Making marriage last

[cute fuzzy bunny]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eagle43 I cannot imagine sitting on the barstool, talking to this young lady, and she says, "My name is Martha, I'm an Aquarius, what are you?" What would I do? What would I say? 8)

"I'm fascinated. Tell me more about you!".

Then just sit and wait 30-45 minutes nodding and smiling and looking as interested as possible. Try to stay awake.

Rinse and repeat.

[lazygood4nothinbum]

society lets you people marry?

[PsyopRanger]

I may not be qualified to answer this with my mere 9 years of marriage but I have learned a lot and watched 90% of my friends co-workers go through divorce.

An effort on both sides to make the marriage the best it can be

I believe honesty in everything, including communication

Real communication – emotions good and bad, dreams and goals

Keeping the “dating fever” the excitement of when you were dating into the marriage, weekly dates, surprise flowers for no reason, phone calls, love notes, etc.

Read “The 5 Love Languages” and other marriage books once every 6 months.

Read one of Dr. James Dobson’s books yearly.

Attend a marriage seminar yearly whether you need it or not.

Keep the passion alive (weekly)

For men, an active role in being a husband and father. Being a role model to other men and your children.

Strong Christian/Faith Ties

Always talk highly of your spouse, don’t involve yourself in petty jokes or belittling your spouse.

Seek advice from someone who has a good marriage, not someone twice divorced.

Most of all, remember why you fell in love with your spouse and keep that image in your heart always.

[haha]

Quote:

Originally Posted by PsyopRanger Keep the passion alive (weekly)

Sorry to say this amigo, but if it is weekly, it is getting long in the tooth.

Ha

[kcowan]

Good list PR. I would make a couple of additions:

Quote:

Originally Posted by PsyopRanger I may not be qualified to answer this with my mere 9 years of marriage but I have learned a lot and watched 90% of my friends co-workers go through divorce. An effort on both sides to make the marriage the best it can be I believe honesty in everything, including communication, but be sympathetic. Real communication – emotions good and bad, dreams and goals Keeping the “dating fever” the excitement of when you were dating into the marriage, weekly dates, surprise flowers for no reason, phone calls, love notes, etc. Read “The 5 Love Languages” and other marriage books once every 6 months. Read one of Dr. James Dobson’s books yearly. Attend a marriage seminar yearly whether you need it or not. Keep the passion alive (as often as needed by mutual agreement) For men, an active role in being a husband and father.* Being a role model to other men and your children. For women, an active interest in the husband's vocation/hobbies. And respect his views about child-rearing. Strong Christian/Faith Ties if it works for both parties. Always talk highly of your spouse, don’t involve yourself in petty jokes or belittling your spouse. Seek advice from someone who has a good marriage, not someone twice divorced. Most of all, remember why you fell in love with your spouse and keep that image in your heart always. Never go to bed angry.

I have highlighted my changes in bold

[PsyopRanger]

Quote:

Originally Posted by HaHa Sorry to say this amigo, but if it is weekly, it is getting long in the tooth. Ha

I thought I would be encouraging to the Viagra crowd.

[rs0460a]

Quote:

Originally Posted by PsyopRanger I may not be qualified to answer this with my mere 9 years of marriage but I have learned a lot and watched 90% of my friends co-workers go through divorce.

Well Ranger, for me (and DW, married 37 years this September), remember that he/she should be your "best friend" -- The one that you share your life with, above all others...

- Ron

[shiny]

Quote:

Originally Posted by PsyopRanger Read one of Dr. James Dobson’s books yearly.

Yes, our strong mutual disgust for this guy will surely help keep us together!

[haha]

Quote:

Originally Posted by shiny Yes, our strong mutual disgust for this guy will surely help keep us together!* *

LMAO!!!

I am hopelessly cynical; guys like him make me nauseated.

But here is one for you- what happens if one member of a couple formerly united in humorous detachment from all that bullshit suddenly gets religion?

Take it from ol' Mikey, it can happen.*

[cute fuzzy bunny]

Quote:

Originally Posted by HaHa Sorry to say this amigo, but if it is weekly, it is getting long in the tooth.

I thought he said "weakly".

[PsyopRanger]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ron'Da Well Ranger, for me (and DW, married 37 years this September), remember that he/she should be your "best friend" -- The one that you share your life with, above all others... - Ron

I second that, good point Ron.

[PsyopRanger]

Quote:

Originally Posted by HaHa LMAO!!! I am hopelessly cynical; guys like him make me nauseated. But here is one for you- what happens if one member of a couple formerly united in humorous detachment from all that bull**** suddenly gets religion? Take it from ol' Mikey, it can happen.

Sorry, let my faith out

I had the opposite happen, I was a believer. Then got into Scientology and God is Man-made, religion is a tool for control type stuff and it alienated me from my spouse who was a Christian. After many mistakes, set backs and failures during this time, I came back to Christianity and finally settled as a Christian but non-denominational and not religious but belief in a relationship with God without all the rules and dogma.

