Marriage Proposal on FIRE Forum

[athena53]

I think to attract prospects, you would need a give a general description of yourself, height, weight, age. If you are employed, ok to mention gainfully employed. I would not mention anything about being well-to-do, or even looking at early retirement. Why? While you don't want to look like a bum, you don't want to attract gold-diggers. Back-in-the-day, (when single), wealth was not a consideration, but I would have been turned off by someone who was not fiscally responsible in some manner. Mention things / activities that you enjoy. Do not come across as wealthy: do not come across as cheap.

This is a fine balance. Match.com lets you show an income bracket from a dropdown box of ranges. I didn't include a value, mainly because I don't want to attract gold-diggers (yes, they come in male versions, too). I do show pictures from my international trips because I want guys to know that, to me, "travel" means something more than a weekend trip to the Ozarks on a Harley. I've still gotten interest from a few guys 30 years younger.

Really good advice from the portion I didn't quote about "pretty". I screen myself out of those because I've never thought of myself that way. My face is pleasant and animated and usually smiling but it's a 65-year old face. At this age, I think physical attraction develops as you get to know someone.

 

[Chuckanut]

Really good advice from the portion I didn't quote about "pretty". I screen myself out of those because I've never thought of myself that way. My face is pleasant and animated and usually smiling but it's a 65-year old face. At this age, I think physical attraction develops as you get to know someone.

There is a certain glow to some people, especially older ones that does not fit the mass market image of beauty. It comes from an inner wellness that is both mental and physical. It is this I referred to earlier. I believe the Italians call it La Bella Figura.

 

[Music Lover]

I met my husband at work. All the fresh out of college or military new hires were in the same pay grade. DH dated several women at work before me but I was the only one who offered to pay for half, so he knew I was a keeper. It seemed only fair since I knew he had about the same income as me. I was surprised the other women expected the man to pay 100% when they had equal incomes.

Maybe looking for someone who offered to pay for half the dates is a good sign of fiscal responsibility and fairness? I think initially offering up being financially secure and looking for someone much younger and pretty might attract women looking for a sugar daddy type, which sound like the opposite of what the OP really wants.

On our first date, we met for a drink and I bought. Then we had a 2nd drink and she bought.

On the 3rd date we went skating and after I offered to take her out to dinner...my treat. Her response: "You don't need to buy me dinner. Why don't we pick something up at the grocery store and cook it together?"

That's when I thought she might be a keeper...

 

[MarieIG]

This is a fine balance. Match.com lets you show an income bracket from a dropdown box of ranges. I didn't include a value, mainly because I don't want to attract gold-diggers (yes, they come in male versions, too). I do show pictures from my international trips because I want guys to know that, to me, "travel" means something more than a weekend trip to the Ozarks on a Harley. I've still gotten interest from a few guys 30 years younger.

At this age, I think physical attraction develops as you get to know someone.

Your profile and attitude sound very reasonable. I would think that a lot of men would find you of interest. I certainly would not advertise my net worth either!

(Thirty years younger? I would look at them as children. I have kids older than that.)

 

[GravitySucks]

Where are these Sugar Babies? Why do I not attract their attention?
Sounds like a fun long weekend.

 

[athena53]

Where are these Sugar Babies? Why do I not attract their attention?
Sounds like a fun long weekend.

Apparently there's a subset of women who make a hobby of being taken out to nice restaurants by guys they meet on match.com. Here's what you need to do:

1. Include at least one picture of you dressed in a suit or a tux, holding up a glass of wine.

2. Mention that you enjoy fine dining. Even better, drop the names of some trendy, expensive places in your area.

3. Show your income as something over $100K/year.

I can't promise you'll get them for the whole weekend but you'll have some good candidates!

 

[exnavynuke]

Where are these Sugar Babies? Why do I not attract their attention?
Sounds like a fun long weekend.

I believe there are websites that cater to exactly that these days. A quick Google search confirms they exist..

 

[aja8888]

I've still gotten interest from a few guys 30 years younger.

Interesting! Reminds me of my "single again" years between the ages of 49 - 53. I dated women as young as 29 and as old as 55. I went with the older crowd in the end, but the younger ones were a good time.

The younger ones weren't much on conversation and compatibility, but knowing our time together was for a short time made up for a lot of the differences.

 

[dvalley]

Interesting! Reminds me of my "single again" years between the ages of 49 - 53. I dated women as young as 29 and as old as 55. I went with the older crowd in the end, but the younger ones were a good time.

The younger ones weren't much on conversation and compatibility, but knowing our time together was for a short time made up for a lot of the differences.

Funny, I'm 43 and single these days. I came across a profile of a 31yo the other day, totally made me stop everything and just for a good 2 mins. Not a model type beautiful but just a cute, happy, normal, slim girl. Then I noticed the age and I thought 'man, she's so young...don't be a cradle robber'. Plus she most likely wants to start a family, get married etc. I didn't msg her. Then later I thought about why she even showed up in my search, she must have selected the age range up to at least 43. My range is 35-44.

