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Let's Pick on the Men Today!
Old 09-30-2005, 02:45 PM   #1
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Let's Pick on the Men Today!

NEW EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN!!!

ALL ARE WELCOME
OPEN TO MEN ONLY

Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants

The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course include:

DAY ONE

HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS
Step by step guide with slide presentation

TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
Roundtable discussion

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR
Practicing with hamper (Pictures and graphics)

DISHES & SILVERWARE; DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
Debate among a panel of experts.

LOSS OF VIRILITY
Losing the remote control to your significant other - Help line and support groups

LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS
Starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming - Open forum


DAY TWO

EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?
Group discussion and role play

HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALT H
PowerPoint presentation

REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
Real life testimonial from the one man who did

IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
Driving simulation

LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER
Online class and role playing

HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques

REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE
Bring your calendar or PDA to class

GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME
Individual counselors available
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Re: Let's Pick on the Men Today!
Old 09-30-2005, 02:50 PM   #2
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Re: Let's Pick on the Men Today!



You forgot one other subject:

LEARN HOW TO PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN AFTER WHIZZING. How ro prevent your wife and daughters from falling into the toilet in the middle of the night.
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Re: Let's Pick on the Men Today!
Old 09-30-2005, 02:51 PM   #3
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Re: Let's Pick on the Men Today!

Quote:
Originally Posted by cube_rat


You forgot one other subject:*

LEARN HOW TO PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN AFTER WHIZZING.* How to prevent your wife and daughters from falling into the toilet in the middle of the night.
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Re: Let's Pick on the Men Today!
Old 09-30-2005, 02:51 PM   #4
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Re: Let's Pick on the Men Today!

Whoops, hehe. I need remedial training in editing a post.
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Re: Let's Pick on the Men Today!
Old 09-30-2005, 02:54 PM   #5
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Re: Let's Pick on the Men Today!

Wait a minute........this is not funny.
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Re: Let's Pick on the Men Today!
Old 09-30-2005, 02:57 PM   #6
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Re: Let's Pick on the Men Today!

Yes, it is.
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Re: Let's Pick on the Men Today!
Old 09-30-2005, 03:19 PM   #7
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Re: Let's Pick on the Men Today!

Quote:
Originally Posted by cube_rat


You forgot one other subject:*

LEARN HOW TO PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN AFTER WHIZZING.* How ro prevent your wife and daughters from falling into the toilet in the middle of the night.
With a wife and two daughters, I have heard this complaint a few times, but in defense of me, and your he-men that may be getting up in the dark, it sometimes works both ways. Here's a little ditty:

Water upon wood makes a sound that all can hear,
but water upon porcelin falls silently to the ear.

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Re: Let's Pick on the Men Today!
Old 09-30-2005, 03:20 PM   #8
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Re: Let's Pick on the Men Today!

Quote:
Originally Posted by cube_rat


You forgot one other subject:*

LEARN HOW TO PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN AFTER WHIZZING.* How ro prevent your wife and daughters from falling into the toilet in the middle of the night.
Where is it written that men have the responsibility to lower the seat? *We need it up...you need it down.....seems like the requirement to have it down all the time is just another cross we men have to bear. * *If you want it down....you should put it there when you wizz and then put it up again or risk having a wet seat on your next visit. *8)

This did not work for my wife either but I thought it would be fun adding it to this thread.

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Re: Let's Pick on the Men Today!
Old 09-30-2005, 03:28 PM   #9
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Re: Let's Pick on the Men Today!

Quote:
Originally Posted by SteveR
Where is it written that men have the responsibility to lower the seat?
After decades of advising billions of readers on coping with their grave, life-threatening problems, Ann Landers finally listed the top two items that consistently generated more mail than any others:

1. Whether the toilet seat should be up or down, and
2. Whether the toilet paper should hang down in front of the roll or behind it.

Which gives you an idea of how far the human race has come since we dispensed with outhouses & corn cobs.

For you men, particularly the foolish grasshopper who provoked this thread, my advice to #1 & #2 is: "Whichever way your spouse says to do it.

All other choices are irrelevant, despite their inherent "correctness", and may actually be hazardous to marital harmony.
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Re: Let's Pick on the Men Today!
Old 09-30-2005, 03:30 PM   #10
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Re: Let's Pick on the Men Today!




Well, WE women need it down all of the time. *You fellas need it up with number one and down with number two. *Or you could simply leave it down *all of the time. *There are sub-set of men that like to sit on the throne during all phases of elimination. *This way standing up and sitting down doesn't interupt the important reading. *


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Re: Let's Pick on the Men Today!
Old 09-30-2005, 03:39 PM   #11
 
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Re: Let's Pick on the Men Today!

