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Old 10-10-2010, 08:45 PM   #1
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I have been bugged by friends and family members with their impersonal invitations to join those virtual communities.

I don't really understand it. They have my email, my phone, my address. And we do communicate often enough. What am I missing?

And what is the "diplomatic" way to tell them to stop sending those?
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Old 10-10-2010, 09:48 PM   #2
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I have been bugged by friends and family members with their impersonal invitations to join those virtual communities.

I don't really understand it. They have my email, my phone, my address. And we do communicate often enough. What am I missing?

And what is the "diplomatic" way to tell them to stop sending those?
Simply say "no". If you actually were a member of some of those sites, then that would be different as they may think you are befriending some folks and not them.

Saying you are not interested to everyone who asks you to join a site is easy.
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Old 10-11-2010, 12:29 AM   #3
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Originally Posted by Sam View Post
I have been bugged by friends and family members with their impersonal invitations to join those virtual communities.
I don't really understand it. They have my email, my phone, my address. And we do communicate often enough. What am I missing?
If you feel that you're communicating enough then you're not missing anything. They're inviting you to be polite, but they're not going to be offended if you don't respond to their invitations.

But... if you're wondering why you no longer hear from your kids via e-mail, phone, or snail mail, it's because they feel that they're adequately informing the world of their status via Facebook & LinkedIn. Spouse and I enjoy reading our kid's posts, and we most especially enjoy the knowledge that we don't have to get involved unless she contacts us with a specific question/request.

I didn't bother with Facebook until I had a reason (marketing the book). When I'm done with that (in what, about five years or so?) then I'll probably stop using Facebook and resume wasting the vast majority of my time here.

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And what is the "diplomatic" way to tell them to stop sending those?
I would suggest that there is not such a way. It's easiest to leave the lines of communication open and to just delete the things you don't care to read.

Otherwise if you ask them to stop sending invitations, urban legends, joke-of-the-day, or other spam then you may never hear from them again in regard to the things you actually care about.

If you really want to impress your kids with your hipness, have them walk you through the Facebook process. Pick some innocuous nom de plume for yourself so you can remain incognito. Once you've friended each other then you can read their posts to their wall. After a while they'll forget you're reading their wall, and they'll let it all hang out again like they did before they were teenagers when you could hear them hanging out with their friends in the next room...
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Old 10-11-2010, 01:05 AM   #4
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Since I am a dog, I much prefer to be somewhat anonymous online. I don't see how to do that with Facebook. If I have an account and share it with my family and coworkers, they all become somewhat aware of my activities. If I then share it with my drinking buddies, those activities become somewhat visible as well. Imagine if I am trying to maintain a reputation as a top dog in my field but also trying to maintain at least cordial contact with fringe elements. It isn't long before both factions see me as contaminated by my contacts, and the whole house of cards falls down. Or at least it seems that way to me, as if the playground cliques became widespread and developed permanent record keeping. I'd rather slink around in the shadows.
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Old 10-11-2010, 12:14 PM   #5
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Truthfully I think of Facebook to be nothing more than a time suck. I do have an account but very rarely use it. I have friends who do all their communicating thru it, it's hard to get them to respond to emails but they have time to post their Like of some ridiculous hate group or someone's You Tube clip. DH recently deleted his Facebook account and I think I am going to be doing the same thru.
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Old 10-11-2010, 12:15 PM   #6
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Since I am a dog, I much prefer to be somewhat anonymous online. I don't see how to do that with Facebook. If I have an account and share it with my family and coworkers, they all become somewhat aware of my activities. If I then share it with my drinking buddies, those activities become somewhat visible as well. Imagine if I am trying to maintain a reputation as a top dog in my field but also trying to maintain at least cordial contact with fringe elements. It isn't long before both factions see me as contaminated by my contacts, and the whole house of cards falls down. I'd rather slink around in the shadows.
This is the same argument we have every year about inviting law enforcement officers to our St. Pat's party. I see what you mean, though.

I have different groups on FB and can filter my posts accordingly. Sometimes if I put up a photo album, I'll limit the viewing of it to only the people who were at the party, that sort of thing. Likewise with wall posts or links. You can customize it to the point that the fringe element gets "fringy" updates and the "top corporate dog" peeps get only your Lions Club community service plaque acceptance pictures.
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Old 10-11-2010, 01:08 PM   #7
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Facebook kinda scares me. I see that ER.org has a Facebook page now. I would like to "like it" but my nightmare is that DW's employer goes to DW's Facebook page, which is linked to my Facebook page, where they see that I like ER.org (hu-ho, DW would be outed!), and with a little bit of digging they can probably figure out that I am FD, that I have disclosed the dysfunctional behavior of some of their employees to the whole world and that DW is ready to bail out...