 

[kgtest]

Do you accept Prenump?

 

[dvalley]

Do you accept Prenump?

I usually shy away from that type of medical conditions...

Unless you meant a prenup?

 

[kgtest]

Apparently there's a subset of women who make a hobby of being taken out to nice restaurants by guys they meet on match.com. Here's what you need to do:

1. Include at least one picture of you dressed in a suit or a tux, holding up a glass of wine.

2. Mention that you enjoy fine dining. Even better, drop the names of some trendy, expensive places in your area.

3. Show your income as something over $100K/year.

I can't promise you'll get them for the whole weekend but you'll have some good candidates!

This is true. I have a friend who is about 35 and I overheard her and a girlfriend discussing tactics as they flipped through the app, sort of rating each guy on how easy it would be to get a nice dinner with little to no effort.

Me, I like a more genuine approach.

 

[scrabbler1]

This is true. I have a friend who is about 35 and I overheard her and a girlfriend discussing tactics as they flipped through the app, sort of rating each guy on how easy it would be to get a nice dinner with little to no effort.

Me, I like a more genuine approach.

Back when I was in my 30s and trying to meet women through online ads, I always insisted that our first meeting be something short and low-key such as for coffee or a snack. If we hit it off reasonably well, after that, I would suggest to her, we could get together again for something more such as dinner.

My idea always went over well with women, as they were glad to have something low-pressure in a first meeting. But there was one woman who not only didn't like that idea but laid into me for suggesting it. She called me all kinds of names and berated me for not offering to take her out to dinner on a first meeting. I replied to her that it was good to find out now that she was seeing me only as a free meal so I could steer clear of her.

 

[GravitySucks]

Apparently there's a subset of women who make a hobby of being taken out to nice restaurants by guys they meet on match.com. Here's what you need to do:

1. Include at least one picture of you dressed in a suit or a tux, holding up a glass of wine.

2. Mention that you enjoy fine dining. Even better, drop the names of some trendy, expensive places in your area.

3. Show your income as something over $100K/year.

I can't promise you'll get them for the whole weekend but you'll have some good candidates!

Beats leasing a Porsche and growing ponytail.
Reminded me of visiting DGF friend and seeing a man leaving while we're arriveing. Eventually she told us she met him through her free dinner app. That app turned to
out to be Tinder.

 

[dvalley]

Back when I was in my 30s and trying to meet women through online ads, I always insisted that our first meeting be something short and low-key such as for coffee or a snack. If we hit it off reasonably well, after that, I would suggest to her, we could get together again for something more such as dinner.

My idea always went over well with women, as they were glad to have something low-pressure in a first meeting. But there was one woman who not only didn't like that idea but laid into me for suggesting it. She called me all kinds of names and berated me for not offering to take her out to dinner on a first meeting. I replied to her that it was good to find out now that she was seeing me only as a free meal so I could steer clear of her.

I do exactly that every time - coffee/drinks for the first date. Problem is not many are open to a coffee since you're usually meeting after work or in the evenings. Even buying drinks can get expensive after a while. You figure each date is about $35-40 with tips.

For most guys there's an unwritten rule that you don't buy her dinner until after you've been intimate. I just go with the flow. If I sense that we're compatible and I'm enjoying her company regardless of the outcome I don't mind buying dinner on the second date.

You meet all sorts of women...those that will happily offer to split the bill on the first date (I don't take them up on the offer but still appreciate it) to those that will come out and say they want to meet for sushi or some steakhouse.

 

[W2R]

Back when I was in my 30s and trying to meet women through online ads, I always insisted that our first meeting be something short and low-key such as for coffee or a snack. If we hit it off reasonably well, after that, I would suggest to her, we could get together again for something more such as dinner.

My idea always went over well with women, as they were glad to have something low-pressure in a first meeting. But there was one woman who not only didn't like that idea but laid into me for suggesting it. She called me all kinds of names and berated me for not offering to take her out to dinner on a first meeting. I replied to her that it was good to find out now that she was seeing me only as a free meal so I could steer clear of her.

I met Frank on an internet dating site back in 2000. For our first face-to-face meeting, I suggested coffee at Denny's. I had two reasons; one was that it had a well lit parking lot and lots of people around, in case he turned out to be a mugger or rapist or something (he wasn't, obviously). My second reason was that I didn't want to come off as a gold digger.

Also, I told him on that first date that if he ever wanted to marry again, he needed to keep looking because I would never, ever marry again. Much to my surprise and delight, he said that he had no desire to marry, either.

 

[dvalley]

Also, I told him on that first date that if he ever wanted to marry again, he needed to keep looking because I would never, ever marry again. Much to my surprise and delight, he said that he had no desire to marry, either.