I tried putting it down, but then DW complained about pee on the seat.
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Re: Let's Pick on the Men Today!
Old 09-30-2005, 03:48 PM   #12
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Re: Let's Pick on the Men Today!

The seat thing. I can't be bothered with ethical decisions now that i'm retired, and I don't have the energy anymore, so I just use the bedroom window..
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Re: Let's Pick on the Men Today!
Old 09-30-2005, 04:03 PM   #13
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Re: Let's Pick on the Men Today!

Here is a serious reply to this thread:

Subject: : Men's rules

Message: In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the
woman happy.
Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something
she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for
doing something she expects.
Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point
system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed (+1)

You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-10)

You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) In the snow (+10)

But return with Beer (-5)



You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)

You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)

You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)

You pummel it with a 6-iron (+10)

It's her pet (-10)


SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

You stay by her side the entire party (0)

You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a
college buddy (-2)

Named Tiffany (-4)

Tiffany is a long legged dancer (-150)


HER BIRTHDAY

You take her out to dinner (0)

You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)

Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)

It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is
painted the colors of your favorite team (-10)


A NIGHT OUT

You take her to a movie (+2)

You take her to a movie she likes (+4)

You take her to a movie you hate (+6)

You take her to a movie you like (-2)

It's called Deathcop 3 (-3)

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)



YOUR PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)

You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of
it(+10)

You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and
baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)

You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)


ENJOY THE BIG QUESTION

She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) Yes, you lose points no matter
what

You hesitate in responding (-10)

You reply, "Where?" (-35)

Any other response (-20)


COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem] You listen,displaying
what looks like a concerned __expression (0)

You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)

You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the
TV(+500)

She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-1000)
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Re: Let's Pick on the Men Today!
Old 09-30-2005, 05:13 PM   #14
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Re: Let's Pick on the Men Today!

Both of my boys put the lid down, yes, I trained them well when they were young.

They will have happy wifes some day. I met that goal !!
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Re: Let's Pick on the Men Today!
Old 09-30-2005, 06:27 PM   #15
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Re: Let's Pick on the Men Today!

Quote:
Originally Posted by cube_rat


There are sub-set of men that like to sit on the throne during all phases of elimination.
That's my dh!!! LMAO
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Re: Let's Pick on the Men Today!
Old 09-30-2005, 06:41 PM   #16
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Re: Let's Pick on the Men Today!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nords
2.* Whether the toilet paper should hang down in front of the roll or behind it.
There is no one correct answer. It depends on whether you have cats. For humans, the obviously correct way is to have the paper hang down in front. But if you have a cat and you do that, you'll find the paper unrolled in a big heap on the floor. So, in our house, certain bathrooms have an anti-cat roll in which the paper hangs behind the roll.
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Re: Let's Pick on the Men Today!
Old 09-30-2005, 07:01 PM   #17
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Re: Let's Pick on the Men Today!

Quote:
Originally Posted by SteveR

SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed (+1)

You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-10)

You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) In the snow (+10)

But return with Beer (-5)

Important correction to be made here.......

But return with Beer

Otherwise, just about right on target.

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Re: Let's Pick on the Men Today!
Old 09-30-2005, 07:05 PM   #18
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Re: Let's Pick on the Men Today!

Psychologist Robin Kowalski at Western Carolina University asked 167 men and women to list the habits that bothered them most about their current or past partners. At the top were complaints about guys who donít talk enough or chew with their mouths open, and women who talk too much or play with their hair.

But just as the men were running out of gas, the women shifted gears, pointing out more problems: Heís often late, heís always looking at his watch, he plays too roughly with the cat, his shoes and belt donít match. When Kowalski tallied the gripes by gender, she found that women had two to four times as many pet peeves as men.
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Re: Let's Pick on the Men Today!
Old 09-30-2005, 08:17 PM   #19
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Re: Let's Pick on the Men Today!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Martha
Psychologist Robin Kowalski at Western Carolina University asked 167 men and women to list the habits that bothered them most about their current or past partners. At the top were complaints about guys who donít talk enough or chew with their mouths open, and women who talk too much or play with their hair.
Women who play with their hair are hot.

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Re: Let's Pick on the Men Today!
Old 09-30-2005, 09:44 PM   #20
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Re: Let's Pick on the Men Today!

Quote:
Originally Posted by cube_rat
Well, WE women need it down all of the time. *You fellas need it up with number one and down with number two. *
This is perfectly true. But I've never once, not once, made the mistake of sitting down without first checking to see if the seat was down. Not even when drunk out of my mind. So as long as that's true, I don't think I should be held responsible for the incomprehensible fact that 50% of the population can't seem to successfully work a toilette without running the risk of falling in.
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