Oh yeah…no politics or relgion 8)

[haha]

Quote:

Originally Posted by PsyopRanger Sorry, let my faith out I had the opposite happen, I was a believer. Then got into Scientology and God is Man-made, religion is a tool for control type stuff and it alienated me from my spouse who was a Christian.* *After many mistakes, set backs and failures during this time, I came back to Christianity and finally settled as a Christian but non-denominational and not religious but belief in a relationship with God without all the rules and dogma.* Oh yeah…no politics or relgion 8)

I absolutely respect your religion and faith. I wish I had it. I think is some ways it might be a genetic thing- some people can believe, others have more difficulty.

Ha

[HFWR]

I couldn't/didn't make either marriage last, but the second WAS my last... :P

Is this another "rent v. buy" thread?

[unclemick]

Where does a 29 year one night stand fit in this discussion?

heh heh heh heh

[Scrooge]

Quote:

Originally Posted by unclemick2 Where does a 29 year one night stand fit in this discussion?

Is that Earth years?*

[unclemick]

New Orleans.

heh heh heh

[VoyT]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kcowan For women, an active interest in the husband's vocation/hobbies. And respect his views about child-rearing.

Seems to me that should be something both parties should strive to do.

[ladelfina]

Quote:

Read one of Dr. James Dobson’s books yearly.

Psyop, you had some good points, but lost me here.
That Dobson is one scary fellow.

A recent article:

Quote:

Once, as Dobson writes in The New Strong-Willed Child, Jimbo [Dobson himself] provoked a fight between a pug bulldog and a “sweet, passive Scottie named Baby” by throwing a tennis ball toward Baby: “The bulldog went straight for Baby’s throat and hung on. It was an awful scene. Neighbors came running from everywhere as the Scottie screamed in terror. It took ten minutes and a garden hose for the adults to pry loose the bulldog’s grip. By then Baby was almost dead. He spent two weeks in the animal hospital, and I spent two weeks in the doghouse. I was hated by the entire town.” ... A fifth member of [Dobson's] household, a stubborn little dachshund named Sigmund Freud, added to the chaos. When “Siggie” refused to go to bed one night, Dobson got out a belt and whacked him. The dog bared its teeth and Dobson gave it a second whack. “What developed next is impossible to describe,” writes Dobson in The New Strong-Willed Child. “That tiny dog and I had the most vicious fight ever staged between man and beast. I fought him up one wall and down the other, with both of us scratching and clawing and growling. I am still embarrassed by the memory of the entire scene.”

http://www.5280.com/issues/2006/0607...php?pageID=400


What is it with these right-wing "doctors" and their sick abuse of animals? (Bill Frist)


JD also apparently believes homosexuality can be "cured".

Obviously Dobson's advice did not help his own family: his son is already on his second marriage at the age of 35. Despite the fact that, in the Bible, Jesus is recounted as saying: ""Whoever divorces his wife and marries another, commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.", Ryan Dobson has no shame in writing his own book entitled "Be Intolerant".* * ("Ryan Dobson presents the case for absolutes based on the Word of God..."* family.org)* Ha!

Sure, we should not "throw stones" at Dobson and his son... but neither should they set themselves up as moral arbiters (and legislators!) for the nation.

The article above describes some of the tenets of the Nazarene church Dobson grew up in, of which a curious one is that of "entire sanctification."

Quote:

Nazarenes believe that after a person has had an initial born-again experience, the Holy Spirit will seek to perform a second work of grace called “entire sanctification” or “baptism with the Holy Spirit,” which purges all sin. Gil Alexander-Moegerle, a former Focus executive and once one of Dobson’s most trusted advisors, writes in his 1997 book James Dobson’s War on America that this “Holiness” principle is key to understanding Dobson’s worldview: “James Dobson believes that he has been entirely sanctified, morally perfected, that he does not and cannot sin. Now you know why he and moralists like him make a life of condemning what he believes to be the sins of others. He is perfect.”

Just can't get that image out of my head of a guy 6'2" beating the s**t out of a daschund. Hey, well, ya know.. "spare the rod, spoil the daschund."

And then he's gonna write a book about 'self-esteem'? Way to go, Jimbo.

[johnlw]

After being married for about 8 years, I came home one day from work and my wife says to me: "I've decided to become Catholic"...*

There are classes that adults can take (RCIA) to become Catholic. I attended the classes with her just because I was curious about it. At the end, she became a Catholic and I didn't (I had no intention, I'm not religious).

Our daughters have attended Catholic Schools their entire lives (The older one decided to not confirm and does not consider herself Catholic. The younger one does consider herself Catholic and will confirm next year.) Occasionally, I will attend Mass when my youngest daughter is singing, she's the Cantor and lead chorister for the children's Choir.

There have been some pretty funny moments caused from the mixtures in faith (or lack thereof). About* a year ago,my younger daughter was scheduled to sing at a special song and bible reading at the church. The director of the choir asked my wife if she would do a reading. My wife, who has no desire to speak in front of a crowd, asked her if it was OK for our oldest daughter to do the reading, she said sure, that was fine. So, when my oldest daughter finds out about this she says: "I'm not doing it... I don't want so speak in front of a crowd either". So, non-religious Dad stepped into the breach and did the reading. Afterward, one of the regular "Old church ladies" came up to me and said: "You did a wonderful job, you speak with a lot of authority".

Married 24 years and still going strong.