Since Facebook's privacy policy changes every week it seems, I really don't know if I am just being paranoid or if there is a real risk.
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Old 10-11-2010, 01:15 PM   #8
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Facebook kinda scares me. I see that ER.org has a Facebook page now. I would like to "like it" but my nightmare is that DW's employer goes to DW's Facebook page, which is linked to my Facebook page, where they see that I like ER.org (hu-ho, DW would be outed!), and with a little bit of digging they can probably figure out that I am FD, that I have disclosed the dysfunctional behavior of some of their employees to the whole world and that DW is ready to bail out...

Since Facebook's privacy policy changes every week it seems, I really don't know if I am just being paranoid or if there is a real risk.
I'm with you on this one!!
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Old 10-11-2010, 01:45 PM   #9
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Facebook kinda scares me. I see that ER.org has a Facebook page now. I would like to "like it" but my nightmare is that DW's employer goes to DW's Facebook page, which is linked to my Facebook page, where they see that I like ER.org (hu-ho, DW would be outed!), and with a little bit of digging they can probably figure out that I am FD, that I have disclosed the dysfunctional behavior of some of their employees to the whole world and that DW is ready to bail out...

Since Facebook's privacy policy changes every week it seems, I really don't know if I am just being paranoid or if there is a real risk.
Boy, I am with you on this. I am a pretty experienced web user and for the life of me I cannot learn to trust the distribution of my entries. It has this geometric growth thing inherent in its design, and I see stuff clearly not intended for my eyes (like my son's mother-in-law chatting with her personal friends).

Settings are scattered around in the account menu but not entirely, so they are hard to find and this encourages an opt-out mentality, not a good combination. I think the interface and "metaphor" are unintuitive.

But I do go up there to read the kids' comments. I rarely post and try to just blend into the background. I guess I've crossed the dreaded old phart line on this one.
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Old 10-11-2010, 03:30 PM   #10
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I guess I've crossed the dreaded old phart line on this one.
Hard to know exactly where that line is.
a. Is it near the Maginot line?
b. Mason-Dixon?
c. Mexican border?

Do you know when you cross it?
a. Do others stop getting your cultural references?
b. Do YOU stop getting cultural references?

Is there some sort of marker?
a. Cincinatti-100 miles, Old Phart line 123 miles
b. Perhaps the Florida state line. "Welcome to Florida, you are now an old phart."

Do cops pull you over: "Sir, are you aware you've been driving 15 MPH with your blinker on for the past 5 miles in a 45mph zone."

Do you dress differently after crossing it?
a. Do you start finding it acceptable to wear white athletic socks, with shorts and brown loafers?
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Old 10-11-2010, 03:35 PM   #11
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Hard to know exactly where that line is
Actually, I was referring to the San Andreas Phart Line. This thing's got me shook up.

You missed my reference .
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Old 10-11-2010, 03:43 PM   #12
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Actually, I was referring to the San Andreas Phart Line. This thing's got me shook up.

You missed my reference .
Ah, yes. THe most dangerous phart line in the world. Old Phart scientists have hypothesized that one day it's going to wake up in a bad mood and throw all those whippersnappers in California right into the ocean.
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Old 10-11-2010, 06:51 PM   #13
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FD, how do you think my employer feels about me being a MOD of an early retirement board, LOL? But I figure that being a fan of about 20 million different things on FB means that no one is going to check too closely into my "likes". And unless your wife's employer is also an unrestricted friend of yours, that person can't see your likes, IIRC.

Rich, the reason you see your son's MIL's posts like that is because she's clueless about the difference between messaging and posting on someone's walls. It is just like here--PMs versus posting to a thread. Someone (like your DIL) should probably explain it to her, unless it is juicy, in which case you can send it to Lamebook for me and others to mock at our leisure.

And don't be shy about the ER-org fan page...please! Trying to think of stuff to post there to make it interesting, but dang, all the good stuff is happening here!
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Old 10-11-2010, 07:24 PM   #14
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I didn't bother with Facebook until I had a reason (marketing the book). When I'm done with that (in what, about five years or so?) then I'll probably stop using Facebook and resume wasting the vast majority of my time here.
Hey, that's a nice way of putting it.

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I would suggest that there is not such a way. It's easiest to leave the lines of communication open and to just delete the things you don't care to read.
That's what I'm doing now, ignore those invitations. Problem is that the systems (LinkedIn, Facebook...) appear to know that I was deaf/blind/mute and try to be helpful by resending the invitation every month or so.


