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Old 06-30-2010, 09:33 AM   #341
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Good approach to the situation, Fuego.

I have known someone with in-laws always asking for money. The more he gave them, the more they asked for. They tried to get to his money through his wife, and through creating dissension in the marriage. It was a bottomless pit until he finally "shut off the spigot" and made it clear for a few years that that was the way it was going to be.

Then, magically, they managed to live their lives perfectly well without his money.
It would be different if these particular in-laws that are pondering a new business venture would have scrimped and saved over the years to have sufficient capital to start this venture. But month long exotic vacations, expensive gifts, new cars, big new TV's, phones, gadgets, etc etc sorta took priority. Hey, to each their own!
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Old 06-30-2010, 12:02 PM   #342
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Thanks, and same to you.

I feel another solicitation coming up from a different sister in law/brother in law. They are working towards starting a new business venture that will require some initial capital and/or borrowing. It's in a highly competitive market sector where most start ups fail within the first year. I have pre-emptively warned DW to expect solicitation and be on her A-game to say we have no money and can't get any money and regrettably cannot help financially at this time.

Maybe I'm just paranoid now. That still doesn't mean they aren't out to get me.

Sounds like a big "gamble" to me.

Funny, how some folks who have difficulty keeping there head above debt, suddenly think they can be a big business tycoon. I've seen this with people I know too.
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Old 06-30-2010, 12:12 PM   #343
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Funny, how some folks who have difficulty keeping there head above debt, suddenly think they can be a big business tycoon. I've seen this with people I know too.
Yeah, it is a funny thing. I have no real idea about their finances. Just conjecture based on knowing their occupations (or lack thereof in the case of the husband), and roughly what it costs to obtain the material things they have.

This SIL is one who suggested I should become much more spontaneous and not plan everything. Hope they have a plan for this latest venture or maybe the spontaneity will just work itself out!
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Old 06-30-2010, 05:35 PM   #344
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Yeah, it is a funny thing. I have no real idea about their finances. Just conjecture based on knowing their occupations (or lack thereof in the case of the husband), and roughly what it costs to obtain the material things they have.

This SIL is one who suggested I should become much more spontaneous and not plan everything. Hope they have a plan for this latest venture or maybe the spontaneity will just work itself out!
Don't invest in any new venture without seeing a decent business plan!
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Old 06-30-2010, 06:44 PM   #345
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I feel another solicitation coming up from a different sister in law/brother in law. They are working towards starting a new business venture that will require some initial capital and/or borrowing. It's in a highly competitive market sector where most start ups fail within the first year. I have pre-emptively warned DW to expect solicitation and be on her A-game to say we have no money and can't get any money and regrettably cannot help financially at this time.
They can get all the money they want right here: Angel Investors | Angelsoft

Of course they have to have a good plan, too...
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Old 07-01-2010, 09:14 AM   #346
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Don't invest in any new venture without seeing a decent business plan!
That would be my first question if they seriously approached me for money. Who knows, it could be a great investment. The BIL does have some limited managerial experience in the industry they are planning on opening up a business.

Nords, thanks for the link. I'll suggest something like this to them as well if I'm solicited.
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Old 07-03-2010, 02:51 AM   #347
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They can get all the money they want right here: Angel Investors | Angelsoft

Of course they have to have a good plan, too...

HeHe

Especially if it is business that helps family members pay off gambling debts. Fuego may even be customer

Actually since you have a good/investment business since. I'd give serious consideration to the plan, and give them some advice. It seems to me whatever the plan is the odds are way way better that you'd get your money back than the reason for the OP.
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Old 07-03-2010, 09:49 PM   #348
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Actually since you have a good/investment business since. I'd give serious consideration to the plan, and give them some advice. It seems to me whatever the plan is the odds are way way better that you'd get your money back than the reason for the OP.
I plan on doing this. I have given these in-laws advice in the past regarding residential real estate flipping. Basically showed them the financial/analytical framework to price out a flip purchase/remodel/sale to see if it pencils out. And explained that the profit margin on a flip should adequately compensate them for the effort and risk involved. Same applies to their current venture. They ended up not pursuing the flipping business.

