Mourning over one´s mother death.

[Orchidflower]

Vicente: There is a tv show called Saturday Night Live. Been on for years. They have a character in one of their skits called Debbie Downer, so yes! the name is alive and well in America, and most everyone understands what you mean if you call someone a Debbie Downer. Means the person whines and gripes and sees the world as negative with lots of problems.
You probably won't ever see that name in literature. Just an American colloquial term that is an everyday street code language to use. Probably mainly by younger people than on this board, but hey! we're hip, now and happening.


Helen: Thank you for thinking of us. Mom is still with us, mind going a little more, but she's still above ground. Any day at 91 above ground is a good day to her. She did have fun this Xmas and seemed to really enjoy it more than normal, which I'm thankful for. She loved the dinner and the grandson coming over and the gifts. She got tons of candy from us, because the Dr. says--despite having some diabetes--that she can have whatever she wants now, so we got her her 1st love: candy. She realizes her days are very numbered, of course. We try whatever we can to make her life easy at this point. She even enjoyed The Simpsons cd I rented for Xmas, so we had some chuckles.

[NW-Bound]

I myself never heard the term "Debbie Downer" until now. From Wikipedia,

"Debbie Downer is a name of a fictional Saturday Night Live character which debuted in 2004, and who was portrayed by Rachel Dratch. In Debbie's first appearance, she is given the last name Matousek.

The character's name is a slang phrase which refers to someone who frequently adds bad news and negative feelings to a gathering, thus bringing down the mood of everyone around them. Dratch's character would usually appear at social gatherings and interrupt the conversation to voice negative opinions and pronouncements."

As I watch little TV, including SNL, I did not know of the term.

Regarding remembrance of one's deceased parents, I think often of my father who passed away 6 years ago. As most of us, I stopped revering my parents as total heroes or ultimate role models ever since I reached early adulthood and able to think independently. Despite his shortcomings, I love him because he loved me. That was all.

PS. Cross-post with Orchidflower on DD!

[Orchidflower]

Vicente: NW-Bound gave you a great lead for slang or any other common saying over here you won't find in a book. Go to Wikipedia.com. You can find out alot of Americanisms there. Great ready reference for you.

[Meadbh]

Helen, what a sad time for you! Thank you for sharing this with us. It is always difficult to lose one's mother and being far away adds to the pain. I am so glad you were able to be with her when she died. Obviously there was some clarification needed about her wishes and you were temporarily put in an agonizing position. I am so glad that your mother was able to clearly state what she wanted. You can be sure now that she got her wish. I'm not sure whether your mother had an advance directive (also known as a living will) but my advice to anyone contemplating one is to compose it while you are healthy and be as descriptive as possible, and to make sure that your relatives, your close friends and your doctor all have copies and understand exactly what you want.

It's totally OK to cry as long as you want. Arranging the funeral and w*rking will help too, because it gives you some routine tasks to do.

[Helen]

Thank you, Meadbh. You gave good advice.

My Mom did have a advance directive on file, my brother and I brought it to the hospital and handed it to the nurses that were caring for my Mom. I was also there when the nurse asked my Mom and my Mom said DNR.

I think we were all caught by surprise, even the nurses and doctors.

[Bestwifeever]

Helen, I'm sorry about your mother. It is a hard time of the year to lose a loved one (as if there is an easy time, of course, but holidays are memories for many of us).

I am sure having her dog as part of your household now is comforting in many ways--a reminder of your mother (again, as if you really needed that, of course, but still), and pets are comforting in general.

Grief is complicated but we would not grieve had we not loved.

[CoolChange]

Helen,

Thank you for the post. I am going to call my mother this afternoon.

[Purron]

I'm so sorry to hear of everyone's losses. Sadly, I have another to add. My husband's mother passed away this past Saturday. She would have been 91 next month. She was a great lady and the center of our family. You all would have adored her. She was super frugal yet very generous and loving. If anyone needed help financially, spiritually or in any other way, she was there. She died peacefully surrounded by those who love her. Here's a picture of her at her 90th birthday party last year. We miss her so much.

[Helen]

Purron, I'm sorry for your loss. It sounds like your family took a huge hit too. I loved the way you described her, she sounds like a really great person.

Best to you and to your family.

-helen

[Bestwifeever]

Purron, that photo is beautiful--so much in being said there as your MIL sits back and enjoys the little ones blowing out her candles. Very touching. Are any of the children miniPurrons?

[Notmuchlonger]

Quote:

Originally Posted by vicente solano My mother-in-law died ten months ago of systemic sclerosis, from which she had been suffering for almost 20 years. Spent hes last 15 months at our home. At the hospital we were told that nothing could be done to her save loving care and painkillers, of which we gave her plenty. Till the very end she was sweet and gentle, never complaining, always with a smile and good humor. Never in pain. But in her last days she was quite unconfortable. In the end she outlived doctors´s expectations by several months. All of this was known to my wife from the very start. By the way, my wife visited her mom daily when she still could live by herself and saw to her needs. And she saw for herself the deterioration of her mother. The thing is, every other day, my wife still weeps a lot for her loss. She is receiving therapy on a weekly basis and goes to the cemetery almost daily. She keeps crying. Her frequent crying worries me. Maybe I´m an insensitive guy but ... is her behaviour normal/natural/common? Opinions, please... Thank you.

Never knew my mother. She died when I was 9 months old. Whats normal? Hell probably not me.

I see my mother in law deteriorate weekly. My wife deals with it the best she can and I do my best to support her. Do I wish there was no grief. Sure I do.

However

Back off and let her do what she needs to do.

This is life.

Have a nice day

[Purron]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bestwifeever Purron, that photo is beautiful--so much in being said there as your MIL sits back and enjoys the little ones blowing out her candles. Very touching. Are any of the children miniPurrons?

No little "Purrons" in the picture. The are the children of our nieces. I'm very sad they never got the opportunity to really get know their Great Grandma. She was such a remarkable and wonderful woman.