My Story, Final Chapter.........

[fisherman]

Wow, What a story. I think you have handled it well. I have always said that just because you are related to them does not make them family. I would get on with live and build a caring family as you have.

FWIW if you look up my in-laws name in the dictionary the definition of their name is shackle! No I did not know that when I got married and DW is definitely not like them thankfully. If the dictionary had my mother and father in laws picture by that definition it would be just right. They act much like your Dad and step Mom and I would end all contact with them if they were my family. Since they belong to DW I just avoid them and try to keep the kids away which is not a problem as they do not usually want to see them anyway.

You have been through a hard situation and I commend you for how well you have handled it!

 

[ChadR]

Wow. I read all your chapters and there is a lot of pain in your story. I honestly can't imagine how I would of felt or reacted if I was in your place.

I felt the need to post in an aknowledgement of your story but I'm at a loss for words...

 

[bbbamI]

You offered cyber hugs to me...I'll offer mine to you.

 

[LOL!]

I wonder if reading some books by Gail Sheehy such as "Passages" would be helpful or not. I know they were helpful to me.

I >think< it was from her books that I learned that one's parents (and relatives) are not always the people you would like to know and interact with. I am sure it cuts both ways: One's child is not always someone you would like to know and interact with. If you were not related to them, would you even worry about all this or not? Sometimes you just write them off.

 

[Dreamer]

What a sad story of life with your relatives, with the exception of your sister. Your sister did sound amazing and that is who I would remember when you are thinking of family. I agree with Nova, that it would be best for you, if you could forgive your family. I had a difficult childhood and my parents gave me up when I was 10 years old. I went to live with an aunt and uncle and it was a good change. Both of my parents had hard childhoods and backgrounds, so I was able to forgive them for giving up their five children. However, sometimes when I stop to think about it, it hurts. I had a good relationship with both of them before they died and that is the big difference in our situations. I can only hope that they come to their senses and realize how much they are missing out by not having a relationship with you and your family. I do not blame you for not trying to reach out to them anymore. I think that you have went way beyond what you needed to do and the ball is in their court. I am glad that you have a loving family of your own! May peace be with you and I also am giving you cyber hugs. Thank you for sharing.

 

[chris2008]

Hard and sad stuff, thanks for sharing.
All the events, positive and negative, in your life have created the man you are today.
You did not have influence on the events, but you made good decisions how to react on them.
As said before, relationships are like two way streets. Your father, step mom and brother wanted to have them at their conditions only.
If you accept these conditions, the consequences on your wife and kids would be worse than having no relationship to these people at all.

Even if you reach out and write a forgiving letter you might have to decide what comes thereafter. If they react, how would you follow up? Make regular contact? With wife and kids? Expose them to such toxic influence? Their reality certainly is not your reality. I do not know...

In your shoes I might print out the story and hand out to my kids once they are grown up. I would tell them that I do not mind if they contact the other family to get to know them and to hear their side of the story, too.

All the best to you, DW + kids.