Join Early Retirement Today
Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Re: Martha checking in from vacation
Old 03-10-2005, 04:40 PM   #21
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 7,408
Re: Martha checking in from vacation

Wow

After ten straight Mardi Gras's - we did the annual family gathering in Reno. About tues of the week the ski slope causualties began to show up in the casinos.

At least you made it home. Six weeks of fun before the cast comes off.

Hope the vacation was good.
__________________

__________________
unclemick is offline   Reply With Quote
Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that Early-Retirement.org is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Re: Martha checking in from vacation
Old 03-10-2005, 04:50 PM   #22
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
REWahoo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Texas Hill Country
Posts: 42,094
Re: Martha checking in from vacation

Quote:
Entertain me.
OK, did you hear this one (no, not a lawyer joke)...

A spry, well-dressed widower in his 90's went to a restaurant for dinner one evening. As he passed the bar, he noticed an attractive younger woman (couldn't have been a day over 80) sitting alone at the bar. He sat down beside her and ordered a drink. After he was served, he took a sip and worked up his courage to use his best pick up line. He turned to her and said, "So, do I come here often?"

REW
__________________

__________________
Numbers is hard

When I hit 70, it hit back

Retired in 2005 at age 58, no pension
REWahoo is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: Martha checking in from vacation
Old 03-10-2005, 05:01 PM   #23
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
cute fuzzy bunny's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Losing my whump
Posts: 22,697
Re: Martha checking in from vacation

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
__________________
Be fearful when others are greedy, and greedy when others are fearful. Just another form of "buy low, sell high" for those who have trouble with things. This rule is not universal. Do not buy a 1973 Pinto because everyone else is afraid of it.
cute fuzzy bunny is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: Martha checking in from vacation
Old 03-10-2005, 05:48 PM   #24
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
haha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Hooverville
Posts: 22,384
Re: Martha checking in from vacation

Martha, so sorry to hear of your injury. Here's a little joke for you:

Two young Dutch women are riding their bikes along back streets one evening as dusk fell. One woman said, "I've never come this way before." Her friend replied, "Me neither, it must be the cobblestones."

Mikey
__________________
"As a general rule, the more dangerous or inappropriate a conversation, the more interesting it is."-Scott Adams
haha is online now   Reply With Quote
Re: Martha checking in from vacation
Old 03-10-2005, 07:08 PM   #25
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
charlie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Dallas
Posts: 1,211
Re: Martha checking in from vacation

Martha, I am just about as funny as the crutch you
are using so I can't help there. Heal fast.

Cheers,

Charlie
__________________
charlie is offline   Reply With Quote
HRe: Martha checking in from vacation
Old 03-10-2005, 10:00 PM   #26
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 1,375
HRe: Martha checking in from vacation

Martha: You're young, you'll heal fast. (Those vacations are really dangerous, huh?)

A young man was strolling through the park one afternoon, and engaged an older gentlemen in conversation, talking about their families.

The older gentlemen stated "I didn't think I'd ever remarry, but I did so about 6 mos. ago. My wife is 27 years old, and she promised me that she would quit her employment as a model, if I married her"

How's it working out for you asked the young man?

"Fantastic, stated the older gent. As a matter of fact, about this time everyday, when I get home, my sweet wife has incense burning in the bathroom, where we have an oversized tub, and we bathe together, afterwards, we rub each other down with a special ointment she has, etc. etc."

With that, the older gent starting sobbing.

What's the matter, asked the young man?

"I can't remember where I live"
__________________
Jarhead* is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: Martha checking in from vacation
Old 03-10-2005, 10:50 PM   #27
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Mesa
Posts: 3,588
Re: Martha checking in from vacation

Well . . . you should be proud. You've provided all of us with a great story to tell. And during retirement, that has great value.

Seriously, I moaned out loud when I read your post. Hope you feel better soon, Martha.
__________________
sgeeeee is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: Martha checking in from vacation
Old 03-10-2005, 11:49 PM   #28
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 179
Re: Martha checking in from vacation

Hello Martha:

I hope your ankle heals quickly and you're feeling better. Since you're a lawyer, I thought you might enjoy this:

Best Lawyer Story of the Year:

A Charlotte, NC lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires". The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

The lawyer sued...and won! In delivering the ruling the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated, nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire, and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires".

NOW FOR THE BEST PART . . .

After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

This is a true story and was the 1st place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.