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If you really want to impress your kids with your hipness, have them walk you through the Facebook process.
No, thank you. I have no intention of projecting my image that way. I'm even afraid of stumbling onto their page, if one exists. I have told them (brainwash) many times that it's easy to leave things on the internet and impossible/hard to remove. I pray to god that they got the message.
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Old 10-11-2010, 09:10 PM   #15
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Since Facebook's privacy policy changes every week it seems, I really don't know if I am just being paranoid or if there is a real risk.
Or there's a mistake made. Or there's some kind of security breakdown.

Too much risk for too little gain. For folks who enjoy it, party on. I'm opting out by not putting my data out there (well as little as I dare) and then I do not have to rely on making zero mistakes in setting privacy options, or hoping no one else connected to the process makes any mistakes either.

I am also certain if my ER intentions were known I would be much less likely to be assigned interesting or significant projects.
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Old 10-11-2010, 09:14 PM   #16
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Linkedin is primarily a networking site for working professionals. If you don't want to keep in touch with former colleagues and/or don't want to consult/work (because you are ER), there's not much point.
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Old 10-11-2010, 09:53 PM   #17
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Linkedin is primarily a networking site for working professionals. If you don't want to keep in touch with former colleagues and/or don't want to consult/work (because you are ER), there's not much point.
When I RE'd this year I changed the company I work for to "Sweet FA"
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Old 10-11-2010, 11:54 PM   #18
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That's what I'm doing now, ignore those invitations. Problem is that the systems (LinkedIn, Facebook...) appear to know that I was deaf/blind/mute and try to be helpful by resending the invitation every month or so.
That's a tough one. Facebook seems to hint that it has some sort of stealth "ignore" feature allowing you to turn off the reminders without letting the requester know that you haven't friended them.

I'm not so sure about LinkedIn. I'm not even sure that I want to try to market the book on LinkedIn, but a lot of military hang out there and I suspect one or two of them might be seeking a retirement solution to their life problems...

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No, thank you. I have no intention of projecting my image that way. I'm even afraid of stumbling onto their page, if one exists. I have told them (brainwash) many times that it's easy to leave things on the internet and impossible/hard to remove. I pray to god that they got the message.
Heh. They get the message, but they don't get it from you. They get it from their alleged "friends" who posted all those cell-phone pictures from last weekend's party.

Our kid has friended us with the agreement that we will never, never, EVER post to her wall or "like" any of her comments or otherwise make her take official notice of our parental presence. In return, we get to vicariously enjoy the college experience we never had.

I don't know if you felt the tremor pass through the earth about 14 hours ago, but our kid actually taught her maternal grandfather how to sign himself up for a Facebook account and then friend her. Horses led to water, old dogs... but she inspired the guy to initiate a degree of personal contact that's eluded him for well over a decade with his kids. I just hope that she hasn't inadvertently created a monster.

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Hard to know exactly where that line is.
If you have to ask where that line is, then you've already crossed it...
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Old 10-12-2010, 12:25 AM   #19
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FD, how do you think my employer feels about me being a MOD of an early retirement board, LOL? But I figure that being a fan of about 20 million different things on FB means that no one is going to check too closely into my "likes". And unless your wife's employer is also an unrestricted friend of yours, that person can't see your likes, IIRC.
DW's employer once told me at a X-mas party: "we like our employees to be mortgaged to their eyeballs because then we know they're not going anywhere...". So, somehow, I don't think they would appreciate the fact we are FI and that DW is just milking them til the udder runs dry, heh heh...

ER.org would also be my first and probably only "like" on FB (I only use FB to find old high school and college friends, I usually don't do "pokes", "likes", FB games or whatever), so it will stand out. On FB, I can see the "likes" of people I am not connected to, like Nords' for example...
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Old 10-12-2010, 01:51 AM   #20
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I can't be the only person who enjoys having FB! Well, "enjoy" is a strong word, but I am appreciative of the fact that I can figure out what's happening with my friends without making any efforts. Also, if I meet someone at choir or a party, I can look them up and friend them, if I want to keep in touch with them. They can friend me if they want to, too. It's also great for people I meet on trips. There are people I met years ago in Mexico that I am still in touch with via FB. There is no way we would be emailing each other as much without FB.

I am on LinkedIn but I don't really put any information on there. It's only for business contacts. It doesn't hurt to have a LinkedIn account if you are interested in networking, doing informational interviews, etc. For most people on this board, it's probably not necessary.
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