Gambling SIL and business venture SIL and BIL will be at our 4th of July cookout tomorrow, so maybe I can get some updates on where they stand.
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Old 07-04-2010, 09:39 PM   #349
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Gambling SIL and business venture SIL and BIL will be at our 4th of July cookout tomorrow, so maybe I can get some updates on where they stand.
You know, if you were somebody like Donald Trump, they would probably make a reality/game show out of that and you would be the star. It would be worth millions.

At least that's what I always tell myself when I have to deal with my in-laws.
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Old 07-05-2010, 10:39 AM   #350
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Fuego,

So how did the July 4th cookout go with the Gambling SIL in attendance? I keep on picturing a nice, friendly cookout, with tunes playing in the background, then the disc jockey on the radio goes, 'Now a flashback from a top hit years ago, Kenny Rodgers, '"The Gambler"'

Hope things went well.
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Old 07-05-2010, 11:37 AM   #351
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You know, if you were somebody like Donald Trump, they would probably make a reality/game show out of that and you would be the star. It would be worth millions.
At least that's what I always tell myself when I have to deal with my in-laws.
"Family Feud"...

Well, someday Trump may have an ego as big as Richard Dawson.
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Old 07-06-2010, 08:10 AM   #352
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The cookout itself went well. Mmmmm burgers and fireworks.

Regarding the business venture from BIL and SIL, I heard not a peep out of either one of them about the business venture itself, nor were any hints dropped re: looking for financing/capital/equity investors. So good news on that front at least as far as my money is concerned.

The gambling SIL: not good news. I talked to her husband briefly, and he said she is back gambling just like she always has. He said she's back to going to the gambling parties Saturday evenings after work, then not coming home until Monday morning around 6 am. SIL's husband seemed very down about all this. SIL's husband and I didn't really discuss much of the details of SILs gambling because we were quickly interrupted by an angry yelling belligerent SIL when she saw her husband and I having a private conversation in the kitchen. She knew what we were discussing.

By this point, SIL's husband (BIL) is fairly well intoxicated. He starts trying to throw away SIL's cell phone, because that is how people will call her to tell her where they are gambling and when. Mostly playful scuffling ensues. A little yelling. Then SIL goes outside.

Drunk BIL is very publicly and loudly lamenting 14 long years of marriage and how could it end up like this??

About an hour before dark, SIL starts hounding me to light off the fireworks. I gently informed her that it would be pointless to light the fireworks before dark since you would not be able to see them. She was in a hurry to get back to the card games I assume.

Nobody went to the hospital, so I'd call the cookout a success!

After the party, I told my DW some of what BIL told me re the continuing gambling. Her response is basically "we're done with that, there's nothing more we can do, we have made our position known, don't tell me any more about it because it just irritates me and saddens me". So it looks like my money is safe at least.

I assume SIL is either on a slight winning streak or she found some new suckers to lend her money since she was on the verge of broke many months ago.
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Old 07-06-2010, 09:17 AM   #353
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Really sad, but not unexpected. It's always too bad the person has to splash so much misery on their loved ones as they bounce along toward the bottom. My condolences to BIL.
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Old 07-06-2010, 09:43 AM   #354
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I say success in two fronts. First, as you said, no one went to the hospital, so the cookout was a success. Second, it sounds like your DW is totally on the same page as you. Sad about your BIL and SIL, but it looks like they just have to hit rock bottom and just let the chips (no pun intended) fall where they fall.
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Old 07-06-2010, 10:07 AM   #355
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I have to agree with harley and easysurefer on this. Very sad.

