Join Early Retirement Today
Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 01-02-2014, 04:50 PM   #21
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 65
In most, if not all, US states there is a government child support office that can assist someone who is owed child support. Encourage your girlfriend to check that out if she is not easily able to afford to hire a lawyer. Some of these offices are quite good, varies by location.
__________________

__________________
Act2 is offline   Reply With Quote
Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that Early-Retirement.org is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Old 01-02-2014, 05:22 PM   #22
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Colorado Mountains
Posts: 2,130
New Title:

New girlfriend dilemma drama

Some people can't live without it. Perhaps after 15 years this fits your GF?
__________________

__________________
Hermit is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-02-2014, 06:23 PM   #23
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
obgyn65's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: midwestern city
Posts: 4,061
Wise choice.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Space Mountain View Post
Yes, I am reluctant to get too involved.
__________________
Very conservative with investments. Not ER'd yet, 48 years old. Please do not take anything I write or imply as legal, financial or medical advice directed to you. Contact your own financial advisor, healthcare provider, or attorney for financial, medical and legal advice.
obgyn65 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-02-2014, 08:51 PM   #24
Full time employment: Posting here.
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 728
It's time for your GF to build a new life. It doesn't sound like her ex will change and if he is making her unhappy she can continue her fight or decide to move on. Ex should pay child support and I suspect she will continue to get her "minimum" payments. But.....why continue a financial fight that has lasted 15 years.....that means he has been able to make her miserable for 15 years.....this is a saga, a drama......no winners at all.

Frankly, if this was my GF I'd either help her out of the mess....only if you want to build a life with her or I'd move on......it isn't your saga or drama. Life is too short to fight this long......and, I feel sorry for the poor girls......they suffer with a unsapportive Dad and a "suffering" mother.......and, a BF that doesn't think he should get involved......these poor kids don't have much of a support group helping them grow up.

Most times happiness is more than financial......it's all about people caring for each other....overall, this is a tough situation. Maybe a social worker can look at the family unit, the appropriate role/attitude of Mom, Dad and BF. Again, if BF doesn't want to get involved and help out........get out.....don't stick around unless you want to help and support GF and her 3 girls.....that's what they need.
__________________
jerome len is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-02-2014, 09:32 PM   #25
Full time employment: Posting here.
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 710
Well you did ask for advice.
__________________
Letj is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-02-2014, 09:36 PM   #26
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Nemo2's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Belleville, ONT
Posts: 4,294
Quote:
Originally Posted by jIMOh View Post
I met one, dated her for 18 months and am now running in the other direction
Yup......my first thought was I'd get a name change and join the Witness Protection program.
__________________
"Exit, pursued by a bear."

The Winter's Tale, William Shakespeare
Nemo2 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 01-02-2014, 09:40 PM   #27
gone traveling
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Austin
Posts: 245
Personally, I'd find a new girlfriend.
__________________
LakeTravis is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-02-2014, 09:52 PM   #28
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
youbet's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Chicago
Posts: 9,965
Quote:
Originally Posted by Space Mountain View Post
Overall, the ex is a pompous, obnoxious loser...........................Personally, I have never met the man

Just the fact that you're describing this guy so emotionally and based only on descriptions from his long time ex wife (your recent GF) indicates you really need to back out of being involved in her dealings with him. They go back a long, long way and you're relatively new to the scene.

Since "Mr Pompous" (as you refer to him) and his ex have been divorced for 15 years, the three girls are likely adults, or at least late teens, no? Does that mean the $80k of owed back child support and not necessarily for the three girls direct benefit now? Is the intent of collecting the past due child point at this stage to provide "the ex" with some substance to supplement her income from employment at the non-profit? Or is it for the direct benefit of one or more of the girls who might still be a minor and living at home?
__________________
"I wasn't born blue blood. I was born blue-collar." John Wort Hannam
youbet is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-02-2014, 10:12 PM   #29
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Moemg's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Sarasota,fl.
Posts: 10,029
I & many of my friends were single Mom's and frankly child support is usually sporadic . We used to joke that they would have to show up with a new car for us to even get close to their missed payments . Your girlfriend has a choice either rack it up to a jerk or move on and forget about it .Those divorce agreements are only good to line bird cages with and hard to enforce .
__________________
Moemg is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-02-2014, 10:27 PM   #30
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
haha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Hooverville
Posts: 22,380
Quote:
Originally Posted by Moemg View Post
I & many of my friends were single Mom's and frankly child support is usually sporadic . We used to joke that they would have to show up with a new car for us to even get close to their missed payments . Your girlfriend has a choice either rack it up to a jerk or move on and forget about it .Those divorce agreements are only good to line bird cages with and hard to enforce .
It is kind of much to expect someone who has no ongoing relationship with his ex, to pay her child support for former children the youngest of whom that he might be father to could not be less than 15, and alimony too. Is he an annuity?

The wife was certainly young enough to train and get a good job, so that at
least she could do some of the supporting. She would be doing this if they were still married, and he would be a day to day parent which is something that most divorced fathers miss more than anything.

The ages of these child support children have not been mentioned anywhere.

Ha
__________________
"As a general rule, the more dangerous or inappropriate a conversation, the more interesting it is."-Scott Adams
haha is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-02-2014, 10:51 PM   #31
Dryer sheet aficionado
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 49
Thanks again for the comments from folks.

I realize my GF is in an ongoing volatile situation. Frankly, I wanna see her get paid.......FOR HER.

