making lawyers look bad

[Caroline]

Three French men are scheduled for public execution by guillotine.

The first condemned person, a minister, steps up.* The switch is pulled, but the blade doesn't come down.* The Minister cries out:* "God has saved me -- he knows I'm innocent."*

The officials in charge make the sign of the cross in the face of this miracle and let the Minister go.

The second condemned person is a revolutionary agitator. The switch is pulled but the blade doesn't come down. The guy cries out: "The revolution cannot be
stopped!" In the face of this second miracle, the guy is pardonned.

The third condemned man is a left-handed engineer. He steps up to the guillotine and is ready to put his head into the stocks when he calls out:* "Wait a minute, I think I see your problem."

[JPatrick]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Martha OK, I have heard all of these.* * What I would like is some good left handed engineer jokes.*

Three left handed engineering students were sitting around talking between classes, when one brought up the question of who designed the human body.

One of the students insisted that the human body must have been designed by an electrical engineer because of the perfection of the nerves and synapses.

Another disagreed, and exclaimed that it had to have been a mechanical engineer who designed the human body. The system of levers and pullies is ingeniuos.

"No," the third student said "your both wrong. The human body was designed by an architect. Who else but an architect would have put a toxic waste line through a recreation area?"

[HFWR]

A left-handed engineer, a priest, and a hippie were flying together, when mechanical trouble caused the plane to nosedive. The three notice there were only two parachutes. The l-h engineer proclaimed, "My IQ is over 300, making me the smartest man in the world", upon which he grabbed a parachute, and leapt from the plane.

The priest eyed the hippie, and said, "My son, I'm a man of God, and I'm ready to meet my maker, so you go ahead and take the other parachute."

The hippie, looking amused, replied, "Thank you, Father, for that incredible gesture of kindness and selflessness, but it's not necessary. You see, the smartest man in the world just jumped out with my backpack..."

[JB]

Quote:

Originally Posted by moghopper I still go with 1/2 as indicated earlier. if you have gb bg bb you might be led to think of it as 1/3rd. but in fact, you have to count "bb" x2, which leads to 1/2.

Flip two fair pennies N times. Expected outcome is
N/4 HH, N/4 HT, N/4 TH, N/4 TT.
Throw out all the TT. 1/3 are HH.

[moghopper]

http://www.wiskit.com/marilyn/boys.html

[Martha]

Quote:

Originally Posted by moghopper http://www.wiskit.com/marilyn/boys.html

Marilyn von [idiot] Savant has always irritated me. And she should stay away from advice that doesn't have to do with puzzles. JG, note that she has a one in a million IQ and still ended up making living writing a goofy newpaper column and giving not very well thought out advice to people. And she could have been Albert Einstein. Or Camus.

[sgeeeee]

A left handed INTJ engineer dies and goes to heaven. *At the pearly gates there is a bureaucratic error and the angel can't find the engineer's name on the list so she sends him back to hell.

In hell, * the devil has never seen a left handed INTJ engineer, so he puts this one on his staff. *The engineer sees lots of opportunity. *He taps into the energy from the fires of hell, builds huge recreation centers with air-conditioning, swimming pools, bright lights and gambling. *Everyone in hell is having a great time.

In the meantime, God figures out there's been a mistake and goes down to talk with the devil. *He tells him he has to shut down the casinos and rec centers and send the engineer back where he belongs.

"No." the devil says simply. * *"What are you going to do about it?"

God says, "Send us the engineer or I'll sue."

The devil laughs and laughs. *Then he asks God, "Where will you find a lawyer?"

[cute fuzzy bunny]

Three left handed intj engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy a ticket and watch as the three engineers only buy one ticket.

"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant.

"Watch and you'll see," answered an engineer.

They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a rest room and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Tickets, please!" The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The accountants see this and agree it is a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money.

When they get to the station, they buy one ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all.

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant.

"Watch and you'll see," answered an engineer.

When they board the train all three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs.

Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Tickets, please!"

[Nords]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Caroline Three French men are scheduled for public execution by guillotine. The first condemned person, a minister, steps up.* The switch is pulled, but the blade doesn't come down.* The Minister cries out:* "God has saved me -- he knows I'm innocent."* The officials in charge make the sign of the cross in the face of this miracle and let the Minister go. The second condemned person is a revolutionary agitator. The switch is pulled but the blade doesn't come down. The guy cries out: "The revolution cannot be stopped!" In the face of this second miracle, the guy is pardonned. The third condemned man is a left-handed engineer. He steps up to the guillotine and is ready to put his head into the stocks when he calls out:* "Wait a minute, I think I see your problem."

A lawyer, a priest, and a left-handed engineer are unjustly convicted and put on death row.

