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Old 09-02-2011, 06:10 PM   #21
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It's been a year since my momma recognized me. I would have bet my bottom dollar if anyone in the world would always know their daughter...it would have been her.

I know it's hard Lakewood..... I'll be thinking about you.
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Old 09-02-2011, 07:30 PM   #22
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I'm currently reading a book titled, "Protecting Your Parents' Money" by Jeff Opdyke. Although I haven't reached the chapters relating to the care issues referenced in this thread, I did a quick scan and it looks like there is some pretty good info to be had.
Some folks here will be familiar with the author from previous (pretty good) works.
The info presented should be quite current as this is a 2011 release.
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Old 09-02-2011, 11:01 PM   #23
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I think that you need to figure out how much quality time that you will be able to spend with your dad should you become the full time care giver. We chose the assisted living route for my mother (age 90) 3 years ago and I have never regretted it. She was happy there and they had social activities on a daily basis.
My mother would often comment on what a nice place she was living in.

I question if you can provide the same level of care given by a good ALF as there are so many different skill sets that come into the picture 24/7. Sometime it requires 2 or 3 sets of hands to cover a small crisis.

We were all able to spend much time with my Mother in her final years just visiting and taking care of the things the things that the ALF did not provide.

I know it is a hard choice. Best of luck.
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Old 09-03-2011, 03:03 AM   #24
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Lakewood, my heart goes out to you. Just lost my mom in March and she didn't know us all the time. She lived in an assisted living home in Bonita Springs and it was really nice. She was also assisted by Hope Hospice in the end, they were great, for her and for us children. It is hard to see a strong parent go like this. Mom was 88, I get a lot of support from my brother, we talk and laugh about her all the time.

One thing I always try to remember, she had a good life, we had her a long time and we were lucky. She knew she was loosing her mind to dementia and that was the hardest part for her, she would have wanted to go earlier if that could have been made possible. Unfortunately it is not an option in most countries.

You can't care for them at home, it is impossible unless you have unlimited amounts of money.

Queenie
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Old 09-03-2011, 04:58 AM   #25
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Omni550's post above contains absolutely outstanding advice.
I can verify that everything in it is correct.

Mom has been in an Alzheimer's assisted living facility for a little over a year, and I visit her nearly once a week. One thing I might add is that the earlier in the day I can get there, the easier it is, since she becomes increasingly "foggy" toward evening.
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Old 09-03-2011, 05:15 AM   #26
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Sorry lakewood. It is sad. I can relate to it... we had to deal with it too.

The in-home care is actually a good idea (IMO). But you have to know your limits. You may not be able (or even willing) to do the late stages care (it would be very stressful).

If you do not understand the progression. Go to a NH that provides Dementia care and talk to them. They will tell you. Make sure you understand so you can build plans around it.

You may have already figured some of this out... but just in case you have not.

You should create a planned future that has alternative options (backup plans). Do the background research well ahead of needing to use it. Otherwise, you could find yourself in crisis mode.


If he can still do the ADL stuff.... consider hiring in-home care from a Home health care service... it may be a good solution for a while. Another option is Adult Day care (it works). But the Adult day care will have their limitations. They are often not willing to do a lot of hands on help.


That way you can take the needed time to do the search for an adequate facility. One thing I would advise against is not being proactive.

Even if you think you will continue doing the care at home... identify a facility and get on the list as a backup plan!!!!

The way the NH system works.... the place you want may not have an opening when you need it. Find one and get on the list! Ultimately, they will call you one day (probably without too much warning)... you will have to make a decision. If it is not time yet... you can always slide down on the list.
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Old 09-03-2011, 06:55 AM   #27
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Perhaps you just need to find a different ALF. We moved my mother out of her home into independent living where she stayed about 1.5 years. She was no longer able to take care of herself after that. The facility was very nice, but I don't think my Mother really felt at home there. They also had an ALF but we chose to look elsewhere.

We found a place that was a much better fit. My mother only had good things to say about it. We were happy with the way they guided us with her care. She eventually went into the hospice program and was able to stay at that facility where she eventually passed away.
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Old 09-03-2011, 05:00 PM   #28
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Queenie View Post
Lakewood, my heart goes out to you. Just lost my mom in March and she didn't know us all the time. She lived in an assisted living home in Bonita Springs and it was really nice. She was also assisted by Hope Hospice in the end, they were great, for her and for us children. It is hard to see a strong parent go like this. Mom was 88, I get a lot of support from my brother, we talk and laugh about her all the time.

One thing I always try to remember, she had a good life, we had her a long time and we were lucky. She knew she was loosing her mind to dementia and that was the hardest part for her, she would have wanted to go earlier if that could have been made possible. Unfortunately it is not an option in most countries.

You can't care for them at home, it is impossible unless you have unlimited amounts of money.

Queenie
Sorry for your loss Queenie. Been there done that with DW's father. We lived in the Ft. Myers area from 1990-1998. DW lost her dad in 1995 to cancer and your post about Hope Hospice rang a bell. Those folks are wonderful. Unless you have been in that situation, you'll never know how much help and suport those folks provide. If I was loaded, I'd leave the bulk of my estate to the hospice people. Best wishes to you and the family
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