Essentially, what bothers me is that her ex REGULARLY gambles on slot machines in casinos. Just HOW can the court ignore this My GF told me that her prior attorney claimed even if she proved he gambled, it wouldn't help her case. WHAT!!!!! I find this hard to believe and was hoping perhaps there was someone in here with a legal opinion on that. I would GLADLY pay for a private detective to tape his gambling if it would do some good. Furthermore, why not have the courts gain access to his win/loss statements from particular casino property?

For the record, I am NOT stressed over this. Really. I could always walk away, if needed. Just wanna see justice prevail.
__________________
Space Mountain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-02-2014, 10:58 PM   #32
Moderator Emeritus
aja8888's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: The Woodlands, TX
Posts: 7,128
The courts hate divorces as there is not much money in it for them. It's the attorneys' who really make out. I don't know what state you are in, but some state courts are more aggressive than others when dragging a non-paying ex into court.

In Texas, it's easy to get a divorce, but God help you if you fall behind in child support (no alimony here).
__________________
aja8888 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-02-2014, 10:59 PM   #33
Dryer sheet aficionado
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 49
Quote:
Originally Posted by aja8888 View Post
The courts hate divorces as there is not much money in it for them. It's the attorneys' who really make out. I don't know what state you are in, but some state courts are more aggressive than others when dragging a non-paying ex into court.

In Texas, it's easy to get a divorce, but God help you if you fall behind in child support (no alimony here).
She lives in NJ as does her ex.
__________________
Space Mountain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-03-2014, 07:14 AM   #34
Recycles dryer sheets
nvestysly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 417
Has she considered Divorce Court

I don't know if the judge handles old cases (i.e. previously divorced) that involve back payments but it looks like a funny show if you like that kind of thing.

Maybe watching the show will allow her to see there are worse situations and maybe she can move on if that's possible.

All of this is said with tongue in cheek.
__________________
Dreamin' of Streamin'
FIRE'd at 52 on 7/8/11
nvestysly is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-03-2014, 11:34 AM   #35
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 81
I wouldn't waste money on an attorney for something that has been going on for this long - I'd let the State child support enforcement system take care of it - but encourage her not to give him any breaks or cut him any slack whatsoever in that process.

I've had a little experience over the years working with a couple of State child support enforcement divisions .... biggest complaint some of those workers had is that in some cases every time they go to bring the hammer down on a serial violator, he makes an emotional appeal to the ex-spouse & the ex-spouse lets him off the hook by discountinuing their cooperation in the process. (she's not been in the habit of giving him breaks on the matter through the years, has she?)

New Jersey does have sanctions for non-payment of child support (see link). I'd advise her to work aggresively within that system and otherwise go on with her life. I'm assuming she's been to this website? NJ Child Support - Enforcement: Making sure child support gets paid

(Either that .... or hire the Sons of Anarchy to pay him a visit )
__________________
retiredatfifty is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-03-2014, 11:49 AM   #36
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
2B's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Houston
Posts: 4,330
Quote:
Originally Posted by aja8888 View Post
In Texas, it's easy to get a divorce, but God help you if you fall behind in child support (no alimony here).
No "alimony" but I've seen some severe "separate maintenance" decrees that look a lot like it. I'm not sure how aggressively they are enforced by the courts. I know if I missed child support payments (not ever divorced so only in theory) I'd lose my drivers license and PE license.

BTW, have you retired?
__________________
The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane -- Marcus Aurelius
2B is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-03-2014, 11:52 AM   #37
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
2B's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Houston
Posts: 4,330
Quote:
Originally Posted by Space Mountain View Post
I realize my GF is in an ongoing volatile situation. Frankly, I wanna see her get paid.......FOR HER.

For the record, I am NOT stressed over this. Really. I could always walk away, if needed. Just wanna see justice prevail.
I sense that your GF is looking for her "knight in shining armour" to rescue her. After 15 years she should have moved on. She shouldn't even let you get caught up in the issues with her ex and you shouldn't get involved. You've screwed up. The next step is where you tell us about your psyco ex-GF.
__________________
The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane -- Marcus Aurelius
2B is offline   Reply With Quote
New girlfriend dilemma
Old 01-04-2014, 07:35 AM   #38
Recycles dryer sheets
WestLake's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 239
New girlfriend dilemma

Too much drama. She has found an ally in her 15-year "war". I'd rather be single!
__________________
WestLake is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-04-2014, 07:48 AM   #39
Recycles dryer sheets
Ticker's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: waldheim
Posts: 126
"Essentially, what bothers me is that her ex REGULARLY gambles on slot machines in casinos. Just HOW can the court ignore this My GF told me that her prior attorney claimed even if she proved he gambled, it wouldn't help her case."

In my state if you hit a nice jackpot, the casino is required to check a list of dead beat spouses to see if any back child support is owed. If so, they don't pay you the $$$$, but give it to the state for disbursement. (After taxes, of course.)
__________________
Prepare today for the demands of tomorrow. Plan your move.
Ticker is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-04-2014, 11:19 AM   #40
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
haha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Hooverville
Posts: 22,380
Quote:
Originally Posted by WestLake View Post
Too much drama. She has found an ally in her 15-year "war". I'd rather be single!
Yeah, this is my favorite take home about marriage. You best friend, lover, constant companion, becomes your implacable enemy.

What fun!

Ha
__________________

__________________
"As a general rule, the more dangerous or inappropriate a conversation, the more interesting it is."-Scott Adams
haha is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


 

 
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 08:47 PM.
 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.