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Old 03-04-2014, 06:29 PM   #121
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I'm not getting any ads in the pages....I feel deprived. Am I being singled out? Do I need counseling? a different browser?

Thanks for the reminder, I need to clean up my tackle box!
I get some, there in a non - latin based character set. I have no idea what their trying to sell me. Heck, maybe they're telling me the house is on fire. Maybe I need a bass boat? That's it, I definitely need the boat!
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Old 03-04-2014, 06:42 PM   #122
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Whatever works for you. Your situation and mine are completely different and if you can't see that, well there isn't much I can say to you. Some children, in this case my child, don't have much interest in some academic subjects. It's just the way some children's brains are wired. My child loves math and science and does particularly well in those areas and dislikes/unmotivated in just about any other subjects. We thought she was ADD but the Counselor was not so sure and said to us you're doing all the right things.
I don't care about your specific situation. I care about your biased statements dissuading other parents from making the documented correlation between distracted in school and thoughts of suicide. The counselor was right to ask your daughter if she had considered it,whether or not it turned out to be applicable to her specific situation. He was not encouraging her to consider commit suicide by "planting" the idea in her head.

Hoo and rah if it does not apply to you. Don't belittle it because it may very well apply to someone else, particularly one who is blindsided by the situation because kids are a crap shoot.
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Old 03-04-2014, 06:44 PM   #123
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Agreed. We had a discussion that cleared the air and worked some stuff out. A big part of the problem is that just as I left the salt mine she had a huge influx of business in her private practice that had her working full time or more. Instead of getting some long-awaited time together, I had to be full time with the kids and the house while she worked. The surge has subsided and she is getting more disciplined about pushing client appointments into dedicated blocks of time. We will probably get this all sorted out just in time for the disruptions of the kids being out of school for the summer, but so be it.
Glad to hear things are working out.

Some of my fondest memories are camping in the Colorado mountains in a small pop-up camper with the kids and DW. If I heard right, one of the kids up at the ranch got his first deer last summer. I think he is 10. I would be looking forward to the summer if I were in your shoes. Personally, I'll be doing some 4-wheeling this summer. Life doesn't get much better than that!
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Old 03-04-2014, 06:51 PM   #124
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Brewer - Thanks for starting the thread. I am concerned about exactly what you are experiencing. My wife and I retiring together is going to be like throwing a couple of squirrels into a blender. Somebody is going to loose some fur.

Got my theme song already picked out....
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Old 03-04-2014, 06:55 PM   #125
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I don't care about your specific situation. I care about your biased statements dissuading other parents from making the documented correlation between distracted in school and thoughts of suicide. The counselor was right to ask your daughter if she had considered it,whether or not it turned out to be applicable to her specific situation. He was not encouraging her to consider commit suicide by "planting" the idea in her head.

Hoo and rah if it does not apply to you. Don't belittle it because it may very well apply to someone else, particularly one who is blindsided by the situation because kids are a crap shoot.
Let's not hijack this thread any further. I call a cease fire but I have to say I don't appreciate your condescension to other parents. They are smart enough to make their own decisions and to accept or reject what I said. The last time I checked I was free to have an opinion on what I feel including about the psychobable industry. I did not anticipate I would be picking a fight with you when I posted my opinion.
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Old 03-04-2014, 06:58 PM   #126
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My ad thinks I want to buy a 2014 Infiniti QX60.

Obviously these ads are personalized!
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Old 03-04-2014, 07:00 PM   #127
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Brewer - Thanks for starting the thread. I am concerned about exactly what you are experiencing. My wife and I retiring together is going to be like throwing a couple of squirrels into a blender. Somebody is going to loose some fur.

Got my theme song already picked out....
Ahhhh, my brother had an album of his when I was a kid! I remember this song fondly as well as one, IIRC, Swimming Down the River.
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Old 03-04-2014, 07:03 PM   #128
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So it appears you need to make some room for your retirement. One of those buckets needs to be emptied.
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Old 03-04-2014, 07:05 PM   #129
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Let's not hijack this thread any further. I call a cease fire but I have to say I don't appreciate your condescension to other parents. They are smart enough to make their own decisions and to accept or reject what I said. The last time I checked I was free to have an opinion on what I feel including about the psychobable industry. I did not anticipate I would be picking a fight with you when I posted my opinion.
Yes, this is getting off topic. But it's an important subject, and one that I can assure you I have plenty of training in dealing with. And while I don't normally inject myself into these squabbles, I feel the need to do so here. So here are the facts, which are well established within the guidlines of the mental health community:

If a child is not suicidal, asking them if they have ever contemplated suicide will NOT put any ideas in their head. Period.

Many children keep their feelings deeply hidden and would NEVER admit to having thoughts of suicide. Yet when asked directly if they have thought about it, they will admit to having had them. Hearing confirmation allows parents or friends to help them talk about it and refer them to the therapy they need.

And while on the topic, the rate of teen suicide among gay teens is abnormally high, because too many people are afraid to ask them if they have ever thought about suicide. So if you think there is even a remote possibility, always ask. Period.

And finally, my experience is that those who speak out aggressively about how worthless counseling is are the most likely to benefit from it.
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Old 03-04-2014, 07:07 PM   #130
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Let's not hijack this thread any further. I call a cease fire but I have to say I don't appreciate your condescension to other parents. They are smart enough to make their own decisions and to accept or reject what I said. The last time I checked I was free to have an opinion on what I feel including about the psychobable industry. I did not anticipate I would be picking a fight with you when I posted my opinion.
Yup, you are free to have an opinion and I am free to refute it. At least this way both POVs are out there. So sorry you don't like to be challenged, but that is what happens when you put your POV out there. The supposed "condensation" is purely in your imagination.

