Join Early Retirement Today
Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Missing friends from work
Old 01-11-2014, 06:38 AM   #1
Dryer sheet wannabe
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: St Augustine
Posts: 20
Missing friends from work

Feels as though I've been left behind. I'm always the one who does the calling or I never hear from them.........
__________________

__________________
claudiaann is offline   Reply With Quote
Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that Early-Retirement.org is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Old 01-11-2014, 07:07 AM   #2
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Brett_Cameron's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: South Eastern USA
Posts: 1,010
I think this is normal. You are not part of their lives as you once were.
__________________

__________________
All that glitters is not gold. -G. Chaucer, W. Shakespeare
All that is gold does not glitter. -J.R.R. Tolkien
Brett_Cameron is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-11-2014, 07:15 AM   #3
Dryer sheet wannabe
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: St Augustine
Posts: 20
We were together for 25 years. It's been six months now and I've gotten 1 phone call. I got married and moved to a new city but I'm only an hour away.

Thank you for your reply.
__________________
claudiaann is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-11-2014, 07:16 AM   #4
Dryer sheet wannabe
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: St Augustine
Posts: 20
And why does it say confused about dryer sheets by my name
__________________
claudiaann is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-11-2014, 07:16 AM   #5
Dryer sheet wannabe
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: St Augustine
Posts: 20
I didn't say that.
__________________
claudiaann is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-11-2014, 07:17 AM   #6
Moderator
MichaelB's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Rocky Inlets
Posts: 24,456
Quote:
Originally Posted by claudiaann View Post
And why does it say confused about dryer sheets by my name
See here "What's the deal with the dryer sheets?!?"
__________________
MichaelB is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 01-11-2014, 07:58 AM   #7
Recycles dryer sheets
Newventurer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: in the sticks
Posts: 238
Perhaps your expectations were a little high in terms of the level of inconvenience your work friends were willing to go to to engage with you after you left. Since you are the one that upset the delicate balance of interaction it only stands to reason (in my thinking) that you are the one that will have to put forth the extra effort to renengage them occasionally. Once you are off the company email and not at the watercooler on a daily basis much of what you had in common is simply gone. It sounds like you were not ready for this transition to happen yet.

Maybe you could reconnect with a few of your favorites and plan to return for a lunch on occasion to catch up. I would think that they are just as interested in hearing about your new life as you are to catch up on the work goings on. As you find other new things and friends to engage with your feelings of being left out may subside. Best wishes.

Just my 2 cents.
__________________
Newventurer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-11-2014, 08:00 AM   #8
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Onward's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,667
Quote:
Originally Posted by claudiaann View Post
Missing friends from work
They are not friends. They are evil minions of the fiend.
__________________
And if I claim to be a wise man, it surely means that I don't know.
Onward is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-11-2014, 08:34 AM   #9
Moderator Emeritus
Bestwifeever's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 16,375
I see you were a teacher. Are there other retired teachers you can get together with? In your school, were retired teachers included in group social activities? Do they substitute teach? These are the ways my retired teacher friend keeps in touch with her former coworkers. If there is not a culture of including other retired teachers, you probably are just not considered part of the group anymore and it is not personal. If you used to get together with individual coworkers outside of school hours and school functions, then just call those coworkers and set something up. Or just send a chatty email to a couple of people asking what they are up to and telling them something about what you are doing, and suggest getting together. If you got married and did not invite anyone from your school to the wedding, do they understand why?

They probably feel the teachers who no longer work there are the one who left them behind. Get involved in something new and make some friends where you live now.
__________________
“Would you like an adventure now, or would you like to have your tea first?” J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan
Bestwifeever is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-11-2014, 08:36 AM   #10
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 11,018
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bestwifeever View Post
I see you were a teacher. Are there other retired teachers you can get together with? In your school, were retired teachers included in group social activities? Do they substitute teach? These are the ways my retired teacher friend keeps in touch with he former coworkers. If there is not a culture of including other retired teachers, you probably are just not considered part of the group anymore and it is not personal. If you used to get together with individual coworkers outside of school hours and school functions, then just call those coworkers and set something up. Or just send a chatty email to a couple of people asking what they are up to and telling them something about what you are doing, and suggest getting together. If you got married and did not invite anyone from your school to the wedding, do they understand why?

They probably feel the teachers who no longer work there are the one who left them behind. Get involved in something new and make some friends where you live now.
+1
__________________
Meadbh is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-11-2014, 08:47 AM   #11
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
jIMOh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Milford, OH
Posts: 2,085
Did you socialize with work friends outside of work before you left?
If the answer was yes, organize an event
If the answer was no, why did you expect change based on you leaving?
__________________
Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. One person's stupidity is another person's job security.
jIMOh is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-11-2014, 09:06 AM   #12
Full time employment: Posting here.
Tailgate's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 881
Quote:
Originally Posted by Newventurer View Post
Once you are off the company email and not at the watercooler on a daily basis much of what you had in common is simply gone. It sounds like you were not ready for this transition to happen yet.
+1 on this statement.. I've been out for 3 weeks and only one email from my best friend at the company... certainly don't fault anyone cause this is exactly what I expected to happen. I remember how I felt/reacted in past years when someone I knew very well left the company for whatever reason. I remember occasional thoughts of them, but mostly moving on to the next task, project, urgent crisis, policy change, memo to write, meeting to attend, etc... so by and large, they became more and more invisible and less a part of my life. That's what's happened to you, and now to me in the last 3 weeks.