When the warden leads them to the "Ol' Sparky" room, he tells the lawyer to strap in first. The lawyer says "I believe in our country's legal system and its principles of justice. I won't be electrocuted!" The switch is thrown, nothing happens, and the lawyer is freed.

The priest sits down and says "I believe in a just and merciful God, and I won't be electrocuted!" A few seconds later he's free too.

The engineer sits down, looks around, and says "Hey, I had a couple EE courses in college. You'll never electrocute anyone until you connect those two wires."

(I've also seen a version floating around concerning Texas A&M alumni. But I'm not going there.)

[MRGALT2U]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Martha Marilyn* von [idiot] Savant has always irritated me.* And she should stay away from advice that doesn't have to do with puzzles.* JG, note that she has* a one in a million IQ and still ended up making living writing a goofy newpaper column and giving not very well thought out advice to people.* And she could have been Albert Einstein.* Or Camus.* *

You misspelled her name and I doubt you know Camus from Lorenzo Lamas.
Anyway, she has an easy gig. So what?

JG

[haha]

I see you are still running for Goodwill Ambassador, John.

[Martha]

I'll give you the misspelling John. It is vos [idiot] Savant. But my point was a "Ted" kind of point. Here she is, the supposed smartest woman in the world, and what does she contribute to society? Nothing in my mind. I won't touch at this point whether she has a duty to contribute, given her gifts.

As for Camus vs. Lamas. That is absurd.

[unclemick]

Way back when we took the whatever they gave us in high school IQ test - had a friend who tested 186 - went on to become an LSD dealer in the 60's after dropping out of math at UW. Been off the radar ever since.

Tooooo smart

[Caroline]

Quote:

I'll give you the misspelling John.* It is vos [idiot] Savant.* But my point was a "Ted" kind of point.* Here she is, the supposed smartest woman in the world, and what does she contribute to society?* Nothing in my mind.

I actually think she does a DIS-service to many by trotting out a lot of unsupported opinion. This opinion, because she is supposedly so smart, is taken seriously by many who read her and don't know any better.

If she wanted to contribute something of lasting importance, she'd write about epistemology, logic, and the philosophy of science and teach her audience to think for themselves.

IM own HO,
Caroline

[MRGALT2U]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Caroline I actually think she does a DIS-service to many by trotting out a lot of unsupported opinion. This opinion, because she is supposedly so smart, is taken seriously by many who read her and don't know any better. If she wanted to contribute something of lasting importance, she'd write about epistemology, logic, and the philosophy of science and teach her audience to think for themselves. IM own HO, Caroline

This debate rages endlessly in Mensa. Some think all of that brainpower should be harnessed for doing good for humanity, writing, think tanks,
advising politicians, etc. Others (like myself) enjoy it just the way it is,
i.e. mostly a social venue for smart people. There are many many
overachievers in Mensa but most members are (or appear to be) just plain folks.
And, I would agree that many are just good at puzzles and test taking, or so it
would seem.

JG

[MRGALT2U]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Martha I'll give you the misspelling John.* It is vos [idiot] Savant.* But my point was a "Ted" kind of point.* Here she is, the supposed smartest woman in the world, and what does she contribute to society?* Nothing in my mind. I won't touch at this point whether she has a duty to contribute, given her gifts. As for Camus vs. Lamas. That is absurd.*

Let's explore this a bit, I mean the "duty to contribute"part. I assume
you (talking to Martha here) are smart and well read enough to tie my
sign-on name in with Ayn Rand/Atlas Shrugged and my politics.
The fictional John Galt and his followers felt compelled NOT to
contribute as they saw the system composed of left leaning
effete clueless nonproductive morons. That's the way I feel most of the time, and this did play a role in my decision to ER. I wanted to remove myself from the world of commerce (where I had most of my success)
and so deliberately not contribute to a corrupt system. Serendipitously, it
has proven to be an ongoing process which keeps me occupied in my
leisure hours.

JG

[MJ]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Martha As for Camus vs. Lamas. That is absurd.

Martha,

you should know it's not absurd, it's JG.

or

perhaps you might mean, JG = absurd.


MJ

[cute fuzzy bunny]

[mumble] there are some people that could stop contributing that I wouldnt miss much [/mumble]

I suppose the worst combination is someone who doesnt contribute, but doesnt let that stop them from endlessly whining and taking pedantic pot shots at others.

[MRGALT2U]

Quote:

Originally Posted by th [mumble] there are some people that could stop contributing that I wouldnt miss much [/mumble] I suppose the worst combination is someone who doesnt contribute, but doesnt let that stop them from endlessly whining and taking pedantic pot shots at others.

Agree completely.

JG

[MRGALT2U]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MJ Martha, you should know it's not absurd, it's JG.* or perhaps you might mean, JG = absurd.* MJ*

Come on MJ. Not your best effort. Anyway, I was just jerkin'
Martha around a little. She can take it

JG