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Re: making lawyers look bad
Old 06-09-2005, 10:35 AM   #21
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Re: making lawyers look bad

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I think he should have said "Urine idiot!" and dismissed it.
You've been waiting a loooooooong time for that one, haven't you?!?
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Re: making lawyers look bad
Old 06-09-2005, 10:41 AM   #22
 
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Re: making lawyers look bad

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Do not judges throw out lawsuits as "frivilous (sp) and unwarranted"
Ah, but if you let a judge decide whether a case is frivolous, then you've done away with the jury system. * On the other hand, maybe the judge could declare that the woman was an "enema combatant" and then she couldn't get a jury trial anyway.* "Urine Guantanamo Now!"
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Re: making lawyers look bad
Old 06-09-2005, 11:32 AM   #23
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Re: making lawyers look bad

Something good will come of this.
I'm sure Home Depot is looking at selling a dual purpose sink for the laundry room, and how bout the possibilities for those fresh smelling dryer sheets that must have been close at hand.* Need a hand dryer?* Simple as diverting some of the dryer exhaust into the room.* Oh yeah, everyone will need a magazine rack as well. 8)
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Re: making lawyers look bad
Old 06-09-2005, 11:44 AM   #24
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Re: making lawyers look bad

Quote:
Originally Posted by azanon
50%. Those are mutually exclusive events (the two births), so the fact that one child is a boy is irrelevant to the probably of the second being a boy.

Had you asked me what is the chance a couple that had two kids would end up having 2 boys, the chance would be 25%.
Correct answer: 1/3
I told ya it was a trick question

The key is that you don't know which one is a boy, just that one is a boy.
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Re: making lawyers look bad
Old 06-09-2005, 11:59 AM   #25
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Re: making lawyers look bad

Quote:
Originally Posted by JB
Correct answer: 1/3
I told ya it was a trick question

The key is that you don't know which one is a boy, just that one is a boy.
I still go with 1/2 as indicated earlier.

if you have
gb
bg
bb

you might be led to think of it as 1/3rd. but in fact, you have to count "bb" x2, which leads to 1/2.

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Re: making lawyers look bad
Old 06-09-2005, 12:06 PM   #26
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Re: making lawyers look bad

This whole thing is a piss poor example of our legal systems woes.

Yes HFWR, someone had to 'sink' to that level. I'm just surprised it wasnt me. I sort of held back on the lawyer jokes out of (probably temporary) respect for my running mate, Martha.

Considering I sold data processing systems almost exclusively to lawyers for many years, trust me...i've got ALL of the lawyer jokes. And I can go at least 4 levels further down the sink hole than the foreskin joke
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Re: making lawyers look bad
Old 06-09-2005, 12:38 PM   #27
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Re: making lawyers look bad

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Originally Posted by th
.i've got ALL of the lawyer jokes.* And I can go at least 4 levels further down the sink hole than the foreskin joke
I for one stand ready to embark on this journey (down the sink hole) with you.*
A window seat would be appreciated.
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Re: making lawyers look bad
Old 06-09-2005, 01:42 PM   #28
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Re: making lawyers look bad

Hey, you folks may have the jokes, but I . . . .
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Re: making lawyers look bad
Old 06-09-2005, 03:08 PM   #29
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Re: making lawyers look bad

Uh uh ahhh....dont make me do it...
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Re: making lawyers look bad
Old 06-09-2005, 03:14 PM   #30
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Re: making lawyers look bad

Quote:
Originally Posted by th
Uh uh ahhh....dont make me do it...
I don't think you can.

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Re: making lawyers look bad
Old 06-09-2005, 03:14 PM   #31
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Re: making lawyers look bad

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Originally Posted by th
Uh uh ahhh....dont make me do it...
I dare you.
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Re: making lawyers look bad
Old 06-09-2005, 03:15 PM   #32
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Re: making lawyers look bad

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Originally Posted by th
Uh uh ahhh....dont make me do it...
I double dog dare you.
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Re: making lawyers look bad
Old 06-09-2005, 03:16 PM   #33
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Re: making lawyers look bad

Alright thats it.