You simply don't know what you don't know. Sometimes you don't even know what questions to ask. Perhaps this "debate" between us will provide some questions. (Generic "you", not you in particular.)
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Old 03-04-2014, 07:16 PM   #131
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Yes, this is getting off topic. But it's an important subject, and one that I can assure you I have plenty of training in dealing with. And while I don't normally inject myself into these squabbles, I feel the need to do so here. So here are the facts, which are well established within the guidlines of the mental health community:

If a child is not suicidal, asking them if they have ever contemplated suicide will NOT put any ideas in their head. Period.

Many children keep their feelings deeply hidden and would NEVER admit to having thoughts of suicide. Yet when asked directly if they have thought about it, they will admit to having had them. Hearing confirmation allows parents or friends to help them talk about it and refer them to the therapy they need.

And while on the topic, the rate of teen suicide among gay teens is abnormally high, because too many people are afraid to ask them if they have ever thought about suicide. So if you think there is even a remote possibility, always ask. Period.

And finally, my experience is that those who speak out aggressively about how worthless counseling is are the most likely to benefit from it.
Heh, I think by this time in a thread it tends to veer off the original topic.

It's kind of ironic, because we thought to ask first if he thought he was gay, assuring him we could care less, rather than think that he thought to commit suicide. It was honestly a bit of a shock therapy...if he wasn't gay, if he wasn't dealing drugs or taking them, then what could be so bad to talk to us about. Oops. Not sure who got shocked by that therapy! Bet DH wished he was already retired that day. Had to be a bitch of a day at work!
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Old 03-04-2014, 07:20 PM   #132
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Heh, I think by this time in a thread it tends to veer off the original topic.

It's kind of ironic, because we thought to ask first if he thought he was gay, assuring him we could care less, rather than think that he thought to commit suicide. It was honestly a bit of a shock therapy...if he wasn't gay, if he wasn't dealing drugs or taking them, then what could be so bad to talk to us about. Oops. Not sure who got shocked by that therapy! Bet DH wished he was already retired that day. Had to be a bitch of a day at work!
I'm not really sure how we got on this topic from discussing Brewer's arguing with his wife. But in any case, it sounds like they made up for now, so I guess we just found something else to keep us busy.

And BTW, if a child is not gay, asking him if he is will not make him gay. And if he is, all the therapy in the world is not going to make him straight.

I'm just saying.

I hope Brewer is learning from all this!
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Old 03-04-2014, 09:10 PM   #133
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What! Brewer's gay?!

Sorry brew - saw the shot and i took it...

comprehensive reading skills - not my forte.
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Old 03-05-2014, 02:13 AM   #134
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Just answering your original question. No, we did not argue more. I "got retired" almost six years ago, and DW stuck with it until the end of 2012. Arguments are pretty rare here (virtually non-existent).

I was sometimes difficult to live with when w*rking, probably due to w*rk induced stress.

When DW retired, there was a small adjustment period, but for us it was not too big a deal.

Hope the two of you can work through this. From one of your recent posts, it seems that you might already have made some progress.
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Old 03-05-2014, 07:39 AM   #135
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The real question is, when it comes to relationships, do you really want help, or are you just interested in avoiding the issue?
Bingo. A sympathetic set of ears and please don't suggest solutions.
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Old 03-05-2014, 08:36 AM   #136
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Let's not hijack this thread any further. I call a cease fire but I have to say I don't appreciate your condescension to other parents. They are smart enough to make their own decisions and to accept or reject what I said. The last time I checked I was free to have an opinion on what I feel including about the psychobable industry. I did not anticipate I would be picking a fight with you when I posted my opinion.
From your post, it sounds like you want to get the last few shots in before calling for the cease-fire.
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Old 03-05-2014, 09:02 AM   #137
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I am a month and a half into being job free, but spousal arguments have definitely been more frequent since the separation. Anyone else trod a similar path, or am I just lucky?
Back to Brewer:
Glad things have settled down.
I am two months into being 80% retired. I am at home a whole lot more. Duchess of redduck is retired, therefore we see a bunch more of each other. She enjoys interacting and I prefer to being left alone to brood and have great thoughts (so far I've mastered one out of two). Anyhow, we are looking to find where the rather flexible boundaries are--and we are trying to make it a sort of a fun/interesting process. Not to use psychobabble (I will anyway), but we see this new situation as a learning experience. So, yes, there are a few more irritable moments than in the past, but that is understandable. When these moments do occur, I have the eerie feeling that I am the one mostly in the wrong.
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Old 03-05-2014, 10:22 AM   #138
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Anyone else getting licensed social workers ads showing up in the paid ads at the top of this thread? Man, its amazing how the internet tracks everything now.
There are ads?

One day on Facebook, these were the three "suggested" pages I might "like":

  1. God
  2. Weeds (the tv show)
  3. Merle Haggard
Had to chuckle at this particular combo. Plus, I didn't know God was on Facebook. Must be more careful about what I post...
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Old 03-05-2014, 10:50 AM   #139
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Bingo. A sympathetic set of ears and please don't suggest solutions.

Did that get me in a lot of trouble with women at work. With me being the boss, they come in with their complaints, so I go about fixing the problem. Then they would come back upset with me because I fixed or attempted to fix the problem. Seems all they wanted to do was just come in to vent. Well, tell me that before!


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Old 03-05-2014, 11:02 AM   #140
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Did that get me in a lot of trouble with women at work. With me being the boss, they come in with their complaints, so I go about fixing the problem. Then they would come back upset with me because I fixed or attempted to fix the problem. Seems all they wanted to do was just come in to vent. Well, tell me that before!


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That common male to female communication issue is actually covered in the Gottman materials. Women are more likely to want a sympathetic ear when men tend to be more problem solvers.
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