ONLY IN AMERICA!!!

NO WONDER THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES THINK WE'RE NUTS!!!
__________________
Toejam is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: Martha checking in from vacation
Old 03-11-2005, 03:46 AM   #29
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Posts: 3,875
Re: Martha checking in from vacation

Hi Martha! That's a bummer. I have no jokes this morning but I wrote you a poem.

We were much distressed to hear
about your recent fracture,
and wish to extend the maximum cheer
our group can manufacture.

JG



__________________
MRGALT2U is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: Martha checking in from vacation
Old 03-11-2005, 05:39 AM   #30
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 408
Re: Martha checking in from vacation

Martha,

Sorry to hear about your accident. I would try to look at it as an extended (inhouse) vacation. Look at it this way, now your husband has to cook, clean, and walk the dogs, too.

Take care,
LovesLife
__________________
LovesLife is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: Martha checking in from vacation
Old 03-11-2005, 06:02 AM   #31
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Eagle43's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: DFW
Posts: 1,882
Re: Martha checking in from vacation

There's a woman sitting in a bar with a chicken in her lap.

A drunk walks up and says: "Where'd you get the pig?"

She snaps at him: "It''s a chicken."

Drunk replies: "I was talking to the chicken."
__________________
Resist much. Obey Little. . . . Ed Abbey

Disclaimer: My Posts are for my amusement only.
Eagle43 is online now   Reply With Quote
Re: Martha checking in from home
Old 03-11-2005, 08:55 AM   #32
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 2,083
Re: Martha checking in from home

Quote:
Martha,
Sorry to hear about your accident. I would try to look at it as an extended (inhouse) vacation. Look at it this way, now your husband has to cook, clean, and walk the dogs, too.
Take care,
LovesLife
Unless I am getting confused, (old age will do that), I believe he is already doing that.

Anyway, get healed real soon. At least, it didn't happen on your vacation trip but when you got back to home and work.

MJ
__________________
I look to the present moment because that's where I live my life.
MJ is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: Martha checking in from vacation
Old 03-11-2005, 09:27 AM   #33
Moderator Emeritus
Martha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: minnesota
Posts: 13,212
Re: Martha checking in from vacation

Thanks all for making me laugh.

My husband's duties remain unchanged since, as MJ noticed, he does most all the work around the house anyway. But I am in a good position on the couch to give helpful hints.

__________________
.


No more lawyer stuff, no more political stuff, so no more CYA

Martha is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: Martha checking in from vacation
Old 03-11-2005, 08:19 PM   #34
Recycles dryer sheets
VoyT's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 445
Re: Martha checking in from vacation

Sorry about your accident. So along those lines ...

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to
take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court. In court, the trucking company's lawyer asked him, "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?,"

Farmer Joe responded, "Well I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the......."

"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the question. Did you not say at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'"

Farmer Joe said, "Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road..."

The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Your honor, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule Bessie."

Joe thanked the judge and proceeded, "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and
smacked my truck right in the side.
"I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.
"Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.
"Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He said, "Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?"
__________________
"Coffee: the finest organic suspension ever devised." -- Kathryn Janeway
VoyT is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: Martha checking in from vacation
Old 03-14-2005, 10:32 AM   #35
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
brewer12345's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 16,391
Re: Martha checking in from vacation

Feel better soon Martha.

What's the difference between an epileptic corn-husker and a hooker with diarrhea?


The corn-husker shucks between fits.
__________________
"There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest have to pee on the electric fence for themselves."



- Will Rogers
brewer12345 is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: Martha checking in from vacation
Old 03-14-2005, 02:43 PM   #36
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: No. California
Posts: 1,600
Re: Martha checking in from vacation

Hi Martha,
I'm apparently behind the times....I just read about your accident.

Heal quickly, but relax meanwhile. Plan your garden for when the ice thaws.

__________________

__________________
KB is online now   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Blow-Out Vacation bbuzzard Life after FIRE 38 10-20-2006 07:35 PM
Checking Account mickeyd FIRE and Money 9 09-09-2006 05:13 PM
Is it a vacation if you don't vacate? Caroline Other topics 7 08-25-2006 07:31 PM
For Martha mostly- Does life imitate art? MRGALT2U Other topics 5 08-12-2005 10:22 PM
Vacation Ideas? brewer12345 Life after FIRE 21 11-14-2004 08:17 AM

 

 
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 10:42 PM.
 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.