Whats black and brown and looks great on a lawyer?

Rottweiller.

Whats the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead lawyer?

Skid marks in front of the snake.

Whats the definition of a lawyer?

Mouth with an attached life support system.

What do you get when you cross a rat with a snake?

A lawyer with morals.

Did you hear about the post office recalling all their postage stamps depicting famous lawyers?

Everyone kept spitting on the wrong side.

Whats the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull?

Lipstick.

What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 120? Your honor. What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Senator.

Whats the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

Vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.

Whats the difference between a lawyer and a jellyfish?

One is a spineless blob of mucous. The other is a form of sea life.

Whats the primary difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

One wakes up in the morning and immediately wants to cluck defiance.
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Be fearful when others are greedy, and greedy when others are fearful. Just another form of "buy low, sell high" for those who have trouble with things. This rule is not universal. Do not buy a 1973 Pinto because everyone else is afraid of it.
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Re: making lawyers look bad
Old 06-09-2005, 04:22 PM   #34
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Re: making lawyers look bad

A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.

"Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeemer!!!", he whined.

"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" retorted the officer, "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!"

"Oh my gaaad....", replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was, "Where's my Rolex!!!!!"


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Re: making lawyers look bad
Old 06-09-2005, 05:58 PM   #35
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Re: making lawyers look bad

What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?

One is a scum-sucking bottom dweller, and the other's a fish.
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Re: making lawyers look bad
Old 06-09-2005, 06:07 PM   #36
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Re: making lawyers look bad

An old man was on his death bed. He wanted badly to take some of his money with him. He called his priest, his doctor and his lawyer to his bedside. "Here's $30,000 cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me."

At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin. Riding away in a limousine, the priest suddenly broke into tears and confessed, "I had only put $20,000 into the envelope because I needed $10,000 for a new baptistery."

"Well, since we're confiding in each other," said the doctor, "I only put $10,000 in the envelope because we needed a new machine at the hospital which cost $20,000."

The lawyer was aghast. "I'm ashamed of both of you," he exclaimed. "I want it known that when I put my envelope in that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000
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Re: making lawyers look bad
Old 06-09-2005, 06:21 PM   #37
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Re: making lawyers look bad

OK, I have heard all of these.

What I would like is some good left handed engineer jokes.
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Re: making lawyers look bad
Old 06-09-2005, 06:29 PM   #38
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Re: making lawyers look bad

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Originally Posted by Martha
OK, I have heard all of these.* *

What I would like is some good left handed engineer jokes.*
A left handed* engineering student is walking along when a fellow student arrives on a new bicycle. Impressed, he asks, "Where did you got this beautiful bicycle?"

"Well," the second engineering student says, "A couple of days ago I was just walking along when this georgeous blonde pulls up, hops off the bike, rips off all her clothes, and says 'take what you want'."

The other engineering student nods and says "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

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Re: making lawyers look bad
Old 06-09-2005, 06:48 PM   #39
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Re: making lawyers look bad

A gentleman walks into a lawyer's office and asks him, "How much do you want to answer two questions?"

The lawyer replied, " $500, What is your second question?"
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Re: making lawyers look bad
Old 06-09-2005, 07:04 PM   #40
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Re: making lawyers look bad

The A lawyer gets bored on a plane flight so he turns to the blonde next to him and offers to play a game. They'll each ask a question and if the other doesnt know the answer, they'll pay the other $5 for every answer they dont know.

The blonde aint interested.

Finally the lawyer offers $50 for every question he doesnt know vs $5 every one the blonde cant figure out. The blonde accepts.

The lawyer asks "How far is it in miles from the sun to earth?". Without a word the blonde hands the lawyer $5.

The blonde then asks "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes back down with four?". The lawyer thinks and thinks and thinks and finally gives up, giving the blonde $50.

"So whats the answer?" the lawyer asks.

The blonde hands him another $5.
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Be fearful when others are greedy, and greedy when others are fearful. Just another form of "buy low, sell high" for those who have trouble with things. This rule is not universal. Do not buy a 1973 Pinto because everyone else is afraid of it.
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