a blind date set up by a friend who thought we would fit together. I was terrified to go out, so I made my little children sit with me until he arrived, then I let them go next door to the baby sitter. When he saw them, he said "I don't like to date women with children." It couldn't have started off worse. But we eventually fell in love and he fell in love with my children and has been a wonderful dad to them. They are crazy about him. He can't even remember saying that statement, but I remember it!

It would be so much less pressure for both if you would ask her for coffee or a drink, just to get to know each other. It doesn't have to be a big deal, just low key and keep the stress down. After that, if you get along, you can talk about arranging another date/activity. That's what I would like anyway.
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Old 04-08-2011, 01:57 PM   #44
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Just go out and do something where you BOTH will have some fun. Dates do not just have to be an evening out. You can do something during the day. I think that there is less pressure when you meet for a nice lunch and then do some other activity after. You could preselect a few activities based on the time of year and what is going on in your town and discuss it with her as the lunch concludes and if the lunch goes well, otherwise, you might not mention anything and just end the date after lunch.

I prefer a place for lunch where you can take a walk. I live near the ocean so I generally pick a place near the ocean where there is a place to walk and sit.
That allows you to extend the time a bit without having to commit to the whole afternoon.

Movies are generally not a good first date as there is not much time to talk. Also lousy movie = lousy date.

Your main objective on the first date is to try to find out if you want a second date and ask for one.

There will be much of the introductions just like at j*b interview on the first date. It is kind of boring but necessary to get to know someone.
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Old 04-08-2011, 05:53 PM   #45
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I am 60 and have never figured out dating.
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Old 04-08-2011, 07:10 PM   #46
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My two cents (from the female perspective):

Lunch is always a good idea - doesn't imply a date, you can meet there rather than picking her up, allows both of you to escape after an hour if it's awkward, and can segue into a dinner date.

I'd personally hold off on the flower until you graduate to a real date. The flower (which will be a hit at the right time) implies you want to date. Women often like to go slowly, and like to spend enough time to know if they are comfortable enough to see you in a more date-like setting.

Asking her: Just say, "Would you like to get together for lunch sometime?". She will know it's a way to get better acquainted. If she hedges on being available, no big deal - she may be involved, not interested in dating, whatever. If she says yes, follow up and contact her to set a date and time. If you don't, you'll come across as a player. Word gets out about those guys.

Ask what sort of food she likes, or if she has a favorite place. She will love your consideration.

Always call afterward (next day) or even email to thank her for the time you spent together.

Never ask a woman at the last minute - it implies she has nothing better to do.

Movies are not the best place to 'get acquainted.' too dark & you can't talk.

When you finally go on the 'real date,' if you plan the place & make reservations (if needed), she will love it. Women love guys who can make plans.

Don't scrimp on the tip (and don't wildly overtip). If yo scrimp, she will wonder if you are a cheapskate. Too much, and you're insecure & trying to be flashy. Tip appropriately for the envoronment & the bill.

Open the car door, take care to walk on the side of the street, and otherwise display good manners. You'd be surprised at how many guys ignore basic manners.

Just a few thoughts - good luck!

Sossy
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Old 04-08-2011, 07:26 PM   #47
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Wow, those folks who complain about sexual innuendos will be surprised that we seem tame now compared to back in '06.

I'm glad to report that my number hasn't changed since then.
And you still must have a lot of cousins and sheep, HFWR.
That's ba-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ad...
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Old 04-08-2011, 10:02 PM   #48
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I voted in this poll.............but will not reveal the actual number..........but at least 3 digits.......
I'm guessing your 3 digits are: .788
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Old 04-09-2011, 12:58 AM   #49
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That's ba-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ad...
But you got to like a raunchy moderator don't you!

Ha
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Old 04-09-2011, 06:35 AM   #50
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I'm guessing your 3 digits are: .788
Not really, but that number is close to my batting average with women.........
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Old 04-09-2011, 10:03 AM   #51
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But you got to like a raunchy moderator don't you!

Ha
...a beer drinkin', music listenin', hoola-hoopin' gal...
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Old 04-09-2011, 10:06 AM   #52
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Not really, but that number is close to my batting average with women.........
Anyone can get on base, but did you drive it home...
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Old 04-09-2011, 12:57 PM   #53
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Hey, maybe that's why I'm single.....my standards are too high!
I think you are single because you have not met Mr. Right yet...when you do, it will be obvious!!
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Old 04-09-2011, 01:00 PM   #54
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I caught the interest of my wife by making her smile and think that I was more witty and amusing than I really am and will be...... and, at the same time, letting her know -in a subtle way- that she was too pretty, nice, smart and capable for me. Which was, and is, the truth, actually. To sum it up: My strategy? A variation of the "mothering" approach.

She runs the marriage show. Which suits me fine
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Old 04-09-2011, 09:53 PM   #55
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Anyone can get on base, but did you drive it home...
slugging percentage is so much better than batting average.
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Old 04-09-2011, 10:28 PM   #56
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slugging percentage is so much better than batting average.
This recent trun in the thread is not going to be real helpful to 2ndCor.

Ha
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Old 04-09-2011, 10:54 PM   #57
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Anyone can get on base, but did you drive it home...
A wise man never tells.........
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Old 04-09-2011, 11:05 PM   #58
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This recent trun in the thread will is not going to be real helpful to 2ndCor.

Ha
Thanks, Ha. I've been here long enough to know that threads rarely stay on topic very long.

Thanks to all who gave advice...for those who want to continue with the other stuff, please carry on....

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Old 04-10-2011, 07:42 PM   #59
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This recent trun in the thread is not going to be real helpful to 2ndCor.

Ha
by third or fourth page most threads start going downhill. I just gave it a push. You hit the accelerator
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Old 04-11-2011, 01:09 PM   #60
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..letting her know -in a subtle way- that she was too pretty, nice, smart and capable for me. Which was, and is, the truth, actually. ...
Very sage wisdom. DW thinks I worship the ground she walks on (and I do). Whenever we are dressed to go out, I comment on how fabulous she looks (and she does). And she is a fabulous conversationalist while I tend to be a good listener.
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