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Old 10-06-2016, 10:18 AM   #21
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38Chevy454's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Tijeras (Albuquerque), NM
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X2 on very nice for you to want to help out your friend. I agree, get an estate attorney involved and set up a trust now. You can be the trustee, and the trust can spell out how to disburse the funds. Just ensure your friend is very clear in the directions what he wants, as the trustee you are just executing those directions. Sounds like he is very capable to do the financial things now, so it is good to deal with it now.

Kind of similar with my parent's estate. I am trustee and for my one sister the parent's trust had set up an irrevocable trust for her portion of estate inheritance. I am also trustee for that. Her money, but I decide how it can be spent.

I used to have a handle on life....... but it broke!

Semi-Retired 7/1/16: working part-time (60%) for now
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Old 10-06-2016, 10:29 AM   #22
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Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 377
You are being super nice to take that on. It could be years before the kid "matures". Ask for an end date for the trust-like when he turns 30 to let him sink or swim.
I turned down my own sister-could not take on the burden of an alcoholic mentally ill adult. Cannot control purse strings forever.

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Old 10-06-2016, 11:33 AM   #23
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
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Originally Posted by mamadogmamacat View Post
If it is something at all important to your friend, also get funeral plans down in writing as well. For both issues, financial and funerals, relatives may have ideas quite different from what he would want, and you will need legal protections in place to ensure your ability to carry out his wishes.

If it is important to your friend, most funeral details can be pre-planned (obituary, service, music, flowers, plot, coffin, vault, marker, etc.) and the expenses can be prepaid.

For a bachelor uncle in his 90s for whom my sister and I were POAs, we had everything prearranged and prepaid. The only expense we had after his death was the fee for opening and closing of the grave.

Your friend is truly lucky to have you.

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Old 10-06-2016, 01:53 PM   #24
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Originally Posted by omni550 View Post
If it is important to your friend, most funeral details can be pre-planned (obituary, service, music, flowers, plot, coffin, vault, marker, etc.) and the expenses can be prepaid.
I handled my mother's estate and was very grateful to her for prearranging everything like that. About the only decision I had to make was the flowers.
I heard the call to do nothing. So I answered it.
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Old 10-08-2016, 05:47 PM   #25
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The book Being Mortal by Atul Gawande has some really good advice about how to discuss end of life wishes with family and friends. My sister and I found it really helpful when my mom was diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure last summer.

It is great that you can be there for your friend in this way. I am so grateful to be able to help with my mom again after several years living overseas.

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