At this point, if you feel you need to be involved at all, I would focus on helping the BIL, both materially (protecting his assets) and emotionally. I don't want to jump to any conclusions about his drinking, being a party and all, but it isn't hard to imagine someone in his position turning to something to ease the pain, and that could get out of hand and just compound the situation for him. Maybe focusing on positive actions will keep him involved enough to not be looking for an escape route (if that is even what is happening). Either way, positive actions will probably keep him from wallowing in the misery, which would certainly be expected.

so sad

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Old 07-06-2010, 10:09 AM   #356
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I say success in two fronts. First, as you said, no one went to the hospital, so the cookout was a success. Second, it sounds like your DW is totally on the same page as you. Sad about your BIL and SIL, but it looks like they just have to hit rock bottom and just let the chips (no pun intended) fall where they fall.
We are focusing our efforts on worrying about things we can control, and trying not to worry about things we cannot control.
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Old 07-11-2010, 09:21 PM   #357
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Update:

DW just got a call from her and SIL's mother regarding the SIL's gambling problems. DW's mother is stuck and can't figure out what to do about SIL's gambling problems. DW's father was yelling in the background the whole time DW and mother were on the phone. DW pretty much told her mother that their is nothing we (mother or us) can do at this point. SIL is doing this to herself and we cannot help her other than refusing to enable her.

I'm not sure if something specific prompted this phone call tonight or if it just general worry. I assume at the minimum this means that SIL was out gambling most of the weekend.

<FUEGO, slowly walking away from the situation >
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Old 07-12-2010, 03:58 AM   #358
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It is just so sad for the kids involved - they can conrol nothing of the mess they are in. But hopefully they will learn something from it.
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Old 07-15-2010, 01:37 PM   #359
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Update:

Gambling SIL has officially been removed from being the one in charge of my parents in law's finances and bill paying. DW has taken that responsibility (which means I'll undoubtedly get sucked into it).

This week has been a particularly bitter week for my FIL. He has had enough of his daughter gambling and said she is not to ever touch his money or help with their bill-paying any more. MIL is still ambivalent about it all since she says "who will help us pay our bills?". DW explained that it isn't really that hard. SIL had been paying everything manually by check, with multiple checking accounts.

DW is going to consolidate checking accounts to our credit union to make transacting business easier. And simplify and streamline by doing online bill pay and/or automatic drafts for everything now. I went over some bills with DW last night and we have already found probably a few thousand dollars a year in likely wasteful spending on life insurance, liability insurance, etc.

I talked to gambling SIL's husband this morning and he is as distraught as ever. They are in debt up to their eyeballs. Just drowning. He knows the basics of consumer finance - ie all that credit card debt is just charging them interest every month and they pay hardly any principal. He knows all they are doing is paying all of their income and wealth to the banks in the form of interest. To which I helpfully added his DW was compounding the loss of money by continuing to gamble. And that she probably got into credit card debt because of recurring monthly short falls since all their income was going into the gambling.

His statement this morning said in jest: "I should just buy a one-way ticket back to Vietnam!"
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Old 07-15-2010, 01:42 PM   #360
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Update:

Gambling SIL has officially been removed from being the one in charge of my parents in law's finances and bill paying. DW has taken that responsibility (which means I'll undoubtedly get sucked into it).

This week has been a particularly bitter week for my FIL. He has had enough of his daughter gambling and said she is not to ever touch his money or help with their bill-paying any more. MIL is still ambivalent about it all since she says "who will help us pay our bills?". DW explained that it isn't really that hard. SIL had been paying everything manually by check, with multiple checking accounts.

DW is going to consolidate checking accounts to our credit union to make transacting business easier. And simplify and streamline by doing online bill pay and/or automatic drafts for everything now. I went over some bills with DW last night and we have already found probably a few thousand dollars a year in likely wasteful spending on life insurance, liability insurance, etc.

I talked to gambling SIL's husband this morning and he is as distraught as ever. They are in debt up to their eyeballs. Just drowning. He knows the basics of consumer finance - ie all that credit card debt is just charging them interest every month and they pay hardly any principal. He knows all they are doing is paying all of their income and wealth to the banks in the form of interest. To which I helpfully added his DW was compounding the loss of money by continuing to gamble. And that she probably got into credit card debt because of recurring monthly short falls since all their income was going into the gambling.

His statement this morning said in jest: "I should just buy a one-way ticket back to Vietnam!"
Past Time for BIL to take legal steps to protect his own finances, and do what he can for his kids. She is circling the drain; he needs to do what he can to make sure they don't all get sucked down with her. It's bad, and it's only going to get worse.
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