Likewise! I'm upfront about this too. Don't want more kids, don't want a piece of paper to tell me I'm in a committed relationship. Now, it's possible that I might change my mind if we truly turn out to be soulmates but that's probably 10+yrs down the road...if ever.

 

[Crabby Mike]

For most guys there's an unwritten rule that you don't buy her dinner until after you've been intimate.

Really? I wish I'd known that back when I was dating ... would have saved me a lot of dinners!


I always assumed it was the other way around ...

 

[JustCurious]

For most guys there's an unwritten rule that you don't buy her dinner until after you've been intimate.

I'm not sure this is true, but in any event you shouldn't speak for most guys. I'm sure this varies a great deal depending on age, location, culture, etc.

 

[Chuckanut]

My idea always went over well with women, as they were glad to have something low-pressure in a first meeting. But there was one woman who not only didn't like that idea but laid into me for suggesting it. She called me all kinds of names and berated me for not offering to take her out to dinner on a first meeting. I replied to her that it was good to find out now that she was seeing me only as a free meal so I could steer clear of her.

Many years ago, I had a similar experience. The first two coffee dates were cancelled at the last minute. One was cancelled because she had to work a shift for a friend who needed a day off, and the second was cancelled because she had the opportunity to earn some overtime pay.

So, on the 3rd try, she showed up about 15 minutes late at a time when the coffee place was very busy. Since I did not want to stand while we talked, I had secured a table and proceeded to get a coffee for myself (I had no idea what she would like to drink so I could hardly order for her). I thought I was doing everything right. She finally showed up - late, bought her own coffee and joined me at the now very crowded cafe. Everything seemed to go well after that.

Later that day I received a blistering email informing me that I was a
'cheapskate' for not buying her coffee, generally did not treat her well, and that ALL HER FRIENDS agreed I was a jerk. (Wow, all her friends had already heard about me! Word travels fast.)

Having dodged a bullet I decided not to reply to the email. Thank goodness I did not do dinner first.

 

[Walt34]

For most guys there's an unwritten rule that you don't buy her dinner until after you've been intimate.

That's the first I ever heard of that. Must be location differences or something.

 

[ER Eddie]

Yeah, I'd never heard that unwritten rule, either. I have broken it most of the time.

I like the idea of taking women for coffee or otherwise cheap dates. It weeds out the types just looking for a free dinner. I find it weird that there are people like that -- willing to go through the bother and awkwardness of a first date, just to con someone out of a free dinner -- but there are. I think it lessens as you get older, though (or I should say, as your target age gets older).

 

[omni550]

For most guys there's an unwritten rule that you don't buy her dinner until after you've been intimate. I just go with the flow. If I sense that we're compatible and I'm enjoying her company regardless of the outcome I don't mind buying dinner on the second date.

Really? That's not been my experience. Out of ~25-30 online dates, I had three that met for coffee (and one of these then invited me to dinner immediately afterwards), one that met for wine -- and then extended it to appetizers and invited me to a $350 dinner a few weeks later. Everyone else I met for lunch or dinner....not that I expected it.

Must be different where you live.

omni

 

[Chuckanut]

I think it lessens as you get older, though (or I should say, as your target age gets older).

The reality of the situation is that as we get older there are fewer men than women. So, if anything, the women in the 55+ group should be offering to buy the men a coffee, glass of wine or dinner. Honestly, guys, if you are financially secure (not necessarily wealthy), bathe regularly, and have no serious addictions other than coffee and chocolate, you are already ahead of 50% of the dwindling pack. Just don't act like a jerk in her eyes. Nothing will redeem that behavior.

Now excuse me while I put on my Kevlar vest.

 

[dvalley]

I always assumed it was the other way around ...

Look on the bright side you had a role in the booming restaurant industry Hey I did too but I've since become more aware and while I don't live by hard and fast rules they do help me in assessing situations and acting accordingly.

IMHO there are three types of dating:

1. The younger years, mostly innocent...you find a girl, you tie her down and you live happily ever after. If you're the first 50%. The other 50% you're divorced. Welcome to mid-life dating.

2. Dating as a chump, most of us fall in this category, initially anyway. We try to do things from the perspective of what worked when we were younger. Or how we think. We're the ultimate nice-guy. Get pushed around, women don't give you the time of day. You get ghosted after the first or second date or friendzoned. You then try to buy their attention through expensive dates, clothing, cars, showing your financial prowess etc only to realize it rarely works. You then listen to a bunch of pickup artists and acquire game and have mild to vague results.

3. Dating as a man who really understands what works and why. This is the simplest and yet the hardest to do because you have to learn to separate your emotions from your actions and look at things objectively. Most of us men are not designed this way, we're simple beings but we're dealing with the most complicated beings so the change has to happen in our thinking.