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Need Funny Fake Legal Disclaimer
Old 05-22-2007, 03:36 PM   #1
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Need Funny Fake Legal Disclaimer

One of my relatoids, a BIL, is a lawyer. He and his wife use his work email for everything, including email to his family. It always has a huge legal disclaimer attachment and some legal stuff at the bottom of every message.

I am looking for a fake, humorous legal disclaimer to put on my emails to him.

I tried googling for it but couldn't find an appropriate, family friendly version. I'd especially like one that picks on lawyers.

Thanks,
Mike D.
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Old 05-22-2007, 06:59 PM   #2
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
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Disclaimers
This disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes and other Acts of God, neglect, damage from improper reading, incorrect line voltage, improper or unauthorized use, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, removal of tag, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom, crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BB’s, paintball, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, stones, etc.).
No license, express or implied, by estoppel or otherwise, to any Intellectual property rights are granted herein.
Cute Fuzzy Bunny (CFB) disclaims all liability, including liability for infringement of any proprietary rights, relating to use of information in this specification. CFB does not warrant or represent that such use will not infringe such rights. In fact, that’s a very strong possibility.
Nothing in this document constitutes a guarantee, warranty, or license, express or implied. CFB disclaims all liability for all such guaranties, warranties, and licenses, including but not limited to: fitness for a particular purpose; merchantability; non-infringement of intellectual property or other rights of any third party or of CFB; indemnity; and all others. The reader is advised that third parties may have intellectual property rights that may be relevant to this document and the technologies discussed herein, and is advised to seek the advice of competent legal counsel, without obligation to CFB. In other words, get your own #$^%#$ lawyer before you hurt yourself.
These materials are provided by CFB as a service to his friends and/or customers and may be used for informational purposes only. Single copies may be distributed at will since it is unlikely that CFB created this material independently as he has no creative skill.
TRADEMARK INFORMATION: CFB and the CFB logo are registered trademarks of CFB.
CFB's trademarks may be used publicly with permission only from CFB. Fair use of CFB's trademarks in advertising and promotion of CFB products requires proper acknowledgment. If you use CFB’s trademarks without CFB’s express approval, he will get really pissed off.
*All other brands and names are property of their respective owners.
OWNERSHIP OF MATERIALS: Materials are copyrighted and are protected by worldwide copyright laws and treaty provisions. They may not be copied, reproduced, modified, published, uploaded, posted, transmitted, or distributed in any way, without CFB's prior written permission, which is freely granted as long as you take CFB’s name off in some lame attempt to either hide the materials origin or in the hilarious belief that the receiver of this material will think that you created it on your own, or somehow will think you more clever and intelligent that you really are. Except as expressly provided herein, CFB does not grant any express or implied right to you under any patents, copyrights, trademarks, or trade secret information. Other rights may be granted to you by CFB in writing or incorporated elsewhere in the Materials.
DISCLAIMER: THE MATERIALS ARE PROVIDED "AS IS" WITHOUT ANY EXPRESS OR IMPLIED WARRANTY OF ANY KIND INCLUDING WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY, NONINFRINGEMENT OF INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY, OR FITNESS FOR ANY PARTICULAR PURPOSE. IN NO EVENT SHALL CFB OR HIS SUPPLIERS BE LIABLE FOR ANY DAMAGES WHATSOEVER (INCLUDING, WITHOUT LIMITATION, DAMAGES FOR LOSS OF PROFITS, BUSINESS INTERRUPTION, LOSS OF INFORMATION) ARISING OUT OF THE USE OF OR INABILITY TO USE THE MATERIALS, EVEN IF CFB HAS BEEN ADVISED OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES. BECAUSE SOME JURISDICTIONS PROHIBIT THE EXCLUSION OR LIMITATION OF LIABILITY FOR CONSEQUENTIAL OR INCIDENTAL DAMAGES, THE ABOVE LIMITATION MAY NOT APPLY TO YOU. CFB further does not warrant the accuracy or completeness of the information, text, graphics, links or other items contained within these materials. CFB may make changes to these materials, or to the products described therein, at any time without notice. CFB makes no commitment to update the Materials. In other words, if you screw it up, you’re on your own.
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Be fearful when others are greedy, and greedy when others are fearful. Just another form of "buy low, sell high" for those who have trouble with things. This rule is not universal. Do not buy a 1973 Pinto because everyone else is afraid of it.
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Old 05-23-2007, 03:39 PM   #3
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Thanks, that's pretty good. Nice and long and annoying, like my BIL's.

Mike D.
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Old 05-23-2007, 07:18 PM   #4
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
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Huh...thats exactly how my wife describes me.

Glad to be of service, that'll be $180!
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Be fearful when others are greedy, and greedy when others are fearful. Just another form of "buy low, sell high" for those who have trouble with things. This rule is not universal. Do not buy a 1973 Pinto because everyone else is afraid of it.
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Old 05-23-2007, 07:33 PM   #5
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
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$180.00 !! That's per ten minutes I hope plus expenses !
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Old 05-23-2007, 07:38 PM   #6
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
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CFB
Make sure you get a huge retainer !!!
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Old 05-24-2007, 08:31 AM   #7
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
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Hey, its the same price for far more work than the 'urgent care' outfit did for us last week. I tweaked that disclaimer for 5 years while in the working world.

I always meant to put something in there about sharks with frickin laser beams on their heads, but it quickly became passe, although it might be back 'in' again now as a retro reference.
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Be fearful when others are greedy, and greedy when others are fearful. Just another form of "buy low, sell high" for those who have trouble with things. This rule is not universal. Do not buy a 1973 Pinto because everyone else is afraid of it.
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Old 05-24-2007, 04:12 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cute fuzzy bunny View Post
Glad to be of service, that'll be $180!

Hey, I'll owe it to you rather than cheat you out of it.

Thanks again,
Mike D.
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Old 05-24-2007, 04:52 PM   #9
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IMPORTANT: This email is intended for the use of the individual
addressee(s) named above and may contain information that is
confidential, privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive
persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humour or irrational
religious beliefs. If you are not the intended recipient, any
dissemination, distribution or copying of this email is not
authorised (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an
irritating social faux pas. Unless the word absquatulation has
been used in its correct context somewhere other than in this
warning, it does not have any legal or grammatical use and may be
ignored. No animals were harmed in the transmission of this
email, although the yorkshire terrier next door is living on
borrowed time, let me tell you. Those of you with an overwhelming
fear of the unknown will be gratified to learn that there is no
hidden message revealed by reading this warning backwards, so
just ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft: However, by pouring
a complete circle of salt around yourself and your computer you
can ensure that no harm befalls you and your pets. If you have
received this email in error, please add some nutmeg and egg
whites and place it in a warm oven for 40 minutes. Whisk briefly
and let it stand for 2 hours before icing.
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