My goal is going to make new friends and 'get out there' in new situations..
__________________
Tailgate is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-11-2014, 09:24 AM   #13
Recycles dryer sheets
Newventurer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: in the sticks
Posts: 238
I also find that since I have a new email address, not an extension of the company email, people don't know what my new address is and if they haven't sent an email to my new address it doesn't show up on the recent 'send' list when they they type in my name. I also find that emails I send to them often go to the company spam folder, especially if they have an attachment. If you are sending emails and getting no reply, you may want to have those you care about add you to their approved list.
__________________
Newventurer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-11-2014, 09:49 AM   #14
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
happy2bretired's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 1,340
There's always Facebook...at least there would be a little connection.
__________________
happy2bretired is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-11-2014, 10:16 AM   #15
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
easysurfer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 7,888
This reminds a bit of when I FIRE'd. I FIRE'd in Jan '08 and pretty much just moved on. But when my b-day came around later in the year I got a B-day wish email from my previous co-w*rkers asking how I've been. So, being courteous, I replied back and said thanks for the b-day wish and we planned on getting together around Christmas time for a lunch. But I had to postpone until next Jan as just days before the get together I had to take a friend to the ICU, out of state. Then when I did a follow up for the Jan date, I got an email back pretty much saying "well..we are kind a of busy now...with deadlines...etc." That was the last time I ever corresponded.

IMO, I compare the situation similar to high school friends. Some say forever, but some are like when we grow up and go to different colleges and then drift apart. That's just how things tend to be. No real right or wrong.
__________________
Have you ever seen a headstone with these words
"If only I had spent more time at work" ... from "Busy Man" sung by Billy Ray Cyrus
easysurfer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-11-2014, 10:32 AM   #16
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Ready's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Southern California
Posts: 1,823
There are work friends and social friends. Sometimes we confuse the two, but when we leave a company, we quickly find out which type of friendship we really had with our coworkers. I used to do all kinds of social events with my coworkers, but now that I'm gone, I rarely hear from them. If I call them, they do call back, but the motivation to get together is just not there any more.

If you're finding that your coworkers are no longer actively engaged in your life, then you likely were just work friends, and now that you no longer work together, they don't see much value in expending the energy to stay connected with you. It's a harsh lesson to learn, but when you meet new people in your retired life, you find those people are interested in getting to know the retired "you", not the coworker "you".
__________________
Ready is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-11-2014, 10:37 AM   #17
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Rambler's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 2,250
Haven't seen my high school friends since I graduated nearly 35 years ago.

Haven't seen any work friends since I graduated (to retirement) just over a year ago. I've heard from a couple and I've emailed a few for birthdays etc. Other than that I only hear from them when they need something.

That said, I still think about work and work friends every day...Trying to let go, but struggling with it. So I understand where you are coming from, but best just to move on, I think, and I am trying to take my own advice.

R
__________________
Find Joy in the Journey...
Rambler is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-11-2014, 11:26 AM   #18
Full time employment: Posting here.
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: San Jose
Posts: 607
I guess I'm kind of funny when it comes to people in the workplace. I really have no desire to befriend them.

They're coworkers, not friends. I have "real" friends outside the office, in other activities I'm involved with that have nothing to do with my job or career.

It's one reason I don't tend to socialize with anybody at work, nor go to company functions like picnics or company Christmas parties.

My view is..."I have to work around you people for 8+ hours a day, I don't want to have to socialize with you, too."

That's why it's always been so easy for me to walk out the door and never look back. I have no expectations about maintaining work relationships, and simply don't care.
__________________
LoneAspen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-11-2014, 12:03 PM   #19
Full time employment: Posting here.
Redbugdave's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Columbia, SC
Posts: 959
Quote:
Originally Posted by LoneAspen View Post
I guess I'm kind of funny when it comes to people in the workplace. I really have no desire to befriend them.

They're coworkers, not friends. I have "real" friends outside the office, in other activities I'm involved with that have nothing to do with my job or career.

It's one reason I don't tend to socialize with anybody at work, nor go to company functions like picnics or company Christmas parties.

My view is..."I have to work around you people for 8+ hours a day, I don't want to have to socialize with you, too."

That's why it's always been so easy for me to walk out the door and never look back. I have no expectations about maintaining work relationships, and simply don't care.
That's pretty much the way it was for me, too. If you got too friendly at work, it could spill over to your real side if something goes wrong, and vice versa. It's like matter and anti matter...
__________________
"I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it." Ashleigh Brilliant
Redbugdave is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-11-2014, 12:09 PM   #20
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 1,629
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brett_Cameron View Post
I think this is normal. You are not part of their lives as you once were.
+1.

Don't take it personally.
__________________

__________________
ERhoosier is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


 

 
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 06:31 AM.
 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.