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Re: Need help with my vultures
Old 03-07-2006, 07:03 PM   #41
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Re: Need help with my vultures

Outtahere,
We had the same number of posts, go figure.

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Re: Need help with my vultures
Old 03-07-2006, 07:11 PM   #42
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Re: Need help with my vultures

Wow, go figure, evidently we're on the same page
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Re: Need help with my vultures
Old 03-07-2006, 10:13 PM   #43
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Re: Need help with my vultures

Man I hear your pain. I left home at 17--found a job and worked my way through college. My parents didn't contribute one cent, because they felt that college was a frivolous expense. Meanwhile, both sisters were pregnant out of wedlock and my brother went to jail for a while. Needless to say, mom and dad threw money at the deadbeat sibs., all high-school dropouts.

I used to feel pissed and depressed about being snubbed by these people (always some sad, twisted drama going on that was much more important than my accomplishments) until a friend of mine pointed out that I was the only one who functioned independently, as a fully fledged adult.

Now that my parents are both gone, I am downgrading my relationship with the sibs. They don't like me, anyway. Their lives are a horror show. I just heard that two teenage nieces are pregnant, and two older nieces, both of whom have had babies removed from their custody due to neglect, are also expecting. I also have a stepnephew who is a drug addict. (To be fair I have some nice, hardworking nieces and nephews but they all left home as soon as they could. Wonder why?)

It's hard to do, but I think it is worth it to detach from disfunctional family members. Remember, if you help them, they will not thank you; very likely they will feel contempt for you.
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Re: Need help with my vultures
Old 03-07-2006, 10:44 PM   #44
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Re: Need help with my vultures

Tawny,

Sounds to me like you got out of there just in time. Living in that house was dangerous to your health.

Glad to here you made it.
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Re: Need help with my vultures
Old 03-08-2006, 07:09 AM   #45
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Re: Need help with my vultures

Dear OldAgePensioner,

If you do the same things that you have done before -
you will get the same results as before.

It is hard to walk away from a problem that looks like it could be solved with some money - but this one cannot be solved with money.
You and your brother's support has enabled her to carry on her irresponsible attitude IMHO.
I would tell her that I cannot help any more and walk away. She has a place to go to if needed.

Good luck to you.

Chris
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Re: Need help with my vultures
Old 03-08-2006, 07:24 AM   #46
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Re: Need help with my vultures

Tawny, congrats on having the spirit to be independent. *College was also considered a waste by my family.

I like what you say about there always being some sad twisted drama that is more important than anything positive that you accomplish. *My mother revels in that muck.

Three of us boys (me@15, D@11 and N@5) were sent to fend for ourselves in early 1966. *All 3 of us have lived normal, successful lives. *The 3 she kept are miserable, and totally disfunctional. * Hmmm, who got lucky?

Like you, when my mother passes on, I will gradually drop all contact with the deadbeats.

Good luck, but, sounds like you already have it. *
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Re: Need help with my vultures
Old 03-08-2006, 07:28 AM   #47
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Re: Need help with my vultures

Chris,
Yeah, I've always thought that I could help with just a bit of money here and there. Well, you are right, it will just continue.

I'm walking away and I'll answer questions if asked but otherwise it's a ride into the sunset. A monthly call and a yearly visit.
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Re: Need help with my vultures
Old 03-08-2006, 08:04 AM   #48
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Re: Need help with my vultures

I dunno how well some of these ideas would work out, but here's a few thoughts...

1) Would there be any way to get Mom to sell the house and move into a place that's small enough that there'd be no room for vultures? Just enough room for her, and that's it? Like a small condo or 1-bedroom cottage or something?

2) What about getting your name put on the title to Mom's current house? I'm pretty sure that that way, no mortgages or equity loans could be taken out on the house without your permission. At least, with the place I'm in, which has its title held in my name, my uncle's and my Grandma's, nobody can borrow against it without the permission, and notarized signatures, of all three of us. I took out an HELOC on the place, but had to have my Grandma go to settlement with me. And since my uncle couldn't make it, I had to get a notarized signature from him.

Just a few thoughts, and not without their own cons. Guess there's really no easy answer. Good luck!
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Re: Need help with my vultures
Old 03-08-2006, 12:04 PM   #49
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Re: Need help with my vultures

OAP, that's "Flirtin' with Disaster"... 8)

I agree with others here who've said there's not much you can do but fend for yourself. My ex and all her family were/are that way, and to this day (20+ yrs. later), they're all still sponging welfare, food stamps, disability, etc., and are so jealous of each other it would be hilarious if it weren't so pathetic... After all, none of them have anything that would make ME jealous...

Now go make friends with those neighbors emitting the second-hand smoke!!
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Re: Need help with my vultures
Old 03-08-2006, 12:23 PM   #50
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Re: Need help with my vultures

Heather,
I would be happy if these clowns could use the system. None of them is on welfare, stamps, etc. They're too aristocratic.

They will spew invective that they are too proud to stoop that low. "Err, pardon me" "Then why am I being hit up for money?" These people are too lazy to put in the effort.

By the way, these people live in 3-4 bedroom ranch homes in gated communities. They have milked the system to the max.

I'm still taking deep breathes and baking apple pie and brownies for the neighbors.

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Re: Need help with my vultures
Old 03-08-2006, 08:09 PM   #51
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Re: Need help with my vultures

Hey OAP,

I finally caught up with some of my reading.

You're a freakin saint, seriously.

I have an aging 95 yo dad and 3 brothers who only help out when asked and barely call our dad just to see how he is. But after reading your unfortunate situation, I feel a lot luckier now, at least in a health emergency, they can be depended on with some coaxing. I don't know what will happen when I leave the NYC area in several months.
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